O what a town, what a wonderful Metropolis! Sure such a town as this was never seen;
Mayor, common councilmen, citizens and populace,
Wand'ring from Poplar to Turnham Green.
 
Chapels, churches, synagogues, distilleries and county banks—
Poets, Jews and gentlemen, apothecaries, mountebanks—
There's Bethlem Hospital, and there the Picture Gallery;
And there's Sadler's Wells, and there the Court of Chancery.
 
O such a town, such a wonderful Metropolis,
Sure such a town as this was never seen!
O such a town, and such a heap of carriages,
Sure such a motley group was never seen;
Such a swarm of young and old, of buryings and marriages,
All the world seems occupied in ceaseless din.
 
There's the Bench, and there's the Bank—now only take a peep at her—
And there's Rag Fair, and there the East-London Theatre—
There's St. James's all so fine, St. Giles's all in tattery,
Where fun and frolic dance the rig from Saturday to Saturday.
O what a town, what a wonderful Metropolis,
Sure such a town as this was never seen!
A SHORT time after this day's ramble, the Hon. Tom Dash all and his friend Tallyho paid a visit to the celebrated Tattersall's.
 Page160 Tattersall's 
“This,” said Tom, “is a great scene of action at times, and you will upon some occasions find as much business done here as there is on 'Change; the dealings however are not so fair, though the profits are larger; and if you observe the characters and the visages of the visitants, it will be found it is most frequently attended by Turf-Jews and Greeks.{1} Any man indeed who dabbles in horse-dealing, must, like a gamester, be either a rook or a pigeon; {2} for horse-dealing is a species of gambling, in which as many
1  Turf-Jews and Greeks—Gamblers at races, trotting-
matches, &c.
 
2 Rooks and Pigeons are frequenters of gaming-houses: the
former signifying the successful adventurer, and the latter
the unfortunate dupe.
[161]depredations are committed upon the property of the unwary as in any other, and every one engaged in it thinks it a meritorious act to dupe his chapman. Even noblemen and gentlemen, who in other transactions of life are honest, will make no scruple of cheating you in horse-dealing: nor is this to be wondered at when we consider that the Lord and the Baronet take lessons from their grooms, jockeys, or coachmen, and the nearer approach they can make to the appearance and manners of their tutors, the fitter the pupils for turf-men, or gentlemen dealers; for the school in which they learn is of such a description that dereliction of principle is by no means surprising—fleecing each other is an every-day practice—every one looks upon his fellow as a bite, and young men of fashion learn how to buy and sell, from old whips, jockeys, or rum ostlers, whose practices have put them up to every thing, and by such ruffian preceptors are frequently taught to make three quarters or seventy-five per cent, profit, which is called turning an honest penny. This, though frequently practised at country fairs, &c. by horse-jobbers, &c. is here executed with all the dexterity and art imaginable: for instance, you have a distressed friend whom you know must sell; you commiserate his situation, and very kindly find all manner of faults with his horse, and buy it for half its value—you also know a Green-horn and an extravagant fellow, to whom you sell it for twice its value, and that is the neat thing. Again, if you have a horse you wish to dispose of, the same school will afford you instruction how to make the most of him, that is to say, to conceal his vices and defects, and by proper attention to put him into condition, to alter his whole appearance by hogging, cropping, and docking—by patching up his broken knees—blowing gun-powder in his dim eyes—bishoping, blistering, &c. so as to turn him out in good twig, scarcely to be known by those who have frequently seen and noticed him: besides which, at the time of sale one of these gentry will aid and assist your views by pointing out his recommendations in some such observations as the following:
?There's a horse truly good and well made.
?There's the appearance of a fine woman! broad breast, round hips, and long neck.
?There's the countenance, intrepidity, and fire of a lion.
?There's the eye, joint, and nostril of an ox.
[162]'There's the nose, gentleness, and patience of a lamb.
?There's the strength, constancy, and foot of a mule.
?There's the hair, head, and leg of a deer.
?There's the throat, neck, and hearing of a wolf.
?There's the ear, brush, and trot of a fox.
?There's the memory, sight, and turning of a serpent.
?There's the running, suppleness, and innocence of the hare.
“And if a horse sold for sound wind, limb, and eyesight, with all the gentleness of a lamb, that a child might ride him with safety, should afterwards break the purchaser's neck, the seller has nothing to do with it, provided he has received the bit,{1} but laughs at the do.{2} Nay, they will sometimes sell a horse, warranted to go as steady as ever a horse went in harness, to a friend, assuring him at the same time that he has not a fault of any kind—that he is good as ever shoved a head through a horse-collar; and if he should afterwards rear up in the gig, and overturn the driver into a ditch, shatter the concern to pieces, spill Ma'am, and kill both her and the child of promise, the conscientious Horse-dealer has nothing to do with all this: How could he help it? he sold the horse for a good horse, and a good horse he was. This is all in the way of fair dealing. Again, if a horse is sold as sound, and he prove broken-winded, lame, or otherwise, not worth one fortieth part of the purchase-money, still it is only a piece of jockeyship—a fair manouvre, affording opportunities of merriment.”
“A very laudable sort of company,” said Bob.
“It is rather a mixed one,” replied Tom—“it is indeed a complete mixture of all conditions, ranks, and orders of society. But let us take a peep at some of them. Do you observe that stout fellow yonder, with a stick in his hand? he has been a Daisy-kicker, and, by his arts and contrivances having saved a little money, is now a regular dealer, and may generally be seen here on selling days.”
“Daisy-kicker,” said Bob, “I don't comprehend the term.”
“Then I will explain,” was the reply. “Daisy-kickers are Ostlers belonging to large inns, who are known to each other by that title, and you may frequently hear them
1 Bit—A cant term for money.
 
