Todd scrambled to his feet. He held his head in his hand. "What does it all mean? What does it all mean?"
Knock! knock! knock!
Todd's senses were slowly returning to him. He began to recollect events at first confusedly, and then the proper order of their occurrence—how he had come home, and then heard a noise, and gone up stairs and seen—what? There he paused in his catalogue of events. What had he seen?"
Knock! knock! knock!
"Curses!" he muttered. "Who can that be hammering with such devilish perseverance at my door? By all that's horrible they shall pay dearly for thus disturbing me. Who can it be? Not any one to arrest me? No—no! They would not knock so long. An enforced entrance long before this would have brought them to me. What did I see? What did I see? What did I see? Dare I give it a name?"
He slowly descended the stairs, and reaching the shop, he peeped through a place in the door which he had made for such a purpose. There stood the hero of the moustachios knocking away with all his might to get the behests of Mrs. Lovett obeyed. Todd suddenly flung open the door, and in fell Major Bounce, alias Flukes.
"The devil! What do you want?"
"'Pon honour. Damn it. Is this the way to treat a military man?"
Todd turned to the side of the shop, and hastily put on a wig—by an adroit movement of his fingers, he pulled his cravat sufficiently out from his neck to be able to bury his chin in it, and when he turned to the mock major, the latter had no suspicion that he looked upon the same person who had so alarmed him by a look, in Bell Yard.
"Shaved or dressed sir?" said Todd.
"Confound you. Why did you open the door so quick?"
"Thought you knocked, sir."
"I did, but stop my breath, if you haven't given me an ugly fall. But no matter. None but the brave deserve the fair. You perceive I am a military man?"
"Oh, yes, sir, anybody may see that by your martial air."
"A-hem! You are right. Well then, Mr. Barber, I want my moustache shaved off. It's a fancy of a lady. One of the most charming of her sex. One with a fifty thousand pound charm. 'Pon my valour, she has. Ah! I am a lucky dog. Thirty-eight—handsome as Apollo, and beloved by the fairest of the fair."
"Life is a jolly thing,
Life is a jolly thing,
While I drink deep and go frolicking,
Fair maids, wives, and widows,
Fair maids, wives, and widows
Doat on the youth that goes frolicking."
"Ha! ha! ha! Life's a bumper. Upon my valour, Mr. Barber, I feel like a young colt, that I do."
"Really, sir. You don't say so?"
"Oh, yes, yes! Ha! ha! All's right. All's right. Now, Mr. What's-your-name. Off with the moustache. It's only in the cause of the fair that I would condescend to part with them, that's a fact, but when a lady's in the case—upon my valour, you are an ugly fellow."
"You don't say so," replied Todd, as he made a most hideous contortion. "Most people think me so fascinating that they stay with me."
"Ha! ha! A good joke."
Major Bounce—we may as well still call the poor wretch Major Bounce—placed his hat upon a chair, and his sword upon the top of it.
"Pray, sir, be seated," said Todd.
"Ah! Damme, is this seat a fixture?"
"Yes, sir, it's in the proper light, you see, sir."
"Oh, very well—I—pluff, pluff—puff, puff! Confound you, what have you filled my mouth with soap-suds for?"
"Quite an accident, sir. Quite an accident, for which I humbly beg your pardon, I assure you, sir. If you keep your mouth shut, and your eyes open, you will get on amazingly. Have you seen the paper to-day, sir?"
"No!"
"Sorry for that, sir. A very odd case, sir—a little on one side—a most remarkable case, I may say. A gentleman, sir, went into a barber's shop, and—"
"Eh!—puff! sleush! puff! Am I to be poisoned by your soap-suds? Upon my valour, I shall have to make an example of you to all barbers."
"You opened your mouth at the wrong time, sir."
"The wrong devil. Don't keep me here all night."
"Certainly not, sir. But as I was saying about this curious case in the paper. A military gentleman went into a barber's shop to be shaved."
"Well. The devil—pluff, pluff! Good God! Am I to endure all this?"
"Certainly not, sir. I'll show you the paper itself. You must know, sir, that the paragraph is headed 'Mysterious disappearance of a gentleman.'"
"Damn it, what do I care about it? Get on with the shaving."
"Certainly, sir."
Todd gave a horrible scrape to Major Bounce's face with a blunt razor.
"Quite easy, sir?"
"Easy? Good gracious, do you want to skin me?"
"Oh, dear no, sir. What an idea. To skin a military gentleman. Certainly not, sir. I see you require one of my best keen razors—one of the Magnum Bonums. Ha! ha!"
"Eh? What was that?"
"Only me giving a slight smile, sir."
"The deuce it was. Don't do it again, then, that's all; and get your keen razor at once, and make an end of the business."
"I will—make an end of the business. Sit still, sir. I'll be back in a moment."
Todd went into the parlour.
"￡50,000!" muttered Major Bounce. "I am a happy fellow. At last, after so many ups and downs, I light upon my feet. A charming widow!—and she wishes to leave England. How lucky. I wish the very same thing. ￡50,000!—50,000 charms!"
"Good God! what's that?" said a man, who was passing Todd's window, in Fleet-street. "What a horrid shriek. Did you hear it, mum?"
"Oh dear, yes," said a woman. "I'm all of a tremble."
"It came from the barber's shop, here. Let's go in, and ask if anything is the matter?"
The man and woman crossed Todd's threshold, and opened the shop door. A glance showed them that a man's face was at a small opening of the parlour door. The shaving chair was empty.
"What's the matter?" said the man.
"With whom?............