After the Mansion House Ball. Carrie offended. Gowing alsooffended. A pleasant party at the Cummings'. Mr. Franching, ofPeckham, visits us.

　　May 8. - I woke up with a most terrible head-ache. I could scarcelysee, and the back of my neck was as if I had given it a crick. I thoughtfirst of sending for a doctor; but I did not think it necessary. When up, Ifelt faint, and went to Brownish's, the chemist, who gave me a draught.

　　So bad at the office, had to get leave to come home. Went to anotherchemist in the City, and I got a draught. Brownish's dose seems to havemade me worse; have eaten nothing all day. To make matters worse,Carrie, every time I spoke to her, answered me sharply - that is, when sheanswered at all.

　　In the evening I felt very much worse again and said to her: "I dobelieve I've been poisoned by the lobster mayonnaise at the MansionHouse last night;" she simply replied, without taking her eyes from hersewing: "Champagne never did agree with you." I felt irritated, andsaid: "What nonsense you talk; I only had a glass and a half, and youknow as well as I do - " Before I could complete the sentence shebounced out of the room. I sat over an hour waiting for her to return; butas she did not, I determined I would go to bed. I discovered Carrie hadgone to bed without even saying "good-night"; leaving me to bar thescullery door and feed the cat. I shall certainly speak to her about this inthe morning.

　　May 9. - Still a little shaky, with black specks. The BLACKFRIARSBI-WEEKLY NEWS contains a long list of the guests at the MansionHouse Ball. Disappointed to find our names omitted, thoughFarmerson's is in plainly enough with M.L.L. after it, whatever that maymean. More than vexed, because we had ordered a dozen copies to sendto our friends. Wrote to the BLACKFRIARS BI-WEEKLY NEWS,pointing out their omission.

　　 Carrie had commenced her breakfast when I entered the parlour.

　　helped myself to a cup of tea, and I said, perfectly calmly and quietly:

　　"Carrie, I wish a little explanation of your conduct last night."She replied, "Indeed! and I desire something more than a littleexplanation of your conduct the night before."I said, coolly: "Really, I don't understand you."Carrie said sneeringly: "Probably not; you were scarcely in acondition to understand anything."I was astounded at this insinuation and simply ejaculated: "Caroline!"She said: "Don't be theatrical, it has no effect on me. Reserve thattone for your new friend, Mister Farmerson, the ironmonger."I was about to speak, when Carrie, in a temper such as I have neverseen her in before, told me to hold my tongue. She said: "Now I'Mgoing to say something! After professing to snub Mr. Farmerson, youpermit him to snub YOU, in my presence, and then accept his invitation totake a glass of champagne with you, and you don't limit yourself to oneglass. You then offer this vulgar man, who made a bungle of repairingour scraper, a seat in our cab on the way home. I say nothing about histearing my dress in getting in the cab, nor of treading on Mrs. James'sexpensive fan, which you knocked out of my hand, and for which he nevereven apologised; but you smoked all the way home without having thedecency to ask my permission. That is not all! At the end of thejourney, although he did not offer you a farthing towards his share of thecab, you asked him in. Fortunately, he was sober enough to detect, frommy manner, that his company was not desirable."Goodness knows I felt humiliated enough at this; but, to make mattersworse, Gowing entered the room, without knocking, with two hats on hishead and holding the garden-rake in his hand, with Carrie's fur tippet(which he had taken off the downstairs hall- peg) round his neck, andannounced himself in a loud, coarse voice: "His Royal Highness, the LordMayor!" He marched twice round the room like a buffoon, and findingwe took no notice, said: "Hulloh! what's up? Lovers' quarrel, eh?"There was a silence for a moment, so I said quietly: "My dearGowing, I'm not very well, and not quite in the humour for joking; especially when you enter the room without knocking, an act which I failto see the fun of."Gowing said: "I'm very sorry, but I called for my stick, which Ithought you would have sent round." I handed him his stick, which Iremembered I had painted black with the enamel paint, thinking toimprove it. He looked at it for a minute with a dazed expression and said:

　　"Who did this?"I said: "Eh, did what?"He said: "Did what? Why, destroyed my stick! It belonged to mypoor uncle, and I value it more than anything I have in the world! I'll knowwho did it."I said: "I'm very sorry. I dare say it will come off. I did it for thebest."Gowing said: "Then all I can say is, it's a confounded liberty; and IWOULD add, you're a bigger fool than you look, only THAT'S absolutelyimpossible."May 12. -Got a single copy of the BLACKFRIARS BI-WEEKLYNEWS. There was a short list of several names they had omitted; but thestupid people had mentioned our names as "Mr. and Mrs. C. Porter." Mostannoying! Wrote again and I took particular care to write our name incapital letters, POOTER, so that there should be no possible mistake thistime.

