Everything was so clear.
Sharp. Defined.
The brilliant light overhead was still blinding-bright, and yet I could plainly see the glowing strands of thefilaments inside the bulb. I could see each color of the rainbow in the white light, and, at the very edge ofthe spectrum, an eighth color I had no name for.
Behind the light, I could distinguish the individual grains in the dark wood ceiling above. In front of it, Icould see the dust motes in the air, the sides the light touched, and the dark sides, distinct and separate.
They spun like little planets, moving around each other in a celestial dance.
The dust was so beautiful that I inhaled in shock; the air whistled down my throat, swirling the motes intoa vortex. The action felt wrong. I considered, and realized the problem was that there was no relief tiedto the action. I didn't need the air. My lungs weren't waiting for it. They reacted indifferently to the influx.
I did not need the air, but I liked it. In it, I could taste the room around me—taste the lovely dust motes,the mix of the stagnant air mingling with the flow of slightly cooler air from the open door. Taste a lushwhiff of silk. Taste a faint hint of something warm and desirable, something that should be moist, butwasn't... That smell made my throat burn dryly, a faint echo of the venom burn, though the scent wastainted by the bite of chlorine and ammonia. And most of all, I could taste analmost-honey-lilac-and-sun-flavored scent that was the strongest thing, the closest thing to me.
I heard the sound of the others, breathing again now that I did. Their breath mixed with the scent thatwas something just off honey and lilac and sunshine, bringing new flavors. Cinnamon, hyacinth, pear,seawater, rising bread, pine, vanilla, leather, apple, moss, lavender, chocolate.... I traded a dozendifferent comparisons in my mind, but none of them fit exactly. So sweet and pleasant.
The TV downstairs had been muted, and I heard someone—Rosalie?—shift her weight on the first floor.
I also heard a faint, thudding rhythm, with a voice shouting angrily to the beat. Rap music? I wasmystified for a moment, and then the sound faded away like a car passing by with the windows rolleddown.
With a start, I realized that this could be exactly right. Could I hear all the way to the freeway?
I didn't realize someone was holding my hand until whoever it was squeezed it lightly. Like it had beforeto hide the pain, my body locked down again in surprise. This was not a touch I expected. The skin wasperfectly smooth, but it was the wrong temperature. Not cold.
After that first frozen second of shock, my body responded to the unfamiliar touch in a way that shockedme even more.
Air hissed up my throat, spitting through my clenched teeth with a low, menacing sound like a swarm ofbees. Before the sound was out, my muscles bunched and arched, twisting away from the unknown. Iflipped off my back in a spin so fast it should have turned the room into an incomprehensible blur—but itdid not. I saw every dust mote, every splinter in the wood-paneled walls, every loose thread inmicroscopic detail as my eyes whirled past them.
So by the time I found myself crouched against the wall defensively—about a sixteenth of a secondlater—I already understood what had startled me, and that I had overreacted.
Oh. Of course. Edward wouldn't feel cold to me. We were the same temperature now.
I held my pose for an eighth of a second longer, adjusting to the scene before me.
Edward was leaning across the operating table that had been my pyre, his hand reached out toward me,his expression anxious.
Edward's face was the most important thing, but my peripheral vision catalogued everything else, just incase. Some instinct to defend had been triggered, and I automatically searched for any sign of danger.
My vampire family waited cautiously against the far wall by the door, Emmett and Jasper in the front.
Like there was danger. My nostrils flared, searching for the threat. I could smell nothing out of place.
That faint scent of something delicious—but marred by harsh chemicals—tickled my throat again, settingit to aching and burning.
Alice was peeking around Jasper's elbow with a huge grin on her face; the light sparkled off her teeth,another eight-color rainbow.
That grin reassured me and then put the pieces together. Jasper and Emmett were in the front to protectthe others, as I had assumed. What I hadn't grasped immediately was that / was the danger.
All this was a sideline. The greater part of my senses and my mind were still focused on Edward's face.
I had never seen it before this second.
