OUR PROGRESS FROM CAMDEN TOWN TO CREST¹ HILL I
So far my history of my aunt and uncle has dealt chiefly with his industrial and financial exploits. But side by side with that history of inflation from the infinitesimal to the immense is another development, the change year by year from the shabby impecuniosity² of the Camden Town lodging³ to the lavish⁴ munificence⁵ of the Crest Hill marble staircase and my aunt’s golden bed, the bed that was facsimiled from Fontainebleau. And the odd thing is that as I come to this nearer part of my story I find it much more difficult to tell than the clear little perspective memories of the earlier days. Impressions crowd upon one another and overlap⁷ one another; I was presently to fall in love again, to be seized by a passion to which I still faintly respond, a passion that still clouds my mind. I came and went between Ealing and my aunt and uncle, and presently between Effie and clubland, and then between business and a life of research that became far more continuous, infinitely⁹ more consecutive¹⁰ and memorable¹¹ than any of these other sets of experiences. I didn’t witness a regular social progress therefore; my aunt and uncle went up in the world, so far as I was concerned, as if they were displayed by an early cinematograph, with little jumps and flickers¹².
 
As I recall this side of our life, the figure of my round-eyes, button-nosed, pink-and-white Aunt Susan tends always to the central position. We drove the car and sustained the car, she sat in it with a magnificent variety of headgear poised¹³ upon her delicate neck, and always with that faint ghost of a lisp no misspelling can render—commented on and illuminated¹⁴ the new aspects.
 
I’ve already sketched¹⁶ the little home behind the Wimblehurst chemist’s shop, the lodging near the Cobden statue, and the apartments in Gower Street. Thence my aunt and uncle went into a flat in Redgauntlet Mansions¹⁸. There they lived when I married. It was a compact flat, with very little for a woman to do in it In those days my aunt, I think, used to find the time heavy upon her hands, and so she took to books and reading, and after a time even to going to lectures in the afternoon. I began to find unexpected books upon her table: sociological books, travels, Shaw’s plays. “Hullo!” I said, at the sight of some volume of the latter.
 
“I’m keeping a mind, George,” she explained.
 
“Eh?”
 
“Keeping a mind. Dogs I never cared for. It’s been a toss-up between setting up a mind and setting up a soul. It’s jolly lucky for Him and you it’s a mind. I’ve joined the London Library, and I’m going in for the Royal Institution and every blessed lecture that comes along next winter. You’d better look out.”...
 
And I remember her coming in late one evening with a note-book in her hand.
 
“Where ya been, Susan?” said my uncle.
 
“Birkbeck—Physiology. I’m getting on.” She sat down and took off her gloves. “You’re just glass to me,” she sighed, and then in a note of grave reproach: “You old Package! I had no idea! The Things you’ve kept from me!”
 
Presently they were setting; up the house at Beckengham, and my aunt intermitted her intellectual activities. The house at Beckengham was something of an enterprise for them at that time, a reasonably large place by the standards of the early years of Tono-Bungay. It was a big, rather gaunt villa¹⁹, with a conservatory²⁰ and a shrubbery, a tennis-lawn, a quite considerable vegetable garden, and a small disused coach-house. I had some glimpses of the excitements of its inauguration²¹, but not many because of the estrangement²² between my aunt and Marion.
 
My aunt went into that house with considerable zest²³, and my uncle distinguished²⁴ himself by the thoroughness with which he did the repainting and replumbing. He had all the drains up and most of the garden with them, and stood administrative²⁵ on heaps—administrating whisky to the workmen. I found him there one day, most Napoleonic, on a little Elba of dirt, in an atmosphere that defies print. He also, I remember, chose what he considered cheerful contrasts of colours for the painting of the woodwork. This exasperated²⁶ my aunt extremely—she called him a “Pestilential old Splosher” with an unusual note of earnestness—and he also enraged²⁷ her into novelties of abuse by giving each bedroom the name of some favourite hero—Cliff, Napoleon, Cæsar, and so forth²⁸—and having it painted on the door in gilt²⁹ letters on a black label. “Martin Luther” was kept for me. Only her respect for domestic discipline, she said, prevented her retaliating³⁰ with “Old Pondo” on the housemaid’s cupboard.
 
Also he went and ordered one of the completest sets of garden requisites³¹ I have ever seen—and had them all painted a hard clear blue. My aunt got herself large tins of a kindlier hued³² enamel³³ and had everything secretly recoated, and this done, she found great joy in the garden and became an ardent³⁴ rose grower and herbaceous borderer, leaving her Mind, indeed, to damp evenings and the winter months. When I think of her at Beckenham, I always think first of her as dressed in that blue cotton stuff she affected³⁵, with her arms in huge gauntleted gardening gloves, a trowel in one hand and a small but no doubt hardy³⁶ and promising³⁷ annual, limp and very young-looking and sheepish, in the other.
 
