The Rev¹. Amos Barton, whose sad fortunes I have undertaken to relate, was, you perceive, in no respect an ideal or exceptional character; and perhaps I am doing a bold thing to bespeak² your sympathy on behalf of a man who was so very far from remarkable³,—a man whose virtues⁴ were not heroic, and who had no undetected crime within his breast; who had not the slightest mystery hanging about him, but was palpably and unmistakably commonplace; who was not even in love, but had had that complaint favourably⁶ many years ago. ‘An utterly⁷ uninteresting character!’ I think I hear a lady reader exclaim—Mrs. Farthingale, for example, who prefers the ideal in fiction; to whom tragedy means ermine tippets, adultery, and murder; and comedy, the adventures of some personage who is quite a ‘character’.  
But, my dear madam, it is so very large a majority of your fellow-countrymen that are of this insignificant⁸ stamp. At least eighty out of a hundred of your adult male fellow-Britons returned in the last census⁹ are neither extraordinarily¹⁰ silly, nor extraordinarily wicked, nor extraordinarily wise; their eyes are neither deep and liquid with sentiment, nor sparkling with suppressed witticisms¹¹; they have probably had no hairbreadth escapes or thrilling adventures; their brains are certainly not pregnant with genius, and their passions have not manifested themselves at all after the fashion of a volcano. They are simply men of complexions¹² more or less muddy, whose conversation is more or less bald and disjointed. Yet these commonplace people—many of them—bear a conscience, and have felt the sublime¹³ prompting to do the painful right; they have their unspoken sorrows, and their sacred joys; their hearts have perhaps gone out towards their first-born, and they have mourned over the irreclaimable dead. Nay¹⁴, is there not a pathos¹⁵ in their very insignificance—in our comparison of their dim and narrow existence with the glorious possibilities of that human nature which they share?
 
Depend upon it, you would gain unspeakably if you would learn with me to see some of the poetry and the pathos, the tragedy and the comedy, lying in the experience of a human soul that looks out through dull grey eyes, and that speaks in a voice of quite ordinary tones. In that case, I should have no fear of your not caring to know what farther befell the Rev. Amos Barton, or of your thinking the homely¹⁶ details I have to tell at all beneath your attention. As it is, you can, if you please, decline to pursue my story farther; and you will easily find reading more to your taste, since I learn from the newspapers that many remarkable novels, full of striking situations, thrilling incidents, and eloquent¹⁷ writing, have appeared only within the last season.
 
Meanwhile, readers who have begun to feel an interest in the Rev. Amos Barton and his wife, will be glad to learn that Mr. Oldinport lent the twenty pounds. But twenty pounds are soon exhausted¹⁸ when twelve are due as back payment to the butcher, and when the possession of eight extra sovereigns in February weather is an irresistible¹⁹ temptation to order a new greatcoat. And though Mr. Bridmain so far departed from the necessary economy entailed²⁰ on him by the Countess’s elegant toilette and expensive maid, as to choose a handsome black silk, stiff, as his experienced eye discerned, with the genuine strength of its own texture²¹, and not with the factitious strength of gum, and present it to Mrs. Barton, in retrieval of the accident that had occurred at his table, yet, dear me—as every husband has heard—what is the present of a gown when you are deficiently furnished with the et-ceteras of apparel, and when, moreover, there are six children whose wear and tear of clothes is something incredible to the non-maternal mind?
 
Indeed, the equation of income and expenditure²² was offering new and constantly accumulating difficulties to Mr. and Mrs. Barton; for shortly after the birth of little Walter, Milly’s aunt, who had lived with her ever since her marriage, had withdrawn²³ herself, her furniture, and her yearly income, to the household of another niece; prompted to that step, very probably, by a slight ‘tiff’ with the Rev. Amos, which occurred while Milly was up-stairs, and proved one too many for the elderly lady’s patience and magnanimity. Mr. Barton’s temper was a little warm, but, on the other hand, elderly maiden²⁵ ladies are known to be susceptible²⁶; so we will not suppose that all the blame lay on his side—the less so, as he had every motive²⁷ for humouring an inmate²⁸ whose presence kept the wolf from the door. It was now nearly a year since Miss Jackson’s departure, and, to a fine ear, the howl of the wolf was audibly approaching.
 
