MR. STRETCHER entered the general's room with his head canted toward his left shoulder, his countenance wearing an air of great wisdom, his hat in his left hand, and the fingers of his right to his beard. "I take the liberty of introducing myself, sir," he spoke, and bowed with becoming courtesy. "Ben Stretcher, that is my name, which, perhaps, is familiar enough to you, being so well known in Washington."

"Lord bless me! why, the name is familiar enough, God knows; and it'll not be sayin' much to tell you that my own name is Orlando Tickler, a critic who has fame enough in New York, and of whom I take it you have heard mention."

"Permit me to say, sir, that I am truly happy to meet one so distinguished. As for the name, a household word was never more familiar to me." They now shook each other warmly by the hand, and after exchanging numerous compliments, took seats, and commenced to converse freely upon various subjects connected with the affairs of the Union. And when they were agreed exactly as to its disorders, and had fifty different remedies they were ready to apply whenever the nation demanded their services, Mr. Stretcher said to Mr. Tickler, "And now, sir, as I am a man fond of rendering service to persons in need, I am come (according to the rules of courtesy) to pay my respects to the general, of whom it is reported that he is come to Washington in search of an important mission. It gives me infinite pleasure, however, to meet his secretary. Now I would suggest to the general that I may be of great service to him, for I am a correspondent of not less than five newspapers, and can make the Administration do my bidding."

"Faith," ejaculatated Mr. Tickler, in reply, "I am glad enough to hear what you say, for my master has need enough of your services to get the mission; and I may tell you in confidence that I have much cause of despairing, for although I know but little of my master, except what I get through the newspapers, I already begin to see that he is simpleton enough for anything, and no little of a knave."

"You astonish me!" interrupted Mr. Stretcher, thoughtfully.

"Faith of my father," resumed Tickler, folding his arms, "I see nothing to be astonished at, for I take it any simpleton may set up for a statesman, and if he have but a fair mixture of the knave to throw in, he may carry the gifts of the government in his breeches pockets; also, if the devil do not carry him off in one of his pranks, he will no doubt distinguish himself as a foreign minister." Here Mr. Tickler paused for a moment, and then bid the gentleman of the five newspapers, and all the administration, to remember that these remarks were made in confidence.

"I confess, Mr. Tickler," replied Mr. Stretcher, "I admire your plain manner of speech. But you surprise and astonish me with what you say of the soundness of the general's understanding. In truth, sir, though I know something of the arts practiced by editors in making famous politicians, I had read a speech or two made by the general and upon the wisdom therein contained set him down for a profound scholar, and no small statesman. However, this I will say, and pledge my reputation on the truth of it, that if he be no scholar, but simply an unmitigated mixture of Jew and simpleton, it will rather improve than damage his prospects for the best foreign mission in the gift of the government. Do not mistake me, sir; for I would not say a damaging word of our excellent President, whose too great goodness of heart may account for his lack of discretion; but he has a passion for bestowing gifts on Jews and simpletons, of which history affords no example!"

"Faith of my father! if that be the case, then my master will get as fat a slice as any of them," rejoined Tickler, rising from his seat with regained spirits, and grasping the other warmly by the hand. "And now, seeing that we fellow kindred professions, we will be free in our advances, and settle this matter over a punch." Mr. Tickler rang the bell, and when the servant appeared, ordered two stout punches. Having exchanged compliments, and commenced sipping at their straws, Mr. Tickler touched the man of the newspapers confidentially on the arm, and whispered in his ear, that not having a dollar to his pocket, he began to think General Roger Potter, as he was called, had brought him to a whistling market, on a fool's errand. "Honestly, friend," he continued, "I was when you entered thinking how best to escape the landlord, for I see he is a sharp fellow; and this paying two dollars and three quarters a day is a thing not so easily done with an empty pocket."

"A very common thing, a very common thing, Mr. Tickler; and though the wits of the landlord are sharp enough, it is no rare thing for him to get shorn by those who seek meat-offerings of the government."

Here Tickler's mind seemed to run back to a subject upon which it was wont to dwell-the style of his dress. And, throwing himself back in his chair, he raised his right foot upon his left knee, and inquired of Mr. Stretcher how he liked the style of his boots, which were of the brightest leather, and so tight that when he walked, it was with the caution of one stepping upon eggs, and in fear of having to pay for the broken ones. Stretcher expressed himself delighted. In truth, he was not long in discerning the critic's little weaknesses; and to the end of flattering them, told him that he was in every particular of dress, the most stylish gentleman it had been his good fortune to meet for many a day. And this so pleased Mr. Tickler, that he would have ordered a second punch, but that the adept declared it was a custom with him never to drink more than one, not even with his oldest friends.

And though Stretcher drank his punch freely enough, he was somewhat disappointed at the developments made by the critic concerning his master. As for the secretary, he set him down in his heart as not only a curious specimen of pedantry, but the most fashionable poor gentleman he had ever seen in search of office; and heaven knows he had seen enough of them.

"It is said of the general," spoke Stretcher, laconically, as he set down his glass and commenced to stroke his beard, "that he has means enough at his command!"

"Upon my faith I know but little of............