Beckenham, in the persons of a vicar, a doctor’s wife, and a large proud lady called Hogberry, “called” on my uncle and aunt almost at once, so soon in fact as the lawn was down again, and afterwards my aunt made friends with a quiet gentlewoman next door, a propos of an overhanging cherry tree and the need of repairing the party fence. So she resumed her place in society from which she had fallen with the disaster of Wimblehurst. She made a partially³⁸ facetious³⁹ study of the etiquette⁴⁰ of her position, had cards engraved⁴¹ and retaliated⁴² calls. And then she received a card for one of Mrs. Hogberry’s At Homes, gave an old garden party herself, participated in a bazaar⁴³ and sale of work, and was really becoming quite cheerfully entangled⁴⁴ in Beckenham society when she was suddenly taken up by the roots again by my uncle and transplanted to Chiselhurst.
 
“Old Trek⁴⁵, George,” she said compactly, “Onward and Up,” when I found her superintending the loading of two big furniture vans. “Go up and say good-bye to ‘Martin Luther,’ and then I’ll see what you can do to help me.”
 
II
I look into the jumbled⁴⁶ stores of the middle distance of memory, and Beckenham seems to me a quite transitory phase. But really they were there several years; through nearly all my married life, in fact, and far longer than the year and odd months we lived together at Wimblehurst. But the Wimblehurst time with them is fuller in my memory by far then the Beckenham period. There comes back to me with a quite considerable amount of detail the effect of that garden party of my aunt’s and of a little social misbehaviour of which I was guilty on that occasion. It’s like a scrap⁴⁷ from another life. It’s all set in what is for me a kind of cutaneous feeling, the feeling of rather ill-cut city clothes, frock coat and grey trousers, and of a high collar and tie worn in sunshine among flowers. I have still a quite vivid memory of the little trapezoidal lawn, of the gathering⁴⁹, and particularly of the hats and feathers of the gathering, of the parlour-maid and the blue tea-cups, and of the magnificent presence of Mrs. Hogberry and of her clear, resonant⁵⁰ voice. It was a voice that would have gone with a garden party on a larger scale; it went into adjacent premises⁵¹; it included the gardener who was far up the vegetable patch and technically⁵² out of play. The only other men were my aunt’s doctor, two of the clergy⁵³, amiable⁵⁴ contrasted men, and Mrs. Hogberry’s imperfectly grown-up son, a youth just bursting into collar. The rest were women, except for a young girl or so in a state of speechless good behaviour. Marion also was there.
 
Marion and I had arrived a little estranged⁵⁵, and I remember her as a silent presence, a shadow across all that sunlit emptiness of intercourse⁵⁶. We had embittered⁵⁷ each other with one of those miserable⁵⁸ little disputes that seemed so unavoidable between us. She had, with the help of Smithie, dressed rather elaborately for the occasion, and when she saw me prepared to accompany her in, I think it was a grey suit, she protested that silk hat and frock coat were imperative⁵⁹. I was recalcitrant⁶⁰, she quoted an illustrated⁶¹ paper showing a garden party with the King present, and finally I capitulated—but after my evil habit, resentfully.... Eh, dear! those old quarrels, how pitiful they were, how trivial! And how sorrowful they are to recall! I think they grow more sorrowful as I grow older, and all the small passionate⁶² reasons for our mutual⁶³ anger fade and fade out of memory.
 
The impression that Beckenham company has left on my mind is one of a modest unreality; they were all maintaining a front of unspecified social pretension⁶⁴, and evading⁶⁵ the display of the economic facts of the case. Most of the husbands were “in business” off stage, it would have been outrageous⁶⁷ to ask what the business was—and the wives were giving their energies to produce, with the assistance of novels and the illustrated magazines, a moralised version of the afternoon life of the aristocratic class. They hadn’t the intellectual or moral enterprise of the upper-class woman, they had no political interests, they had no views about anything, and consequently they were, I remember, extremely difficult to talk to. They all sat about in the summer-house and in garden-chairs, and were very hatty and ruffley and sunshady. Three ladies and the curate played croquet with a general immense gravity, broken by occasional loud cries of feigned⁶⁸ distress⁶⁹ from the curate. “Oh! Whacking⁷⁰ me about again! Augh!”
 
The dominant⁷¹ social fact that afternoon was Mrs. Hogberry; she took up a certain position commanding the croquet and went on, as my aunt said to me in an incidental aside, “like an old Roundabout.” She talked of the way in which Beckenham society was getting mixed, and turned on to a touching⁷² letter she had recently received from her former nurse at Little Gossdean. Followed a loud account of Little Gossdean and how much she and her eight sisters had been looked up to there. “My poor mother was quite a little Queen there,” she said. “And such nice Common people! People say the country labourers are getting disrespectful nowadays. It isn’t so—not if they’re properly treated. Here of course in Beckenham it’s different. I won’t call the people we get here a Poor—they’re certainly not a proper Poor. They’re Masses. I always tell Mr. Bugshoot they’re Masses, and ought to be treated as such.”...
 
Dim memories of Mrs. Mackridge floated through my mind as I listened to her....
 
I was whirled on this roundabout for a bit, and then had the fortune to fall off into a tête-à-tête with a lady whom my aunt introduced as Mrs. Mumble⁷³—but then she introduced everybody to me as Mumble that afternoon, either by way of humour or necessity.
 
That must have been one of my earliest essays in the art of polite conversation, and I remember that I began by criticising the local railway service, and that at the third sentence or thereabouts Mrs. Mumble said in a distinctly bright and encouraging way that she feared I was a very “frivolous” person.
 
