When I woke up I was confused. My thoughts were hazy, still twisted up indreams and nightmares; it took me longer than it should have to realizewhere I was.
This room was too bland to belong anywhere but in a hotel. The bedsidelamps, bolted to the tables, were a dead giveaway, as were the longdrapes made from the same fabric as the bedspread, and the genericwatercolor prints on the walls.
I tried to remember how I got here, but nothing came at first.
I did remember the sleek black car, the glass in the windows darker thanthat on a limousine. The engine was almost silent, though we'd racedacross the black freeways at more than twice the legal speed.
And I remembered Alice sitting with me on the dark leather backseat.
Somehow, during the long night, my head had ended up against her graniteneck. My closeness didn't seem to bother her at all, and her cool, hardskin was oddly comforting to me. The front of her thin cotton shirt wascold, damp with the tears that streamed from my eyes until, red and sore,they ran dry.
Sleep had evaded me; my aching eyes strained open even though the nightfinally ended and dawn broke over a low peak somewhere in California. Thegray light, streaking across the cloudless sky, stung my eyes. But Icouldn't close them; when I did, the images that flashed all too vividly,like still slides behind my lids, were unbearable. Charlie's brokenexpression — Edward's brutal snarl, teeth bared — Rosalie's resentfulglare — the keen-eyed scrutiny of the tracker — the dead look in Edward'seyes after he kissed me the last time… I couldn't stand to see them. So Ifought against my weariness and the sun rose higher.
I was still awake when we came through a shallow mountain pass and thesun, behind us now, reflected off the tiled rooftops of the Valley of theSun. I didn't have enough emotion left to be surprised that we'd made athree-day journey in one. I stared blankly at the wide, flat expanse laidout in front of me. Phoenix — the palm trees, the scrubby creosote, thehaphazard lines of the intersecting freeways, the green swaths of golfcourses and turquoise splotches of swimming pools, all submerged in athin smog and embraced by the short, rocky ridges that weren't really bigenough to be called mountains.
The shadows of the palm trees slanted across the freeway — defined,sharper than I remembered, paler than they should be. Nothing could hidein these shadows. The bright, open freeway seemed benign enough. But Ifelt no relief, no sense of homecoming.
"Which way to the airport, Bella?" Jasper had asked, and I flinched,though his voice was quite soft and un-alarming. It was the first sound,besides the purr of the car, to break the long night's silence.
"Stay on the I-ten," I'd answered automatically. "We'll pass right by it."My brain had worked slowly through the fog of sleep deprivation.
"Are we flying somewhere?" I'd asked Alice.
"No, but it's better to be close, just in case."I remembered beginning the loop around Sky Harbor International… but notending it. I suppose that must have been when I'd fallen asleep.
Though, now that I'd chased the memories down, I did have a vagueimpression of leaving the car — the sun was just falling behind thehorizon — my arm draped over Alice's shoulder and her arm firm around mywaist, dragging me along as I stumbled through the warm, dry shadows.
I had no memory of this room.
I looked at the digital clock on the nightstand. The red numbers claimedit was three o'clock, but they gave no indication if it was night or day.
No edge of light escaped the thick curtains, but the room was bright withthe light from the lamps.
I rose stiffly and staggered to the window, pulling back the drapes.
It was dark outside. Three in the morning, then. My room looked out on adeserted section of the freeway and the new long-term parking garage forthe airport. It was slightly comforting to be able to pinpoint time andplace.
I looked down at myself. I was still wearing Esme's clothes, and theydidn't fit very well at all. I looked around the room, glad when Idiscovered my duffel bag on top of the low dresser.
I was on my way to find new clothes when a light tap on the door made mejump.
"Can I come in?" Alice asked.
I took a deep breath. "Sure."She walked in, and looked me over cautiously. "You look like you couldsleep longer," she said.
I just shook my head.
She drifted silently to the curtains and closed them securely beforeturning back to me.
"We'll need to stay inside," she told me.
"Okay." My voice was hoarse; it cracked.
"Thirsty?" she asked.
I shrugged. "I'm okay. How about you?""Nothing unmanageable." She smiled. "I ordered some food for you, it's inthe front room. Edward reminded me that you have to eat a lot morefrequently than we do."I was instantly more alert. "He called?""No," she said, and watched as my face fell. "It was before we left."She took my hand carefully and led me through the door into the livingroom of the hotel suite. I could hear a low buzz of voices coming fromthe TV. Jasper sat motionlessly at the desk in the corner, his eyeswatching the news with no glimmer of interest.
I sat on the floor next to the coffee table, where a tray of food waited,and began picking at it without noticing what I was eating.
Alice perched on the arm of the sofa and stared blankly at the TV likeJasper.
I ate slowly, watching her, turning now and then to glance quickly atJasper. It began to dawn on me that they were too still. They neverlooked away from the screen, though commercials were playing now. Ipushed the tray away, my stomach abruptly uneasy. Alice looked down at me.
"What's wrong, Alice?" I asked.
"Nothing's wrong." Her eyes were wide, honest… and I didn't trust them.
