I receive a Challenge — the Consequence of it — the Quarrel being made up, am put in Arrest by the Care and Affection of Strap — but immediately released upon explaining my Affair — the Behaviour of Mr. Oregan and his two Friends — I visit Melinda, whom I divert with an account of the Duel — propose Marriage — she refers the Matter to her Mother, of whom I make a solemn Demand of her Daughter — the old Lady’s behaviour — I am discarded — -resent their Disdain

When I was ready to go abroad next day, Strap brought me a letter, To Mr. Random, Esq., these; which, upon opening, I found contained a challenge conceived in these very extraordinary terms:

“Sir, — Whereas I am informed that you make love to Miss Melinda Goosetrap, this is to let you know that she is under promise of marriage to me; and that I am at this present waiting at the back of Montague House, with a pair of good pistols in my hand; and if you will keep your appointment, I will make your tongue confess (after the breath is out of your body) that you do not deserve her so well as
Yours, etc.
Rourk Oregan.”

I guessed, from the style and superscription of this billet, that my rival was a true Milesian, and was not a little uneasy at the contents; especially that part, in which he asserted his right to my mistress by promise, a circumstance I did not not know how to reconcile to her good sense and penetration. However, this was no time for me to decline the defiance, because the success of my addresses in a great measure depended upon my behaviour in that affair. I therefore immediately loaded my pistols, and betook myself in a hackney coach to the place appointed, where I found a tall raw-boned man, with a hard-featured countenance and black bushy beard, walking by himself, wrapped up in a shabby green coat, over which his own hair descended in leathern queue from his head, that was covered with a greasy hat trimmed with a tarnished pointe d’Espagne. He had no sooner perceived me advancing than he pulled a pistol from his bosom, and, presenting it at me, snapped it without the least preamble. Alarmed at this rude salutation, I made a stand, and, before he could adjust his other piece, fired one of mine at him, without doing any damage, By this time he was ready with his second, that flashed in the pan without going off; upon which he called, with a true Tipperary cadence, “Fire away, honey!” and began to hammer his flint with great deliberation. But I was resolved to make use of the advantage fortune had given me, and therefore stepped up without throwing away my fire, desiring him to ask his life, or prepare for another world; but this stout Hibernian refused to condescend, and complained bitterly of my having quitted my ground before he could return my shot: saying I ought to go back to my station, and let him have an equal chance with me. I endeavoured to persuade him that I had given him a double chance already: and it was my business to prevent him from enjoying a third; but now, since I had an opportunity, I demanded a parley, and desired to know his condition and reason for calling me to the field, who, to the best of my remembrance, far from having done him any injury, had never before seen him. He told me that he was a gentleman of fortune, who had spent all he had, and, hearing that Melinda had got ten thousand pounds, he intended to make himself master of that sum by espousing her, and he was determined, in an honourable way, to cut the throats of all those who stood between him and his hopes.

I then demanded to know the foundation of his hopes; and now that I had seen him, being more and more astonished at the circumstance of the promise, desired that he would explain that mystery. He gave me to understand, that he trusted entirely to his birth and personal merit; that he had frequently written to Melinda, setting forth his claim and pretensions, but she was never kind enough to send an answer, or even to admit him into her presence; and that the promise he mentioned in his letter was made by his friend Mr. Gahagan, who assured him that no woman could resist a man of his appearance. I could not forbear laughing to excess at the simplicity of my rival, who did not seem to relish my mirth, but began to be very serious: upon which I endeavoured to appease him, by giving him my word and honour that, far from prejudicing his addresses to the lady, I would represent him to her in the most favourable light I could with any regard to truth; but he must not be surprised if she should remain blind to his deserts, for nothing was more capricious than a woman’s mind, and the affection of that sex was seldom purchased with virtue alone. That my declaration might have the better effect, I took notice of his deshabille, and, professing sorrow at seeing a gentleman reduced, slipped two guineas into his hand, at sight of which he threw away his pistols, and hugging me in his arms, cried, “Arrah, by Jasus, now, you are the best friend I have met with these seven long years!” When I had suffered some minutes in his embrace, he quitted me, and picking up his rusty arms, wished the devil might burn him if ever he should give me any further trouble about womankind.

The quarrel being thus amicably composed, I begged leave to look at his pistols, which I found so crazy and so foul, that I believe it was happy for him neither of them was discharged, for one of them would certainly have split in the going off, and he would, in all probability, have lost his hand in the explosion; but what gave me a lively idea of the man’s character was, to find, upon examination, that one of them had been loaded without being primed, and the other primed without a charge.

While we walked home together, I expressed a desire of knowing my new friend’s history; and he informed me of his having served in the German army as a volunteer against the Turks; that for his behaviour at the siege of Belgrade, he had been honoured with an ensign’s commission, and afterwards promoted to the rank of lieutenant, in which station it was his misfortune to affront his captain, who challenged him to the field, and was killed in the duel, upon which he was obliged to retreat; that he had been in England some years soliciting his friends for provision in the British army; but being hitherto unsuccessful, was desired by Mr. Gahagan to turn his thoughts to matrimony, and make his fortune by an advantageous match; in consequence of which advice, he had made up to Melinda: and, having heard by means of an Irish footman in the family, that I was her chief favourite, had called me out in hopes of removing by my death the greatest obstruction to his desires; but now he was convinced of my honour and generosity, he swore by the blessed Virgin, he would think of her no more, if there were not another woman in the world. As a further proof of his veracity, which I did not at all doubt, he opened an old iron snuff-box, and pulled out his commission in the Imperial army, and his captain’s challenge, which he preserved as testimonials of his character. I was so well convinced of this poor man’s honesty and courage, that I determined to speak in his behalf to some of my acquaintance, who might recommend his case to the consideration of those who could provide for him; and in the meantime to accommodate him with a few clothes, by which his appearance would be much mended, and himself enabled to renew his solicitations in person.

As we walked along conversing socially together, we were met by a file of musketeers, and Strap at their head, who no sooner approached than, with a frantic look, he cried, “Seize them! In the name of God seize them!” We were accordingly surrounded, and I put in arrest by the corporal, who was commanding officer; but Captain Oregan disengaged himself, and ran with such speed towards Tottenham Court Road that he was out of sight in a moment. When my arms were delivered up, and myself secured, Strap became a little more composed, and asked pardon for the liberty he had taken, which he hoped I would excuse, as it proceeded from his affection. He then told me that, suspecting the letter (which by the by was brought by the author himself) contained something extraordinary, he had peeped through the keyhole, and seen me load my pistols; upon which he ran down to Whitehall, and a............