I wonder now what it was I said that was “frivolous.”
 
I don’t know what happened to end that conversation, or if it had an end. I remember talking to one of the clergy for a time rather awkwardly, and being given a sort of topographical history of Beckenham, which he assured me time after time was “Quite an old place. Quite an old place.” As though I had treated it as new and he meant to be very patient but very convincing. Then we hung up in a distinct pause, and my aunt rescued me. “George,” she said in a confidential⁷⁴ undertone, “keep the pot a-boiling.” And then audibly, “I say, will you both old trot⁷⁵ about with tea a bit?”
 
“Only too delighted to trot for you, Mrs. Ponderevo,” said the clergyman, becoming fearfully expert and in his elements; “only too delighted.”
 
I found we were near a rustic⁷⁶ table, and that the housemaid was behind us in a suitable position to catch us on the rebound⁷⁷ with the tea things.
 
“Trot!” repeated the clergyman to me, much amused; “excellent expression!” And I just saved him from the tray as he turned about.
 
We handed tea for a while....
 
“Give ’em cakes,” said my aunt, flushed, but well in hand. “Helps ’em to talk, George. Always talk best after a little nourishment⁷⁹. Like throwing a bit of turf down an old geyser.”
 
She surveyed the gathering with a predominant blue eye and helped herself to tea.
 
“They keep on going stiff,” she said in an undertone.... “I’ve done my best.”
 
“It’s been a huge success,” I said encouragingly.
 
“That boy has had his legs crossed in that position and hasn’t spoken for ten minutes. Stiffer and stiffer. Brittle⁸¹. He’s beginning a dry cough—always a bad sign, George.... Walk ’em about, shall I?—rub their noses with snow?”
 
Happily she didn’t. I got myself involved with the gentlewoman from next door, a pensive⁸², languid-looking little woman with a low voice, and fell talking; our topic, Cats and Dogs, and which it was we liked best.
 
“I always feel,” said the pensive little woman, “that there’s something about a dog—A cat hasn’t got it.”
 
“Yes,” I found myself admitting with great enthusiasm, “there is something. And yet again—”
 
“Oh! I know there’s something about a cat, too. But it isn’t the same.”
 
“Not quite the same,” I admitted; “but still it’s something.”
 
“Ah! But such a different something!”
 
“More sinuous⁸³.”
 
“Much more.”
 
“Ever so much more.”
 
“It makes all the difference, don’t you think?”
 
“Yes,” I said, “all.”
 
She glanced at me gravely and sighed a long, deeply felt “Yes.”
 
A long pause.
 
The thing seemed to me to amount to a stale-mate. Fear came into my heart and much perplexity.
 
“The—er—Roses,” I said. I felt like a drowning man. “Those roses—don’t you think they are—very beautiful flowers?”
 
“Aren’t they!” she agreed gently. “There seems to be something in roses—something—I don’t know how to express it.”
 
“Something,” I said helpfully.
 
“Yes,” she said, “something. Isn’t there?”
 
“So few people see it,” I said; “more’s the pity!”
 
She sighed and said again very softly, “Yes.”...
 
There was another long pause. I looked at her and she was thinking dreamily. The drowning sensation returned, the fear and enfeeblement. I perceived by a sort of inspiration that her tea-cup was empty.
 
“Let me take your cup,” I said abruptly⁸⁴, and, that secured, made for the table by the summer-house. I had no intention then of deserting my aunt. But close at hand the big French window of the drawing-room yawned inviting⁸⁵ and suggestive. I can feel all that temptation now, and particularly the provocation⁸⁶ of my collar. In an instant I was lost. I would—Just for a moment!
 
I dashed in, put down the cup on the keys of the grand piano and fled upstairs, softly, swiftly, three steps at a time, to the sanctuary⁸⁷ of my uncle’s study, his snuggery. I arrived there breathless, convinced there was no return for me. I was very glad and ashamed of myself, and desperate. By means of a penknife I contrived⁸⁸ to break open his cabinet of cigars, drew a chair to the window, took off my coat, collar and tie, and remained smoking guiltily and rebelliously⁸⁹, and peeping through the blind at the assembly on the lawn until it was altogether gone....
 
The clergymen, I thought, were wonderful.
 
III
A few such pictures of those early days at Beckenham stand out, and then I find myself among the Chiselhurst memories. The Chiselhurst mansion¹⁷ had “grounds” rather than a mere⁹⁰ garden, and there was a gardener’s cottage and a little lodge⁹¹ at the gate. The ascendant movement was always far more in evidence there than at Beckenham. The velocity⁹² was increasing.
 
One night picks itself out as typical, as, in its way, marking an epoch⁹³. I was there, I think, about some advertisement stuff, on some sort of business anyhow, and my uncle and aunt had come back in a fly from a dinner at the Runcorns. (Even there he was nibbling⁹⁴ at Runcorn with the idea of our great Amalgamation⁹⁵ budding in his mind.) I got down there, I suppose, about eleven. I found the two of them sitting in the study, my aunt on a chair-arm with a whimsical pensiveness⁹⁶ on her face, regarding my uncle, and he, much extended and very rotund, in the low arm-chair drawn⁹⁷ up to the fender.
 
