ON THE CARE OF CHILDREN.

Patience very needful. Offering rewards. Never shame children for their faults. Never deceive them. Set an example of honesty and modesty.

My Friends:

I wish you could realize the great influence which you always must exert over the character and welfare of children, for then what I am now going to write, would secure a deep interest in your minds.

Children are creatures of imitation and sympathy, and they always feel and act very much as those do about them. Thus they are daily forming their tastes, habits and character from the pattern of those who are most with them. And their happiness, for time and eternity, is decided by the good or evil that thus surrounds them.

Almost all domestics have more or less to do with the children of a family, so that though [181]what I write is most important to those who nurse and take care of children, it should be deeply pondered by all.

The greatest and most important requisite in all who have the care of children is patience. Children have come into a world where every thing is new to them—where they cannot understand the mischief they make,—and more than all this, they are so thoughtless and forgetful, that they cannot remember when they do discover what is dangerous or wrong, as older minds can do.

Suppose you were suddenly put in a vast kitchen, with ten thousand new utensils to work with, and new sorts of work to do, and all the time in danger of doing something wrong—or forgetting something you were told. You would feel puzzled, and sometimes out of patience, and you would think it very hard if those who employed you had no patience, and no sympathy for you, in such difficult circumstances. You would think that you were more to be pitied than blamed, when you forgot, or made mistakes. And if your employers spoke kindly to you, and always seemed to feel for [182]your difficulties, and to be patient with your forgetfulness, you would find it much easier to do your duty.

Now children are in just such a situation. Just observe young children for one day, and see how many times they have to be told that they are doing wrong! Poor things!—they are ignorant, and forgetful, and have a thousand things to learn and to remember. And they often are blamed and found fault with for something every hour, and a great deal more than grown persons could bear. Have patience with them, and as much as possible keep from speaking in cross and angry tones.

I know persons who make it a rule never to speak cross to children. Instead of this, they wait till their own feelings are calm, and then kindly speak to them of their faults. And when they see a child doing mischief, instead of calling out in sharp and angry tones, they go up and take hold of the child and stop its mischief—or set it up in a chair—and take care not to speak till it can be done in a calm and gentle way. Children who are managed by such persons, have an example of patience, [183]gentleness and kindness before them that has a great influence.

And when such persons tell children that they must not act angry and speak cross, when any thing troubles them, it does far more good than it could do, if they see their advisers set them an example just contrary to their instructions.

One of the most successful ways of making children behave well is, to keep them good natured and happy. Very often, when children feel peevish, and when they get into contentions, some amusing story, or play, will make them good natured, and then all will go smooth again. Whereas, if those who take care of them fret at them, and tell them they are naughty and disagreeable, it only adds to their trouble and vexation, and makes them act worse rather than better. I have seen a person taking care of children, manage in this way.

A little boy is out of humour—he goes sullenly about, and if any one speaks to him answers in cross tones—and then he teazes some one—or strikes, or kicks some one who teazes him.

[184] The nurse sees that the difficulty is, that the child feels irritable and unhappy, and that fault-finding will only make him feel worse. So she goes and takes him in her lap, and says, “Come here, children, and hear this story—or see this pretty thing—or hear me read something pretty to you”—so she contrives to amuse them a few minutes till all feel pleasant, and then she says to the offender, “Now, my dear little boy, you have been feeling cross and unhappy and have done wrong, but if you will try to be pleasant and speak kind for a whole hour, I will do so and so;—and you other children too, must try to make your little brother feel comfortable and happy, and not trouble him in any way.” Try such a method, and you will find it much better than fretting at the child yourself.

A person who takes care of children should economize her favors and kindnesses, and keep them to use for such occasions. If there are little enjoyments she can procure, or favours she can bestow, instead of giving them without any effort to gain them by the children—she should save them to use as rewards for [185]their endeavours to be patient, kind and obedient.

And in all the management of children, it should be a maxim to regulate them by love and hope, rather than by fault-finding and other penalties.

If you tell a child “If you try to do so and so, you shall have such an enjoyment,” then the child has something pleasant to think of whenever he is tempted to do wrong, and he is pleased in trying. But if you tell him “If you do so and so, you shall be punished,” or if he feels that he shall get a scolding if he does what he wants to do—then there is nothing pleasant before the mind, while trying to do right. He sees punishment coming if he does one way—and no good comes if he does the other way, and so he has no pleasurable feeling at all to lead him to do right. There are some faults that must be cured by punishment, but these a parent must manage and not the domestics who take care of children. Let me advise you then, to manage children as much as possible by keeping them happy, and by offering them rewards for efforts to be good.

[186] And in offering these rewards, always have some particular thing that the child can try to do or not to do. Do not tell the child, “If you will be good all day I will do so and so.” For “being good” is so indefinite that the child cannot tell what he is to aim at.—But tell a child, “Now if you will go a whole hour without speaking one unkind word, or if you will do such and such a thing, you shall have a favour,” and then the child has some definite thing to try to do. And be careful not to have the time of trial too long, for an hour to a child is as long as a day to older persons, and if you can get a child to govern itself a short time, it is learning to do it easier and l............