It was a sad thing, too, that when the last snow had melted, when the purple and yellow crocuses were coming up in the garden, and the old church was already half pulled down, Milly had an illness which made her lips look pale, and rendered it absolutely necessary that she should not exert herself for some time. Mr. Brand, the Shepperton doctor so obnoxious²⁹ to Mr. Pilgrim, ordered her to drink port-wine, and it was quite necessary to have a charwoman very often, to assist Nanny in all the extra work that fell upon her.
 
Mrs. Hackit, who hardly ever paid a visit to any one but her oldest and nearest neighbour, Mrs. Patten, now took the unusual step of calling at the vicarage one morning; and the tears came into her unsentimental eyes as she saw Milly seated pale and feeble in the parlour, unable to persevere³⁰ in sewing the pinafore that lay on the table beside her. Little Dickey, a boisterous³¹ boy of five, with large pink cheeks and sturdy legs, was having his turn to sit with Mamma, and was squatting³² quiet as a mouse at her knee, holding her soft white hand between his little red black-nailed fists. He was a boy whom Mrs. Hackit, in a severe mood, had pronounced ‘stocky’ (a word that etymologically³³ in all probability, conveys some allusion³⁴ to an instrument of punishment for the refractory); but seeing him thus subdued³⁵ into goodness, she smiled at him with her kindest smile, and stooping down, suggested a kiss—a favour which Dicky resolutely³⁶ declined.
 
‘Now do you take nourishing things enough?’ was one of Mrs. Hackit’s first questions, and Milly endeavoured to make it appear that no woman was ever so much in danger of being over-fed and led into self-indulgent habits as herself. But Mrs. Hackit gathered one fact from her replies, namely, that Mr. Brand had ordered port-wine.
 
While this conversation was going forward, Dickey had been furtively³⁷ stroking and kissing the soft white hand; so that at last, when a pause came, his mother said, smilingly, ‘Why are you kissing my hand, Dickey?’
 
‘It id to yovely,’ answered Dickey, who, you observe, was decidedly backward in his pronunciation.
 
Mrs. Hackit remembered this little scene in after days, and thought with peculiar³⁸ tenderness and pity of the ‘stocky boy’.
 
The next day there came a hamper³⁹ with Mrs. Hackit’s respects; and on being opened it was found to contain half-a-dozen of port-wine and two couples of fowls⁴⁰. Mrs. Farquhar, too, was very kind; insisted on Mrs. Barton’s rejecting all arrowroot but hers, which was genuine Indian, and carried away Sophy and Fred to stay with her a fortnight. These and other good-natured attentions made the trouble of Milly’s illness more bearable; but they could not prevent it from swelling⁴¹ expenses, and Mr. Barton began to have serious thoughts of representing his case to a certain charity for the relief of needy⁴² curates.
 
Altogether, as matters stood in Shepperton, the parishioners were more likely to have a strong sense that the clergyman needed their material aid, than that they needed his spiritual aid,—not the best state of things in this age and country, where faith in men solely⁴³ on the ground of their spiritual gifts has considerably⁴⁴ diminished, and especially unfavourable to the influence of the Rev. Amos, whose spiritual gifts would not have had a very commanding power even in an age of faith.
 
But, you ask, did not the Countess Czerlaski pay any attention to her friends all this time? To be sure she did. She was indefatigable⁴⁵ in visiting her ‘sweet Milly’, and sitting with her for hours together. It may seem remarkable to you that she neither thought of taking away any of the children, nor of providing for any of Milly’s probable wants; but ladies of rank and of luxurious⁴⁶ habits, you know, cannot be expected to surmise⁴⁷ the details of poverty. She put a great deal of eau-de-Cologne on Mrs. Barton’s pocket-handkerchief, rearranged her pillow and footstool, kissed her cheeks, wrapped her in a soft warm shawl from her own shoulders, and amused her with stories of the life she had seen abroad. When Mr. Barton joined them she talked of Tractarianism, of her determination not to re-enter the vortex of fashionable life, and of her anxiety to see him in a sphere large enough for his talents. Milly thought her sprightliness⁴⁸ and affectionate warmth quite charming, and was very fond of her; while the Rev. Amos had a vague consciousness that he had risen into aristocratic life, and only associated with his middle-class parishioners in a pastoral and parenthetic manner.
 
