THAT TERRIBLE AFTERNOON changed my life. That night, as Sophie and I lay in bed, I couldn't hold back the truth from her. She and I had always shared everything, good and bad. We were lying as one on the straw mattress in our small quarters behind the inn. I gently stroked her long blond hair, which fell all the way down her back. Every time she moved, every twitch of her nose, reminded me how much I loved her, how I had since the first time I had set eyes on her.

It was love at first sight for us. At ten!

I had spent my youth traveling with a band of itinerant goliards, given to them at a young age when my mother died, the mistress of a cleric who could no longer hide my presence. They raised me as one of their own, taught me Latin, grammar, logic, how to read and write. But most of all, they taught me how to perform. We traveled the large cathedral towns, N?mes, Cluny Le Puy reciting our irreverent songs, tumbling, and juggling for the crowds. Each summer, we passed through Veille du P?re. I saw Sophie there at her father's inn, her shy blue eyes unable to hide from mine. And later, I noticed her peeking at a rehearsal. I was sure,at me... I swiped a sunflower and went up to her. What goes in all stiff and stout, but when it comes out it's flopping about?

She widened her eyes and blushed. How could anyone but a devil have such bright red hair? she said. Then she ran away.

A cabbage, I was about to say.

Each year when we returned, I came bearing a sunflower, until Sophie had grown from a gangly girl into the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She had a song for me, a teasing rhyme:

A maiden met a wandering man

In the light of the moon's pure cheer,

And though they fell in love at that first sight,

It was a love that was born for tears.

I called her my princess, and she said that I probably had one in every town. But in truth, I did not. Each year I promised I would come back, and I always did. One year, I stayed.

The three years we'd been married had been the happiest I had known. I felt connected for the first time in my life. And deeply in love.

But as I held Sophie that night, something told me I could no longer live like this. The rage that burned in my heart from the day's horror was killing me. There would always be another Norcross, another tax levied upon us. Or another Alo... One day, the boy strung up on that wheel could be our own.

Until we were free.

Sophie, I have something important to talk to you about. I snuggled into the smooth curve of her back.

She had nearly drifted off to sleep. Can't it wait, Hugh? What could be more important than what we've just shared?

I swallowed. Raymond of Toulouse is forming an army. Paul the carter told me. They leave for the Holy Land in a few days.

Sophie turned in my arms and faced me with a blank, unsure look.

I have to go, I said.

Sophie sat up, almost dumbfounded. You want to take the Cross?

Not the Cross: I wouldn't fight for that. But Raymond has promised freedom to anyone who joins.Freedom , Sophie... You saw what happened today.

She sat up straight. Idid see, Hugh. And I saw that Baldwin will never free you from your pledge. Or any of us.

In this he has no choice, I protested. Raymond and Baldwin are aligned. He has to accept. Sophie, think of how our lives could change. Who knows what I might find there? There are tales of riches just for the taking. And holy relics worth more than a thousand inns like ours.

You're leaving, she said, turning her eyes from me, because I have not given you a child.

I am not! You mustn't think that, not even for a moment. I love you more than anything. When I see you each day, working around the inn, or even amid the grease and smoke of the kitchen, I thank God for how lucky I am. We were meant to be together. I'll be back before you know it.

She nodded, unconvinced. You are no soldier, Hugh. You could die.

I'm strong. And agile. No one around can do the tricks I do.

No one wants to hear your silly jokes, Hugh. Sophie sniffed. Except me.

Then I'll scare the infidels off with my bright red hair.

I saw the outline of a smile from her. I held her by the shoulders and looked into her eyes. I will be back. I swear it. Just like when we were children. I always told you I'd return. I always did.

She nodded, a bit reluctantly. I could see that she was scared, but so was I. I held her and stroked her hair.

Sophie lifted her head and kissed me, a mixture of ardor and tears.

A stirring rose in me. I couldn't hold it down. I could see in Sophie's eyes that she felt it too. I held her by the waist and she moved on top of me. Her legs parted and I gently eased myself inside. My body lit with her warmth.

My Sophie... I whispered.

She moved with me in perfect rhythm, softly moaning with pleasure and love.How could I leave her? How could I be such a fool?

You'll come back, Hugh? Her eyes locked on mine.

I swear. I reached and wiped a glistening tear from her eye. Who knows? I smiled. Maybe I'll come back a knight. With untold treasure and fame.

My knight, she whispered. And I, your queen...