"What do we do now?""We wait for Carlisle to call.""And should he have called by now?" I could see that I was near the mark.
Alice's eyes flitted from mine to the phone on top of her leather bag andback.
"What does that mean?" My voice quavered, and I fought to control it.
"That he hasn't called yet?""It just means that they don't have anything to tell us."But her voice was too even, and the air was harder to breathe.
Jasper was suddenly beside Alice, closer to me than usual.
"Bella," he said in a suspiciously soothing voice. "You have nothing toworry about. You are completely safe here.""I know that.""Then why are you frightened?" he asked, confused. He might feel thetenor of my emotions, but he couldn't read the reasons behind them.
"You heard what Laurent said." My voice was just a whisper, but I wassure they could hear me. "He said James was lethal. What if somethinggoes wrong, and they get separated? If something happens to any of them,Carlisle, Emmett… Edward…" I gulped. "If that wild female hurts Esme…" Myvoice had grown higher, a note of hysteria beginning to rise in it. "Howcould I live with myself when it's my fault? None of you should berisking yourselves for me —""Bella, Bella, stop," he interrupted me, his words pouring out so quicklythey were hard to understand. "You're worrying about all the wrongthings, Bella. Trust me on this — none of us are in jeopardy. You areunder too much strain as it is; don't add to it with wholly unnecessaryworries. Listen to me!" he ordered, for I had looked away. "Our family isstrong. Our only fear is losing you.""But why should you —"Alice interrupted this time, touching my cheek with her cold fingers.
"It's been almost a century that Edward's been alone. Now he's found you.
You can't see the changes that we see, we who have been with him for solong. Do you think any of us want to look into his eyes for the nexthundred years if he loses you?"My guilt slowly subsided as I looked into her dark eyes. But, even as thecalm spread over me, I knew I couldn't trust my feelings with Jasperthere.
It was a very long day.
We stayed in the room. Alice called down to the front desk and asked themto ignore our maid service for now. The windows stayed shut, the TV on,though no one watched it. At regular intervals, food was delivered forme. The silver phone resting on Alice's bag seemed to grow bigger as thehours passed.
My babysitters handled the suspense better than I did. As I fidgeted andpaced, they simply grew more still, two statues whose eyes followed meimperceptibly as I moved. I occupied myself with memorizing the room; thestriped pattern of the couches, tan, peach, cream, dull gold, and tanagain. Sometimes I stared at the abstract prints, randomly findingpictures in the shapes, like I'd found pictures in the clouds as a child.
I traced a blue hand, a woman combing her hair, a cat stretching. Butwhen the pale red circle became a staring eye, I looked away.
As the afternoon wore on, I went back to bed, simply for something to do.
I hoped that by myself in the dark, I could give in to the terrible fearsthat hovered on the edge of my consciousness, unable to break throughunder Jasper's careful supervision.
But Alice followed me casually, as if by some coincidence she had growntired of the front room at the same time. I was beginning to wonderexactly what sort of instructions Edward had given her. I lay across thebed, and she sat, legs folded, next to me. I ignored her at first,suddenly tired enough to sleep. But after a few minutes, the panic thathad held off in Jasper's presence began to make itself known. I gave upon the idea of sleep quickly then, curling up into a small ball, wrappingmy arms around my legs.
"Alice?" I asked.
"Yes?"I kept my voice very calm. "What do you think they're doing?""Carlisle wanted to lead the tracker as far north as possible, wait forhim to get close, and then turn and ambush him. Esme and Rosalie weresupposed to head west as long as they could keep the female behind them.
If she turned around, they were to head back to Forks and keep an eye onyour dad. So I imagine things are going well if they can't call. It meansthe tracker is close enough that they don't want him to overhear.""And Esme?""I think she must be back in Forks. She won't call if there's any chancethe female will overhear. I expect they're all just being very careful.""Do you think they're safe, really?""Bella, how many times do we have to tell you that there's no danger tous?""Would you tell me the truth, though?""Yes. I will always tell you the truth." Her voice was earnest.
I deliberated for a moment, and decided she meant it.
"Tell me then… how do you become a vampire?"My question caught her off guard. She was quiet. I rolled over to look ather, and her expression seemed ambivalent.
"Edward doesn't want me to tell you that," she said firmly, but I sensedshe didn't agree.
"That's not fair. I think I have a right to know.""I know."I looked at her, waiting.
She sighed. "He'll be extremely angry.""It's none of his business. This is between you and me. Alice, as afriend, I'm begging you." And we were friends now, somehow — as she musthave known we would be all along.
She looked at me with her splendid, wise eyes… choosing.
"I'll tell you the mechanics of it," she said finally, "but I don'tremember it myself, and I've never done it or seen it done, so keep inmind that I can only tell you the theory."I waited.
"As predators, we have a glut of weapons in our physical arsenal — much,much more than really necessary. The strength, the speed, the acutesenses, not to mention those of us like Edward, Jasper, and I, who haveextra senses as well. And then, like a carnivorous fl............