The ball at the Mansion House.
April 30. - Perfectly astounded at receiving an invitation for Carrieand myself from the Lord and Lady Mayoress to the Mansion House, to"meet the Representatives of Trades and Commerce." My heart beat likethat of a schoolboy's. Carrie and I read the invitation over two or threetimes. I could scarcely eat my breakfast. I said - and I felt it from thebottom of my heart, - "Carrie darling, I was a proud man when I led youdown the aisle of the church on our wedding-day; that pride will beequalled, if not surpassed, when I lead my dear, pretty wife up to the Lordand Lady Mayoress at the Mansion House." I saw the tears in Carrie'seyes, and she said: "Charlie dear, it is I who have to be proud of you.
And I am very, very proud of you. You have called me pretty; and aslong as I am pretty in your eyes, I am happy. You, dear old Charlie, arenot handsome, but you are GOOD, which is far more noble." I gave hera kiss, and she said: "I wonder if there will be any dancing? I have notdanced with you for years."I cannot tell what induced me to do it, but I seized her round the waist,and we were silly enough to be executing a wild kind of polka when Sarahentered, grinning, and said: "There is a man, mum, at the door whowants to know if you want any good coals." Most annoyed at this. Spentthe evening in answering, and tearing up again, the reply to the MansionHouse, having left word with Sarah if Gowing or Cummings called wewere not at home. Must consult Mr. Perkupp how to answer the LordMayor's invitation.
May 1. - Carrie said: "I should like to send mother the invitation tolook at." I consented, as soon as I had answered it. I told Mr. Perkupp,at the office, with a feeling of pride, that we had received an invitation tothe Mansion House; and he said, to my astonishment, that he himself gavein my name to the Lord Mayor's secretary. I felt this rather discountedthe value of the invitation, but I thanked him; and in reply to me, he described how I was to answer it. I felt the reply was too simple; but ofcourse Mr. Perkupp knows best.
May 2. - Sent my dress-coat and trousers to the little tailor's round thecorner, to have the creases taken out. Told Gowing not to call nextMonday, as we were going to the Mansion House. Sent similar note toCummings.
May 3. - Carrie went to Mrs. James, at Sutton, to consult about herdress for next Monday. While speaking incidentally to Spotch, one ofour head clerks, about the Mansion House, he said: "Oh, I'm asked, butdon't think I shall go." When a vulgar man like Spotch is asked, I feelmy invitation is considerably discounted. In the evening, while I was out,the little tailor brought round my coat and trousers, and because Sarah hadnot a shilling to pay for the pressing, he took them away again.
May 4. - Carrie's mother returned the Lord Mayor's invitation, whichwas sent to her to look at, with apologies for having upset a glass of portover it. I was too angry to say anything.
May 5. -Bought a pair of lavender kid-gloves for next Monday, andtwo white ties, in case one got spoiled in the tying.
May 6, Sunday. - A very dull sermon, during which, I regret to say, Itwice thought of the Mansion House reception to-morrow.
May 7. - A big red-letter day; viz., the Lord Mayor's reception. Thewhole house upset. I had to get dressed at half-past six, as Carrie wantedthe room to herself. Mrs. James had come up from Sutton to help Carrie;so I could not help thinking it unreasonable that she should require theentire attention of Sarah, the servant, as well. Sarah kept running out ofthe house to fetch "something for missis," and several times I had, in myfull evening-dress, to answer the back-door.
The last time it was the greengrocer's boy, who, not seeing it was me,for Sarah had not lighted the gas, pushed into my hands two cabbages andhalf-a-dozen coal-blocks. I indignantly threw them on the ground, andfelt so annoyed that I so far forgot myself as to box the boy's ears. Hewent away crying, and said he should summons me, a thing I would nothave happen for the world. In the dark, I stepped on a piece of thecabbage, which brought me down on the flags all of a heap. For a moment I was stunned, but when I recovered I crawled upstairs into thedrawing-room and on looking into the chimney-glass discovered that mychin was bleeding, my shirt smeared with the coal-blocks, and my lefttrouser torn at the knee.
However, Mrs. James brought me down another shirt, which I changedin the drawing-room. I put a piece of court-plaster on my chin, and Sarahvery neatly sewed up the tear at the knee. At nine o'clock Carrie sweptinto the room, looking like a queen. Never have I seen her look so lovely,or so distinguished. She was wearing a satin dress of sky-blue - myfavourite colour - and a piece of lace, which Mrs. James lent her, round theshoulders, to give a finish. I thought perhaps the dress was a little toolong behind, and decidedly too short in front, but Mrs. James said it was ELA MODE. Mrs. James was most kind, and lent Carrie a fan of ivorywith red feathers, the value of which, she said, was priceless, as thefeathers belonged to the Kachu eagle - a bird now extinct. I preferred thelittle white fan which Carrie bought for three-and-six at Shoolbred's, butboth ladies sat on me at once.
