HOW GEORGE, ONCE UPON A TIME, GOT UP EARLY IN THE MORNING. - GEORGE,HARRIS, AND MONTMORENCY DO NOT LIKE THE LOOK OF THE COLD WATER. - HEROISMAND DETERMINATION ON THE PART OF J. - GEORGE AND HIS SHIRT: STORY WITH AMORAL. - HARRIS AS COOK. - HISTORICAL RETROSPECT, SPECIALLY INSERTED FORTHE USE OF SCHOOLS.
I WOKE at six the next morning; and found George awake too. We bothturned round, and tried to go to sleep again, but we could not. Hadthere been any particular reason why we should not have gone to sleepagain, but have got up and dressed then and there, we should have droppedoff while we were looking at our watches, and have slept till ten. Asthere was no earthly necessity for our getting up under another two hoursat the very least, and our getting up at that time was an utterabsurdity, it was only in keeping with the natural cussedness of thingsin general that we should both feel that lying down for five minutes morewould be death to us.
George said that the same kind of thing, only worse, had happened to himsome eighteen months ago, when he was lodging by himself in the house ofa certain Mrs. Gippings. He said his watch went wrong one evening, andstopped at a quarter-past eight. He did not know this at the timebecause, for some reason or other, he forgot to wind it up when he wentto bed (an unusual occurrence with him), and hung it up over his pillowwithout ever looking at the thing.
It was in the winter when this happened, very near the shortest day, anda week of fog into the bargain, so the fact that it was still very darkwhen George woke in the morning was no guide to him as to the time. Hereached up, and hauled down his watch. It was a quarter-past eight.
"Angels and ministers of grace defend us!" exclaimed George; "and herehave I got to be in the City by nine. Why didn't somebody call me? Oh,this is a shame!" And he flung the watch down, and sprang out of bed,and had a cold bath, and washed himself, and dressed himself, and shavedhimself in cold water because there was not time to wait for the hot, andthen rushed and had another look at the watch.
Whether the shaking it had received in being thrown down on the bed hadstarted it, or how it was, George could not say, but certain it was thatfrom a quarter-past eight it had begun to go, and now pointed to twentyminutes to nine.
George snatched it up, and rushed downstairs. In the sitting-room, allwas dark and silent: there was no fire, no breakfast. George said it wasa wicked shame of Mrs. G., and he made up his mind to tell her what hethought of her when he came home in the evening. Then he dashed on hisgreat-coat and hat, and, seizing his umbrella, made for the front door.
The door was not even unbolted. George anathematized Mrs. G. for a lazyold woman, and thought it was very strange that people could not get upat a decent, respectable time, unlocked and unbolted the door, and ranout.
He ran hard for a quarter of a mile, and at the end of that distance itbegan to be borne in upon him as a strange and curious thing that therewere so few people about, and that there were no shops open. It wascertainly a very dark and foggy morning, but still it seemed an unusualcourse to stop all business on that account. HE had to go to business:
why should other people stop in bed merely because it was dark and foggy!
At length he reached Holborn. Not a shutter was down! not a bus wasabout! There were three men in sight, one of whom was a policeman; amarket-cart full of cabbages, and a dilapidated looking cab. Georgepulled out his watch and looked at it: it was five minutes to nine! Hestood still and counted his pulse. He stooped down and felt his legs.
Then, with his watch still in his hand, he went up to the policeman, andasked him if he knew what the time was.
"What's the time?" said the man, eyeing George up and down with evidentsuspicion; "why, if you listen you will hear it strike."George listened, and a neighbouring clock immediately obliged.
"But it's only gone three!" said George in an injured tone, when it hadfinished.
"Well, and how many did you want it to go?" replied the constable.
"Why, nine," said George, showing his watch.
"Do you know where you live?" said the guardian of public order,severely.
George thought, and gave the address.
"Oh! that's where it is, is it?" replied the man; "well, you take myadvice and go there quietly, and take that watch of yours with you; anddon't let's have any more of it."And George went home again, musing as he walked along, and let himselfin.
At first, when he got in, he determined to undress and go to bed again;but when he thought of the redressing and re-washing, and the having ofanother bath, he determined he would not, but would sit up and go tosleep in the easy-chair.
But he could not get to sleep: he never felt more wakeful in his life; sohe lit the lamp and got out the chess-board, and played himself a game ofchess. But even that did not enliven him: it seemed slow somehow; so hegave chess up and tried to read. He did not seem able to take any sortof interest in reading either, so he put on his coat again and went outfor a walk.
