WE are an exacting people, frequently requiring too much of our great men, and achieving in a week what it took ordinary nations, such as Greece and Rome, years to perform. Therefore I hold it right that we be cautious how we trust the recording of every great event to such witty but careless historians as Bancroft and Prescott, who are much given to pleasing descriptions of wonderful revolutions, but entirely overlook the battered and bruised hero, for the purpose of making others to their fancy.
You must know, then, that this mayor, Don Fernando, (he bore no resemblance to the Don Fernando of Don Quixote,) advanced with the gravity and solemnity of one whose business it was to kill giants; for though he was a man of much humor, he had a necromantic facility for dissembling, and could declare before high heaven his innocence of any crime laid at his door, and in the very next breath issue an order giving peace and comfort to pickpockets. And while I am writing of this great man, I may mention that if there was any one thing more than another he was famous for, it was a curious infatuation for great placards, in which he enjoined all good citizens to preserve the peace, at the same time commanding his worthy vassals, the policemen, to crack the skulls of all who came in their way.
Tall of figure, with a pale and long visage, which he prided himself resembled the visage of an equally great man, he advanced at a pace indicative of one who felt the grandeur of his position. The major was at first not a little surprised at the manner of his visitor; but being himself a dabster at great things, he soon recognized the quality of the new comer, and came forth to meet him in all his uniform, not even forgetting his three cornered hat, which he passed with his left hand while making an unexceptionable bow. Unembroidered greatness-yes, naked greatness, stripped of all falsehood and pretence, and such only as is worthy of governing an honest world, which it would generously do, but for the trifling inconvenience to itself, was here represented in these two great men-the Scylla and Charybdis of these wonderful times. The only perceptible difference in their prowess was, that the mayor stood at least a head and a half taller than the major. Both had begun making unexceptionable bows, when Alderman Dan Dooley, seeing the embarrassment that might occur, came resolutely forward, (having first set down the bottle from which he had replenished Councilman Finnigan's glass,) and addressing the mayor, said, "Faith, then, I ask no greater enterprise than to serve yer 'onor, seein' how ye know the dacency one great man owes to another. By my faith, then, I'm deloighted to prisent ye to the gintleman we all mane to 'onor. Faith, an' it's himself's before ye, Meiger Roger (stay! what the devil is it now?) I have it. Meiger Roger Jefferson Potter!"
"Major Roger Sherman Potter, commonly called Major Roger Potter!" the major interrupted, with a deferential bow.
"Faith, an' the neame atween the two's no matter onyhow!" rejoined Mr. Alderman Dooley, who, having left the two great men to themselves, again took to the bottle, and continued serving himself and his friend with an experience in every way worthy of so great an alderman.
"Pray, sir," said Fernando, with a gracious smile, "take nothing amiss that our worthy friend says." And here he blushed, and seemed not a little mortified at the pranks of his favorite alderman, though they were natural enough to the condition he was in. "He means well," resumed the mayor, dryly, "and is an honest alderman, though given to drink at times. And now, since fortune has been so kind as to grant me the opportunity of paying my respects to one so worthy of admiration, let me congratulate you upon your safe arrival in the city. I have the power, and it will be my pleasure to see that the public acknowledgements you have merited are properly bestowed." The major here interrupted by reminding the mayor that he had, on the advice of a very good friend, declined all public ovations.
"As to that," continued Fernando, "fashion has made it necessary to say these little things; for a great man is never so great as when he seeks to avoid homage. And we are not always bound to say what we mean."
"As to my greatness, sir," replied the major, "I will leave that to others; for it is no trifling thing for a man who has done all he can for his country to be snuffed out by the envious pen of some rascally scribbler for the newspapers. Let us think well of ourselves, and leave the rest to our friends."
"Truly, major, you are of my way of thinking, for that is precisely what I do."
"And because you do, you have risen to your present proud position!" interposed the major. "Being a military man, I would have you know that I am no flatterer, but a man who loves peace, and hates the devil and all his arrogant vassals. Your fame, sir, has gone over the land; and as to your greatness, I bow to that, for I have heard many good men testify to it; and now that I see it with my own eyes, written all down the length of your person, no man shall speak ill of you-in my presence! And as you have embarked in great undertakings, may heaven grant you power to carry them to a successful issue."
"As what you have said concerns me much, accept my thanks; for it is the good opinion of men like yourself that pleases me. I have now many difficulties on hand, it is true; but when I have conquered, and shown myself superior to my enemies, I will lay up my sword, give my hand to the people, and my heart to enjoining heaven to grant me repose. The bent of my ambition, sir, would have no difficulty in finding its way but for those wonderful men, the editors, who lay a new born child at my door every day, and think it no harm to set the country by the ears, though they are glad enough when men of our stamp step in to conciliate matters."
They thus spent ten minutes in pleasant conversation, complimenting one another, evidently not a little pleased with themselves, and resolved not to leave the settling of their preeminent prowess to any one else. Indeed, the scene enacted between the mayor and the major would have become extremely affecting but for Alderman O'Toole, who, being a man of much understanding, proposed that they seal their friendship with a little brandy and water. Neither having any scruples in the matter, they filled their glasses with much pomp and circumstance. "And now, gentlemen," said Mr. Alderman O'Toole, "I propose the health of your honors together; for barring General Pierce, greater men never lived, as myself knows." They bowed and emptied their glasses to this toast, at which several of those present were not a little amused. The mayor, who was, with his many other traits of character, sufficiently versed in strategy to extricate himself from any snare, said he felt constrained to say a few words in return for the compliment, and was about making a speech on the spot. Happily a waiter entered at the moment, bearing in his hand a plate of cold chicken, which so excited Don Fernando's appetite that he thought no more of his dignity, but seized upon the best meated leg, and holding it daintily between his fingers, and applying his teeth, never stopped until he had stripped it clean to the bone. And while engaged in this laudable enterprise, they were surprised by a band of musicians in the street, playing "Hail to the Chief." The night was dark, and on looking out of the window, it was discovered that the musicians were some twenty grim looking Germans, with very long beards and longer brass instruments, with which they seemed determined to perforate ten ragged newsboys, who, with the picture of rascality written on their mischievous faces, stood holding as many pitiful tallow candles almost under the noses of the windy fellows, whose eyes were on their notes. When the band ceased playing, the throng cheered and kept up a loud calling for the major, who, the mayor said, must go out and make a speech, for it would not do to offend them by keeping silent. He also deemed it prudent to caution the major against saying what he really thought. In truth, he whispered in the major's ear that he must mind and strike the popular point; and when touching upon anything of great moment, be careful to so construct his sentences that they embody a double meaning. As to promises, he must be sure to make enough of them, only let it be on the principle that promises are always expected to take care of themselves. When the major had listened sufficiently to the admonitions of the mayor, he repaired to the balcony, where he was so surprised to find several ladies, dressed with great taste and splendor, that his modesty became much taxed, though they saluted him with becoming courtesy. The crowd outside, which was now rampant of disorder, recognized in the short, corpulent figure before them, with the red hair standing erect upon a turnip-like head, the man of their wish, whom they greeted with three deafening cheers. The major bowed and spread his hands, in the left of which he held the engrossing emblem of his dignity, his three cornered hat.
"Gentlemen!" said he, in a voice somewhat shaky, "I thank you for this great honor, which I may or may not have merited. You know it does not say much for a man that he speaks of himself; but this I will say, that the man who serves his country for his country is the man for me. If you, being people of high quality and much respect, (I never judge men from what they seem on the outside, not I!) shall give me your conf............