TO leave thus a spot where she had experienced such felicity; to see it naked and forlorn, despoiled of its hospitality, bereft of its master,-all its faithful old servants unrewarded dismissed; in disgrace to have re-entered its pales, and in terrour to quit them;-to fly even the indulgent Father, whose tenderness had withstood every evil with which errour and imprudence could assail him, set her now all at war with herself, and gave her sensations almost maddening. She reviewed her own conduct without mercy; and though misery after misery had followed every failing, all her sufferings appeared light to her repentant sense of her criminality; for as criminal alone, she could consider what had inflicted misfortunes upon persons so exemplary.
She arrived at Alresford so late, with the return horses, that she was forced to order a room there for the night.
Though too much occupied to weigh well her lonely and improper situation, at an inn, and at such hours, she was too uneasy to go to bed, and too miserable for sleep. She sat up, without attempting to read, write, or employ herself, patrolling her chamber in mournful rumination.
Nearly as soon as it was light, she proceeded, and arrived at the house of Bellamy as the servants were opening the window-shutters.
Fearfully she asked who was at home; and hearing only their mistress, sent for Molly Mill, and enquired for the answer from Etherington; but the lad had not yet brought any. She begged her to run to the inn, to know what had detained him; and then, ordering the chaise to wait, went to her sister.
Eugenia was gently rejoiced to see her, though evidently with encreased personal unhappiness. Camilla would fain have spared her the history of the desertion of Cleves; but it was an act that in its own nature must be public; and she had no other way to account for her so speedy return.
Eugenia heard it with the most piercing affliction; and, in the fulness of her heart, from this new blow, acknowledged the rapacity of Bellamy, and the barbarity with which he now scrupled not to avow the sordid motives of his marriage; cruelly lamenting the extreme simplicity with which she had been beguiled into a belief of the sincerity and violence of his attachment. ‘For myself, however,’ she continued, ‘I now cease to murmur. How can misfortune, personally, cut me deeper? But with pity, indeed, I think of a new victim!’
She then put into her sister’s hand a written paper she had picked up the preceding evening in her room, and which, having no direction, and being in the handwriting of Mrs. Berlinton, she had thought was a former note to herself, accidentally dropt: but the first line undeceived her.
‘I yield, at length, O Bellamy, to the eloquence of your friendship! on Friday,-at one o’clock, I will be there-as you appoint.’
Camilla, almost petrified, read the lines. She knew better than her sister the plan to which this was the consent; which to have been given after her representations and urgency, appeared so utterly unjustifiable, that, with equal grief and indignation, she gave up this unhappy friend as wilfully lost; and her whole heart recoiled from ever again entering her doors.
Retracing, nevertheless, her many amiable qualities, she knew not how, without further effort, to leave her to her threatening fate; and determined, at all risks, to put her into the hands of her brother, whose timely knowledge of her danger might rescue her from public exposure. She wrote therefore the following note:
To FREDERIC MELMOND, Esq.
‘Watch and save,-or you will lose your sister.
CT.’
His address, from frequently hearing it, was familiar to her; she went herself into the hall, to give the billet to a footman for the post-office. She would not let her sister have any share in the transaction, lest it should afterwards, by any accident, be known; though, to give force to her warning, she risked without hesitation the initials of her own name.
The repugnance, nevertheless, to going again to Mrs. Berlinton, pointed out no new refuge; and she waited, with added impatience, for the answer from Etherington, in hopes some positive direction might relieve her cruel perplexity.
The answer, however, came not, and yet greater grew her distress. Molly Mill brought word that when the messenger, who was a post-boy, returned, he was immediately employed to drive a chaise to London. The people at the inn heard him say something of wanting to go to ‘Squire Bellamy’s with a letter; but he had not time. He was to come back however at night.
To wait till he arrived seemed now to them both indispensable; but while considering at what hour to order the chaise, they heard a horseman gallop up to the house-door. ‘Is it possible it should already be Mr. Bellamy?’ cried Eugenia, changing colour.
His voice, loud and angry, presently confirmed the suggestion. Eugenia, trembling, said she would let him know whom he would find; and went into the next room, where, as he entered, he roughly exclaimed, ‘What have you done with what I dropt out of my pocket-book?’
‘There, Sir,’ she answered, in the tone of firmness given by the ascendance of innocence over guilt, ‘There it is: but how you can reconcile to yourself the delusions by which you must have obtained it I know not. I hope only, for her sake, and for yours, such words will never more meet my eyes.’
He was beginning a violent answer in a raised voice, when Eugenia told him her sister was in the next room.