How many times had I stared at Edward and marveled over his beauty? How many hours—days,weeks—of my life had I spent dreaming about what I then deemed to be perfection? I thought I'd knownhis face better than my own. I'd thought this was the one sure physical thing in my whole world: theflawlessness of Edward's face.
I may as well have been blind.
For the first time, with the dimming shadows and limiting weakness of humanity taken off my eyes, I sawhis face. I gasped and then struggled with my vocabulary, unable to find the right words. I needed betterwords.
At this point, the other part of my attention had ascertained that there was no danger here besidesmyself, and I automatically straightened out of my crouch; almost a whole second had passed since I'dbeen on the table.
I was momentarily preoccupied by the way my body moved. The instant I'd considered standing erect, Iwas already straight. There was no brief fragment of time in which the action occurred; change wasinstantaneous, almost as if there was no movement at all.
I continued to stare at Edward's face, motionless again.
He moved slowly around the table—each step taking nearly half a second, each step flowing sinuouslylike river water weaving over smooth stones—his hand still outstretched.
I watched the grace of his advance, absorbing it with my new eyes.
"Bella?" he asked in a low, calming tone, but the worry in his voice layered my name with tension.
I could not answer immediately, lost as I was in the velvet folds of his voice. It was the most perfectsymphony, a symphony in one instrument, an instrument more profound than any created by man___"Bella, love? I'm sorry, I know it's disorienting. But you're all right. Everything is fine."Everything? My mind spun out, spiraling back to my last human hour. Already, the memory seemed dim,like I was watching through a thick, dark veil—because my human eyes had been half blind. Everythinghad been so blurred.
When he said everything was fine, did that include Renesmee? Where was she? With Rosalie? I tried toremember her face—I knew that she had been beautiful—but it was irritating to try to see through thehuman memories. Her face was shrouded in darkness, so poorly lit___What about Jacob? Was he fine? Did my long-suffering best friend hate me now? Had he gone back toSam's pack? Seth and Leah, too?
Were the Cullens safe, or had my transformation ignited the war with the pack? Did Edward's blanketassurance cover all of that? Or was he just trying to calm me?
And Charlie? What would I tell him now? He must have called while I was burning. What had they toldhim? What did he think had happened to me?
As I deliberated for one small piece of a second over which question to ask first, Edward reached outtentatively and stroked his fingertips across my cheek. Smooth as satin, soft as a feather, and now exactlymatched to the temperature of my skin.
His touch seemed to sweep beneath the surface of my skin, right through the bones of my face. Thefeeling was tingly, electric—it jolted through my bones, down my spine, and trembled in my stomach.
Wait,I thought as the trembling blossomed into a warmth, a yearning. Wasn't I supposed to lose this?
Wasn't giving up this feeling a part of the bargain?
I was a newborn vampire. The dry, scorching ache in my throat gave proof to that. And I knew whatbeing a newborn entailed. Human emotions and longings would come back to me later in some form, butI'd accepted that I would not feel them in the beginning. Only thirst. That was the deal, the price. I'dagreed to pay it.
But as Edward's hand curled to the shape of my face like satin-covered steel, desire raced through mydried-out veins, singing from my scalp to my toes.
He arched one perfect eyebrow, waiting for me to speak.
I threw my arms around him.
Again, it was like there was no movement. One moment I stood straight and still as a statue; in the sameinstant, he was in my arms.
Warm—or at least, that was my perception. With the sweet, delicious scent that I'd never been able toreally take in with my dull human senses, but that was one hundred percent Edward. I pressed my faceinto his smooth chest.
And then he shifted his weight uncomfortably. Leaned away from my embrace. I stared up at his face,confused and frightened by the rejection.
"Urn... carefully, Bella. Ow."I yanked my arms away, folding them behind my back as soon as I understood.
I was too strong.
"Oops," I mouthed.
He smiled the kind of smile that would have stopped my heart if it were still beating.
"Don't panic, love," he said, lifting his hand to touch my lips, parted in horror. "You're just a bit strongerthan I am for the moment."My eyebrows pushed together. I'd known this, too, but it felt more surreal than any other part of thisultimately surreal moment. I was stronger than Edward. I'd made him say ow.
