It was very dull. He was obliged to acknowledge to himself, when he thought over the subject, that the life which he was leading was dull. Though he could go into his club without annoyance, nobody there ever thought of asking him to join them at dinner. It was taken for granted that he was going to dine at home; and in the absence of any provocation to the contrary, he always did dine at home. He had now been in his house for three weeks, and had been asked with his wife to a few bridal dinner-parties, given chiefly by friends of the De Courcy family. Except on such occasions he never passed an evening out of his own house, and had not yet, since his marriage, dined once away from his wife. He told himself that his good conduct in this respect was the result of his own resolution; but, nevertheless, he felt that there was nothing else left for him to do. Nobody asked him to go to the theatre. Nobody begged him to drop in of an evening. Men never asked him why he did not play a rubber. He would generally saunter into Sebright\'s after he left his office, and lounge about the room for half an hour, talking to a few men. Nobody was uncivil to him. But he knew that the whole thing was changed, and he resolved, with some wisdom, to accommodate himself to his altered circumstances.
Lady Alexandrina also found her new life rather dull, and was sometimes inclined to be a little querulous. She would tell her husband that she never got out, and would declare, when he offered to walk with her, that she did not care for walking in the streets. "I don\'t exactly see, then, where you are to walk," he once replied. She did not tell him that she was fond of riding, and that the Park was a very fitting place for such exercise; but she looked it, and he understood her. "I\'ll do all I can for her," he said to himself; "but I\'ll not ruin myself." "Amelia is coming to take me for a drive," she said another time. "Ah, that\'ll be very nice," he answered. "No; it won\'t be very nice," said Alexandrina. "Amelia is always shopping and bargaining with the tradespeople. But it will be better than being kept in the house without ever stirring out."
They breakfasted nominally at half-past nine; in truth, it was always nearly ten, as Lady Alexandrina found it difficult to get herself out of her room. At half-past ten punctually he left his house for his office. He usually got home by six, and then spent the greatest part of the hour before dinner in the ceremony of dressing. He went, at least, into his dressing-room, after speaking a few words to his wife, and there remained, pulling things about, clipping his nails, looking over any paper that came in his way, and killing the time. He expected his dinner punctually at seven, and began to feel a little cross if he were kept waiting. After dinner, he drank one glass of wine in company with his wife, and one other by himself, during which latter ceremony he would stare at the hot coals, and think of the thing he had done. Then he would go upstairs, and have, first a cup of coffee, and then a cup of tea. He would read his newspaper, open a book or two, hide his face when he yawned, and try to make believe that he liked it. She had no signs or words of love for him. She never sat on his knee, or caressed him. She never showed him that any happiness had come to her in being allowed to live close to him. They thought that they loved each other:—each thought so; but there was no love, no sympathy, no warmth. The very atmosphere was cold;—so cold that no fire could remove the chill.
In what way would it have been different had Lily Dale sat opposite to him there as his wife, instead of Lady Alexandrina? He told himself frequently that either with one or with the other life would have been the same; that he had made himself for a while unfit for domestic life, and that he must cure himself of that unfitness. But though he declared this to himself in one set of half-spoken thoughts, he would also declare to himself in another set, that Lily would have made the whole house bright with her brightness; that had he brought her home to his hearth, there would have been a sun shining on him every morning and every evening. But, nevertheless, he strove to do his duty, and remembered that the excitement of official life was still open to him. From eleven in the morning till five in the afternoon he could still hold a position which made it necessary that men should regard him with respect, and speak to him with deference. In this respect he was better off than his wife, for she had no office to which she could betake herself.
"Yes," she said to Amelia, "it is all very nice, and I don\'t mind the house being damp; but I get so tired of being alone."
"That must be the case with women who are married to men of business."
"Oh, I don\'t complain. Of course I knew what I was about. I suppose it won\'t be so very dull when everybody is up in London."
"I don\'t find the season makes much difference to us after Christmas," said Amelia; "but no doubt London is gayer in May. You\'ll find you\'ll like it better next year; and perhaps you\'ll have a baby, you know."
"Psha!" ejaculated Lady Alexandrina; "I don\'t want a baby, and don\'t suppose I shall have one."
"It\'s always something to do, you know."
Lady Alexandrina, though she was not of an energetic temperament, could not but confess to herself that she had made a mistake. She had been tempted to marry Crosbie because Crosbie was a man of fashion, and now she was told that the London season would make no difference to her;—the London season which had hitherto always brought to her the excitement of parties, if it had not given her the satisfaction of amusement. She had been tempted to marry because it appeared to her that a married woman could enjoy society with less restraint than a girl who was subject to her mother or her chaperon; that she would have more freedom of action as a married woman; and now she was told that she must wait for a baby before she could have anything to do. Courcy Castle was sometimes dull, but Courcy Castle would have been better than this.