　　May 16. - Absolutely disgusted on opening the BLACKFRIARS BIWEEKLY NEWS of to-day, to find the following paragraph: "We havereceived two letters from Mr. and Mrs. Charles Pewter, requesting us toannounce the important fact that they were at the Mansion House Ball."I tore up the paper and threw it in the waste-paper basket. My time is fartoo valuable to bother about such trifles.

　　May 21. - The last week or ten days terribly dull, Carrie being away atMrs. James's, at Sutton. Cummings also away. Gowing, I presume, isstill offended with me for black enamelling his stick without asking him.

　　May 22. - Purchased a new stick mounted with silver, which costseven-and-sixpence (shall tell Carrie five shillings), and sent it round withnice note to Gowing.

　　 May 23. - Received strange note from Gowing; he said: "Offended?

　　not a bit, my boy - I thought you were offended with me for losing mytemper. Besides, I found after all, it was not my poor old uncle's stickyou painted. It was only a shilling thing I bought at a tobacconist's.

　　However, I am much obliged to you for your handsome present all same."May 24. -Carrie back. Hoorah! She looks wonderfully well,except that the sun has caught her nose.

　　May 25. - Carrie brought down some of my shirts and advised me totake them to Trillip's round the corner. She said: "The fronts and cuffsare much frayed." I said without a moment's hesitation: "I'm 'FRAYEDthey are." Lor! how we roared. I thought we should never stoplaughing. As I happened to be sitting next the driver going to town onthe 'bus, I told him my joke about the "frayed" shirts. I thought he wouldhave rolled off his seat. They laughed at the office a good bit too over it.

　　May 26. -Left the shirts to be repaired at Trillip's. I said to him:

　　"I'm 'FRAID they are FRAYED." He said, without a smile: "They'rebound to do that, sir." Some people seem to be quite destitute of a senseof humour.

　　June 1. - The last week has been like old times, Carrie being back, andGowing and Cummings calling every evening nearly. Twice we sat outin the garden quite late. This evening we were like a pack of children,and played "consequences." It is a good game.

　　June 2. - "Consequences" again this evening. Not quite so successfulas last night; Gowing having several times overstepped the limits of goodtaste.

　　June 4. - In the evening Carrie and I went round to Mr. and Mrs.

　　Cummings' to spend a quiet evening with them. Gowing was there, alsoMr. Stillbrook. It was quiet but pleasant. Mrs. Cummings sang five orsix songs, "No, Sir," and "The Garden of Sleep," being best in my humblejudgment; but what pleased me most was the duet she sang with Carrieclassical duet, too. I think it is called, "I would that my love!" It wasbeautiful. If Carrie had been in better voice, I don't think professionalscould have sung it better. After supper we made them sing it again.

　　never liked Mr. Stillbrook since the walk that Sunday to the "Cow and Hedge," but I must say he sings comic-songs well. His song: "We don'tWant the old men now," made us shriek with laughter, especially the versereferring to Mr. Gladstone; but there was one verse I think he might haveomitted, and I said so, but Gowing thought it was the best of the lot.

　　June 6. - Trillip brought round the shirts and, to my disgust, his chargefor repairing was more than I gave for them when new. I told him so,and he impertinently replied: "Well, they are better now than when theywere new." I paid him, and said it was a robbery. He said: "If youwanted your shirt-fronts made out of pauper-linen, such as is used forpacking and bookbinding, why didn't you say so?"June 7. -A dreadful annoyance. Met Mr. Franching, who lives atPeckham, and who is a great swell in his way. I ventured to ask him tocome home to meat-tea, and take pot-luck. I did not think he wouldaccept such a humble invitation; but he did, saying, in a most friendly way,he would rather "peck" with us than by himself. I said: "We had betterget into this blue 'bus." He replied: "No blue-bussing for me. I havehad enough of the blues lately. I lost a cool 'thou' over the Copper Scare.

　　Step in here."We drove up home in style, in a hansom-cab, and I knocked threetimes at the front door without getting an answer. I saw Carrie, throughthe panels of ground-glass (with stars), rushing upstairs. I told Mr.

