A decayed gentleman, who lives most upon his own mirth and my master's means, and much good do him with it. He does hold my master up with his stones, and songs, and catches, and such tricks, and jigs¹ you would admire—he is with him now.  
By no one has my return to the Hall been more heartily² greeted than by Mr. Simon Bracebridge, or Master Simon, as the squire³ most commonly calls him. I encountered him just as I entered the park, where he was breaking a pointer, and he received me with all the hospitable⁴ cordiality with which a man welcomes a friend to another one's house. I have already introduced him to the reader as a brisk old bachelor-looking little man; the wit and superannuated⁵ beau of a large family connection, and the squire's factotum⁶. I found him, as usual, full of bustle⁷; with a thousand petty things to do, and persons to attend to, and in chirping⁸ good-humour; for there are few happier beings than a busy idler; that is to say, a man who is eternally busy about nothing.
 
I visited him, the morning after my arrival, in his chamber⁹, which is in a remote corner of the mansion¹⁰, as he says he likes to be to himself, and out of the way. He has fitted it up in his own taste, so that it is a perfect epitome¹¹ of an old bachelor's notions of convenience and arrangement. The furniture is made up of odd pieces from all parts of the house, chosen on account of their suiting his notions, or fitting some corner of his apartment; and he is very eloquent¹² in praise of an ancient elbow-chair, from which he takes occasion to digress into a censure¹³ on modern chairs, as having degenerated¹⁴ from the dignity and comfort of high-backed antiquity¹⁵.
 
Adjoining to his room is a small cabinet, which he calls his study. Here are some hanging shelves, of his own construction, on which are several old works on hawking¹⁶, hunting, and farriery, and a collection or two of poems and songs of the reign¹⁸ of Elizabeth, which he studies out of compliment to the squire; together with the Novelists' Magazine, the Sporting Magazine, the Racing¹⁹ Calendar, a volume or two of the Newgate Calendar, a book of peerage, and another of heraldry.
 
His sporting dresses hang on pegs²⁰ in a small closet; and about the walls of his apartment are hooks to hold his fishing-tackle, whips, spurs, and a favourite fowling-piece, curiously²¹ wrought²² and inlaid, which he inherits from his grandfather. He has also a couple of old single-keyed flutes²³, and a fiddle²⁴, which he has repeatedly patched and mended himself, affirming it to be a veritable Cremona: though I have never heard him extract a single note from it that was not enough to make one's blood run cold.
 
From this little nest his fiddle will often be heard, in the stillness of mid-day, drowsily²⁵ sawing some long-forgotten tune²⁶; for he prides himself on having a choice collection of good old English music, and will scarcely have anything to do with modern composers. The time, however, at which his musical powers are of most use is now and then of an evening, when he plays for the children to dance in the hall, and he passes among them and the servants for a perfect Orpheus.
 
 
His chamber also bears evidence of his various avocations²⁷; there are half copied sheets of music; designs for needlework; sketches²⁸ of landscapes, very indifferently executed; a camera lucida; a magic lantern, for which he is endeavouring to paint glasses; in a word, it is the cabinet of a man of many accomplishments²⁹, who knows a little of everything, and does nothing well.
 
After I had spent some time in his apartment admiring the ingenuity³⁰ of his small inventions, he took me about the establishment, to visit the stables, dog-kennel, and other dependencies, in which he appeared like a general visiting the different quarters of his camp; as the squire leaves the control of all these matters to him, when he is at the Hall. He inquired into the state of the horses; examined their feet; prescribed a drench³¹ for one, and bleeding for another; and then took me to look at his own horse, on the merits of which he dwelt with great prolixity³², and which, I noticed, had the best stall in the stable.
 
After this I was taken to a new toy of his and the squire's, which he termed the falconry, where there were several unhappy birds in durance, completing their education. Among the number was a fine falcon³³, which Master Simon had in especial training, and he told me that he would show me, in a few days, some rare sport of the good old-fashioned kind. In the course of our round, I noticed that the grooms³⁴, gamekeeper, whippers-in, and other retainers, seemed all to be on somewhat of a familiar footing with Master Simon, and fond of having a joke with him, though it was evident they had great deference³⁵ for his opinion in matters relating to their functions.
 