However, as the days brightened, Milly’s cheeks and lips brightened too; and in a few weeks she was almost as active as ever, though watchful⁴⁹ eyes might have seen that activity was not easy to her. Mrs. Hackit’s eyes were of that kind, and one day, when Mr. and Mrs. Barton had been dining with her for the first time since Milly’s illness, she observed to her husband—‘That poor thing’s dreadful weak an’ delicate; she won’t stan’ havin’ many more children.’
 
Mr. Barton, meanwhile, had been indefatigable in his vocation⁵⁰. He had preached two extemporary sermons every Sunday at the workhouse, where a room had been fitted up for divine service, pending⁵² the alterations⁵³ in the church; and had walked the same evening to a cottage at one or other extremity⁵⁴ of his parish to deliver another sermon, still more extemporary, in an atmosphere impregnated with spring-flowers and perspiration⁵⁵. After all these labours you will easily conceive that he was considerably exhausted by half-past nine o’clock in the evening, and that a supper at a friendly parishioner’s, with a glass, or even two glasses, of brandy-and-water after it, was a welcome reinforcement. Mr. Barton was not at all an ascetic⁵⁶; he thought the benefits of fasting were entirely⁵⁷ confined to the Old Testament⁵⁸ dispensation; he was fond of relaxing himself with a little gossip; indeed, Miss Bond, and other ladies of enthusiastic views, sometimes regretted that Mr. Barton did not more uninterruptedly exhibit a superiority to the things of the flesh. Thin ladies, who take little exercise, and whose livers are not strong enough to bear stimulants⁵⁹, are so extremely critical about one’s personal habits! And, after all, the Rev. Amos never came near the borders of a vice⁵¹. His very faults were middling—he was not very ungrammatical. It was not in his nature to be superlative in anything; unless, indeed, he was superlatively middling, the quintessential extract of mediocrity. If there was any one point on which he showed an inclination⁶⁰ to be excessive, it was confidence in his own shrewdness and ability in practical matters, so that he was very full of plans which were something like his moves in chess—admirably well calculated, supposing the state of the case were otherwise. For example, that notable plan of introducing anti-dissenting books into his Lending Library did not in the least appear to have bruised⁶² the head of Dissent⁶¹, though it had certainly made Dissent strongly inclined to bite the Rev. Amos’s heel. Again, he vexed⁶³ the souls of his churchwardens and influential⁶⁴ parishioners by his fertile suggestiveness as to what it would be well for them to do in the matter of the church repairs, and other ecclesiastical secularities.
 
‘I never saw the like to parsons,’ Mr. Hackit said one day in conversation with his brother churchwarden, Mr. Bond; ‘they’re al’ys for meddling⁶⁵ with business, an they know no more about it than my black filly.’
 
‘Ah,’ said Mr. Bond, ‘they’re too high learnt to have much common-sense.’
 
‘Well,’ remarked Mr. Hackit, in a modest and dubious⁶⁶ tone, as if throwing out a hypothesis which might be considered bold, ‘I should say that’s a bad sort of eddication as makes folks onreasonable.’
 
So that, you perceive, Mr. Barton’s popularity was in that precarious⁶⁷ condition, in that toppling and contingent⁶⁸ state, in which a very slight push from a malignant⁶⁹ destiny would utterly upset it. That push was not long in being given, as you shall hear.
 
One fine May morning, when Amos was out on his parochial visits, and the sunlight was streaming through the bow-window of the sitting-room⁷⁰, where Milly was seated at her sewing, occasionally looking up to glance at the children playing in the garden, there came a loud rap at the door, which she at once recognized as the Countess’s, and that well-dressed lady presently entered the sitting-room, with her veil drawn²⁴ over her face. Milly was not at all surprised or sorry to see her; but when the Countess threw up her veil, and showed that her eyes were red and swollen⁷¹, she was both surprised and sorry.
 
‘What can be the matter, dear Caroline?’
 