He then, in a lowered tone, said, ‘I warrant, you have shewn her my letter?’
The veracious Eugenia was incapable of saying no; and Bellamy, unable to restrain his rage, though smothering his voice, through his shut teeth, said, ‘I shall remember this, I promise you! However, if she dare ever speak of it, you may tell her, from me, I shall lock you up upon bread and water for the rest of your life, and lay it at her door. I have no great terms to keep with her now. What does she say about Cleves? and that fool your uncle, who is giving up his house to pay your father’s debts? What has brought her back again?’
‘She is returning to Grosvenor-square, to Miss Margland.’
‘Miss Margland? There’s no Miss Margland in Grosvenor-square; nor any body else, that desires her company I can tell her. However, go, and get her off, for I have other business for you.’
Eugenia, then, opening the door, found her sister almost demolished with terrour and dismay. Silently, for some seconds, they sunk on the breast of each other; horrour closing all speech, drying up even their tears.
‘You have no message to give me!’ Camilla at length whispered ‘I have, perforce, heard all! and I will go;-though whither–’
She stopt, with a look of distress so poignant, that Eugenia bursting into tears, while tenderly she clung around her, said: ‘My sister! my Camilla! from me-from my house must you wander in search of an asylum!’
Bellamy here called her back. Camilla entreated she would inquire if he knew whither Miss Margland was gone.
He now came in himself, bowing civilly, though with constraint, and told her that Miss Margland was with Mrs. Macdersey, at Macdersey’s own lodgings; but that neither of them would any more be invited to Grosvenor-square, after such ill-treatment of Mrs. Berlinton’s brother.
Can you, thought Camilla, talk of ill-treatment? while, turning to her sister, she said, ‘Which way shall I now travel?’
Bellamy abruptly asked, if she was forced to go before dinner; but not with an air of inviting any answer.
None could she make; she looked down, to save her eyes the sight of an object they abhorred, embraced Eugenia, who seemed a picture of death; and after saying adieu, added, ‘If I knew whither you thought I should go-that should be my guide?’
‘Home, my dearest sister!’
‘Drive then,’ she cried, hurrying to the chaise, ‘to Etherington.’
Bellamy advancing, said, with a smile, ‘I see you are not much used to travelling, Miss Camilla!’ and gave the man a direction to Bagshot.
She began, now, to feel nearly careless what became of her; her situation seemed equally desolate and disgraceful, and in gloomy despondence, when she turned from the high road, and stopt at a small inn, called the half-way-house, about nine miles from Etherington, she resolved to remain there till she received her expected answer; ardently hoping, if it were not yielding and favourable, the spot upon which she should read it, would be that upon which her existence would close.
Alighting at the inn, which, from being upon a cross road, had little custom, and was scarce more than a large cottage, she entered a small parlour, discharged her chaise, and ordered a man and horse to go immediately to Belfont.
Presently two or three gentle tappings at the door made her, though fearfully, say, ‘Come in!’ A little girl then, with incessant low courtesies, appeared, and looking smilingly in her face, said, ‘Pray, ma’am, a’n’t you the Lady that was so good to us?’
‘When? my dear? what do you mean?’
‘Why, that used to give us cakes and nice things, and gave ’em to Jen, and Bet, and Jack? and that would not let my dad be took up?’
Camilla now recollected the eldest little Higden, the washerwoman’s niece, and kindly enquired after her father, her aunt, and family.
‘O, they all does pure now. My dad’s had no more mishaps, and he hopes, please God, to get on pretty well.’
‘Sweet hearing!’ cried Camilla, ‘all my purposes have not, then, been frustrated!’
With added satisfaction she learnt also that the little girl had a good place, and a kind mistress.
She begged her to hasten the Belfont messenger, giving her in charge a short note for Eugenia with a request for the Etherington letter. She had spent nothing in London, save in some small remembrances to one or two of Mrs. Berlinton’s servants; and though her chaise-hire had now almost emptied her purse, she thought every expence preferable to either lengthening her suspense, or her residence on the road.
In answer to the demand of what she would be pleased to have, she then ordered tea. She had taken no regular meal for two days; and for two nights had not even been in bed. But the wretchedness of her mind seemed to render her invulnerable to fatigue.
The shaken state of her nerves warped all just consideration of the impropriety of her present sojourn. Her judgment had no chance, where it had her feelings to combat, and in the despondence of believing herself parentally rejected, she was indifferent to appearances, and desperate upon all other events: nor was she brought to any recollection, till she was informed that the messenger she had concluded was half way to Belfont, could not set out till the next morning: this small and private............