“Look here, George,” said my uncle, after my first greetings. “I just been saying: We aren’t Oh Fay!”
 
“Eh?”
 
“Not Oh Fay! Socially!”
 
“Old Fly, he means, George—French!”
 
“Oh! Didn’t think of French. One never knows where to have him. What’s gone wrong to-night?”
 
“I been thinking. It isn’t any particular thing. I ate too much of that fishy⁹⁸ stuff at first, like salt frog spawn⁹⁹, and was a bit confused by olives; and—well, I didn’t know which wine was which. Had to say that each time. It puts your talk all wrong. And she wasn’t in evening dress, not like the others. We can’t go on in that style, George—not a proper ad.”
 
“I’m not sure you were right,” I said, “in having a fly.”
 
“We got to do it all better,” said my uncle, “we got to do it in Style. Smart business, smart men. She tries to pass it off as humorous”—my aunt pulled a grimace—“it isn’t humorous! See! We’re on the up-grade now, fair and square. We’re going to be big. We aren’t going to be laughed at as Poovenoos, see!”
 
“Nobody laughed at you,” said my aunt. “Old Bladder!”
 
“Nobody isn’t going to laugh at me,” said my uncle, glancing at his contours and suddenly sitting up.
 
My aunt raised her eyebrows¹⁰⁰ slightly, swung her foot, and said nothing.
 
“We aren’t keeping pace with our own progress, George. We got to. We’re bumping against new people, and they set up to be gentlefolks—etiquette dinners and all the rest of it. They give themselves airs and expect us to be fish-out-of-water. We aren’t going to be. They think we’ve no Style. Well, we give them Style for our advertisements, and we’re going to give ’em Style all through.... You needn’t be born to it to dance well on the wires of the Bond Street tradesmen. See?”
 
I handed him the cigar-box.
 
“Runcorn hadn’t cigars like these,” he said, truncating¹⁰¹ one lovingly. “We beat him at cigars. We’ll beat him all round.”
 
My aunt and I regarded him, full of apprehensions¹⁰².
 
“I got idees,” he said darkly to the cigar, deepening our dread¹⁰³.
 
He pocketed his cigar-cutter and spoke⁸⁰ again.
 
“We got to learn all the rotten little game first. See, F’rinstance, we got to get samples of all the blessed wines there are—and learn ’em up. Stern, Smoor, Burgundy, all of ’em! She took Stern to-night—and when she tasted it first—you pulled a face, Susan, you did. I saw you. It surprised you. You bunched your nose. We got to get used to wine and not do that. We got to get used to wearing evening dress—you, Susan, too.”
 
“Always have had a tendency to stick out of my clothes,” said my aunt. “However—Who cares?” She shrugged¹⁰⁴ her shoulders.
 
I had never seen my uncle so immensely serious.
 
“Got to get the hang of etiquette,” he went on to the fire. “Horses even. Practise everything. Dine every night in evening dress.... Get a brougham or something. Learn up golf and tennis and things. Country gentleman. Oh Fay. It isn’t only freedom from Goochery.”
 
“Eh?” I said.
 
“Oh!—Gawshery, if you like!”
 
“French, George,” said my aunt. “But I’m not ol’ Gooch. I made that face for fun.”
 
“It isn’t only freedom from Gawshery. We got to have Style. See! Style! Just all right and one better. That’s what I call Style. We can do it, and we will.”
 
He mumbled¹⁰⁵ his cigar and smoked for a space, leaning forward and looking into the fire.
 
“What is it,” he asked, “after all? What is it? Tips about eating; tips about drinking. Clothes. How to hold yourself, and not say jes’ the few little things they know for certain are wrong—jes’ the shibboleth¹⁰⁶ things.”
 
He was silent again, and the cigar crept up from the horizontal towards the zenith as the confidence of his mouth increased.
 
“Learn the whole bag of tricks in six months.” he said, becoming more cheerful. “Ah, Susan? Beat it out! George, you in particular ought to get hold of it. Ought to get into a good club, and all that.”
 
“Always ready to learn!” I said. “Ever since you gave me the chance of Latin. So far we don’t seem to have hit upon any Latin-speaking stratum¹⁰⁸ in the population.”
 
“We’ve come to French,” said my aunt, “anyhow.”
 
“It’s a very useful language,” said my uncle. “Put a point on things. Zzzz. As for accent, no Englishman has an accent. No Englishman pronounces French properly. Don’t you tell me. It’s a Bluff¹⁰⁹.—It’s all a Bluff. Life’s a Bluff—practically. That’s why it’s so important, Susan, for us to attend to Style. Le Steel Say Lum. The Style it’s the man. Whad you laughing at, Susan? George, you’re not smoking. These cigars are good for the mind.... What do you think of it all? We got to adapt ourselves. We have—so far.... Not going to be beat by these silly things.”
 
IV
“What do you think of it, George?” he insisted.
 
