The Voyage to the Firmament.
Twice a year, some very large birds, called Kupakki or post birds, are wont to show themselves on the planet Nazar.
They come and go at certain regular periods, which has given rise to various opinions. Some think, that insects, of which great multitudes appear at the same periods, and which the birds are very fond of eating, entice them down to the planet. This is my own notion. The circumstance, that when these insects disappear, the birds return to the firmament, places the opinion almost beyond all doubt. It is the same instinct, which leads certain species of birds on our earth to migrate at regular periods.
Others believe, that these birds are trained like hawks and other birds of prey, to fetch booty from other lands. This conjecture is grounded upon the great care with which they lay down their burdens, when their flight is finished. This supposition is somewhat strengthened by the fact, that they become tame and gentle just before they begin their flight, suffering themselves to be thrown into nets, under which they lie immovable. Meanwhile they are fed with insects till the regular period arrives. Then a long box, just large enough to hold a tree or man, is fastened to a rope, which is again tied to the legs of the bird. On the banishment day, food is withheld from them, the nets are raised, and the kupakkis wing their way to the firmament.
Two citizens of Potu had been doomed to banishment with myself. One was a metaphysician, who had offended the law by making some sage remarks upon the nature of spirits; the other was a fanatic, who, by starting doubts concerning the holiness of religion and the uniting force of the civil law, was suspected to have designed the overthrow of both. This latter would not regulate himself by the public ordinances, because, he said, all civil obedience was inconsistent with his conscience. Thus three of us, namely, a project-maker, a metaphysician, and a fanatic, were, on the first day of the Birch month, shut up in boxes.
I never knew what became of my fellow-sufferers. As for myself, I was enclosed, with food sufficient for a few days. Shortly after, my kupakki, finding nothing to eat, started off with amazing speed.
It is generally believed, under ground, that the distance between the planet Nazar and the firmament is about four hundred miles. I had no means of determining how long my passage was, but conjectured it to be about twenty-four hours.
I heard nothing, during this time, but the heavy and monotonous flapping of the kupakki’s wings. At last, there sounded in my ears a confounding noise, which announced that we could not be far from land.
I now observed that the bird had really been trained, for he set the box, with so much care on the ground, that I did not feel the slightest jar. The box was immediately opened, and I rose up in the midst of a great multitude of monkeys, who, to my astonishment, conversed together in an intelligent language rather than chattered, and walked to and fro, in measured and dignified paces. They were dressed in cloths of varied colors. A number of them advanced towards me with much politeness, and handed me from the box.
They seemed to be surprised at my figure, particularly when they discovered I had no tail. Their amazement was not at all lessened by the fact, that I resembled them (laying aside the tail) more nearly than did any stranger they had hitherto seen.
At the time of my arrival the water was very high, owing to the nearness of Nazar. This planet has the same effect upon the tides of the firmament, as our moon has upon those of the earth.
I was led to a very large building, ornamented in the richest style. The presence of a guard at the door convinced me that it was the residence of no common monkey. It was, as I afterwards learnt, the residence of the mayor of the monkeys.
A number of teachers were selected to instruct me in their language.
In three months I was enabled to speak with considerable readiness. Then I expected to procure for myself the admiration of all, for my prompt ingenuity and superior memory. But my teachers declared me to be sluggish and dull of apprehension, and in their impatience often threatened to abandon their charge. As, on the planet Nazar, I had been ironically named Skabba, or the untimely, for my quick perceptions, so here I was called Kakidoran, which signifies, idle and stupid. Those only are respected here, who can comprehend and express any thing instantaneously. I amused myself during the course of my studies by walking about the city, in which I met on all sides notable signs of splendor and luxury.
When I had finished my education, that is, when I could speak fluently, I was carried to the capital city Martinia, from which the whole country takes its name. The object of the mayor evidently was, to insinuate himself into the favor of a certain counsellor, by presenting to him a strange and unprecedented animal.
The government of Martinia is aristocratical. The state is administered by a great council, selected from the body of the old nobility.
Before proceeding to the house of the lord, to whom I was to be offered, the mayor led me to a hotel, where we could make ourselves presentable to his excellency. Several servants, called maskatti, or dressers, joined us for this purpose. One took the mayor’s sword to burnish it; another tied different colored bands to his tail. I will here remark, that nothing lays nearer to a monkey’s heart than the adornment of his tail.
When my conductor was polished, dressed and adorned, we departed for the president’s palace, followed by three servants.
On coming to the entrance, the mayor loosed his shoes, that he might not soil the marble floor. After waiting for a long time, with not a little impatience, we were suffered to enter the reception hall. Here the president sat in a golden chair.
As soon as he saw us, the president burst out in a terrific laugh. I concluded either that he was seized by delirium, or that silly and insane laughter was a peculiarity of great people in Martinia. In short, I took his lordship to be a fool.
