l'on aime, car on n'éprouve alors que des tourmens, des
regrets, de la jalousie: mais peu à peu ces tourmens-là
deviennent des souvenirs, qui charment notre arrière
saison:... et quand vous verrez la vieillesse douce, facile
et tolérante, vous pourrez dire1 comme Fontenelle: L'amour a
passé par-la.
—Scribe: La Vieille.
Miss Gryll carefully avoided being alone with Mr. Falconer, in order not to give him an opportunity of speaking on the forbidden subject. She was confident that she had taken the only course which promised to relieve her from a life of intolerable suspense3; but she wished to subject her conduct to dispassionate opinion, and she thought she could not submit it to a more calmly-judging person than her old spinster friend, Miss Ilex, who had, moreover, the great advantage of being a woman of the world. She therefore took an early opportunity of telling her what had passed between herself and Mr. Falconer, and asking her judgment4 on the point.
Miss Ilex. Why, my dear, if I thought there had been the slightest chance of his ever knowing his own mind sufficiently5 to come to the desired conclusion himself, I should have advised your giving him a little longer time; but as it is clear to me that he never would have done so, and as you are decidedly partial to him, I think you have taken the best course which was open to you. He had all but declared to you more than once before; but this 'all but' would have continued, and you would have sacrificed your life to him for nothing.
Miss Gryll. But do you think you would in my case have done as I did?
Miss Ilex. No, my dear, I certainly should not; for, in a case very similar, I did not. It does not follow that I was right. On the contrary, I think you are right, and I was wrong. You have shown true moral courage where it was most needed.
Miss Gryll. I hope I have not revived any displeasing7 recollections.
Miss Ilex. No, my dear, no; the recollections are not displeasing. The day-dreams of youth, however fallacious, are a composite of pain and pleasure: for the sake of the latter the former is endured, nay8, even cherished in memory.
Miss Gryll. Hearing what I hear you were, seeing what I see you are, observing your invariable cheerfulness, I should not have thought it possible that you could have been crossed in love, as your words seem to imply.
Miss Ilex. I was, my dear, and have been foolish enough to be constant all my life to a single idea; and yet I would not part with this shadow for any attainable9 reality.
Miss Gryll. If it were not opening the fountain of an ancient sorrow, I could wish to know the story, not from idle curiosity, but from my interest in you.
Miss Ilex. Indeed, my dear Morgana, it is very little of a story: but such as it is, I am willing to tell it you. I had the credit of being handsome and accomplished10. I had several lovers; but my inner thoughts distinguished11 only one; and he, I think, had a decided6 preference for me, but it was a preference of present impression. If some Genius had commanded him to choose a wife from any company of which I was one, he would, I feel sure, have chosen me; but he was very much of an universal lover, and was always overcome by the smiles of present beauty. He was of a romantic turn of mind: he disliked and avoided the ordinary pursuits of young men: he delighted in the society of accomplished young women, and in that alone. It was the single link between him and the world. He would disappear for weeks at a time, wandering in forests, climbing mountains, and descending12 into the dingles of mountain-streams, with no other companion than a Newfoundland dog; a large black dog, with a white breast, four white paws, and a white tip to his tail: a beautiful affectionate dog: I often patted him on the head, and fed him with my hand. He knew me as well as Bajardo{1} knew Angelica.
1 Rinaldo's horse: he had escaped from his master, and had
revelled Sacripante with his heels:—
Tears started into her eyes at the recollection of the dog. She paused for a moment.
Mi............