What I said I thought of it I don’t now recall. Only I have very distinctly the impression of meeting for a moment my aunt’s impenetrable eye. And anyhow he started in with his accustomed energy to rape⁴⁸ the mysteries of the Costly¹¹⁰ Life, and become the calmest of its lords. On the whole, I think he did it—thoroughly. I have crowded memories, a little difficult to disentangle, of his experimental stages, his experimental proceedings¹¹¹. It’s hard at times to say which memory comes in front of which. I recall him as presenting on the whole a series of small surprises, as being again and again, unexpectedly, a little more self-confident, a little more polished, a little richer and finer, a little more aware of the positions and values of things and men.
 
There was a time—it must have been very early—when I saw him deeply impressed by the splendours of the dining-room of the National Liberal Club. Heaven knows who our host was or what that particular little “feed” was about now!—all that sticks is the impression of our straggling entry, a string of six or seven guests, and my uncle looking about him at the numerous bright red-shaded tables, at the exotics in great Majolica jars, at the shining ceramic¹¹² columns and pilasters, at the impressive portraits of Liberal statesmen and heroes, and all that contributes to the ensemble¹¹³ of that palatial¹¹⁴ spectacle. He was betrayed into a whisper to me, “This is all Right, George!” he said. That artless comment seems almost incredible as I set it down; there came a time so speedily when not even the clubs of New York could have overawed my uncle, and when he could walk through the bowing magnificence of the Royal Grand Hotel to his chosen table in that aggressively exquisite¹¹⁵ gallery upon the river, with all the easy calm of one of earth’s legitimate¹¹⁶ kings.
 
The two of them learnt the new game rapidly and well; they experimented abroad, they experimented at home. At Chiselhurst, with the aid of a new, very costly, but highly instructive cook, they tried over everything they heard of that roused their curiosity and had any reputation for difficulty, from asparagus to plover’s eggs. They afterwards got a gardener who could wait at table—and he brought the soil home to one. Then there came a butler.
 
I remember my aunt’s first dinner-gown very brightly, and how she stood before the fire in the drawing-room confessing once unsuspected pretty arms with all the courage she possessed¹¹⁷, and looking over her shoulder at herself in a mirror.
 
“A ham,” she remarked reflectively, “must feel like this. Just a necklace.”...
 
I attempted, I think, some commonplace compliment.
 
My uncle appeared at the door in a white waistcoat and with his hands in his trouser pockets; he halted and surveyed her critically.
 
“Couldn’t tell you from a duchess, Susan,” he remarked. “I’d like to have you painted, standin’ at the fire like that. Sargent! You look—spirited, somehow. Lord!—I wish some of those damned tradesmen at Wimblehurst could see you.”...
 
They did a lot of week-ending at hotels, and sometimes I went down with them. We seemed to fall into a vast drifting crowd of social learners. I don’t know whether it is due simply to my changed circumstances, but it seems to me there have been immensely disproportionate developments of the hotel-frequenting and restaurant-using population during the last twenty years. It is not only, I think, that there are crowds of people who, like we were, are in the economically ascendant phase, but whole masses of the prosperous section of the population must be altering its habits, giving up high-tea for dinner and taking to evening dress, using the week-end hotels as a practise-ground for these new social arts. A swift and systematic¹¹⁸ conversion¹¹⁹ to gentility has been going on, I am convinced, throughout the whole commercial upper-middle class since I was twenty-one. Curiously¹²⁰ mixed was the personal quality of the people one saw in these raids. There were conscientiously¹²¹ refined and low-voiced people reeking¹²² with proud bashfulness; there were aggressively smart people using pet diminutives¹²³ for each other loudly and seeking fresh occasions for brilliant rudeness; there were awkward husbands and wives quarrelling furtively¹²⁴ about their manners and ill at ease under the eye of the winter; cheerfully amiable and often discrepant¹²⁵ couples with a disposition¹²⁶ to inconspicuous corners, and the jolly sort, affecting an unaffected ease; plump happy ladies who laughed too loud, and gentlemen in evening dress who subsequently “got their pipes.” And nobody, you knew, was anybody, however expensively they dressed and whatever rooms they took.
 
I look back now with a curious remoteness of spirit to those crowded dining-rooms with their dispersed¹²⁷ tables and their inevitable¹²⁸ red-shaded lights and the unsympathetic, unskillful waiters, and the choice of “Thig or Glear, Sir?” I’ve not dined in that way, in that sort of place, now for five years—it must be quite five years, so specialised and narrow is my life becoming.
 
My uncle’s earlier motor-car phases work in with these associations, and there stands out a little bright vignette of the hall of the Magnificent, Bexhill-on-Sea, and people dressed for dinner and sitting about amidst the scarlet¹²⁹ furniture—satin and white-enameled woodwork until the gong should gather them; and my aunt is there, very marvelously wrapped about in a dust cloak and a cage-like veil, and there are hotel porters and under-porters very alert, and an obsequious¹³⁰ manager; and the tall young lady in black from the office is surprised into admiration¹³¹, and in the middle of the picture is my uncle, making his first appearance in that Esquimaux costume I have already mentioned, a short figure, compactly immense, hugely goggled¹³², wearing a sort of brown rubber proboscis¹³³, and surmounted¹³⁴ by a table-land of motoring cap.
 
