IF the gods, who wit in unexpected places, so that it is sometimes found beneath the bishop’s mitre and, once in a thousand years, beneath a king’s crown, had given Edward two-pennyworth of that commodity, he would have been a great as well as a good man. Fortune smiled upon him uninterruptedly; he enjoyed the envy of his neighbours; he farmed with profit, and, having tamed the spirit of his wife, he rejoiced in domestic felicity. And it must be noticed that he was rewarded only according to his deserts. He walked with upright spirit and mind along the path which it had pleased a merciful to set before him. He was lighted on the way by a strong Sense of Duty, by the Principles which he had acquired at his Mother’s Knee, and by a Conviction of his own Merit. Finally, a deputation waited on him to propose that he should stand for the County Council election which was shortly to be held. He had been unofficially informed of the project, and received Mr. Atthill Bacot with seven committee men, in his frock-coat and a manner full of responsibility. He told them he could do nothing rashly, must consider the matter, and would inform them of his decision. But Edward had already made up his mind to accept, and having shown the deputation to the door, went to Bertha.  
“Things are looking up,” he said, having given her the details. The Blackstable district for which Edward was invited to stand, being composed chiefly of fishermen, was intensely . “Old Bacot said I was the only Moderate candidate who’d have a chance.”
 
Bertha was too much astonished to reply. She had so poor an opinion of her husband that she could not understand why on earth they should make him such an offer. She turned over in her mind possible reasons.
“It’s a ripping thing for me, isn’t it?”
 
“But you’re not thinking of accepting?”
 
“Not? Of course I am. What do you think!” This was not an , but an .
 
“You’ve never gone in for politics; you’ve never made a speech in your life.”
 
She thought he would make an fool of himself, and for her sake, as well as for his, to prevent him from . “He’s too ignorant!” she thought.
 
“What! I’ve made speeches at cricket dinners; you set me on my legs and I’ll say something.”
 
“But this is different—you know nothing about the County Council.”
 
“All you have to do is to look after steam-rollers and get glandered horses killed. I know all about it.”
 
There is nothing so difficult as to persuade men that they are not . Bertha, exaggerating the seriousness of the affair, thought it charlantry to undertake a post without knowledge and without capacity. Fortunately that is not the opinion of the majority, or the government of this enlightened country could not proceed.
 
“I should have thought you’d be glad to see me get a lift in the world,” said Edward, somewhat offended that his wife did not fall down and worship.
 
“I don’t want you to make a fool of yourself, Edward. You’ve told me often that you don’t go in for book-learning; and it can’t hurt your feelings when I say that you’re ignorant. I don’t think its honest to take a position you’re not competent to fill.”
 
“Me—not competent?” cried Edward, with surprise. “That’s a good one! Upon my word, I’m not given to boasting, but I must say I think myself competent to do most things.... You just ask old Bacot what he thinks of me, and that’ll open your eyes. The fact is, every one appreciates me but you: but they say a man’s never a hero to his valet.”
 
“Your proverb is most apt, dear Edward.... But I have no intention of you in any of your plans. I only thought you did not know what you were going in for, and that I might save you from some .”
 
“Humiliation, where? Pooh, you think I shan’t get elected. Well, look here, I bet you any money you like that I shall come out top of the poll.”
 
Next day Edward wrote to Mr. Bacot expressing pleasure that he was able to fall in with the views of the Conservative Association; and Bertha, who knew that no argument could turn him from his purpose, to coach him, so that he should not make too a fool of himself. Her fears were proportionate to her estimate of Edward’s ability! She sent to London for pamphlets and blue-books on the rights and duties of the County Council, and begged Edward to read them. But in his self-confident manner he pooh-poohed her, and laughed when she read them herself so as to be able to teach him.
 
“I don’t want to know all that rot,” he cried. “All a man wants is . Why, d’you suppose a man who goes in for parliament knows anything about politics? Of course he doesn’t.”
 
Bertha was indignant that her husband should be so well satisfied in his , and that he refused to learn. It is only when a man knows a good deal that he discovers how unfathomable is his ignorance. Edward, knowing so little, was convinced that there was little to know, and consequently felt quite assured that he knew all which was necessary. He might more easily have been persuaded that the moon was made of green cheese than that he lacked the very of knowledge.
 
The County Council elections in London were also being held at that time, and Bertha, hoping to give Edward useful hints, read the which they occasioned. But he refused to listen.
 
“I don’t want to crib other men’s stuff. I’m going to talk on my own.”
 
“Why don’t you write out a speech and get it by heart?”
 
Bertha fancied that so she might influence him a little and spare herself and him the humiliation of utter .
“Old Bacot says when he makes a speech, he always trusts to the spur of the moment. He says that Fox made his best speeches when he was blind drunk.”
 
“D’you know who Fox was?” asked Bertha.
 
“Some old or other who made speeches.”
 
The day arrived when Edward for the first time was to address his , in the Blackstable town-hall; and for a week past placards had been pasted on every wall and displayed in every shop, announcing the glad news. Mr. Bacot came to Court Leys, rubbing his hands.
 
“We shall have a full house. It’ll be a big success. The hall will hold four hundred people and I think there won’t be standing room. I dare say you’ll have to address an meeting at the Forresters Hall afterwards.”
 
“I’ll address any number of meetings you like,” replied Edward.
 
Bertha grew more and more nervous. She anticipated a horrible ; they did not know—as she did—how limited was Edward’s intelligence! She wanted to stay at home so as to avoid the , but Mr. Bacot had reserved for her a prominent seat on the platform.
 
“Are you nervous, Eddie?” she said, feeling more disposed to him from his approaching trial.
 
“Me, nervous? What have I got to be nervous about?”
 
The hall was indeed with the most eager, smelly, enthusiastic crowd Bertha had ever seen. The gas-jets noisily, throwing crude lights on the people, sailors, tradesmen, labourers, and boys. On the platform, in a semi-circle like the gods, sat the notabilities of the neighborhood, Conservatives to the . Bertha looked round with , but tried to calm herself with the thought that they were stupid people and she had no cause to tremble before them.
 
Presently the Vicar took the chair and in a few well-chosen words introduced Mr. Craddock.
 
“Mr. Craddock, like good wine, needs no bush. You all know him, and an introduction is . Still it is customary on such an occasion to say a few words on behalf of the candidate, and I have great pleasure, &c., &c....”
 
Now Edward rose to his feet, and Bertha’s blood ran............