I WUZ always sort of fond of ridin', so I guess while I wuz down in New York I rode on about everything they've got to ride on thar. I wuz on hoss cars and hot air cars, and them sky light elevated roads. Wall, I had jist about cum to the conclushun that every street in New York had a different kind of a street car on it, but I found one that didn't have care of any kind, I think they call it Avenoo Five. Wall, I wuz a standin' thar one day a watchin' the people and things go by, when all to onct along cum the durndest lookin' contraption I calculate I ever seen in my life. It wuz a sort of a wagon³, kind of a cross between a band wagon and a hay rack, and it had a pair of stairs what commenced at the hind⁴ end and rambled⁵ around all over the wagon. I sed to a gentleman standin' thar: "Mr. in the name of all that's good and bad, what do you call that thing?" He sed: "Wall, sir, that's a Fifth Avenoo 'bus." I sed: "Wall, now, I want to know, kin² I ride on it?" And he sed: "You kin if you've got a nickel." Wall, I got in and sot down, and I jist about busted⁶ my buttins a laffin' at things what happened in that 'bus. Thar wuz a young lady cum in and sot down, and she had a little valise in her hand, 'bout¹ a foot squar. Wall, she opened the valise and took out............