V
So it was we recognised our new needs as fresh invaders¹³⁵ of the upper levels of the social system, and set ourselves quite consciously to the acquisition of Style and Savoir Faire. We became part of what is nowadays quite an important element in the confusion of our world, that multitude of economically ascendant people who are learning how to spend money. It is made up of financial people, the owners of the businesses that are eating up their competitors, inventors of new sources of wealth, such as ourselves; it includes nearly all America as one sees it on the European stage. It is a various multitude having only this in common: they are all moving, and particularly their womankind are moving, from conditions in which means were insistently¹³⁶ finite, things were few, and customs simple, towards a limitless expenditure¹³⁷ and the sphere of attraction of Bond Street, Fifth Avenue, and Paris. Their general effect is one of progressive revolution, of limitless rope.
 
They discover suddenly indulgences their moral code never foresaw and has no provision for, elaborations, ornaments¹³⁹, possessions beyond their wildest dreams. With an immense astonished zest they begin shopping, begin a systematic adaptation to a new life crowded and brilliant with things shopped, with jewels, maids, butlers, coachmen, electric broughams, hired town and country houses. They plunge¹⁴⁰ into it as one plunges¹⁴¹ into a career; as a class, they talk, think, and dream possessions. Their literature, their Press, turns all on that; immense illustrated weeklies of unsurpassed magnificence guide them in domestic architecture, in the art of owning a garden, in the achievement of the sumptuous¹⁴² in motor-cars, in an elaborate sporting equipment, in the purchase and control of their estates, in travel and stupendous hotels. Once they begin to move they go far and fast. Acquisition becomes the substance of their lives. They find a world organised to gratify that passion. In a brief year or so they are connoisseurs¹⁴³. They join in the plunder¹⁴⁴ of the eighteenth century, buy rare old books, fine old pictures, good old furniture. Their first crude conception of dazzling suites¹⁴⁵ of the newly perfect is replaced almost from the outset by a jackdaw dream of accumulating costly discrepant old things.
 
I seem to remember my uncle taking to shopping quite suddenly. In the Beckenham days and in the early Chiselhurst days he was chiefly interested in getting money, and except for his onslaught on the Beckenham house, bothered very little about his personal surroundings and possessions. I forget now when the change came and he began to spend. Some accident must have revealed to him this new source of power, or some subtle shifting occurred in the tissues of his brain. He began to spend and “shop.” So soon as he began to shop, he began to shop violently. He began buying pictures, and then, oddly enough, old clocks. For the Chiselhurst house he bought nearly a dozen grandfather clocks and three copper¹⁴⁷ warming pans. After that he bought much furniture. Then he plunged¹⁴⁸ into art patronage¹⁴⁹, and began to commission pictures and to make presents to churches and institutions. His buying increased with a regular acceleration¹⁵⁰. Its development was a part of the mental changes that came to him in the wild excitements of the last four years of his ascent¹⁵¹. Towards the climax¹⁵² he was a furious spender; he shopped with large unexpected purchases, he shopped like a mind seeking expression, he shopped to astonish and dismay; shopped crescendo¹⁵³, shopped fortissimo, con⁸ molto espressione until the magnificent smash of Crest Hill eroded¹⁵⁴ his shopping for ever. Always it was he who shopped. My aunt did not shine as a purchaser. It is a curious thing, due to I know not what fine strain in her composition, that my aunt never set any great store upon possessions. She plunged through that crowded bazaar of Vanity Fair during those feverish¹⁵⁵ years, spending no doubt freely and largely, but spending with detachment and a touch of humorous contempt for the things, even the “old” things, that money can buy. It came to me suddenly one afternoon just how detached she was, as I saw her going towards the Hardingham, sitting up, as she always did, rather stiffly in her electric brougham, regarding the glittering world with interested and ironically innocent blue eyes from under the brim of a hat that defied comment. “No one,” I thought, “would sit so apart if she hadn’t dreams—and what are her dreams?”
 
I’d never thought.
 
And I remember, too, an outburst of scornful description after she had lunched with a party of women at the Imperial Cosmic Club. She came round to my rooms on the chance of finding me there, and I gave her tea. She professed¹⁵⁶ herself tired and cross, and flung herself into my chair....
 
“George,” she cried, “the Things women are! Do I stink¹⁵⁷ of money?”
 
“Lunching?” I asked.
 
She nodded.
 
“Plutocratic¹⁵⁸ ladies?”
 
“Yes.”
 
“Oriental type?”
 
“Oh! Like a burst hareem!... Bragging¹⁵⁹ of possessions.... They feel you. They feel your clothes, George, to see if they are good!”
 
I soothed¹⁶⁰ her as well as I could. “They are Good aren’t they?” I said.
 
“It’s the old pawnshop in their blood,” she said, drinking tea; and then in infinite disgust, “They run their hands over your clothes—they paw you.”
 
I had a moment of doubt whether perhaps she had not been discovered in possession of unsuspected forgeries¹⁶¹. I don’t know. After that my eyes were quickened, and I began to see for myself women running their hands over other women’s furs, scrutinising their lace, even demanding to handle jewelry¹⁶², appraising¹⁶³, envying, testing. They have a kind of etiquette. The woman who feels says, “What beautiful sables¹⁶⁴?” “What lovely lace?” The woman felt admits proudly: “It’s Real, you know,” or disavows pretension modestly and hastily, “It’s Rot Good.” In each other’s houses they peer at the pictures, handle the selvage of hangings, look at the bottoms of china....
 
