THE landlord enjoined the major, when they returned to the hotel, not to think so much of his horse, for he could not render much service to a military man. As for the pig, he could be depended upon as a source of revenue in case of need, which quite satisfied him on the matter of his bill.

The major spent the rest of the morning in receiving calls, for divers distinguished persons had read his speech in the newspapers, and were eager to pay homage to one of such rare gifts. Among them were prominent members of the Chamber of Commerce, who intimated that he might condescend to make them a speech from the Exchange steps, on the affairs of the nation; members of the Board of Brokers; citizens distinguished for their bountiful charities; members of the Union Club, who suggested that they would propose him for a member; members of the New York Club, who knew he would like to become a member of their body, which consisted of distinguished persons only, and kept the best imported wines and cigars. A person of lean visage, who constituted himself a delegate from the Century Club, begged to inform the major that the club was composed of poor but very respectable literary persons, who eschewed liquors and cigars, and were about introducing a by-law for the admission of ladies, which it was hoped would prove a regulator to the good conduct of all aspiring youths. The club, he knew, would be most happy to make him a member. A delegation from the Knickerbocker represented their club as the most cosy place imaginable; as for the members, they had so strong a turn for literature, that they had elected a grocer for president, and an actor for secretary. A visit from him would indeed be held as a high honor; and as it was strictly forbidden that any member discover inebriation before ten o'clock, he could not fail of spending a cheerful hour with them.

Each brought some such powerful argument to sustain their comparative claims to his favorable consideration. He also received invitations to visit various factories, and become a member of certain charitable societies for the taking care of widows and orphans, and poor authors with large families. In truth, one might have thought they imagined him a man capable of conquering the world with thirty thousand troops, such was the plentiful pile of invitations spread over his table. Even Hall wrote to say faro was played on the square at his establishment, which was visited by none but gentlemen of fashion and circumstance. Mrs. Wise, too, intimated in one of the most delicately perfumed billets, that her soirees were the most select in the city, and if so distinguished a major would honor her with a call, she would guarantee the rest.

The major had much to say to all who visited him; and though they listened with particular attention, there was something so strange about him, that, notwithstanding they would, in the coolness of their judgment, have set him down for an insane man, they could not reconcile such a condition of mind with the masterly speech in the morning papers. They were also much disappointed at his appearance, for he resembled more a corsair, or a pirate, than a great politician. And as his coat was threadbare, and his hair short cropped, many thought him a man who could better maintain his dignity at a distance, though heaven might send him fortune and earth give him bounties. But as neither the man of commerce nor the man of letters were capable of fully appreciating a military genius, who found his reward in buffets and hardships, and frequently wore the tattered garments in which he had gained his laurels, it was not to be expected that his preeminence would be recognized at first sight by any but his companions in arms. Hence he found inexpressible pleasure in the calls of several persons, who, though they had never smelled the perfumery of war, took great delight in the appellation of generals. One of these was as great a general as New York was capable of producing, and set much value upon his valor, though the only columns he was known to have led to battle, were those of a ponderous newspaper, in which was carefully preserved all the spice and essence of a wonderful warrior. He could write destructive three column articles with perfect ease, gave extensive tea parties to very respectable ladies, had an opinion ready on all great questions, could get up his choler or his pistol at the shortest notice, could lay his magnificent pistol away as quietly as any other man when the occasion for it was over; and he could, if the nation would only spare him, govern the world with the same refreshing coolness that he could sip chocolate at Lord Twaddlepole's table, which was a high honor with him. If, I say, this good man and excellent general had a weakness, it was for exhibiting his nakedness with all the embroidery, and for letting mankind in general know that he had joined the church, which latter was well enough, seeing that it atoned for numerous bygone backslidings. And as he stood in his boots, nearly two feet taller than the major, it was curious to witness the elongation of the little, rotund figure that stood bowing before him. "I see, sir," spoke the general, whose name was Toadytrip, "that you are a soldier, and belong to the noble profession, in which I flatter............