Search      Hot    Newest Novel
HOME > Classical Novels > Mrs. Craddock > Chapter XIX
Font Size:【Large】【Middle】【Small】 Add Bookmark  
Chapter XIX
 BUT the with which for weeks Bertha had looked upon all terrestrial concerns was passing away before her increasing strength. It had been due only to an utter physical weakness, of the same order as that merciful to all earthly sympathies which gives ease to the final passage into the Unknown. The of death would be unendurable if one did not know that the enfeebled body brought a like enfeeblement of spirit, dissolving the ties of this world: when the traveller must leave the with the double gate, the wine he loved has lost its savour and the bread turned bitter in his mouth. Like useless gauds, Bertha had let fall the interests of life; her soul lay a-dying. Her soul was a lighted candle in a lantern, in the wind so that its flame was hardly seen and the lantern was useless; but presently the wind of death was stilled, and the light shone out and filled the darkness.  
With increasing strength the old passion returned; love came back like a , and Bertha knew that she had not done with life. In her loneliness she for Edward’s affection; for now he was all she had, and she stretched out her arms to him with a great desire. She blamed herself bitterly for her coldness, she wept at the idea of what he must have suffered. And she was ashamed that the love which she had thought eternal, should have been for a while destroyed. But a change had come over her. She did not now love her husband with the old blind passion, but with a new feeling added to it; for to him was transferred the tenderness which she had on her dead child, and all the mother’s spirit which must now, to her life’s end, go unsatisfied. Her heart was like a house with empty , and the fires of love raged through them .
Bertha thought a little painfully of Miss Glover, but dismissed her with a of the shoulders. The good creature had kept her resolve never again to come near Court Leys, and for days nothing had been heard of her.
 
“What does it matter?” cried Bertha. “So long as Eddie loves me, the rest of the world is nothing.”
 
But her room gained now the aspect of a prison, so that she felt it impossible much longer to endure its dreadful monotony. Her bed was a bed of torture, and she fancied that so long as she remained stretched upon it, health would not return. She begged Dr. Ramsay to allow her to get up, but was always met with the same refusal, backed up by her husband’s common sense. All she obtained was the dismissal of the nurse to whom she had taken a sudden and violent dislike. From no reasonable cause, Bertha found the presence of the poor woman unendurable, and her officious irritated her beyond measure. If she must remain in bed, Bertha preferred absolute ; the turn of her mind was becoming almost .
 
The hours passed endlessly. From her pillow Bertha could see only the sky, now a blue with dazzling clouds swaying heavily across, now gray, darkening the room. The furniture and the wall-paper forced themselves distastefully on her mind. Every detail was impressed on her consciousness as indelibly as the potter’s mark on the clay.
 
Finally she made up her mind to get up, come what might. It was the Sunday after the quarrel with Miss Glover; Edward would be indoors and doubtless intended to spend most of the afternoon in her room, but she knew he disliked sitting there; the closeness, the odours of medicine, made his head ache. Her appearance in the drawing-room would be a surprise. She would not tell him that she was getting up, but go downstairs and take him unawares. She got out of bed, but as she put her feet to the ground, had to cling to a chair; her legs were so weak that they hardly supported her, and her head reeled. But in a little while she gathered strength and slowly dressed herself, slowly and very difficultly; her weakness was almost pain. She had to sit down, and her hair was so wearisome to do that she was afraid she must give up the attempt and return to bed. But the thought of Edward’s surprise upheld her—he had said how pleased he would be to have her downstairs with him. At last she was ready and went to the door, supporting herself on every object at hand. But what joy it was to be up again, to feel herself once more among the living—away from the grave of her bed!
 
She came to the top of the stairs and went down, leaning heavily on the banisters; she went one step at a time, as little children do, and laughed at herself. But the laugh changed almost into a , as in she sank down and felt it impossible to go farther. Then the thought of Edward urged her on. She struggled to her feet, and till she reached the bottom. Now she was outside the drawing-room, she heard Edward whistling within. She crept along, eager to make no sound; noiselessly she turned the handle and flung the door open.
 
“Eddie!”
 
He turned round with a cry. “Hulloa, what are you doing here?”
 
He came towards her, but showed not the great joy which she had expected.
 
“I wanted to surprise you. Aren’t you glad to see me?”
 
“Yes, of course I am. But you oughtn’t to have come without Dr. Ramsay’s leave. And I didn’t expect you to-day.”
 
He led her to the sofa, and she lay down.
 
“I thought you’d be so pleased.”
 
“Of course I am!”
 
He placed pillows under her, and covered her with a rug—little attentions which were .
 
“You don’t know how I struggled,” she said. “I thought I should never get my things on, and then I almost tumbled down the stairs, I was so weak.... But I knew you must be lonely here, and you hate sitting in the bedroom.”
 
“You oughtn’t to have risked it. It may throw you back,” he replied, gently. He looked at his watch. “You must only stay half-an-hour, and then I shall carry you up to bed.”
 
Bertha gave a laugh, intending to permit nothing of the sort. It was so comfortable to lie on the sofa, with Edward by her side. She held his hands.
 
“I simply couldn’t stay in the room any longer. It was so gloomy, with the rain pattering all day on the windows.”
 
It was one of those days of late summer when the rain seems never ceasing, and the air is filled with the of nature, already conscious of the near decay.
 
“I was meaning to come up to you as soon as I’d finished my pipe.”
 
Bertha was , and, keeping silence, pressed Edward’s hand in acknowledgment of his kind intention. Presently he looked at his watch again.
 
“Your half-hour’s nearly up. In five minutes I’m going to carry you to your room.”
 
“Oh no, you’re not,” she replied playfully, taking his remark as humorous. “I’m going to stay till dinner.”
 
“No, you can’t possibly. It will be very bad for you.... To please me go back to bed now.”
 
“Well, we’ll split the difference and I’ll go after tea.”
 
“No, you must go now.”
 
“Why, one would think you wanted to get rid of me!”
 
“I have to go out,” said Edward.
 
“Oh no, you haven’t—you’re merely saying that to induce me to go upstairs. You fibber!”
 
“Let me carry you up now, there’s a good girl.”
 
“I won’t, I won’t, I won’t.”
 
“I shall have to leave you alone, Bertha. I didn’t know you meant to get up to-day, and I have an engagement.”
 
“Oh, but you can’t leave me the first time I get up. What is it? You can write a note and break it.”
 
“I’m sorry,” he replied. “But I’m afraid I can’t do that. The fact is, I saw the Miss Hancocks after church, and they said they had to walk into Tercanbury this afternoon, and as it was so wet I offered to drive them in. I’ve promised to fetch them at three.”
 
“You’re joking,” said Bertha; her eyes had suddenly become hard, and she was breathing fast.
 
Edward looked at her uneasily. “I didn’t know you were going to get up, or I shouldn’t have arranged to go out.”
 
“Oh well, it doesn’t matter,” said Bertha, throwing off the anger. “You can just write and say you can’t come.”
 
“I’m afraid I can’t do that,” he answered, gravely. “I’ve given my word and I can’t break it.”
 
“Oh, but it’s .” Her blazed out again. “Even you can’t be so cruel as to leave me at such a time. I dese............
Join or Log In! You need to log in to continue reading
   
 

Login into Your Account

Email: 
Password: 
  Remember me on this computer.

All The Data From The Network AND User Upload, If Infringement, Please Contact Us To Delete! Contact Us
About Us | Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Tag List | Recent Search  
©2010-2018 wenovel.com, All Rights Reserved