It was too bright for me to drive into town when I got to Port Angeles; the sun was stilltoo high overhead, and, though my windows were tinted dark, there was no reason to takeunnecessary risks. More unnecessary risks, I should say.
I was certain I would be able to find Jessica’s thoughts from a distance—Jessica’sthoughts were louder than Angela’s, but once I found the first, I’d be able to hear thesecond. Then, when the shadows lengthened, I could get closer. For now, I pulled offthe road onto an overgrown driveway just outside the town that appeared to beinfrequently used.
I knew the general direction to search in—there was really only one place fordress shopping in Port Angeles. It wasn’t long before I found Jessica, spinning in front ofa three way mirror, and I could see Bella in her peripheral vision, appraising the longblack dress she wore.
Bella still looks pissed. Ha ha. Angela was right—Tyler was full of it. I can’tbelieve she’s so upset about it, though. At least she knows she has a back up date for theprom. What if Mike doesn’t have fun at the dance, and he doesn’t ask me out again?
What if he asks Bella to the prom? Would she have asked Mike to the dance if I hadn’tsaid anything? Does he think she’s prettier than me? Does she think she’s prettier thanme?
“I think I like the blue one better. It really brings out your eyes.”
Jessica smiled at Bella with false warmth, while eyeing her suspiciously.
Does she really think that? Or does she want me to look like a cow on Saturday?
I was already tired of listening to Jessica. I searched close by for Angela—ah, butAngela was in the process of changing dresses, and I skipped quickly out of her head togive her some privacy.
Well, there wasn’t much trouble Bella could get into in a department store. I’d letthem shop and then catch up with them when they were done. It wouldn’t be long until itwas dark—the clouds were beginning to return, drifting in from the west. I could onlycatch glimpses of them through the thick trees, but I could see how they would hurry the sunset. I welcomed them, craved them more than I had ever yearned for their shadowsbefore. Tomorrow I could sit beside Bella in school again, monopolize her attention atlunch again. I could ask her all the questions I’d been saving up…So, she was furious about Tyler’s presumption. I’d seen that in his head—thathe’d meant it literally when he’d spoken of the prom, that he was staking a claim. Ipictured her expression from that other afternoon—the outraged disbelief—and Ilaughed. I wondered what she would say to him about this. I wouldn’t want to miss herreaction.
The time went slowly while I waited for the shadows to lengthen. I checked inperiodically with Jessica; her mental voice was the easiest to find, but I didn’t like tolinger there long. I saw the place they were planning to eat. It would be dark by dinnertime…maybe I would coincidentally choose the same restaurant. I touched the phone inmy pocket, thinking of inviting Alice out to eat… She would love that, but she wouldalso want to talk to Bella. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to have Bella more involved withmy world. Wasn’t one vampire trouble enough?
I checked in routinely with Jessica again. She was thinking about her jewelry,asking Angela’s opinion.
“Maybe I should take the necklace back. I’ve got one at home that wouldprobably work, and I spent more than I was supposed to…” My mom is going to freakout. What was I thinking?
“I don’t mind going back to the store. Do you think Bella will be looking for us,though?”
What was this? Bella wasn’t with them? I stared through Jessica’s eyes first,then switched to Angela’s. They were on the sidewalk in front of a line of shops, justturning back the other way. Bella was no where in sight.
Oh, who cares about Bella? Jess thought impatiently, before answering Angela’squestion. “She’s fine. We’ll get to the restaurant in plenty of time, even if we go back.
Anyway, I think she wanted to be alone.” I got a brief glimpse of the bookshop Jessicathought Bella had gone to.
“Let’s hurry, then,” Angela said. I hope Bella doesn’t think we ditched her. Shewas so nice to me in the car before… She’s really a sweet person. But she’s seemed kind of blue all day. I wonder if it’s because of Edward Cullen? I’ll bet that was why she wasasking about his family…I should have been paying better attention. What all had I missed here? Bellawas off wandering by herself, and she’d been asking about me before? Angela waspaying attention to Jessica now—Jessica was babbling about that idiot Mike—and I couldget nothing more from her.
I judged the shadows. The sun would be behind the clouds soon enough. If Istayed on the west side of the road, where the buildings would shade the street from thefading light…I started to feel anxious as I drove through the sparse traffic into the center of thetown. This wasn’t something I had considered—Bella taking off on her own—and I hadno idea how to find her. I should have considered it.
I knew Port Angeles well; I drove straight to the bookstore in Jessica’s head,hoping my search would be short, but doubting it would be so easy. When did Bella evermake it easy?
Sure enough, the little shop was empty except for the anachronistically dressedwoman behind the counter. This didn’t look like the kind of place Bella would beinterested in—too new age for a practical person. I wondered if she’d even bothered togo in?
There was a patch of shade I could park in… It made a dark pathway right up tothe overhang of the shop. I really shouldn’t. Wandering around in the sunlight hours wasnot safe. What if a passing car threw the sun’s reflection into the shade at just the wrongmoment?
But I didn’t know how else to look for Bella!