I wonder if it IS the old pawnshop in the blood.
 
I doubt if Lady Drew and the Olympians did that sort of thing, but here I may be only clinging to another of my former illusions about aristocracy and the State. Perhaps always possessions have been Booty, and never anywhere has there been such a thing as house and furnishings native and natural to the women and men who made use of them....
 
VI
For me, at least, it marked an epoch in my uncle’s career when I learnt one day that he had “shopped” Lady Grove¹⁶⁵. I realised a fresh, wide, unpreluded step. He took me by surprise with the sudden change of scale from such portable possessions as jewels and motor-cars to a stretch of countryside. The transaction was Napoleonic; he was told of the place; he said “snap”; there were no preliminary desirings or searchings. Then he came home and said what he had done. Even my aunt was for a day or so measurably awestricken by this exploit in purchase, and we both went down with him to see the house in a mood near consternation¹⁶⁶. It struck us then as a very lordly place indeed. I remember the three of us standing¹⁶⁷ on the terrace that looked westward¹⁶⁸, surveying the sky-reflecting windows of the house, and a feeling of unwarrantable intrusion comes back to me.
 
Lady Grove, you know, is a very beautiful house indeed, a still and gracious place, whose age-long seclusion¹⁶⁹ was only effectively broken with the toot of the coming of the motor-car. An old Catholic family had died out in it, century by century, and was now altogether dead. Portions of the fabric¹⁷⁰ are thirteenth century, and its last architectural revision was Tudor; within, it is for the most part dark and chilly¹⁷¹, save for two or three favoured rooms and its tall-windowed, oak-galleried hall. Its terrace is its noblest feature; a very wide, broad lawn it is, bordered by a low stone battlement, and there is a great cedar¹⁷² in one corner under whose level branches one looks out across the blue distances of the Weald, blue distances that are made extraordinarily¹⁷³ Italian in quality by virtue¹⁷⁴ of the dark masses of that single tree. It is a very high terrace; southward one looks down upon the tops of wayfaring¹⁷⁵ trees and spruces, and westward on a steep slope of beechwood, through which the road comes. One turns back to the still old house, and sees a grey and lichenous¹⁷⁶ façade with a very finely arched entrance. It was warmed by the afternoon light and touched with the colour of a few neglected roses and a pyracanthus. It seemed to me that the most modern owner conceivable in this serene¹⁷⁷ fine place was some bearded scholarly man in a black cassock, gentle-voiced and white-handed, or some very soft-robed, grey gentlewoman. And there was my uncle holding his goggles¹⁷⁸ in a sealskin glove, wiping the glass with a pocket-handkerchief, and asking my aunt if Lady Grove wasn’t a “Bit of all Right.”
 
My aunt made him no answer.
 
“The man who built this,” I speculated, “wore armour¹⁷⁹ and carried a sword.”
 
“There’s some of it inside still,” said my uncle.
 
We went inside. An old woman with very white hair was in charge of the place and cringed rather obviously to the new master. She evidently found him a very strange and frightful¹⁸⁰ apparition¹⁸¹ indeed, and was dreadfully afraid of him. But if the surviving present bowed down to us, the past did not. We stood up to the dark, long portraits of the extinguished race—one was a Holbein—and looked them in their sidelong eyes. They looked back at us. We all, I know, felt the enigmatical quality in them. Even my uncle was momentarily embarrassed, I think, by that invincibly¹⁸² self-complacent expression. It was just as though, after all, he had not bought them up and replaced them altogether; as though that, secretly, they knew better and could smile at him.
 
The spirit of the place was akin¹⁰⁷ to Bladesover, but touched with something older and remoter. That armour that stood about had once served in tilt-yards, if indeed it had not served in battle, and this family had sent its blood and treasure, time after time, upon the most romantic quest in history, to Palestine. Dreams, loyalties¹⁸³, place and honour, how utterly¹⁸⁴ had it all evaporated, leaving, at last, the final expression of its spirit, these quaint¹⁸⁵ painted smiles, these smiles of triumphant¹⁸⁶ completion! It had evaporated, indeed, long before the ultimate Durgan had died, and in his old age he had cumbered the place with Early Victorian cushions and carpets and tapestry¹⁸⁷ table-cloths and invalid¹⁸⁸ appliances of a type even more extinct, it seemed to us, than the crusades.... Yes, it was different from Bladesover.
 
“Bit stuffy¹⁸⁹, George,” said my uncle. “They hadn’t much idea of ventilation when this was built.”
 
One of the panelled rooms was half-filled with presses and a four-poster bed. “Might be the ghost room,” said my uncle; but it did not seem to me that so retiring a family as the Durgans, so old and completely exhausted¹⁹⁰ a family as the Durgans, was likely to haunt anybody. What living thing now had any concern with their honour and judgments¹⁹¹ and good and evil deeds? Ghosts and witchcraft¹⁹² were a later innovation—that fashion came from Scotland with the Stuarts.
 