2 Do—Any successful endeavour to over-reach another is by
these gentlemen call'd a do, meaning—so and so has been
done.
[163]ask—When did you sell your Daisy-kicker or Grogham?—for these terms are made use of among themselves as cant for a horse. Do you also observe, he is now in close conversation with a person who he expects will become a purchaser.”
“And who is he?”
“He is no other than a common informer, though in high life; keeps his carriage, horses, and servants—lives in the first style—he is shortly to be made a Consul of, and perhaps an Ambassador afterwards. The first is to all intents and purposes a Lord of Trade, and his Excellency nothing more than a titled spy, in the same way as a Bailiff is a follower of the law, and a man out of livery a Knight's companion or a Nobleman's gentleman.”
Their attention was at this moment attracted by the appearance of two persons dressed in the extreme of fashion, who, upon meeting just by them, caught eagerly hold of each other's hand, and they overheard the following—'Why, Bill, how am you, my hearty?—where have you been trotting your galloper?—what is you arter?—how's Harry and Ben?—haven't seen you this blue moon.'{1}
?All tidy,' was the reply; 'Ben is getting better, and is going to sport a new curricle, which is now building for him in Long Acre, as soon as he is recovered.'
?Why what the devil's the matter with him, eh?'
?Nothing of any consequence, only he got mill'd a night or two ago about his blowen—he had one of his ribs broke, sprained his right wrist, and sports a painted peeper{2} upon the occasion, that's all.'
?Why you know he's no bad cock at the Fancy, and won't put up with any gammon.'
?No, but he was lushy, and so he got queer'd—But I say, have you sold your bay?'
?No, d——n me, I can't get my price.'
?Why, what is it you axes?'{3}
?Only a hundred and thirty—got by Agamemnon. Lord, it's no price at all—cheap as dirt—But I say, Bill,
1 Blue moon—This is usually intended to imply a long time.
 