Caroline threw down Jet, who gave a little yelp⁷²; then she threw her arms round Milly’s neck, and began to sob⁷³; then she threw herself on the sofa, and begged for a glass of water; then she threw off her bonnet⁷⁴ and shawl; and by the time Milly’s imagination had exhausted itself in conjuring⁷⁵ up calamities⁷⁶, she said,—‘Dear, how shall I tell you? I am the most wretched woman. To be deceived by a brother to whom I have been so devoted—to see him degrading himself—giving himself utterly to the dogs!’
 
‘What can it be?’ said Milly, who began to picture to herself the sober Mr. Bridmain taking to brandy and betting.
 
‘He is going to be married—to marry my own maid, that deceitful Alice, to whom I have been the most indulgent mistress. Did you ever hear of anything so disgraceful? so mortifying⁷⁷? so disreputable?’
 
‘And has he only just told you of it?’ said Milly, who, having really heard of worse conduct, even in her innocent life, avoided a direct answer.
 
‘Told me of it! he had not even the grace to do that. I went into the dining-room suddenly and found him kissing her—disgusting at his time of life, is it not?—and when I reproved her for allowing such liberties, she turned round saucily⁷⁸, and said she was engaged to be married to my brother, and she saw no shame in allowing him to kiss her. Edmund is a miserable⁷⁹ coward, you know, and looked frightened; but when she asked him to say whether it was not so, he tried to summon up courage and say yes. I left the room in disgust, and this morning I have been questioning Edmund, and find that he is bent⁸⁰ on marrying this woman, and that he has been putting off telling me—because he was ashamed of himself, I suppose. I couldn’t possibly stay in the house after this, with my own maid turned mistress. And now, Milly, I am come to throw myself on your charity for a week or two. Will you take me in?’
 
‘That we will,’ said Milly, ‘if you will only put up with our poor rooms and way of living. It will be delightful⁸¹ to have you!’
 
‘It will soothe⁸² me to be with you and Mr. Barton a little while. I feel quite unable to go among my other friends just at present. What those two wretched people will do I don’t know—leave the neighbourhood at once, I hope. I entreated⁸³ my brother to do so, before he disgraced himself.’
 
When Amos came home, he joined his cordial welcome and sympathy to Milly’s. By-and-by the Countess’s formidable boxes, which she had carefully packed before her indignation drove her away from Camp Villa⁸⁴, arrived at the vicarage, and were deposited in the spare bedroom, and in two closets, not spare, which Milly emptied for their reception. A week afterwards, the excellent apartments at Camp Villa, comprising dining and drawing rooms, three bedrooms and a dressing-room, were again to let, and Mr. Bridmain’s sudden departure, together with the Countess Czerlaski’s installation as a visitor at Shepperton Vicarage, became a topic of general conversation in the neighbourhood. The keen-sighted virtue⁵ of Milby and Shepperton saw in all this a confirmation⁸⁵ of its worst suspicions, and pitied the Rev. Amos Barton’s gullibility⁸⁶.
 
But when week after week, and month after month, slipped by without witnessing the Countess’s departure—when summer and harvest had fled, and still left her behind them occupying the spare bedroom and the closets, and also a large proportion of Mrs. Barton’s time and attention, new surmises⁸⁷ of a very evil kind were added to the old rumours⁸⁸, and began to take the form of settled convictions in the minds even of Mr. Barton’s most friendly parishioners.
 
And now, here is an opportunity for an accomplished⁸⁹ writer to apostrophize calumny⁹⁰, to quote Virgil, and to show that he is acquainted with the most ingenious things which have been said on that subject in polite literature.
 
But what is opportunity to the man who can’t use it? An undefecundated egg, which the waves of time wash away into nonentity⁹¹. So, as my memory is ill-furnished, and my notebook still worse, I am unable to show myself either erudite or eloquent apropos⁹² of the calumny whereof the Rev. Amos Barton was the victim. I can only ask my reader,—did you ever upset your ink-bottle, and watch, in helpless agony, the rapid spread of Stygian blackness over your fair manuscript or fairer table-cover? With a like inky swiftness did gossip now blacken the reputation of the Rev. Amos Barton, causing the unfriendly to scorn and even the friendly to stand aloof⁹³, at a time when difficulties of another kind were fast thickening around him.

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