The Journey Around the Planet Nazar.

I had now performed the toilsome duties of a courier for two years, having been every where with orders and letters. I was tired of this troublesome and unbecoming business. I sent to the king petition after petition, asking for my discharge, and soliciting for a more honorable appointment. But I was repeatedly refused, for his majesty did not think my abilities would warrant promotion. He condescended to refer me to the laws and customs, which allowed those only to be placed in respectable and important offices, who were fitted for them by talent and virtue. It was necessary, he continued, that I should remain where I was, till I could, by my merits, pave my way to distinction. He concluded thus:

Study to know yourself, is wisdom’s rule;

The wise man reasons — blunders, still, the fool.

Strive not with feeble powers great weights to move,

Before your shoulders long experience prove.

I was thus obliged to remain, as patiently as I could, in my old service, amusing myself in thinking how to bring my talents to the light. In my continual journeys about the country, I studied the nature of the people, the quality of the soil; and, in short, became accurately acquainted with every thing worthy of observation. That I might not forget any thing, I used myself to write notes of each journey. These notes I enlarged afterwards, as well as I could, and was thus enabled to deliver to the king a volume of considerable size.

I soon observed that this work was far from being displeasing to his majesty. He read it through with attention, and then recommended it to the senate with much ceremony. It was soon determined that I should be made use of to discover and make known whatever there was of interest throughout the planet. Truly! I expected some other reward for my sleepless nights and laborious days, than still greater burthens, still heavier travail. But I could only in silence sigh with the poet:

“Alas! that Virtue should be praised by all —

Should warm, with its mild beams, all hearts:

Yet mock and freeze its owner.”

However, as I have always had a great desire to see and hear every thing new, and expected, withal, a magnificent reward from the really kind-hearted king on my return, I set about this work with a kind of pleasure.

Although the planet Nazar is but about six hundred miles in circumference, it seems, to the trees, of vast extent, principally on account of their slow movement. No Potuan could go round it in less time than two years, whereas, I, with my long legs, could traverse it easily in two months.

I set out on this journey in the Poplar month.

Most of the things which I shall now relate, are so curious, that the reader may be easily brought to believe them to be written from mere whim, or at least to be poetical contrivance. The physical and moral diversities are so many and so great, on this planet, that a man who has only considered the difference between the antipodal nations of the earth, can form but a faint idea of the same. It must be observed that the nations of Nazar are divided by sounds and seas, and that this globe is a kind of Archipelago.

It would be wearisome to relate all my adventures, and I shall limit my remarks to those people who seemed to me the most remarkable.

The only things which I found in common with all, were figure and language. All were trees. But in customs, gestures, and sense, so great was the diversity, that each province appeared like a new world.

In Quamso, the province next to Potu, the inhabitants are entirely oak trees. They know not of bodily weakness or disease, but arrive in perfect and continued health to a very great age. They seem to be the most fortunate of all creatures; but I found, after some intercourse with them, that this assumption was a great mistake. Although I never saw any of them sad, yet none appeared to be happy. The purest heaven is never impressive, but after a storm; so happiness is not appreciated by these oaks, because it is never interrupted; they bless not health, because they are never sick. They spend their lives in tame and uninterrupted indifference. Possessed of little politeness and goodness of heart, their conversation is cold and cheerless; their manners stiff and haughty. Without passions, they are crimeless; without weakness, they are pitiless.

Those alone to whom pain and sickness bring the remembrance of their mortality, learn in their own sufferings, to sympathise with and compassionate the woes of others.

I was now in a land, where I had a living proof of how much the occurrence of pain and the fear of death tend to produce mutual love and cheerful converse among fellow beings. Here, for the first time, I came to know the folly and sin of grumbling at the Creator, for bringing upon us trouble and suffering, which are really good for us, and which produce the happiest consequences.

The province Lalak, which is sometimes called Maskatta, or the Blessed Land, was the next in the order of my journey. This land is very appropriately named. All things spring forth spontaneously:

Here, between melon vines and moist strawberry,

Flow milky brooks and amber streams of mead;

There, luscious wine, from crystal, spouts more merry,

As Bacchus from his slumber had been freed.

Far down along the mountain’s verdant side,

The limpid juice, with golden lustre, ripples.

In dales, soft undulating, oozing glide

Sweet waters, out of teeming nature’s nipples;

And trees of Paradise their branches reach,

Bending with purple plum and mellow peach.

From all the land nutritious savors rise,

To bless its sons, then mount to scent the skies.

These advantages do not, by any means, make the inhabitants happy. It occurred to me, that laborers in harsher climates are much better off than these people, who necessarily languish in idleness and luxury.

Next to Lalak is Mardak, inhabited by cypresses. Of these are different descents or races, determined by the number or shape of their eyes. Here is a list of the varieties:

Nagiri, who have oblong eyes; to whom all objects appear oblong.

Naquire, whose eyes are square.

Palampi, who have very small eyes.

Jaraku, with two eyes, which are turned in opposite directions.

