UNGRATEFUL indeed would it be in me, the writer of this history, the companion in arms, and admirer of all that is great and good in the major as a military politician, did I fail to record, in honor of his gallantry, of which none could be more scrupulous, that he offered his arm and escorted Flora safe on board the Saucy Kate, apologizing for the worn condition of his raiment, and regretting exceedingly that he was not habited in his uniform. And although flushed with the importance of what had taken place, the major was haunted with a misgiving as to what ladies of such quality would think of his traveling in so humble a manner. But he bethought himself, that neither scepters, nor miters, nor grand equipages, make the man-in fine, that a man may ride an ass without saddle or bridle and find a good home in heaven, when the doors would be shut against bishops who roll about in liveries devised by the devil, which is his occupation. And this brought him such infinite relief, that he hastened to his faithful old Battle, and having bestowed upon him sundry caresses, told him he ought to be thankful he had so fortunate a master. He also paid a visit to his pig, who was sleeping soundly in his cage of slats. "Now, then," said the major to himself, as he looked in upon the animal with an air of great self-satisfaction, "in the possession of this gifted creature I have a staunch reliance. And should fortune again send me strolling upon the world, as it has done many a popular politician, I will so develop this fellow's gifts that they shall be worth a bank in Wall Street. In truth, he is as well bred as most of our politicians; and as to his honesty, I will pit him against any of them." As Duncan did not manifest the slightest regard for these kindly tokens, the major went quietly into the cabin, and there occupied himself for more than an hour furbishing up a sword of uncommon size, and a three cornered hat the moths had reduced to dilapidation, though he charged it all to the bullets of the Mexicans. And when they were polished to his entire satisfaction, and he had twice or thrice thanked God that it was not the failing of politicians to turn parsons, as it was with parsons to turn politicians, he lay down upon the locker and soon was in a sound sleep, in which he dreamed of a thousand or more things that were to take place in honor of him on the following day.
The Saucy Kate was not long in gaining the commodore's yacht, a rakish looking schooner of some two hundred tons, whose lofty spars and middle staysail were seen overtopping the sails of her lesser companions, like a giant among dwarfs. And although it was past midnight when Frank Story entered her cabin, he found it filled with members of the club, who, at the invitation of the commodore, had left their several yachts, and were making night jubilant over a table spread with choice wines, of which there was no stint. There were also massive punch bowls, of chased silver, standing here and there along the table, and filled with delicious punch, which those who preferred drank from goblets of silver and gold. Commodore Skim- merhorn, who sat at the head of the table, was a man of rotund figure, had a bright, ruddy face, and was frank and easy in his bearing. When he of the tall figure entered they were discussing a question of Greek criticism, some of the members of the club being men of much taste and learning. But this they suspended in order to hear his report of the strange sloop. And this he commenced to relate, describing with so much quaint humor the wonderful major he had found on board, that they were all surprised and astonished. In truth, not a few proposed going immediately to pay their respects to him, and learn to what manner of mankind he belonged. But if they were surprised with the description, they marveled when told that this major was no less a person than he whom the New York politicians intended to make such an ado over. However, as the New York politicians were most known for their folly, and making a hero now and then was with them a means of getting bread, it was not so surprising that they chose for a candidate one who would pass readily for a fool.
The speaker added, that with all the vanity of the man, (and in conceits he could not be surpassed even by the erudite Dr. Easley, who contemplated himself the most learned scholar and critic,) he sometimes spoke such sense as to make the listener mistake him for a wise man. He next afforded them much diversion by relating what passed when he informed the major how the squadron had come in search of him, and were delighted at being first to do him honor. Every one present entered immediately into the joke they resolved to carry out on the following day, which was arranged with great deliberation, lest any part of it should fail of being properly executed.
