A GRAMMAR OF THE FEMININE LANGUAGE  
 
The feminine language consists of words placed one after another with extreme rapidity, with intervals for matinees. The purpose of this language is (1) to conceal, and (2) to induce, thought. Very often, after the use of a deal of language, a thought will appear in the speaker's mind. This, while desirable, is by no means necessary.
 
 
Woman teacher holding book and pointer standing by a world globe
 
 
THOUGHT cannot be defined, but it is instinctively recognized even by those unaccustomed to it.
 
PARTS OF SPEECH: There are five parts of feminine speech—noun, pronoun, adjective, verb and interjection.
 
THE NOUN is the name of something to wear, or somebody who furnishes something to wear, or a place where something is to be worn. E.g., hat, husband, opera. Feminine nouns are always singular.
 
THE PRONOUN is I.
 
ADJECTIVES: There are only four feminine adjectives—adorable, cute, sweet, horrid. These are all modified on occasion by the adverb perfectly.
 
THE VERBS are of two kinds—active and passive. Active verbs express action; passive verbs express passion. All feminine verbs are irregular and imperative.
 
INTERJECTIONS: There are two interjections—Heavens! and Gracious! The masculine language is much richer in interjections.
 
DECLENSION: There are three ways of feminine declining, (1) to say No; (2) to say Yes and mean No; (3) to say nothing.
 
CONJUGATION: This is what happens to a verb in the course of conversation or shopping. A verb begins the day quite innocently, as the verb go in the phrase to go to town. When it gets to the city this verb becomes look, as, for instance, to look at the shop windows. Thereafter its descent is rapid into the form purchase or charge. This conjugation is often assisted by the auxiliary expression a bargain. About the first of the following month the verb reappears in the masculine vocabulary in a parallel or perverte............