ON DRESS, MANNERS, AND LANGUAGE.

Dress should be conformed to means and to occupations. Rules of good manners.

My Friends:

I have shown you, in a former letter, that the chief reason why so much difference is made, between domestics and other members of the family, is their deficiencies in education, dress and manners. If domestics were universally well educated and well bred, and if they paid a proper attention to their dress and persons, then parents would feel that their example would be useful instead of injurious to children, while their presence would be agreeable and not offensive to visitors.

It is therefore very desirable, on your own account, and that you may raise the respectability of your station, (as well as on account of parents and children,) that you pay great attention to these particulars.

[143] I will therefore point out some of those respects, in which you need to attend to your manners, in order to be a good example to children, and to be fitted to appear well in any society in which in after life you may appear.

Good manners are the outward expression of kindness and good will, by which we endeavour to promote the enjoyment of others, and to avoid all that gives needless pain. Good manners lead us to avoid every thing that offends the taste of others, and to regard all the rules of politeness and propriety. Good manners lead us to avoid all rude and coarse language or actions, and to refrain from all remarks that would trouble those about us in any way.

I will now point out some particulars. In the first place, there are rules of good manners in regard to our superiors in age, character, station or office, which demand attention. In addressing such, it is proper to speak in a respectful tone and manner, and to add “sir” and “ma’am” to “yes” and “no” when we reply to them. This should be done by young persons to older ones, by children to parents, by scholars to teachers, and by domestics to their [144]employers, and to visitors in the family. At the same time, it is proper to offer the best accommodations of all kinds to one who is thus to be treated as a superior.

Another rule of good manners is, to return thanks to any person who does us any kindness. It is deemed very ill bred to receive a present, or any little act of attention, without any manifestation of pleasure or gratitude.

Another rule is, never to use what belongs to another without asking leave, and never to ask questions about the business or dress, or concerns of other people, unless we are on intimate terms with them. Another rule of good breeding is, never to make remarks to others on their personal defects, or dress, or faults, and never to speak in such a way of their opinions, or their friends, as to vex or mortify them.

Always, when persons speak to you, look them in the face, and reply in a courteous manner. Never laugh or whisper in company so that others cannot hear, lest they may imagine that you are ridiculing them, or speaking against them. Loud laughing and [145]talking in company, and whispering, and smiling at church, are deemed rude and vulgar. Interrupting a person when talking, and flatly contradicting, are considered rude.

There are some personal tricks which should be avoided, as vulgar and offensive, such as fingering the hair, picking the teeth, or cleaning the nails, picking the nose, spitting on the floor, snuffing, instead of using the handkerchief, or using the handkerchief in a disgusting manner, fingering the shoes, throwing about the feet, lolling on chairs, tipping chairs backward, staring at people, calling persons by nicknames, running out bareheaded into the street, calling to persons in the street, running in the street, and eating in the street, or in a public assembly.

Another branch of good breeding relates to table manners. When at table, avoid all these things: reaching over the plates of others; standing up to reach articles; instead of asking to have them passed to you; using your own knife for butter or salt, when it is the custom of the family to use a butter knife and salt spoon; setting dripping cups on the table cloth [146]when cup mats, or plates, are provided; using the table cloth instead of your handkerchief; eating fast, and in a noisy manner; putting large pieces in the mouth; looking, and eating as if you were very hungry, or very anxious to get at certain dishes; sitting too far from the table, or too near to it; projecting your elbows when using the knife and fork; dropping food in your lap; laying the knife and fork on the table cloth, instead of on the bread, or your plate; putting your own knife or fork into the dishes, instead of asking to be helped; taking too large a share of some favourite article; making a noise in sipping tea, or eating soups; leaning on the table with your elbows; lolling back in your chair at table, and taking food with your own fork from the dishes, instead of asking to be helped.

In regard to dress, the great rule of propriety and good taste is, always to dress clean and tidy, and always to have your dress suited to your means, and your employment.

This is the rule that regulates persons of good sense and good taste, in all classes and [147]ranks. If a woman wears ever so elegant and expensive clothing, and yet her hair is in disorder and her dress untidy, every one feels that she is dressed in bad taste. If a woman has a small income, and yet appears in dresses and ornaments that are suitable only for persons of great wealth, every one pities or laughs at her for her want of taste and propriety.

If a woman puts on expensive and handsome dresses to work in, no matter how rich she is, every one feels that it looks vulgar and improper. There is nothing that more surely marks the well bred, well educated woman, than the style of her............