I parked and got out, keeping to the deepest side of the shadow. I strode quicklyinto the store, noting the faint trace of Bella’s scent in the air. She had been here, on thesidewalk, but there was no hint of her fragrance inside the shop.
“Welcome! Can I help—” the saleswoman began to say, but I was already out thedoor.
I followed Bella’s scent as far as the shade would allow, stopping when I got tothe edge of the sunlight.
How powerless it made me feel—fenced in by the line between dark and light thatstretched across the sidewalk in front of me. So limited.
I could only guess that she’d continued across the street, heading south. Therewasn’t really much in that direction. Was she lost? Well, that possibility didn’t soundentirely out of character.
I got back in the car and drove slowly through the streets, looking for her. Istepped out into a few other patches of shadow, but I only caught her scent once more,and the direction of it confused me. Where was she trying to go?
I drove back and forth between the bookstore and the restaurant a few times,hoping to see her on her way. Jessica and Angela were already there, trying to decidewhether to order, or to wait for Bella. Jessica was pushing for ordering immediately.
I began flitting through the minds of strangers, looking through their eyes.
Surely, someone must have seen her somewhere.
I got more and more anxious the longer she remained missing. I hadn’tconsidered before how difficult she might prove to find once, like now, she was out ofmy sight and off her normal paths. I didn’t like it.
The clouds were massing on the horizon, and, in a few more minutes, I would befree to track her on foot. It wouldn’t take me long then. It was only the sun that mademe so helpless now. Just few more minutes, and then the advantage would be mine againand it would be the human world that was powerless.
Another mind, and another. So many trivial thoughts.
…think the baby has another ear infection…Was it six-four-oh or six-oh-four…?
Late again. I ought to tell him…Here she comes! Aha!
There, at last, was her face. Finally, someone had noticed her!
The relief lasted for only a fraction of a second, and then I read more fully thethoughts of the man who was gloating over her face in the shadows.
His mind was a stranger to me, and yet, not totally unfamiliar. I had once huntedexactly such minds.
“NO!” I roared, and a volley of snarls erupted from my throat. My foot shovedthe gas pedal to the floor, but where was I going?
I knew the general location of his thoughts, but the knowledge was not specificenough. Something, there had to be something—a street sign, a store front, something inhis sight that would give away his location. But Bella was deep in shadow, and his eyeswere focused only on her frightened expression—enjoying the fear there.
Her face was blurred in his mind by the memory of other faces. Bella was not hisfirst victim.
The sound of my growls shook the frame of the car, but did not distract me.
There were no windows in the wall behind her. Somewhere industrial, away fromthe more populated shopping district. My car squealed around a corner, swerving pastanother vehicle, heading in what I hoped was the right direction. By the time the otherdriver honked, the sound was far behind me.
Look at her shaking! The man chuckled in anticipation. The fear was the drawfor him—the part he enjoyed.
“Stay away from me.” Her voice was low and steady, not a scream.
“Don’t be like that, sugar.”
He watched her flinch to a rowdy laugh that came from another direction. He wasirritated with the noise—Shut up, Jeff! he thought—but he enjoyed the way she cringed.
It excited him. He began to imagine her pleas, the way she would beg…I hadn’t realized that there were others with him until I’d heard the loud laughter.
I scanned out from him, desperate for something that I could use. He was taking the firststep in her direction, flexing his hands.
The minds around him were not the cesspool that his was. They were all slightlyintoxicated, not one of them realizing how far the man they called Lonnie planned to gowith this. They were following Lonnie’s lead blindly. He’d promised them a little fun…One of them glanced down the street, nervous—he didn’t want to get caughtharassing the girl—and gave me what I needed. I recognized the cross street he staredtoward.
I flew under a red light, sliding through a space just wide enough between twocars in the moving traffic. Horns blared behind me.
My phone vibrated in my pocket. I ignored it.
Lonnie moved slowly toward the girl, drawing out the suspense—the moment ofterror that aroused him. He waited for her scream, preparing to savor it.
But Bella locked her jaw and braced herself. He was surprised—he’d expectedher to try to run. Surprised and slightly disappointed. He liked to chase his prey down,the adrenaline of the hunt.
Brave, this one. Maybe better, I guess…more fight in her.
I was a block away. The monster could hear the roar of my engine now, but hepaid it no attention, too intent on his victim.
I would see how he enjoyed the hunt when he was the prey. I would see what hethought of my style of hunting.
In another compartment of my head, I was already sorting through the range oftortures I’d born witness to in my vigilante days, searching for the most painful of them.
He would suffer for this. He would writhe in agony. The others would merely die fortheir part, but the monster named Lonnie would beg for death long before I would givehim that gift.
He was in the road, crossing toward her.
I spun sharply around the corner, my headlights washing across the scene andfreezing the rest of them in place. I could have run down the leader, who leapt out of theway, but that was too easy a death for him.
I let the car spin out, swinging all the way around so that I was facing back theway I’d come and the passenger door was closest to Bella. I threw that open, and she wasalready running toward the car.
“Get in,” I snarled.
What the hell?
Knew this was a bad idea! She’s not alone.
Should I run?
Think I’m going to throw up…Bella jumped through the open door without hesitating, pulling the door shutbehind her.
