Nay, I tell you, I am so well beloved in our town, that not the worst dog in the street would hurt my little finger.  
COLLIER OF CROYDON.
 
 
 
As the neighbouring village is one of those out-of-the-way, but gossiping little places, where a small matter makes a great stir, it is not to be supposed that the approach of a festival like that of May-Day can be regarded with indifference¹, especially since it is made a matter of such moment by the great folks at the Hall. Master Simon, who is the faithful factotum² of the worthy³ squire⁴, and jumps with his humour in everything, is frequent just now in his visits to the village, to give directions for the impending⁵ fête; and as I have taken the liberty occasionally of accompanying him, I have been enabled to get some insight into the characters and internal politics of this very sagacious little community.
 
Master Simon is in fact the Caesar of the village. It is true the squire is the protecting power, but his factotum is the active and busy agent. He intermeddles in all its concerns, is acquainted with all the inhabitants and their domestic history, gives counsel to the old folks in their business matters, and the young folks in their love affairs, and enjoys the proud satisfaction of being a great man in a little world.
 
He is the dispenser, too, of the squire's charity, which is bounteous⁶; and, to do Master Simon justice, he performs this part of his functions with great alacrity⁷. Indeed I have been entertained with the mixture of bustle⁸, importance, and kindheartedness which he displays. He is of too vivacious⁹ a temperament¹⁰ to comfort the afflicted¹¹ by sitting down moping and whining¹² and blowing noses in concert; but goes whisking about like a sparrow, chirping¹³ consolation¹⁴ into every hole and corner of the village. I have seen an old woman, in a red cloak, hold him for half an hour together with some long phthisical tale of distress¹⁵, which Master Simon listened to with many a bob of the head, smack¹⁶ of his dog-whip, and other symptoms of impatience¹⁷, though he afterwards made a most faithful and circumstantial report of the case to the squire. I have watched him, too, during one of his pop visits into the cottage of a superannuated¹⁸ villager, who is a pensioner

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