And Toole, holding her stout wrist, felt her pulse and said —‘Hem — I see — and —’
And so he ran on with half-a-dozen questions, and at the end of his catechism said, bluntly enough —
‘I tell you what it is, Mrs. Mack, you have something on your mind, my dear Madam, and till it’s off, you’ll never be better.’
Poor Mrs. Mack opened her eyes, and made a gesture of amazed disclaimer, with her hands palm upwards. It was all affectation.
‘Pish!’ said Toole, who saw the secret almost in his grasp; ‘don’t tell me, my dear Madam — don’t you think I know my business by this time o’ day? I tell you again you’d better ease your mind — or take my word for it you’ll be sorry too late. How would you like to go off like poor old Peggy Slowe — eh? There’s more paralysis, apoplexy, heart-diseases, and lunacy, caused in one year by that sort of silly secrecy and moping, than by — hang it! My dear Madam,’ urged Toole, breaking into a bold exhortation on seeing signs of confusion and yielding in his fat patient —‘you’d tell me all that concerns your health, and know that Tom Toole would put his hand in the fire before he’d let a living soul hear a symptom of your case; and here’s some paltry little folly or trouble that I would not — as I’m a gentleman — give a half-penny to hear, and you’re afraid to tell me — though until you do, neither I, nor all the doctors in Europe, can do you a ha’porth o’ good.’
‘Sure I’ve nothing to tell, doctor dear,’ whimpered poor Mrs. Mack, dissolving into her handkerchief.
‘Look ye — there’s no use in trying to deceive a doctor that knows what he’s about.’ Toole was by this time half mad with curiosity. ‘Don’t tell me what’s on your mind, though I’d be sorry you thought I wasn’t ready and anxious, to help you with my best and most secret services; but I confess, my dear Ma’am, I’d rather not hear — reserve it for some friend who has your confidence — but ’tis plain from the condition you’re in’— and Toole closed his lips hard, and nodded twice or thrice —‘you have not told either the major or your daughter; and tell it you must to some one, or take the consequences.’
‘Oh! Dr. Toole, I am in trouble — and I’d like to tell you; but won’t you — won’t you promise me now, on your solemn honour, if I do, you won’t tell a human being?’ blubbered the poor matron.
‘Conscience, honour, veracity, Ma’am — but why should I say any more — don’t you know me, my dear Mrs. Mack?’ said Toole in a hot fidget, and with all the persuasion of which he was master.
‘Indeed, I do — and I’m in great trouble — and sometimes think no one can take me out of it,’ pursued she.
‘Come, come, my dear Madam, is it money?’ demanded Toole.
‘Oh! no — it’s —’tis a dreadful — that is, there is money in it — but oh! dear Doctor Toole, there’s a frightful woman, and I don’t know what to do: and I sometimes thought you might be able to help me — you’re so clever — and I was going to tell you, but I was ashamed — there now, it’s out,’ and she blubbered aloud.
‘What’s out?’ said Toole, irritated. ‘I can’t stop here all day, you know; and if you’d rather I’d go, say so.’
‘Oh no, but the major, nor Maggy does not know a word about it; and so, for your life, don’t tell them; and — and — here it is.’
And from her pocket she produced a number of the Freeman’s Journal, five or six weeks old and a great deal soiled.
‘Read it, read it, doctor dear, and you’ll see.’
‘Read all this! thank you, Ma’am; I read it a month ago,’ said the doctor gruffly.
‘Oh! no — this — only there — you see — here,’ and she indicated a particular advertisement, which we here reprint for the reader’s instruction; and thus it ran —
“MARY MATCHWELL’S most humble Respects attend the Nobility and Gentry. She has the Honour to acquaint them that she transacts all Business relative to Courtship and Marriage, with the utmost Dispatch and Punctuality. She has, at a considerable Expense, procured a complete List of all the unmarried Persons of both Sexes in this Kingdom, with an exact Account of their Characters, Fortunes, Ages, and Persons. Any Lady or Gentleman, by sending a Description of the Husband or Wife they would chuse, shall be informed where such a One is to be had, and put in a Method for obtaining him, or her, in the speediest Manner, and at the smallest Expense. Mrs. Matchwell’s Charges being always proportioned to the Fortunes of the Parties, and not to be paid till the Marriage takes place. She hopes the Honour and Secrecy she will observe in her Dealings, will encourage an unfortunate Woman, who hath experienced the greatest Vicissitudes of Life, as will be seen in her Memoirs, which are shortly to be published under the Title of ‘Fortune’s Football.’ All Letters directed to M. M., and sent Post paid to the Office where this Paper is publ............