 
"Several Unhappy Birds in Durance"
There was one exception, however, in a testy³⁶ old huntsman, as hot as a pepper-corn; a meagre, wiry old fellow, in a threadbare velvet³⁷ jockey-cap, and a pair of leather breeches, that, from much wear, shone as though they had been japanned. He was very contradictory³⁸ and pragmatical, and apt, as I thought, to differ from Master Simon now and then out of mere³⁹ captiousness⁴⁰. This was particularly the case with respect to the treatment of the hawk¹⁷, which the old man seemed to have under his peculiar⁴¹ care, and, according to Master Simon, was in a fair way to ruin; the latter had a vast deal to say about casting, and imping, and gleaming, and enseaming, and giving the hawk the rangle, which I saw was all heathen Greek to old Christy; but he maintained his point notwithstanding, and seemed to hold all his technical lore⁴² in utter disrespect.
 
 
I was surprised at the good humour with which Master Simon bore his contradictions, till he explained the matter to me afterwards. Old Christy is the most ancient servant in the place, having lived among dogs and horses the greater part of a century, and been in the service of Mr. Bracebridge's father. He knows the pedigree of every horse on the place, and has bestrid the great-great-grandsires of most of them. He can give a circumstantial detail of every fox-hunt for the last sixty or seventy years, and has a history of every stag's head about the house, and every hunting trophy⁴³ nailed to the door of the dog-kennel.
 
All the present race have grown up under his eye, and humour him in his old age. He once attended the squire to Oxford⁴⁴ when he was a student there, and enlightened the whole university with his hunting lore. All this is enough to make the old man opinionated, since he finds, on all these matters of first-rate importance, he knows more than the rest of the world. Indeed, Master Simon had been his pupil, and acknowledges that he derived⁴⁵ his first knowledge in hunting from the instructions of Christy; and I much question whether the old man does not still look upon him as rather a greenhorn.
 
On our return homewards, as we were crossing the lawn in front of the house, we heard the porter's bell ring at the lodge⁴⁶, and shortly afterwards, a kind of cavalcade⁴⁷ advanced slowly up the avenue. At sight of it my companion paused, considered for a moment, and then, making a sudden exclamation⁴⁸, hurried away to meet it. As it approached I discovered a fair, fresh-looking elderly lady, dressed in an old-fashioned riding-habit, with a broad-brimmed white beaver⁴⁹ hat, such as may be seen in Sir Joshua Reynolds' paintings. She rode a sleek⁵⁰ white pony⁵¹, and was followed by a footman in rich livery, mounted on an over-fed hunter. At a little distance in the rear came an ancient cumbrous chariot, drawn⁵² by two very corpulent horses, driven by as corpulent a coachman, beside whom sat a page dressed in a fanciful green livery. Inside of the chariot was a starched⁵³ prim⁵⁴ personage, with a look somewhat between a lady's companion and a lady's maid; and two pampered⁵⁵ curs that showed their ugly faces and barked out of each window.
 
 
"Two Pampered Curs That Barked Out of Each Window"
There was a general turning out of the garrison⁵⁶ to receive this new comer. The squire assisted her to alight, and saluted⁵⁷ her affectionately; the fair Julia flew into her arms, and they embraced with the romantic fervour of boarding-school friends. She was escorted into the house by Julia's lover, towards whom she showed distinguished⁵⁸ favour; and a line of the old servants, who had collected in the hall, bowed most profoundly as she passed.
 
I observed that Master Simon was most assiduous and devout⁵⁹ in his attentions upon this old lady. He walked by the side of her pony up the avenue; and while she was receiving the salutations of the rest of the family, he took occasion to notice the fat coachman, to pat the sleek carriage-horses, and, above all, to say a civil word to my lady's gentlewoman, the prim, sour-looking vestal in the chariot.
 
 
I had no more of his company for the rest of the morning. He was swept off in the vortex that followed in the wake of this lady. Once indeed he paused for a moment, as he was hurrying on some errand of the good lady's, to let me know that this was Lady Lillycraft, a sister of the squire's, of large fortune, which the captain would inherit, and that her estate lay in one of the best sporting counties in all England.