Mehanki, with three eyes.

Panasuki, with four eyes.

Harramba, whose eyes occupy the whole forehead; and finally,

Skodolki, who have a single eye in the neck.

The most numerous and powerful of these races, are the Nagirians. Kings, senators and priests are always chosen from this class. None are admitted to any office, but those who acknowledge and testify by oath, that a certain table, dedicated to the sun and placed in the temple, is oblong. This table is the holiest object of mardakanic worship. The oath, to be taken by aspirants to honors, is as follows:

“Kaki manaska quihampu miriac jakku, mesimbrii caphani crukkia, manaskar quebriac krusondora.”

In English:

“I swear, that the holy table of the sun seems oblong to me, and I promise to remain in this opinion until my last breath.”

When the neophyte, of either class, has sworn this oath, he is taken up among the Nagirians, and is qualified for any office. On the day after my arrival, as I walked in the market-place, I met a party bearing an old man to the whipping post. I asked them the nature of his offence, and was told that he was a heretic, who had publicly declared that the holy table of the sun appeared square to him.

I immediately entered the temple, being curious to know whether or not my eyes were orthodox. The table was certainly square to my view, and I said so to my landlord, on my return. This tree, who had been recently appointed a church-warden, drew a deep sigh on this occasion, and confessed that it also seemed square to him, but that he dared not express such an opinion, openly, from fear of being ejected from office, if not worse.

Trembling in every joint, I quietly left this region, fearful that my back might suffer on account of my heterodox vision.

The duchy of Kimal is considered the mightiest and richest of the states on this planet. There are numberless silver mines within its borders: the sand of its rivers is colored by gold, and its coasts are paved with pearl oysters of the finest water.

The people of this province, nevertheless, are more miserable than those of any other I visited. They are miners, gold-strainers and pearl-divers, condemned to the most infamous slavery, drenched in water, or secluded from air and light, and all for the sake of dear gain. How strange and senseless is the lust for brilliant baubles!

The possessors of wealth are obliged to keep a continual watch over their property, for the land is full of robbers. None can travel without an armed retinue. Thus, this people, on which their neighbors look with longing eyes, should deserve pity rather than excite envy. Fear, mistrust and jealousy rage in all hearts: each regards his neighbor as an enemy. Sorrows and terrors, sleepless nights, pale faces and trembling hands are the fruits of that very wealth, which their neighbors look upon as the greatest good.

My wanderings through Kimal were the most unpleasant and dangerous in all my experience. My course was towards the east. I journeyed among many people, who were generally polite and social, but whose customs were not singular enough to merit particular attention. I had much cause to wonder, when I came among the Quambojas, in whom nature was entirely perverted. The older these people grow, the more lustful they become. Rashness, lasciviousness and roguery increase with years. None are suffered to hold offices after the fortieth year. At this age, the wildness and moral insensibility of boyhood begins; the sports of childhood, only, are tolerated. The tree becomes a minor, and is placed under the guardianship of his younger relations.

I did not think it advisable to remain long in Quamboja, where in a few years, I should be sentenced to become a child again.

I witnessed a perversion of a different kind in Kokleku. In the former province, nature is the agent of this perversion; here the law is the agent. The Koklekuans are juniper trees.

The males alone cook and perform all domestic duties. In time of war, they serve in the army, but always in the ranks. To the females, are entrusted all civil, divine and military offices. The females reason thus: The males are endowed with greater bodily strength, and greater powers of endurance; therefore, it is clear that nature intended them to do all the work. But this will keep them so busy, that they will not have time to think. Moreover, as continual physical labor degrades the mind, if they should presume to think, their thoughts would be puerile, and practically useless. Therefore, it is plain, that to the females belongs the direction of affairs. The lady of the house may be found in the study with books and papers about her, while the master is in the kitchen cooking and washing.

I saw many mournful effects of this inconsistent custom.

In other places, females are to be found, who bring their chastity to market and trade with their charms. Here the young males sell their nights, and for this end congregate in certain dwellings, before which signs are hung out. When these males get to be too troublesome, they are punished as prostitutes are, elsewhere. Females stroll about the streets, beckon to the men, stare at them, whistle and cry psh! to them; chuckle them under the chin and do all manner of tricks, without the least sense of shame. These females boast of their victories, as dandies, with us, plume themselves on their intimacy with ladies, whose only favor may have been a sharp box on the ear. None are here blamed for besieging a young male with love letters and presents. But a young fellow would be looked upon as having outraged all decency, should he stammer out a faint yes, to the first entreaty of a young female.

At the time I was in the country a terrible commotion arose on account of the violation of a senator’s son by a young virgin. She was generally condemned for this high-handed and abominable action. The friends of the youth insisted that she should be prosecuted, and if the crime were proved, sentenced to mend the young fellow’s honor by marrying him, especially as it could be sworn to that he had lived a pure and virtuous life till this libertiness had seduced him.