2 Painted peeper—A black eye.
 
3 Axes—Among the swell lads, and those who affect the
characters of knowing coveys, there is a common practice of
endeavouring to coin new words and new modes of expression,
evidently intended to be thought wit; and this affectation
frequently has the effect of creating a laugh.
[164]how do you come on with your grey, and the pie-bald poney?'
?All right and regular, my boy; matched the poney for a light curricle, and I swapped{1} the grey for an entire horse—such a rum one—when will you come and take a peep at him?—all bone, fine shape and action, figure beyond compare—I made a rare good chop of it.'
?I'm glad to hear it; I'll make a survey, and take a ride with you the first leisure day; but I'm full of business, no time to spare—I say, are, you a dealer?'
?No, no, it won't do, I lost too much at the Derby—besides, I must go and drive my Girl out—Avait, that's the time of day,{2} my boys—so good by—But if you should be able to pick up a brace of clever pointers, a prime spaniel, or a greyhound to match Smut, I'm your man—buy for me, and all's right—price, you know, is out of the question, I must have them if they are to be got, so look out—bid and buy; but mind, nothing but prime will do for me—that's the time of day, you know, d——n me—so good by—I'm off.' And away he went.
“Some great sporting character, I suppose,” said Bob—“plenty of money.”
“No such thing,” said Tom, drawing him on one side—“you will hardly believe that Bill is nothing more than a Shopman to a Linen-draper, recently discharged for malpractices; and the other has been a Waiter at a Tavern, but is now out of place; and they are both upon the sharp look-out to gammon the flats. The former obtains his present livelihood by gambling—spends the most of his time in playing cards with greenhorns, always to be picked up at low flash houses, at fairs, races, milling-matches, &c. and is also in the holy keeping of the cast-off mistress of a nobleman whose family he was formerly in as a valet-de-chambre. The other pretends to teach sparring in the City, and occasionally has a benefit in the Minories, Duke's Place, and the Fives Court.”
“They talk it well, however,” said Bob.
1 Swapp'd—Exchanged.
 
2  That's the time of day—That's your sort—that's the
barber—keep moving—what am you arter—what am you up to—
there never was such times—that's the Dandy—Go along Bob,
&c. are ex-pressions that are frequently made use of by the
people of the Metropolis; and indeed fashion seems almost to
have as much to do with our language as with our dress or
manners.
[165]"Words are but wind, many a proud word comes off a weak stomach,” was the reply; “and you may almost expect not to hear a word of truth in this place, which may be termed The Sporting Repository—it is the grand mart for horses and for other fashionable animals—for expensive asses, and all sorts of sporting-dogs, town-puppies, and second-hand vehicles. Here bets are made for races and fights—matches are made up here—bargains are struck, and engagements entered into, with as much form, regularity, and importance, as the progress of parliamentary proceedings—points of doubt upon all occasions of jockeyship are decided here; and no man of fashion can be received into what is termed polished society, without a knowledge of this place and some of the visitors. The proceedings however are generally so managed, that the ostlers, the jockeys, the grooms, and the dealers, come best off, from a superiority of knowledge and presumed judgment—they have a method of patching up deep matches to diddle the dupes, and to introduce throws over, doubles, double doubles, to ease the heavy pockets of their burdens. The system of puffing is also as much in use here as among the Lottery-office Keepers, the Quack Doctors, or the Auctioneers; and the __Knowing ones, by an understanding amongst each other, sell their cattle almost for what they please, if it so happens they are not immediately in want of the ready,{1} which, by the way, is an article too frequently in request—and here honest poverty is often obliged to sell at any rate, while the rich black-leg takes care only to sell to a good advantage, making a point at the same time not only to make the most of his cattle, but also of his friend or acquaintance.”
“Liberal and patriotic-minded men!” said Bob; “it is a noble Society, and well worthy of cultivation.”
“It is fashionable Society, at least,” continued Tom, “and deserving of observation, for it is fraught with instruction.”
“I think so, indeed,” was the reply; “but I really begin to suspect that I shall scarcely have confidence to venture out alone, for there does not appear to be any part of your wonderful Metropolis but what is infested with some kind of shark or other.”
“It is but too true, and it is therefore the more necessary to make yourself acquainted with them; it is rather a long lesson, but really deserving of being learnt. You
1 The ready—Money.
[166]perceive what sort of company you are now in, as far as may be judged from their appearances; but they are not to be trusted, for I doubt not but you would form erroneous conclusions from such premises. The company that assembles here is generally composed of a great variety of characters—the Idler, the Swindler, the Dandy, the Exquisite, the full-pursed young Peer, the needy Sharper, the gaudy Pauper, and the aspiring School-boy, anxious to be thought a dealer and a judge of the article before him—looking at a horse with an air of importance and assumed intelligence, bidding with a trembling voice and palpitating heart, lest it should be knock'd down to him. Do you see that dashing fellow nearly opposite to us, in the green frock-coat, top-boots, and spurs?—do you mark how he nourishes his whip, and how familiar he seems to be with the knowing old covey in brown?”
“Yes; I suppose he is a dealer.”
“You are right, he is a dealer, but it is in man's flesh, not horse flesh: he is a Bum trap{1} in search of some friend
1 Bum trap—A term pretty generally in use to denominate a
Bailiff or his follower—they are also called Body-
snatchers. The ways and means made use of by these gentry to
make their captions are innumerable: they visit all places,
assume all characters, and try all stratagems, to secure
their friends, in order that they may have an opportunity of
obliging them, which they have a happy facility in doing,
provided the party can bleed free.* Among others, the
following are curious facts:
 