And now that Aurora had taken down her shutters, and was filling the eastern sky with pale, misty light, that threw an halo over the deep, dark foliage of the mountain heights, reflecting their shadows along the still, polished waters, so lovely was the morning, so like a picture of repose each object, and the whole so invested with a mysterious stillness, that one might have mistaken it for a fairy scene. The yacht squadron was ranging alongside of the "Two Marys," forming a port and starboard line, with the Commodore off the weather bow. As the sun peeped out from the watery horizon, two guns were discharged from the Commodore's yacht, and so loud was the report that the major suddenly stopped his snoring, and springing to his feet in a state of great confusion, began to call out at the top of his voice that the sloop was sinking. But he as suddenly regained his senses, and called to mind the honors that were to be paid him, he felt great alarm lest he had overslept himself, and besought Captain Luke Snider, who turned out of his berth at the same moment, to run upon deck and say he was not quite ready to receive them. But as Captain Luke took no heed of his request, and thought only of getting into port, the major, in his great anxiety, ran himself upon deck in his shirt, and cut so sorry a figure that no man would have envied him. All was as still and lonely as the Lybian coast-not a wail came over the sea. Now only the dull stillness was broken by some forlorn robin whistling his song along the shore.
The major, satisfied that the cannon were fired only to welcome the rising sun, and not in honor of him, returned to the cabin, where he got into his breeches and boots. He then drew from under a pile of rubbish in one of the berths, a pair of holsters, he declared were presented to him by General Jefferson Davis, for gallant deeds done during the Mexican War, though no sensible man would have given a dime for them. With these, and his saddle and bridle, he again repaired upon deck, where, after no little exertion, he got old Battle upon his feet.
"It seems, my faithful horse, as if heaven lent thee to me for a mighty purpose," said the major, addressing his horse, who gave himself a hearty shake, and stretched his head and neck to their utmost extent. And after he had said many other encouraging things to his horse, he gave him such an excellent rubbing down that, had it not been for the immense size of his legs, which now appeared quite as short as the major's, no one would have taken him for the same animal. This done, he bridled and saddled him; and with the holsters secured (though they were without pistols,) he was in the major's eye, as war-like a horse as could be desired.
The morning advanced, and breakfast was scarcely over, when a breeze sprung up, which, giving the squadron a leading wind, they began to trim their sails. A port gun was then fired from the commodore's yacht, which was followed by their colors being run up, and floating gayly in the wind. A boat now put off, and being rowed by four men, with an officer in the stern sheets, soon reached the "Two Marys." The officer came on board, and with great courtesy of manner, inquired for Major Roger Potter, who now came forward dressed in the most wonderful uniform ever worn by military politician, inasmuch as there were two patches on his seat of honor, and his coat, which could boast of but one epaulette, had lost a portion of the tails.
"He whom you seek, honored sir," replied the major, making a low bow, "stands before you. And as I see you are an officer, here's my hand, for it does me good to meet a brave man."
The officer who was slender of figure, and had a youthful appearance, now delivered a letter from the commodore, saying that he was delighted to have met one who had so distinguished himself in the country's service, and that he held it an honor of no small importance that he had been selected to perform this mission. And when he had taken his departure, which he did without further ceremony, the major approached me, and opening the letter, asked me to read it, as he was none of the quickest at reading writing, which, indeed, was a failing with all great men. I took the letter from his hands, and read as follows: "On board Yacht --, June 14th, Throg's Point bearing W.N.W. 12 miles distance.
"The Commodore of the Yacht Squadron presents his compliments to his honor, Major Potter, and begs to say that on becoming aware of the great reception to be given him in New York, and that it was solely in consideration of the great services rendered his country, in war as well as peace, the members of this club, desirous of enhancing the grandeur of that reception, passed a resolution declaring it their unanimous will to proceed without delay to meet you, offer you their congratulations, and escort you to the city. And as the duty of presenting you their congratulations devolves upon me, I have in accordance with the usages now common among all public speakers, transmitted a copy of the remarks I intend to make, to the end that you may be released from all embarrassment.
"With great consideration, &c., &c.,
"VAN STIVER SKIMMERHORN, "Commodore Commanding, &c., &c."
"To the Hon. Major Roger Potter, On board the sloop 'Two Marys.'"
On hearing this read, the major's head seemed to fill with various suspicions, for his hands again went into his inevitable pockets, and he gave his shoulders a shrug expressive of his thoughts. But his suspicions never stuck to him long, and he soon found comfort in the fact that there was the commodore's full name attached to it. He then set to teasing his beard, and giving himself to his thoughts. "Pray, young man," said he, "say nothing of my trade in tin, for I see these are men of quality, and, having heard of me only through the newspapers, know but little of my true history. But, let my enemies say what they will, I am not a man to stand at trifles. Honors never puzzle me: it's the thickness of them. I say, though, that when fame puts a man on the pedestal he must never think of falling to the ground, for that would be a............