　　Franching to wait at the door while I went round to the side. There I sawthe grocer's boy actually picking off the paint on the door, which hadformed into blisters. No time to reprove him; so went round and effectedan entrance through the kitchen window. I let in Mr. Franching, andshowed him into the drawing- room. I went upstairs to Carrie, who waschanging her dress, and told her I had persuaded Mr. Franching to comehome. She replied: "How can you do such a thing? You know it'sSarah's holiday, and there's not a thing in the house, the cold muttonhaving turned with the hot weather."Eventually Carrie, like a good creature as she is, slipped down, washedup the teacups, and laid the cloth, and I gave Franching our views of Japanto look at while I ran round to the butcher's to get three chops.

　　July 30. - The miserable cold weather is either upsetting me or Carrie, or both. We seem to break out into an argument about absolutely nothing,and this unpleasant state of things usually occurs at meal-times.

　　This morning, for some unaccountable reason, we were talking aboutballoons, and we were as merry as possible; but the conversation driftedinto family matters, during which Carrie, without the slightest reason,referred in the most uncomplimentary manner to my poor father'specuniary trouble. I retorted by saying that "Pa, at all events, was agentleman," whereupon Carrie burst out crying. I positively could noteat any breakfast.

　　At the office I was sent for by Mr. Perkupp, who said he was verysorry, but I should have to take my annual holidays from next Saturday.

　　Franching called at office and asked me to dine at his club, "TheConstitutional." Fearing disagreeables at home after the "tiff" thismorning, I sent a telegram to Carrie, telling her I was going out to dineand she was not to sit up. Bought a little silver bangle for Carrie.

　　July 31. - Carrie was very pleased with the bangle, which I left with anaffectionate note on her dressing-table last night before going to bed. Itold Carrie we should have to start for our holiday next Saturday. Shereplied quite happily that she did not mind, except that the weather was sobad, and she feared that Miss Jibbons would not be able to get her aseaside dress in time. I told Carrie that I thought the drab one with pinkbows looked quite good enough; and Carrie said she should not think ofwearing it. I was about to discuss the matter, when, remembering theargument yesterday, resolved to hold my tongue.

　　I said to Carrie: "I don't think we can do better than 'Good oldBroadstairs.'" Carrie not only, to my astonishment, raised an objection toBroadstairs, for the first time; but begged me not to use the expression,"Good old," but to leave it to Mr. Stillbrook and other GENTLEMEN ofhis type. Hearing my 'bus pass the window, I was obliged to rush out ofthe house without kissing Carrie as usual; and I shouted to her: "I leaveit to you to decide." On returning in the evening, Carrie said she thoughtas the time was so short she had decided on Broadstairs, and had written toMrs. Beck, Harbour View Terrace, for apartments.

　　August 1. - Ordered a new pair of trousers at Edwards's, and told them not to cut them so loose over the boot; the last pair being so loose and alsotight at the knee, looked like a sailor's, and I heard Pitt, that objectionableyouth at the office, call out "Hornpipe" as I passed his desk. Carrie hasordered of Miss Jibbons a pink Garibaldi and blue-serge skirt, which Ialways think looks so pretty at the seaside. In the evening she trimmedherself a little sailor-hat, while I read to her the EXCHANGE AND MART.

　　We had a good laugh over my trying on the hat when she had finished it;Carrie saying it looked so funny with my beard, and how the people wouldhave roared if I went on the stage like it.

　　August 2. - Mrs. Beck wrote to say we could have our usual rooms atBroadstairs. That's off our mind. Bought a coloured shirt and a pair oftan-coloured boots, which I see many of the swell clerks wearing in theCity, and hear are all the "go."August 3. - A beautiful day. Looking forward to to-morrow. Carriebought a parasol about five feet long. I told her it was ridiculous. Shesaid: "Mrs. James, of Sutton, has one twice as long so;" the matterdropped. I bought a capital hat for hot weather at the seaside. I don'tknow what it is called, but it is the shape of the helmet worn in India, onlymade of straw. Got three new ties, two coloured handkerchiefs, and apair of navy-blue socks at Pope Brothers. Spent the evening packing.

　　Carrie told me not to forget to borrow Mr. Higgsworth's telescope, whichhe always lends me, knowing I know how to take care of it. Sent Sarahout for it. While everything was seeming so bright, the last post broughtus a letter from Mrs. Beck, saying: "I have just let all my house to oneparty, and am sorry I must take back my words, and am sorry you mustfind other apartments; but Mrs. Womming, next door, will be pleased toaccommodate you, but she cannot take you before Monday, as her roomsare engaged Bank Holiday week."