It was horribly lonesome and dismal, and all the policemen he metregarded him with undisguised suspicion, and turned their lanterns on himand followed him about, and this had such an effect upon him at last thathe began to feel as if he really had done something, and he got toslinking down the by-streets and hiding in dark doorways when he heardthe regulation flip-flop approaching.
Of course, this conduct made the force only more distrustful of him thanever, and they would come and rout him out and ask him what he was doingthere; and when he answered, "Nothing," he had merely come out for astroll (it was then four o'clock in the morning), they looked as thoughthey did not believe him, and two plain-clothes constables came home withhim to see if he really did live where he had said he did. They saw himgo in with his key, and then they took up a position opposite and watchedthe house.
He thought he would light the fire when he got inside, and make himselfsome breakfast, just to pass away the time; but he did not seem able tohandle anything from a scuttleful of coals to a teaspoon without droppingit or falling over it, and making such a noise that he was in mortal fearthat it would wake Mrs. G. up, and that she would think it was burglarsand open the window and call "Police!" and then these two detectiveswould rush in and handcuff him, and march him off to the police-court.
He was in a morbidly nervous state by this time, and he pictured thetrial, and his trying to explain the circumstances to the jury, andnobody believing him, and his being sentenced to twenty years' penalservitude, and his mother dying of a broken heart. So he gave up tryingto get breakfast, and wrapped himself up in his overcoat and sat in theeasy-chair till Mrs. G came down at half-past seven.
He said he had never got up too early since that morning: it had beensuch a warning to him.
We had been sitting huddled up in our rugs while George had been tellingme this true story, and on his finishing it I set to work to wake upHarris with a scull. The third prod did it: and he turned over on theother side, and said he would be down in a minute, and that he would havehis lace-up boots. We soon let him know where he was, however, by theaid of the hitcher, and he sat up suddenly, sending Montmorency, who hadbeen sleeping the sleep of the just right on the middle of his chest,sprawling across the boat.
Then we pulled up the canvas, and all four of us poked our heads out overthe off-side, and looked down at the water and shivered. The idea,overnight, had been that we should get up early in the morning, fling offour rugs and shawls, and, throwing back the canvas, spring into the riverwith a joyous shout, and revel in a long delicious swim. Somehow, nowthe morning had come, the notion seemed less tempting. The water lookeddamp and chilly: the wind felt cold.
"Well, who's going to be first in?" said Harris at last.
There was no rush for precedence. George settled the matter so far as hewas concerned by retiring into the boat and pulling on his socks.
Montmorency gave vent to an involuntary howl, as if merely thinking ofthe thing had given him the horrors; and Harris said it would be sodifficult to get into the boat again, and went back and sorted out histrousers.
I did not altogether like to give in, though I did not relish the plunge.
There might be snags about, or weeds, I thought. I meant to compromisematters by going down to the edge and just throwing the water overmyself; so I took a towel and crept out on the bank and wormed my wayalong on to the branch of a tree that dipped down into the water.
It was bitterly cold. The wind cut like a knife. I thought I would notthrow the water over myself after all. I would go back into the boat anddress; and I turned to do so; and, as I turned, the silly branch gaveway, and I and the towel went in together with a tremendous splash, and Iwas out mid-stream with a gallon of Thames water inside me before I knewwhat had happened.
"By Jove! old J.'s gone in," I heard Harris say, as I came blowing to thesurface. "I didn't think he'd have the pluck to do it. Did you?""Is it all right?" sung out George.
"Lovely," I spluttered back. "You are duffers not to come in. Iwouldn't have missed this for worlds. Why won't you try it? It onlywants a little determination."But I could not persuade them.
Rather an amusing thing happened while dressing that morning. I was verycold when I got back into the boat, and, in my hurry to get my shirt on,I accidentally jerked it into the water. It made me awfully wild,especially as George burst out laughing. I could not see anything tolaugh at, and I told George so, and he only laughed the more. I neversaw a man laugh so much. I quite lost my temper with him at last, and Ipointed out to him what a drivelling maniac of an imbecile idiot he was;but he only roared the louder. And then, just as I was landing theshirt, I noticed that it was not my shirt at all, but George's, which Ihad mistaken for mine; whereupon the humour of the thing struck me forthe first ............