Blessed Europe! I exclaimed on this occasion; thrice blessed France and England! where the names — weaker sex — frail vessels— are no idle names:— where the wives are so entirely subjected to their husbands that they seem to be rather machines or automatons than creatures endowed with free will and noble aspirations!

The most splendid building in Kokleku is the Queen’s harem, in which three hundred beautiful young fellows are shut up for life. So jealous is the queen, that no female is allowed to approach the walls within one hundred yards. Never beholding any of their race but the queen and a few dried-up and ugly spinsters, the poor creatures vegetate, mindless and joyless.

Having heard, accidentally, that my form had been praised in the presence of the queen, I hastily escaped from this unnatural and execrable land:

— Fear to my feet gave wings.

Continuing my course still to the east, I came to the philosophical-land, as its inhabitants, who are principally engaged in the study of philosophy and the sciences, vain-gloriously call it. I had long and earnestly wished to see this land, which I enthusiastically ascribed to be the seat of the muses.

I hurried on with all possible celerity. But the roads were so full of stones, holes and bogs, that I was delayed, besmirched, and bruised. However, I endured these troubles patiently, anticipating the delights that awaited me, and well knowing that the path to paradise is not over roses. When I had struggled onward for an hour I met a peasant, of whom, after saluting him, I demanded how far distant the borders of Maskattia were? “You should rather ask,” he replied, “how far you must go back; — for you are now in the very middle of it!”

In great astonishment I asked, “How is it, that a land inhabited by pure philosophers, should appear like the abode of wild animals and ignorant barbarians?” “Indeed,” said the peasant, “It would look better if the people could find time to attend to such trifles. At present they must be excused, for they have higher and nobler things in their heads: they are now speculating about the shortest road to the sun. Nobody can blow and swallow at the same time.”

I understood the meaning of the cunning peasant, and left him, after getting the direction to the capital city, Casea. Instead of guards and the usual collection about the gates of a large town, hens and geese strutted about at their ease: in the crevices of the gate hung birds-nests and cobwebs.

In the streets philosophers and swine were mingled together, and both classes being alike filthy, they were only to be distinguished from each other by form.

The philosophers wore a kind of cloak, of the color of which I should not dare to give an opinion, so thick was the dirt upon them. I was run into by one of these wise men, who seemed to be enraptured by some speculation.

“I beg pardon, master of arts!” I exclaimed, “may I ask of you the name of this town?” He stood for some time immovable, with closed eyes; then recovering somewhat from his trance, and rolling his eyes upwards, he muttered: “We are not far from noon!”

This untimely answer, which betrayed a perfect insensibility, convinced me that intelligence resulting from methodical and practical study is preferable to the torpid insanity incident to much learning.

I went on, hoping to meet with some sensible animal, or any body rather than a philosopher. In the market-place — a very extensive square — were a great many statues and pillars, covered with inscriptions.

I approached one of them to get, if possible, the meaning of the characters. While engaged in spelling the words, my back suddenly became warm, and immediately after I felt warm water trickling down my legs. I turned round to discover the fountain of the stream, and, lo! an abstracted philosopher was performing, at ease on my back, the same operation that the dogs do against the study.

This infamous trick excited my wrath, and I gave him a severe blow.

The philosopher regained his wits at this, and seizing me by the hair, dragged me around the market-place. Our struggles soon brought us both to the ground. Then a multitude of philosophers came running towards us, and having dragged me from under my opponent, beat me with their sticks till I became senseless. I was then carried to a large house and thrown into the middle of the hall. I now recovered in a measure from my ill treatment.

On seeing this, the wise man who first insulted me, recommenced to beat me, notwithstanding my prayers for mercy. I now learned that the intensity of no anger can be compared to the philosophical; and that the teachers of virtue and moderation are not called upon to practise the same. The longer my oppressor beat me, the more did his blood boil. At last there came into the hall four sophists, whose cloaks proclaimed them to be of a different class from my late tyrants. They had some compassion for me, and soothed the rage of the others. I was taken to another house, and right glad was I to escape the hands of the bandits, and get among honest people.

I related to my protectors the cause of the calamity. They laughed heartily at the whole matter, and then explained to me that the philosopher, absorbed in deep thought, had mistaken me for a pillar before which it is customary, on certain natural occasions, to stop.

Just when I supposed myself in safety. I nearly gave up the ghost from fear. I was led into a dissecting room, filled with bones and dead bodies, the stench from which was intolerable.

After languishing in this disgusting den for half an hour, the lady of the house brought in my dinner, which she had prepared herself. She was very polite and amiable; but looked at me closely, and sighed continually. I asked the reason of her sorrow. She answered, “that she became sick when she thought of what I was to suffer.”

“You have, indeed,” she said, “come among honest people, for my husband, who lives in this house, is a doctor of medicine, and the others are his colleagues: but your uncommon figure has awakened their curiosity, and they have determined to take your internal structure into close consideration. In fine, they intend to cut you up, in the hope of finding some new phenomena in anatomy.” I was thun............