Your real, devastating row has many points of resemblance with aprairie fire. A man on a prairie lights his pipe, and throws away thematch. The flame catches a bunch of dry grass, and, before any one canrealise what is happening, sheets of fire are racing over the country;and the interested neighbours are following their example. (I havealready compared a row with a thunderstorm; but both comparisons maystand. In dealing with so vast a matter as a row there must be nostint.)The tomato which hit Wyatt in the face was the thrown-away match. Butfor the unerring aim of the town marksman great events would neverhave happened. A tomato is a trivial thing (though it is possible thatthe man whom it hits may not think so), but in the present case, itwas the direct cause of epoch-making trouble.
The tomato hit Wyatt. Wyatt, with others, went to look for thethrower. The remnants of the thrower's friends were placed in thepond, and "with them," as they say in the courts of law, PoliceConstable Alfred Butt.
Following the chain of events, we find Mr. Butt, having prudentlychanged his clothes, calling upon the headmaster.
The headmaster was grave and sympathetic; Mr. Butt fierce andrevengeful.
The imagination of the force is proverbial. Nurtured on motor-cars andfed with stop-watches, it has become world-famous. Mr. Butt gave freerein to it.
"Threw me in, they did, sir. Yes, sir.""Threw you in!""Yes, sir. _Plop_!" said Mr. Butt, with a certain sad relish.
"Really, really!" said the headmaster. "Indeed! This is--dear me! Ishall certainly--They threw you in!--Yes, I shall--certainly----"Encouraged by this appreciative reception of his story, Mr. Buttstarted it again, right from the beginning.
"I was on my beat, sir, and I thought I heard a disturbance. I says tomyself, ''Allo,' I says, 'a frakkus. Lots of them all gatheredtogether, and fighting.' I says, beginning to suspect something,'Wot's this all about, I wonder?' I says. 'Blow me if I don't thinkit's a frakkus.' And," concluded Mr. Butt, with the air of oneconfiding a secret, "and it _was_ a frakkus!""And these boys actually threw you into the pond?""_Plop_, sir! Mrs. Butt is drying my uniform at home at this verymoment as we sit talking here, sir. She says to me, 'Why, whatever_'ave_ you been a-doing? You're all wet.' And," he added, againwith the confidential air, "I _was_ wet, too. Wringin' wet."The headmaster's frown deepened.
"And you are certain that your assailants were boys from the school?""Sure as I am that I'm sitting here, sir. They all 'ad their caps ontheir heads, sir.""I have never heard of such a thing. I can hardly believe that it ispossible. They actually seized you, and threw you into the water----""_Splish_, sir!" said the policeman, with a vividness of imageryboth surprising and gratifying.
The headmaster tapped restlessly on the floor with his foot.
"How many boys were there?" he asked.
"Couple of 'undred, sir," said Mr. Butt promptly.
"Two hundred!""It was dark, sir, and I couldn't see not to say properly; but if youask me my frank and private opinion I should say couple of 'undred.""H'm--Well, I will look into the matter at once. They shall bepunished.""Yes, sir.""Ye-e-s--H'm--Yes--Most severely.""Yes, sir.""Yes--Thank you, constable. Good-night.""Good-night, sir."The headmaster of Wrykyn was not a motorist. Owing to thisdisadvantage he made a mistake. Had he been a motorist, he would haveknown that statements by the police in the matter of figures must bedivided by any number from two to ten, according to discretion. As itwas, he accepted Constable Butt's report almost as it stood. Hethought that he might possibly have been mistaken as to the exactnumbers of those concerned in his immersion; but he accepted thestatement in so far as it indicated that the thing had been the workof a considerable section of the school, and not of only one or twoindividuals. And this made all the difference to his method of dealingwith the affair. Had he known how few were the numbers of thoseresponsible for the cold in the head which subsequently attackedConstable Butt, he would have asked for their names, and an extralesson would have settled the entire matter.
As it was, however, he got the impression that the school, as a whole,was culpable, and he proceeded to punish the school as a whole.
It happened that, about a week before the pond episode, a certainmember of the Royal Family had recovered from a dangerous illness,which at one time had looked like being fatal. No official holiday hadbeen given to the schools in honour of the recovery, but Eton andHarrow had set the example, which was followed throughout the kingdom,and Wrykyn had come into line with the rest. Only two days before theO.W.'s matches the headmaster had given out a notice in the hall thatthe following Friday would be a whole holiday; and the school, alwaysready to stop work, had approved of the announcement exceedingly.
The step which the headmaster decided to take by way of avenging Mr.
Butt's wrongs was to stop this holiday.
He g............