WHEN the general was sufficiently recovered from the effects of the fall, he began thanking heaven that it was no worse, and inquiring of the officers who stood around him, each trying to emulate the other in offering him consolation, whether any of his predecessors had been thrown into the scuppers in this manner. "You may say there was a lack of skill, gentlemen; but I at least gave you a taste of my courage, which is something in these days." Thus he addressed them as he rose to his feet, with evident self-satisfaction, and believing in his heart that a man was as much to be praised for what he attempted as for what he achieved. "That you are a gentleman of courage no man with eyes in his head will dispute; and as our country is extremely fortunate in the possession of so brave a general, we have been saying among ourselves that the interests of the nation demand that you should be less prodigal of it!" replied one of the officers.
"It affords me no small pleasure that you can bear witness of what you have seen; for although this misfortune may not comport with my dignity as a minister sent to preserve friendly relations with a savage king, you will at least say it was an enterprise that tested the quality of my metal. As I have always said, a man had better stick to his functions; for if he mount strange horses, his head may prove so wanting in brain that he will certainly fall to the ground a great fool. But you have seen enough to satisfy you of my courage, and now I must hasten to my secretary, who is no small man, though unaccustomed to the perils we soldiers know so well how to enjoy." So making them a bow, the general proceeded to Mr. Tickler's cabin, where he found that gentleman busily engaged over a pot of Rushton's pomade, which, together with two bottles of Lubin's double extract, had been presented to him by the officers, as a balm to heal his injured dignity. "This is no joke, your excellency," said the discomfited critic; "you may smile at a man with his beard full of tar; but let your excellency just try it with his own, and I wager he'll wish the devil had it before he gets it restored." The general laid his hand on Mr. Tickler's arm, encouragingly, and replied, "Friend Tickler, heaven has given you a good understanding, and it comforts me that you take this little affair no worse."
"How much worse your excellency would have it I know not. And it occurs to my mind that this mauling and scraping is no part of my mission. I am not a malefactor, but a man sent abroad to serve his country, which it is my intention to do faithfully, if only they leave my dignity undamaged."
"It's not every one thinks so well of his dignity, friend Tickler," interposed the general.
"I am glad your excellency speaks in this way; for if a man bring his dignity to an end, pray what use is he to his country?"
"There your philosophy is at fault, Tickler; for many's the man now in the service of his country who has not so much dignity as my horse Battle. Console yourself, sir, and remember that hardships are the prop-sticks of a rising man's glory. And having borne your part in this ceremony with such consummate fortitude, you must know that the officers set you down for a terrible fellow."
"Let them practice their pranks on some one else, or by the saints they shall suffer for it. But tell me, your excellency, is it a custom with secretaries to trick their landlords, undergo these batterings and bruisings, and go for weeks without a shilling? If it be, Orlando Tickler returns to his profession of a critic! And to tell you the truth, sir, it is not clear to me of whom I am to get pay for my services at this outlandish court. But pray where is this Kalorama? for I have puzzled my brain over it not a little. And while you are about it, please enlighten me further on the benefits this mission of yours will bestow upon mankind, that I may be instructed while I am getting this grease and tar out of my beard."
"A good diplomatist, I have heard it said, friend Tickler, never blurts out what he means to do, but keeps a still tongue until he has effected his ends. Keep then your faith square, ask no questions, watch closely, and the result shall come as clear as day to you when I am on the field." The secretary gradually became more reconciled to his fate, and soon renewed the labor of restoring his beard.
Several days now passed with so much pleasantry that the general and his secretary became the admiration of all on board. Not a man, from the commander down to the humblest "ordinary," but was eager to pay them homage, minister to their comfort, or afford them amusement. They were thus happily pursuing their voyage when the commander, one pleasant evening, having entertained the general with various sea stories, was approached by one of his officers, who reported that Spark Island had been sighted from aloft. This news sent a thrill of joy into the hearts of all on board, for Spark Island lay ten leagues off the coast of Kalorama. Every eye was now fixed in the direction indicated, and many were the glasses brought into use. After various scannings, what seemed a mere speck on the horizon was pronounced by the commander to be nothing less than the famous Spark Island, a bit of land quite resembling the steeple of one of our fashionable churches, and which nature, in one of her strange freaks had ejected from the bottom of the sea, that certain gulls and other sea-birds, having no other convenient place to build their nests, might take advantage of its solitude. "Verily, your excellency," said the commander, addressing General Potter with great suavity of manner, "there is so curious a history connected with this pitiful little island, that I feel you would be deeply interested with a recital of it."
"Indeed, sir," returned the general, "as this history concerns me as a diplomatist, I should be delighted to hear it from your lips."
"You must know, then," resumed the commander, "that the natives along the coast have a tradition they firmly believe in, and which sets forth that this island was thrown up by a special act of providence as a place of refuge for a poor priest, a good and holy man, who, being admitted to the confidence of the court of a Chief then ruling over Kalorama, was discovered, by a keen-sighted attendant, in an amour with one of his daughters, a girl of so much beauty that various chiefs had come from the east, and the west, and the north, and the south, to lay their offerings at her feet. But to none of them would she give her hand and heart. And although the priest protested his innocence before heaven, and the girl, whose name was Matura, declared her chastity as unsullied as the driven snow, the father was not to be moved, but per-emptorily ordering them both into a canoe, sent them to drift at the mercy of the waves, a merited banishment-in his eyes. Many years passed, and nothing being heard of the priest and Matura, it was thought the sea had swallowed them up, when they were discovered on this lonely island by some Spanish adventurers from a neighboring coast. The priest at once gave the visitors an account of how the island rose from the ocean by special providence for his protection, together with a minute description of all that had taken place since their banishment. He had chanted vespers regularly three times a day, while Matura had confessed to him, sang to him, and made him garments of the feathers of birds, the flesh of which furnished them with food. What seemed most singular, was that although their locks were whitened with the cares of fourscore years, both stood ready to swear before an inquisition of saints that neither in thought nor deed had they sinned against the commandments.
"Meanwhile the servant, instrumental in procuring the banishment of the priest and Matura, was brought to his death-bed, and as he was troubled about leaving this world with so deep a crime in his heart, he came out and declared that the charge he had brought against the priest and Matura was a tissue of lies which he had been bribed to promulgate by another priest, to whom he was in the habit of confessing. But the innocence thus revealed was of no avail; for the priest and Matura died on the island, and there was an end of it as far as that went.
"The Spaniards returned and reported the discovery to their people, as also the story of the priest and Matura. Whereupon the Spaniards laid claims to Spark Island, they being, as they asserted, the first discoverers. But the story, together with the discovery, was not long in coursing down the coast to the ears of the Kaloramas, who immediately fitted out a fleet of seven canoes, and dispatched them in charge of twenty stalwart............