What occurred that night between myself and those officers I scarcely know, I scarcely remember. You must bear in mind that for some time past I have been in terrible distress—that for a whole month I have been, so to speak, hanging by a single thread. Indeed, my position has been most pitiable. Though I hid myself from you, my landlady4 was forever shouting and railing at me. This would not have mattered a jot—the horrible old woman might have shouted as much as she pleased—had it not been that, in the first place, there was the disgrace of it, and, in the second place, she had somehow learned of our connection, and kept proclaiming it to the household until I felt perfectly deafened5, and had to stop my ears. The point, however, is that other people did not stop their ears, but, on the contrary, pricked6 them. Indeed, I am at a loss what to do.
Really this wretched rabble7 has driven me to extremities8. It all began with my hearing a strange rumour9 from Thedora—namely, that an unworthy suitor had been to visit you, and had insulted you with an improper10 proposal. That he had insulted you deeply I knew from my own feelings, for I felt insulted in an equal degree. Upon that, my angel, I went to pieces, and, losing all self-control, plunged11 headlong. Bursting into an unspeakable frenzy12, I was at once going to call upon this villain13 of a seducer—though what to do next I knew not, seeing that I was fearful of giving you offence. Ah, what a night of sorrow it was, and what a time of gloom, rain, and
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