We arrived at the Mansion House too early, which was rather fortunate,for I had an opportunity of speaking to his lordship, who graciouslycondescended to talk with me some minutes; but I must say I wasdisappointed to find he did not even know Mr. Perkupp, our principal.
I felt as if we had been invited to the Mansion House by one who didnot know the Lord Mayor himself. Crowds arrived, and I shall neverforget the grand sight. My humble pen can never describe it. I was alittle annoyed with Carrie, who kept saying: "Isn't it a pity we don'tknow anybody?"Once she quite lost her head. I saw someone who looked likeFranching, from Peckham, and was moving towards him when she seizedme by the coat-tails, and said quite loudly: "Don't leave me," whichcaused an elderly gentleman, in a court-suit, and a chain round him, andtwo ladies, to burst out laughing. There was an immense crowd in thesupper-room, and, my stars! it was a splendid supper - any amount ofchampagne.
Carrie made a most hearty supper, for which I was pleased; for I sometimes think she is not strong. There was scarcely a dish she did nottaste. I was so thirsty, I could not eat much. Receiving a sharp slap onthe shoulder, I turned, and, to my amazement, saw Farmerson, ourironmonger. He said, in the most familiar way: "This is better thanBrickfield Terrace, eh?" I simply looked at him, and said coolly: "Inever expected to see you here." He said, with a loud, coarse laugh: "Ilike that - if YOU, why not ME?" I replied: "Certainly," I wish I couldhave thought of something better to say. He said: "Can I get your goodlady anything?" Carrie said: "No, I thank you," for which I waspleased. I said, by way of reproof to him: "You never sent to-day topaint the bath, as I requested." Farmerson said: "Pardon me, Mr.
Pooter, no shop when we're in company, please."Before I could think of a reply, one of the sheriffs, in full Courtcostume, slapped Farmerson on the back and hailed him as an old friend,and asked him to dine with him at his lodge. I was astonished. For fullfive minutes they stood roaring with laughter, and stood digging eachother in the ribs. They kept telling each other they didn't look a day older.
They began embracing each other and drinking champagne.
To think that a man who mends our scraper should know any memberof our aristocracy! I was just moving with Carrie, when Farmersonseized me rather roughly by the collar, and addressing the sheriff, said:
"Let me introduce my neighbour, Pooter." He did not even say "Mister."The sheriff handed me a glass of champagne. I felt, after all, it was agreat honour to drink a glass of wine with him, and I told him so. Westood chatting for some time, and at last I said: "You must excuse menow if I join Mrs. Pooter." When I approached her, she said: "Don't letme take you away from friends. I am quite happy standing here alone ina crowd, knowing nobody!"As it takes two to make a quarrel, and as it was neither the time nor theplace for it, I gave my arm to Carrie, and said: "I hope my darling littlewife will dance with me, if only for the sake of saying we had danced atthe Mansion House as guests of the Lord Mayor." Finding the dancingafter supper was less formal, and knowing how much Carrie used toadmire my dancing in the days gone by, I put my arm round her waist and we commenced a waltz.
A most unfortunate accident occurred. I had got on a new pair ofboots. Foolishly, I had omitted to take Carrie's advice; namely, to scratchthe soles of them with the points of the scissors or to put a little wet onthem. I had scarcely started when, like lightning, my left foot slippedaway and I came down, the side of my head striking the floor with suchviolence that for a second or two I did not know what had happened.
needly hardly say that Carrie fell with me with equal violence, breakingthe comb in her hair and grazing her elbow.
There was a roar of laughter, which was immediately checked whenpeople found that we had really hurt ourselves. A gentleman assistedCarrie to a seat, and I expressed myself pretty strongly on the danger ofhaving a plain polished floor with no carpet or drugget to prevent peopleslipping. The gentleman, who said his name was Darwitts, insisted onescorting Carrie to have a glass of wine, an invitation which I was pleasedto allow Carrie to accept.
I followed, and met Farmerson, who immediately said, in his loudvoice "Oh, are you the one who went down?"I answered with an indignant look.
With execrable taste, he said: "Look here, old man, we are too oldfor this game. We must leave these capers to the youngsters. Come andhave another glass, that is more in our line."Although I felt I was buying his silence by accepting, we followed theothers into the supper-room.
Neither Carrie nor I, after our unfortunate mishap, felt inclined to staylonger. As we were departing, Farmerson said: "Are you going? if so,you might give me a lift."I thought it better to consent, but wish I had first consulted Carrie.