When Crosbie returned home after this little conversation about the baby, he was told by his wife that they were to dine with the Gazebees on the next Sunday. On hearing this he shook his head with vexation. He knew, however, that he had no right to make complaint, as he had been only taken to St. John\'s Wood once since they had come home from their marriage trip. There was, however, one point as to which he could grumble. "Why, on earth, on Sunday?"
"Why, on earth, on Sunday?"
"Why, on earth, on Sunday?"
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"Because Amelia asked me for Sunday. If you are asked for Sunday, you cannot say you\'ll go on Monday."
"It is so terrible on a Sunday afternoon. At what hour?"
"She said half-past five."
"Heavens and earth! What are we to do all the evening?"
"It is not kind of you, Adolphus, to speak in that way of my relations."
"Come, my love, that\'s a joke; as if I hadn\'t heard you say the same thing twenty times. You\'ve complained of having to go up there much more bitterly than I ever did. You know I like your sister, and, in his way, Gazebee is a very good fellow; but after three or four hours, one begins to have had enough of him."
"It can\'t be much duller than it is—;" but Lady Alexandrina stopped herself before she finished her speech.
"One can always read at home, at any rate," said Crosbie.
"One can\'t always be reading. However, I have said you would go. If you choose to refuse, you must write and explain."
When the Sunday came the Crosbies of course did go to St. John\'s Wood, arriving punctually at that door which he so hated at half-past five. One of the earliest resolutions which he made when he first contemplated the De Courcy match, was altogether hostile to the Gazebees. He would see but very little of them. He would shake himself free of that connexion. It was not with that branch of the family that he desired an alliance. But now, as things had gone, that was the only branch of the family with which he seemed to be allied. He was always hearing of the Gazebees. Amelia and Alexandrina were constantly together. He was now dragged there to a Sunday dinner; and he knew that he should often be dragged there,—that he could not avoid such draggings. He already owed money to Mortimer Gazebee, and was aware that his affairs had been allowed to fall into that lawyer\'s hands in such a way that he could not take them out again. His house was very thoroughly furnished, and he knew that the bills had been paid; but he had not paid them; every shilling had been paid through Mortimer Gazebee.
"Go with your mother and aunt, De Courcy," the attorney said to the lingering child after dinner; and then Crosbie was left alone with his wife\'s brother-in-law. This was the period of the St. John\'s Wood purgatory which was so dreadful to him. With his sister-in-law he could talk, remembering perhaps always that she was an earl\'s daughter. But with Gazebee he had nothing in common. And he felt that Gazebee, who had once treated him with great deference, had now lost all such feeling. Crosbie had once been a man of fashion in the estimation of the attorney, but that was all over. Crosbie, in the attorney\'s estimation, was now simply the secretary of a public office,—a man who owed him money. The two had married sisters, and there was no reason why the light of the prosperous attorney should pale before that of the civil servant, who was not very prosperous. All this was understood thoroughly by both the men.
"There\'s terrible bad news from Courcy," said the attorney, as soon as the boy was gone.
"Why; what\'s the matter?"
"Porlock has married—that woman, you know."
"Nonsense."
"He has. The old lady has been obliged to tell me, and she\'s nearly broken-hearted about it. But that\'s not the worst of it to my mind. All the world knows that Porlock had gone to the mischief. But he is going to bring an action against his father for some arrears of his allowance, and he threatens to have everything out in court, if he doesn\'t get his money."
"But is there money due to him?"
"Yes, there is. A couple of thousand pounds or so. I suppose I shall have to find it. But, upon my honour, I don\'t know where it\'s to come from; I don\'t, indeed. In one way or another, I\'ve paid over fourteen hundred pounds for you."
"Fourteen hundred pounds!"
"Yes, indeed;—what with the insurance and the furniture, and the bill from our house for the settlements. That\'s not paid yet, but it\'s the same thing. A man doesn\'t get married for nothing, I can tell you."
"But you\'ve got security."
"Oh, yes; I\'ve got security. But the thing is the ready money. Our house has advanced so much on the Courcy property, that they don\'t like going any further; and therefore it is that I have to do this myself. They\'ll all have to go abroad,—that\'ll be the end of it. There\'s been such a scene between the earl and George. George lost his temper and told the earl that Porlock\'s marriage was his fault. It has ended in George with his wife being turned out."
"He has money of his own."
"Yes, but he won\'t spend it. He\'s coming up here, and we shall find him hanging about us. I don\'t mean to give him a bed here, and I advise you not to do so either. You\'ll not get rid of him if you do."
"I have the greatest possible dislike to him."
"Yes; he\'s a bad fellow. So is John. Porlock was the best, but he\'s gone altogether to ruin. They\'ve made a nice mess of it between them; haven\'t they?"
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CHAPTER XLVII. THE NEW PRIVATE SECRETARY.
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CHAPTER XLIX. PREPARATIONS FOR GOING.
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