MY DEAREST MAKAR ALEXIEVITCH,—Today I met my cousin Sasha. To see her going to
wrack1 and ruin shocked me terribly. Moreover, it has reached me, through a side wind, that she has been making
inquiry2 for me, and dogging my footsteps, under the
pretext3 that she wishes to pardon me, to forget the past, and to renew our acquaintance. Well, among other things she told me that, whereas you are not a
kinsman4 of mine, that she is my nearest relative; that you have no right whatever to enter into family relations with us; and that it is wrong and
shameful5 for me to be living upon your
earnings6 and charity. Also, she said that I must have forgotten all that she did for me, though
thereby7 she saved both myself and my mother from starvation, and gave us food and drink; that for two and a half years we caused her great loss; and, above all things, that she excused us what we owed her. Even my poor mother she did not spare. Would that she, my dead parent, could know how I am being treated! But God knows all about it.... Also, Anna declared that it was
solely8 through my own fault that my fortunes declined after she had bettered them; that she is in no way responsible for what then happened; and that I have but myself to blame for having been either unable or
unwilling9 to defend my honour. Great God! WHO, then, has been at fault? According to Anna, Hospodin [Mr.] Bwikov was only right when he declined to marry a woman who—But need I say it? It is cruel to hear such lies as hers. What is to become of me I do not know. I tremble and
sob10 and weep. Indeed, even to write this letter has cost me two hours. At least it might have been thought that Anna would have confessed HER share in the past. Yet see what she says!... For the love of God do not be anxious about me, my friend, my only
benefactor11. Thedora is over apt to exaggerate matters. I am not REALLY ill. I have merely caught a little cold. I caught it last night while I was walking to Bolkovo, to hear Mass sung for my mother. Ah, mother, my poor mother! Could you but rise from the grave and learn what is being done to your daughter!
B. D.