The reader has already learned that after Ansel had confessed himself an anxious inquirer and professed himself willing to obey Christ, he remained three or four weeks still in darkness. Others found peace in believing, but he felt no joyful confidence that Christ had received him and forgiven his sins. He sometimes felt almost discouraged, and sometimes was tempted to complain of God for not treating him as favorably as others, or to feel chagrined because others were rejoicing, while he found no light. But he fought against these evil thoughts and insinuations of Satan, and did not flag in his private devotions or cease to confess himself, always and everywhere, an anxious inquirer, still in darkness, but desiring to find the grace of God. If ever he was tempted to[Pg 321] push away all concern about salvation and return by force to his former careless state, the words of Christ would come to his mind: “Will ye also go away?” and Peter’s answer, “Lord, to whom shall we go? for thou hast the words of eternal life.” The alternative, salvation by Christ or the loss of his soul, stared him in the face.

“I can but perish if I go;
I am resolved to try;
For if I stay away, I know,
I must for ever die.”

Great interest was felt for him and much prayer was offered in his behalf, but he seemed to make no progress toward a better state. Mr. Wilton had talked with him, but had failed to discover what it was that hindered his humble acceptance of the grace of Christ. After long and anxious musing upon Ansel’s character and surroundings and the previous conversations which he had had with him, Mr. Wilton determined to probe him more fully. For this reason he invited Ansel to his study, where the following conversation transpired:

“Good-morning, my young friend; how do you find yourself to-day?”

[Pg 322]“I am feeling, I think, very much as when I was here a week ago.”

“Are you becoming discouraged and almost ready to give up all effort to follow Christ?”

“I do sometimes feel very much discouraged, but I am not ready to give up my interest in religion.”

“Have you no more enjoyment in reading the Scriptures and in your prayer in secret than you had a week ago?”

“I think that I am trying to do right in doing these things, and I enjoy them better than I should if I felt that I was doing something wrong, but I do not feel as I think a Christian ought to feel.”

“Are your thoughts and feelings and opinions about Christ and salvation the same as they were six weeks ago?”

“I think they are very different.”

“I am glad to hear that; but can you tell how they are different?”

“At that time I felt that I was a sinner, but was fighting against that feeling. I wished that Christ would let me alone, and that the Holy Spirit would not trouble me. But now I very much wish that I may feel my sins, and that[Pg 323] Christ may come to me and save me. I wish to follow the Spirit.”

“Did you expect a month ago that at this time you would be feeling and acting as you now feel and act?”

“No, sir; I meant then to fight it through, and not let anybody know how I felt.”

“Do you wish now that you had fought it through, as you proposed, and kept all your feelings to yourself?”

“I am very thankful that I did not keep on hiding my feelings. I almost tremble to think what the result would have been.”

“You have said that you wish to spend your life in serving Christ. Does it seem to you a hard and painful work—a work that you would get rid of if you could—or does working for Christ and confessing Christ before men seem attractive?”

“I think his service seems pleasant; there is no other life that seems half as pleasant.”

“Do you believe that Christ is able to save you?”

“I suppose he is. If he cannot save me, there is no hope for me, for I cannot save myself.”

[Pg 324]“Do you believe that he is willing to save you?”

“I think he is, if I come to him and trust in him. I suppose he is willing to save all who come to him.”

“Are you unwilling to come to him—to trust him and submit to him?”

“I don’t know; I have tried to come to Christ, but I have met with no such change as I have always supposed that a Christian ought to have.”

“What do you think it is that hinders your coming into light and joy as others have done?”

“I cannot tell. I suppose it must be something or other in myself, but I cannot guess what it is.”

“I would like to ask you a few questions which you may think rather close and personal, and which you may find it hard to answer frankly. You know the spiritual adviser, as well as the physician, must first of all find out the condition of the patient.”

“I am willing to have you ask any questions you please, and I will try to answer them as well as I can.”

[Pg 325]“Did you ever think, Ansel, that you were very ambitious?”

“I knew that, like many others, I was a little ambitious, but I never thought that I was very much so.”

“Perhaps you were more ambitious than you thought. You know that you would work day and night rather than not stand at the head of every class you were in. On the play-ground you asserted your position as leader in every game. Did you not carry the same idea of being chief into your plans and expectations for the future? You were ambitious of standing the very first whatever course of life you might follow. Was not this so?”

“I don’t know: I can’t deny it; I think it was.”

“It is possible, Ansel, that you are trying to carry the same ambition into the kingdom of Christ. Perhaps you have wished in conversion some brilliant experience which would draw attention to you. Tell me how this is. Would you be satisfied to have a commonplace experience, such as thousands of others have, which would attract no special notice? Have you not formed an idea of the great and brilliant change[Pg 326] you must pass through, and are you not refusing to take anything else from the Lord’s hands?”

Tears gathered in Ansel’s eyes, and his face worked painfully. At length he answered: “Your question is a hard one to answer, but I cannot deny it; I am afraid it is so. I have heard persons tell of the great load of sin like a pack on their shoulders, and of the earth seeming as if it would open and swallow them up, of sleepless nights and unspeakable anguish, and then of light and joy, so that they could never doubt that they were converted. I have been expecting that I was to have such an experience, but I have not seen it. Is it wrong to wish for such an experience?”

“It is certainly wrong to insist upon such an experience. God leads each one to himself in his own chosen way. There was but one Saul, whom Christ met and blinded with the dazzling light. As a general rule, when a sinner makes up his mind in what way he will be converted, the Lord will disappoint him. If he fixes in his mind that he will not come to an anxious-seat, or will not confess his feelings till he can say that his sins are pardoned, or will not do anything else, the Lord will very likely[Pg 327] bring him to do the very thing he resolved that he would not do. If he attempts to bring his ambitious aspirations into Christ’s kingdom, he will be disappointed. ‘The first shall be last and the last first.’ Men become great in Christian service by counting themselves the least of all, and humbling themselves to become the servants of all. You need to examine yourself in this matter. If you have looked for something great and startling, be contented with something small and commonplace. It is an unspeakable privilege to be brought into Christ’s kingdom in any manner. It is sometimes a great blessing to have a very unmarked and plain style of conversion. Such a convert is compelled to look to the truly scriptural evidences of a change of heart instead of resting upon the evidence, often deceptive, of a great and sudden illumination or a fancied voice from heaven. Some of the greatest and best of men have been unable to tell at all the time of their conversion. Richard Baxter could not tell even the year of his change. The best experiences I have known have been those where the converts could tell very little about themselves; they had been doing something[Pg 328] else besides looking into themselves to watch the motions of their own thoughts.”

“I will try to do as you say. But what kind of evidence am I to look for?”

“The same kind of evidence which you now look for in me or any other Christian. It is not one thing to come to Christ and another thing to follow Christ. The best evidence that a sinner has come to Christ is that he actually follows Christ and serves him. ‘By their fruits ye shall know them.’ ‘Bring forth fruits meet for repentance,’ said John the Baptist. Bring forth fruits that show that your thoughts about sin, and about Christ, and about the service of Christ have been changed. Look for the same kind of evidence in yourself that you would look for in any stranger whom you sho............