Afterwards, prying¹⁹³ for epitaphs, we found a marble crusader with a broken nose, under a battered¹⁹⁴ canopy¹⁹⁵ of fretted¹⁹⁶ stone, outside the restricted limits of the present Duffield church, and half buried in nettles¹⁹⁸. “Ichabod,” said my uncle. “Eh? We shall be like that, Susan, some day.... I’m going to clean him up a bit and put a railing to keep off the children.”
 
“Old saved at the eleventh hour,” said my aunt, quoting one of the less successful advertisements of Tono-Bungay.
 
But I don’t think my uncle heard her.
 
It was by our captured crusader that the vicar found us. He came round the corner at us briskly, a little out of breath. He had an air of having been running after us since the first toot of our horn had warned the village of our presence. He was an Oxford¹⁹⁹ man, clean-shaven, with a cadaverous complexion²⁰⁰ and a guardedly respectful manner, a cultivated intonation²⁰¹, and a general air of accommodation to the new order of things. These Oxford men are the Greeks of our plutocratic empire. He was a Tory in spirit, and what one may call an adapted Tory by stress of circumstances; that is to say, he was no longer a legitimist; he was prepared for the substitution of new lords for old. We were pill vendors²⁰² he knew, and no doubt horribly vulgar in soul; but then it might have been some polygamous Indian rajah, a great strain on a good man’s tact²⁰³, or some Jew with an inherited expression of contempt. Anyhow, we were English, and neither Dissenters²⁰⁴ nor Socialists²⁰⁵, and he was cheerfully prepared to do what he could to make gentlemen of both of us. He might have preferred Americans for some reasons; they are not so obviously taken from one part of the social system and dumped down in another, and they are more teachable; but in this world we cannot always be choosers. So he was very bright and pleasant with us, showed us the church, gossiped informingly about our neighbours on the countryside—Tux, the banker; Lord Boom, the magazine and newspaper proprietor²⁰⁷; Lord Carnaby, that great sportsman, and old Lady Osprey. And finally he took us by way of a village lane—three children bobbed convulsively with eyes of terror for my uncle—through a meticulous²⁰⁸ garden to a big, slovenly²⁰⁹ Vicarage with faded Victorian furniture and a faded Victorian wife, who gave us tea and introduced us to a confusing family dispersed among a lot of disintegrating²¹⁰ basket chairs upon the edge of a well-used tennis lawn.
 
These people interested me. They were a common type, no doubt, but they were new to me. There were two lank²¹¹ sons who had been playing singles at tennis, red-eared youths growing black moustaches, and dressed in conscientiously untidy tweeds and unbuttoned and ungirt Norfolk jackets. There were a number of ill-nourished-looking daughters, sensible and economical in their costume, the younger still with long, brown-stockinged legs, and the eldest²¹² present—there were, we discovered, one or two hidden away—displaying a large gold cross and other aggressive ecclesiastical symbols; there were two or three fox-terriers, a retrieverish mongrel, and an old, bloody-eyed and very evil-smelling St. Bernard. There was a jackdaw. There was, moreover, an ambiguous, silent lady that my aunt subsequently decided²¹³ must be a very deaf paying guest. Two or three other people had concealed²¹⁴ themselves at our coming and left unfinished teas behind them. Rugs and cushions lay among the chairs, and two of the latter were, I noted²¹⁶, covered with union Jacks²¹⁷.
 
The vicar introduced us sketchily²¹⁸, and the faded Victorian wife regarded my aunt with a mixture of conventional scorn and abject²¹⁹ respect, and talked to her in a languid, persistent²²⁰ voice about people in the neighbourhood whom my aunt could not possibly know.
 
My aunt received these personalia cheerfully, with her blue eyes flitting from point to point, and coming back again and again to the pinched faces of the daughters and the cross upon the eldest’s breast. Encouraged by my aunt’s manner, the vicar’s wife grew patronising and kindly²²¹, and made it evident that she could do much to bridge the social gulf²²² between ourselves and the people of family about us.
 
I had just snatches of that conversation. “Mrs. Merridew brought him quite a lot of money. Her father, I believe, had been in the Spanish wine trade—quite a lady though. And after that he fell off his horse and cracked his brain pan and took to fishing and farming. I’m sure you’ll like to know them. He’s most amusing.... The daughter had a disappointment and went to China as a missionary²²³ and got mixed up in a massacre²²⁴.”...
 
“The most beautiful silks and things she brought back, you’d hardly believe!”
 
“Yes, they gave them to propitiate²²⁵ her. You see, they didn’t understand the difference, and they thought that as they’d been massacring people, they’d be massacred. They didn’t understand the difference Christianity makes.”...
 
“Seven bishops²²⁶ they’ve had in the family!”
 
“Married a Papist and was quite lost to them.”...
 
“He failed some dreadful examination and had to go into the militia²²⁷.”...
 
“So she bit his leg as hard as ever she could and he let go.”...
 
“Had four of his ribs²²⁸ amputated.”...
 
“Caught meningitis and was carried off in a week.”
 
“Had to have a large piece of silver tube let into his throat, and if he wants to talk he puts his finger on it. It makes him so interesting, I think. You feel he’s sincere somehow. A most charming man in every way.”
 
“Preserved them both in spirits very luckily, and there they are in his study, though of course he doesn’t show them to everybody.”
 
The silent lady, unperturbed by these apparen............