Trials of domestics and remedy for these trials. Fault-finding. Want of comforts and conveniences, &c.

My Friends:

Every situation in life has its peculiar trials, and it is wise beforehand, to understand what our trials must be, and what is the best way of meeting them. God did not put us into this world to find enjoyment by gratifying all our desires, but he intended that we should form such a character, as will enable us to feel happy in giving up our will and wishes to him and to others, whenever it is needful.

Those, therefore, are not the most fortunate, who have the fewest trials to meet, but those rather, who best learn to be patient and cheerful, whatever may be their lot, or the trials which it involves. Many are apt to suppose, that when people have beautiful houses, and fine clothes, and a plenty of money, and opportunities to read, and visit, and see the [154]world, that they must be happy. But the most miserable persons I have known, were persons who had all these things; while some of the happiest persons I ever saw, were those whom the world call poor, and who had none of these advantages.

The rich have as many wishes and wants ungratified as the poor, for the more they get the more they want. At the same time, as they often have nothing to do but to amuse and gratify themselves, they are not so likely to form those habits of self-denial, patience, and benevolence, which are the true source of enjoyment. This is the reason why the Saviour says, “How hardly shall they that have riches, enter the kingdom of Heaven.” The kingdom of Heaven consists, not in meat and drink and costly raiment, nor in any earthly goods, but in “righteousness and peace.” And this righteousness and peace are much more easily found in humble life, than among the rich, the proud and the gay. It is true that it is a blessing to be rich, if we only use riches in the proper way. But riches bring such temptations, that few have strength and wisdom sufficient [155]to stand, so that it is often that riches are a curse rather than a blessing.

Why is it so common to see the children of rich parents growing poor and vicious, while the children of the poor grow up industrious, virtuous and rich? It is because the children of the rich are brought up in ease and indulgence, while the children of the poor are brought up to industry and self-denial. If any person will count up the rich men in our country, he will find, that not one in ten had rich parents. And then if he will look at the descendants of rich families he will find, that probably more than half are very poor, and a great many are miserable vagabonds in society.

I mention these things to lead you to realize, that your happiness in this life consists not in being rich, or well dressed, or in any outward advantage, but rather in such a character as enables you to meet the duties and trials of your lot with patient cheerfulness, and faithful diligence.

I will now mention some of the trials which domestics are most frequently called to endure, and point out the proper way of meeting them.

[156] One of the greatest and most frequent trials of domestics is, the fault-finding to which they are constantly exposed. Now, whether a person deserves to be blamed or not, this is a great trial to the patience. If we are to blame, we not only are pained to see the mischief we have done, but we are pained to be reproached by others, and at the same time to feel that it is indeed our own fault, and that we deserve it. If we are not to blame, it seems very hard to be upbraided, but in many cases this is not half so hard to bear, as to be blamed when we know we deserve it.

Now there are two dangers to which we are exposed from this cause. If we live with a person who finds fault a great deal, the first danger is, that we shall grow sullen, or irritable, and then show a bad temper, by disrespectful and angry words and deportment. The other danger is, that we shall become so used to it as not to care any thing about it. I have seen the children and domestics of women who find fault a great deal, look and act as if they did not care one cent about what was said to them, and sometimes they look as if they were [157]more amused than pained at the anger and impatience displayed by those who rule over them.

Now, it is our duty, if we really have by forgetfulness, or ignorance, neglected or illy performed our duty, not only to be sorry, but to show those whom we have thus troubled, that we feel sorry. Nothing so soon ends such troubles, as for the person who has done wrong to appear as if she was really sorry for it. Whenever therefore you have your mistakes or faults pointed out, do not seek to justify yourself, and do not, if possible, show any anger. If you feel irritated, do not speak till you can speak without anger, and then say, “I am sorry,” or something else of the kind, that shows regret on your part for the trouble you have caused. After you have said this, then is the proper time to tell your excuses. If you begin to justify or excuse before you have expressed any regret, in nine cases out of ten, it does more harm than good. Another thing will very much aid you in bearing this evil, and that is, trying to imagine yourself in the situation of the one you have displeased, and thinking [158]whether you should do any differently yourself. How do you behave when you depend on some child or companion to do something, and by ignorance or carelessness the thing is left undone or is spoilt? Do you shut up your mouth and utter not a word of complaint, or fault-finding? Try for one week to go without finding fault with any body, or any thing that crosses your plans or wishes, and see how hard it is to refrain!