His hand stroked my cheek again, and I all but forgot my distress as another wave of desire rippledthrough my motionless body.
These emotions were so much stronger than I was used to that it was hard to stick to one train ofthought despite the extra room in my head. Each new sensation overwhelmed me. I remembered Edwardsaying once—his voice in my head a weak shadow compared to the crystal, musical clarity I was hearingnow—that his kind, our kind, were easily distracted. I could see why.
I made a concerted effort to focus. There was something I needed to say. The most important thing.
Very carefully, so carefully that the movement was actually discernible, I brought my right arm out frombehind my back and raised my hand to touch his cheek. I refused to let myself be sidetracked by thepearly color of my hand or by the smooth silk of his skin or by the charge that zinged in my fingertips.
I stared into his eyes and heard my own voice for the first time.
"I love you," I said, but it sounded like singing. My voice rang and shimmered like a bell.
His answering smile dazzled me more than it ever had when I was human; I could really see it now.
"As I love you," he told me.
He took my face between his hands and leaned his face to mine—slow enough to remind me to becareful. Hekissed me, soft as a whisper at first, and then suddenly stronger, fiercer. I tried to remember to be gentlewith him, but it was hard work to remember anything in the onslaught of sensation, hard to hold on to anycoherent thoughts.
It was like he'd never kissed me—like this was our first kiss. And, in truth, he'd never kissed me thisway before.
It almost made me feel guilty. Surely I was in breach of the contract. I couldn't be allowed to have this,too.
Though I didn't need oxygen, my breathing sped, raced as fast as it had when I was burning. This was adifferent kind of fire.
Someone cleared his throat. Emmett. I recognized the deep sound at once, joking and annoyed at thesame time.
I'd forgotten we weren't alone. And then I realized that the way I was curved around Edward now wasnot exactly polite for company.
Embarrassed, I half-stepped away in another instantaneous movement.
Edward chuckled and stepped with me, keeping his arms tight around my waist. His face was glowing—like a white flame burned from behind his diamond skin.
I took an unnecessary breath to settle myself.
How different this kissing was! I read his expression as I compared the indistinct human memories to thisclear, intense feeling. He looked... a little smug.
"You've been holding out on me," I accused in my singing voice, my eyes narrowing a tiny bit.
He laughed, radiant with relief that it was all over—the fear, the pain, the uncertainties, the waiting, all ofit behind us now. "It was sort of necessary at the time," he reminded me. "Now it's your turn to not breakme." He laughed again.
I frowned as I considered that, and then Edward was not the only one laughing.
Carlisle stepped around Emmett and walked toward me swiftly; his eyes were only slightly wary, butJasper shadowed his footsteps. I'd never seen Carlisle's face before either, not really. I had an odd urgeto blink—like I was staring at the sun.
"How do you feel, Bella?" Carlisle asked.
I considered that for a sixty-fourth of a second.
"Overwhelmed. There's so much. ..." I trailed off, listening to the bell-tone of my voice again.
"Yes, it can be quite confusing."I nodded one fast, jerky bob. "But I feel like me. Sort of. I didn't expect that."Edward's arms squeezed lightly around my waist. "I told you so," he whispered.
"You are quite controlled," Carlisle mused. "More so than / expected, even with the time you had toprepare yourself mentally for this."I thought about the wild mood swings, the difficulty concentrating, and whispered, "I'm not sure aboutthat."He nodded seriously, and then his jeweled eyes glittered with interest. "It seems like we did somethingright with the morphine this time. Tell me, what do you remember of the transformation process?"I hesitated, intensely aware of Edward's breath brushing against my cheek, sending whispers ofelectricity through my skin.
"Everything was... very dim before. I remember the baby couldn't breathe___"I looked at Edward, momentarily frightened by the memory.
"Renesmee is healthy and well," he promised, a gleam I'd never seen before in his eyes. He said hername with an understated fervor. A reverence. The way devout people talked about their gods. "Whatdo you remember after that?"I focused on my poker face. I'd never been much of a liar. "It's hard to remember. It was so darkbefore. And then... I opened my eyes and I could see everything""Amazing," Carlisle breathed, his eyes alight.
............