I afterwards expressed this opinion to the mayor; but he assured me that the president was a monkey of remarkable natural powers; that his mind was so comprehensive, that he not only determined matters of the highest importance at table, with his glass in hand, but even wrote or dictated a new statute between the courses.
His excellency tattled to me half an hour, his tongue wagging, the while, with an agility immeasurably superior to that of our European barbers.
Then turning to my companion, he said, he would take me among his subordinate attendants, since he perceived, from my sluggish disposition, that I must have been born in the land of stupidity, where
Long-eared mortals, in perpetual fogs,
Oft lose their way to mire in horrid bogs:—
and consequently that I was unfit for any office of trust and respectability. “I have, indeed,” urged the mayor, “observed a natural obtuseness in this man; nevertheless, when he is allowed time to think, he judges by no means badly.”
“Of what use is that,” replied the president; “here we need nimble officers, for the immense diversity of our affairs does not give us time to think.”
The president, having spoken thus, very gravely, and carefully examined my body, and directed me to lift a heavy weight from the floor. Seeing that I did this with ease, he remarked: “Nature, although she has stinted you in the faculties of the soul, has compensated, in some measure, by granting to you a degree of bodily strength.”
I now received orders to go out and wait in the court. Soon after the mayor followed, and as he passed, told me that his excellency had determined to include me in his train.
I concluded from his lordship’s undervaluing opinion of me, that my situation could not be very elevated; still, I was curious to know my fate, and therefore asked the mayor if he knew what I was to be entrusted with. The mayor answered: “His excellency, with special grace, has appointed you for his chief porteur,1 with a yearly pay of twenty-five stercolatus.” (A stercolatu is about one dollar of our money.) “Furthermore, he will not require your services for any but himself and her grace, his lady.” This answer was like a thunder-stroke to me; but I was sensible that it was useless to object.
I was carried to a chamber, where a supper of dried fruits was laid; after eating a little, my bed was pointed out to me.
I threw myself upon the bed, but my mind was so agitated, that I could not for a time close my eyes in sleep. The pride and contempt with which the monkeys regarded me, provoked me almost to rage. A more than Spartan patience was needed to listen with indifference to their sneers. At last I slumbered. How long I know not, for in the firmament there is no division of night and day. It is never dark, except at a certain period, when the planet Nazar comes between the firmament and the subterranean sun.
On awakening, I found at my side a mean looking monkey, who asserted that he was my colleague: He had brought with him a false tail, which he fixed upon me, and then tied to it some ribbons of various colors. He told me that in half an hour the president would be ready to set out for the Academy, and that I must prepare myself to begin my duties. The ceremony of promoting a doctor was to take place.
We bore the president to the Academy in a golden sedan, and were suffered to remain in the hall during the performance.
At the entrance of the president, all the doctors and masters of art rose and turned their tails towards him. To a dweller on the earth, such salutations would probably have appeared unseemly and ridiculous, as such a movement with us is expressive of indifference or dislike.
But every land has its own customs. I have seen so many strange ceremonies and varied usages, that I have come to observe, rather than laugh at them.
The act of promotion, on this occasion, was performed with the following ceremonies. The candidate was placed in the middle of the hall. Then three officers, each with a pail of cold water, approached him with measured steps. Each in turn dashed his bucket of water in the candidate’s face. The sufferer is obliged to receive this bath without distorting his countenance, on pain of forfeiting his degree. Odorous oils were then sprinkled over him, and finally a powerful vomit was given to him. When this last dose had produced its usual effect upon the candidate, he was pronounced to be a lawfully graduated doctor.
I turned to a learned doctor, who stood near me, and humbly asked him the meaning of all I had seen.
First expressing his pity for my ignorance, the sneering pedant condescended to inform me, that the ceremony of the water was significant of the preparation for a new course of life and duty; the ointment, of elevation above the mass; and the vomit, of the extermination of prejudice and error.
I fancied, but I did not say so, that my dignified instructor in the mysteries needed a fresh vomit.
The Martinianic religion is not at all practical. There are two hundred and thirty speculations concerning the form and being of God, and three hundred and ninety-six of the nature and qualities of the soul. There are many churches and theological seminaries, but in neither is taught the way to live and die well. The people are all critics, who go to be amused by the art and delicacy of the holy teachers. The more obscure and involved the propositions of their preachers, the more are they praised. The Martinians are indifferent to every thing they can easily understand.
Martinia is the paradise of project-makers. The more inconsistent and useless a scheme, the surer is it of general approbation.
When I once spoke with an enthusiastic monkey, of the earth and its inhabitants, he fell upon the notion, to bore through to the surface, and make a convenient and easy way of communication.
He prepared a long and eloquently worded plan on this subject, which pleased and excited every body.
A company was formed, and named the “Subterranean Boring Company” its originator, Hiho Pop-coq, was made its president. The stock was seized on with avidity, and the project was not abandoned until a multitude of families had been ruined, and the public affairs brought in............