Now a housekeeper is constantly having things done wrong, or not done at all, which she feels anxious to have accomplished properly, and it is one of the most difficult duties in the world to bear silently and patiently all these vexations and disappointments. You should therefore try to feel kindly for these troubles of your employer, and when you see her patience fails, think how many cares and perplexities she meets, and how difficult you would find it, if you were in her place, to bear them patiently.

There is another thing you must consider, and that is, that many women think it is their duty always to tell the persons whom they employ [159]whenever they do wrong, and they do not suppose that it is wrong to show anger and impatience at such trials. At least, they talk as if it was right for them to manifest anger and impatience, if there is just cause for displeasure.

Very few persons are aware how much better it is not to speak at all, when they are angry, and how much more good it does to talk with children and domestics about their faults or mistakes, in a kind way, when neither side feels out of humour. There are a great many women who would be more considerate and careful in this matter, if they only supposed it was their duty so to do. And here you should inquire of yourselves too, “Do I feel it to be a duty not to complain, or find fault when I feel angry? Can I command my temper and tongue so as not to reply in angry and disrespectful tones when others blame me? Do I set a guard on my lips, that I sin not with my tongue? Do I every day pray to God to enable me to be patient at the faults of others, and meek in receiving rebuke for my own? Do I, when I have sinned by angry tones and [160]language, confess my sin to Christ, and ask for his strength to enable me to follow his example of meekness and patience?” Let any of us try ourselves with these questions, and we shall be much more meek and patient, when hearing the complaints or upbraidings of those whom we have troubled.

There is another method, which, in many cases, will be of great service. Many amiable and excellent women, really do not know how much they do find fault, nor how severe and unpleasant are their tones and manner. If, therefore, you find yourself very much tried in this way, seek some opportunity of conversing with your employer, when both feel kindly to each other. And then, in a respectful manner tell her, that if she will not find fault quite so often, or will tell your faults to you, at times when neither you or she feel disturbed in mind, that it will be a great deal pleasanter to you to serve her, and that you shall be much more likely to try to do your duties well. Such a measure as this, will be far better than to speak out your mind at times when she is reproving you, when both feel angry or impatient. I think a [161]time will come, when both parents and employers will feel it to be a duty to refrain from finding fault when they are angry, and make it an object to wait, until by calm reflection they can say the most judicious things in the most judicious manner. And if you wish to have this period arrive, remember you can do something towards hastening it, by trying to form such a habit yourself. And then, if you ever become the employer of a domestic, you will be prepared for this most important part of your duty.

Another trial, to which domestics are exposed, is a neglect of their comfort and convenience by their employers.

Sometimes domestics have not comfortable rooms and beds; sometimes, the proper conveniences for work are not provided; sometimes they have so much required that they have not time for rest, and for taking care of their clothes; sometimes they are obliged to leave their meals before they have done, to wait on the family; sometimes the children of the family vex and incommode them; sometimes they are treated harshly and rudely; sometimes the mistress of [162]the family does not know how to plan work, and more is exacted than they can perform, or needless trouble and work are caused. Now there are two ways of preventing these evils, to a certain extent. One is, by making proper terms with an employer beforehand. It is a good plan for a domestic, always to inquire of an employer, before she agrees to come, respecting all these matters. It is always proper, to inquire about the conveniences in the kitchen, and to ask how much time you probably can have to do your own sewing, and whether you shall be allowed to sit undisturbed at your meals, and whether you shall be allowed to send th............