A Gentleman, who laboured under some peculiar difficulties,
found it desirable for the sake of his health to retire into
the country, where he secluded himself pretty closely from
the vigilant anxieties of his friends, who were in search of
him and had made several fruitless attempts to obtain an
interview. The Traps having ascertained the place of his
retreat, from which it appeared that nothing but stratagem
could draw him, a knowing old snatch determined to effect
his purpose, and succeeded in the following manner:
 
One day as the Gentleman came to his window, he discovered a
man, seemingly in great agitation, passing and re-passing;
at length, however, he stopped suddenly, and with a great
deal of attention fixed his eyes upon a tree which stood
nearly opposite to the window. In a few minutes he returned
to it, pulled out a book, in which he read for a few
minutes, and then drew forth a rope from his pocket, with
which he suspended himself from the tree. The Gentleman,
eager to save the life of a fellow-creature, ran out and cut
him down. This was scarcely accomplished, before he found
the man whom he had rescued (as he thought) from death,
slapp'd him on the shoulder, informed him that he was his
prisoner, and in return robbed him of his liberty!
 
Another of these gentry assumed the character of a poor
cripple, and stationed himself as a beggar, sweeping the
crossing near the habitation of his shy cock, who,
conceiving himself safe after three days voluntary
imprisonment, was seized by the supposed Beggar, who threw
away his broom to secure his man.
 
Yet, notwithstanding the many artifices to which this
profession is obliged to conform itself, it must be
acknowledged there are many of them who have hearts that
would do honour to more exalted situations; especially when
we reflect, that in general, whatever illiberality or
invective may be cast upon them, they rarely if at all
oppress those who are in their custody, and that they
frequently endeavour to compromise for the Debtor, or at
least recommend the Creditor to accept of those terms which
can be complied with.
 
* Bleed free—
[167]or other, with a writ in his pocket. These fellows have some protean qualities about them, and, as occasion requires, assume all shapes for the purpose of taking care of their customers; they are however a sort of necessary evil. The old one in brown is a well-known dealer, a deep old file, and knows every one around him—he is up to the sharps, down upon the flats, and not to be done. But in looking round you may perceive men booted and spurred, who perhaps never crossed a horse, and some with whips in their hands who deserve it on their backs—they hum lively airs, whistle and strut about with their quizzing-glasses in their hands, playing a tattoo upon their boots, and shewing themselves off with as many airs as if they were real actors engaged in the farce, that is to say, the buyers and sellers; when in truth they are nothing but loungers in search of employment, who may perhaps have to count the trees in the Park for a dinner without ............