And then she looked up at me with the most trustful expression I had ever seen ona human face, and all my violent plans crumbled.
It took much, much less than a second for me to see that I could not leave her inthe car in order to deal with the four men in the street. What would I tell her, not towatch? Ha! When did she ever do what I asked? When did she ever do the safe thing?
Would I drag them away, out of her sight, and leave her alone here? It was a longshot that another dangerous human would be prowling the streets of Port Angeles tonight,but it was a long shot that there was even the first! Like a magnet, she drew all thingsdangerous toward herself. I could not let her out of my sight.
It would feel like part of the same motion to her as I accelerated, taking her awayfrom her pursuers so quickly that they gaped after my car with uncomprehendingexpressions. She would not recognize my instant of hesitation. She would assume theplan was escape from the beginning.
I couldn’t even hit him with my car. That would frighten her.
I wanted his death so savagely that the need for it rang in my ears and clouded mysight and was a flavor on my tongue. My muscles were coiled with the urgency, thecraving, the necessity of it. I had to kill him. I would peel him slowly apart, piece bypiece, skin from muscle, muscle from bone…Except that the girl—the only girl in the world—was clinging to her seat withboth hands, staring at me, her eyes still wide and utterly trusting. Vengeance would haveto wait.
“Put on your seatbelt,” I ordered. My voice was rough with the hate andbloodlust. Not the usual bloodlust. I would not sully myself by taking any part of thatman inside me.
She locked the seatbelt into place, jumping slightly at the sound it made. Thatlittle sound made her jump, yet she did not flinch as I tore through the town, ignoring alltraffic guides. I could feel her eyes on me. She seemed oddly relaxed. It didn’t makesense to me—not with what she’d just been through.
“Are you okay?” she asked, her voice rough with stress and fear.
She wanted to know if I was okay?
I thought about her question for a fraction of a second. Not long enough for her tonotice the hesitation. Was I okay?
“No,” I realized, and my tone seethed with rage.
I took her to the same unused drive where I’d spent the afternoon engaged in thepoorest surveillance ever kept. It was black now under the trees.
I was so furious that my body froze in place there, utterly motionless. My ice-locked hands ached to crush her attacker, to grind him into pieces so mangled that hisbody could never be identified….
But that would entail leaving her here alone, unprotected in the dark night.
“Bella?” I asked through my teeth.
“Yes?” she responded huskily. She cleared her throat.
“Are you all right?” That was really the most important thing, the first priority.
Retribution was secondary. I knew that, but my body was so filled with rage that it washard to think.
“Yes.” Her voice was still thick—with fear, no doubt.
And so I could not leave her.
Even if she wasn’t at constant risk for some infuriating reason—some joke theuniverse was playing on me—even if I could be sure that she would be perfectly safe inmy absence, I could not leave her alone in the dark.
She must be so frightened.
Yet I was in no condition to comfort her—even if I knew exactly how that was tobe accomplished, which I did not. Surely she could feel the brutality radiating out of me,surely that much was obvious. I would frighten her even more if I could not calm the lustfor slaughter boiling inside me.
I needed to think about something else.
“Distract me, please,” I pleaded.
“I’m sorry, what?”
I barely had enough control to try to explain what I needed.
“Just prattle about something unimportant until I calm down,” I instructed, myjaw still locked. Only the fact that she needed me held me inside the car. I could hear the man’s thoughts, his disappointment and anger… I knew where to find him… I closedmy eyes, wishing that I couldn’t see anyway…“Um…” She hesitated—trying to make sense of my request, I imagined. “I’mgoing to run over Tyler Crowley tomorrow before school?” She said this like it was aquestion.
Yes—this was what I needed. Of course Bella would come up with somethingunexpected. Like it had been before, the threat of violence coming through her lips washilarious—so comical it was jarring. If I had not been burning with the urge to kill, Iwould have laughed.
“Why?” I barked out, to force her to speak again.
“He’s telling everyone that he’s taking me to prom,” she said, her voice filledwith her tiger-kitten outrage. “Either he’s insane or he’s still trying to make up foralmost killing me last…well you remember it,” she inserted dryly, “and he thinks prom issomehow the correct way to do this. So I figure if I endanger his life, then we’re even,and he can’t keep trying to make amends. I don’t need enemies and maybe Lauren wouldback off if he left me alone. I might have to total his Sentra, though,” she went on,thoughtful now. “If he doesn’t have a ride he can’t take anyone to prom…”
It was encouraging to see that she sometimes got things wrong. Tyler’spersistence had nothing to do with the accident. She didn’t seem to understand the appealshe held for the human boys at the high school. Did she not see the appeal she had forme, either?
Ah, it was working. The baffling processes of her mind were always engrossing.
I was beginning to gain control of myself, to see something beyond vengeance andtorture…“I heard about that,” I told her. She had stopped talking, and I needed her tocontinue.
“You did?” she asked incredulously. And then her voice was angrier than before.
“If he’s paralyzed from the neck down, he can’t go to the prom either.”
I wished there was someway I could ask her to continue with the threats of deathand bodily harm with out sounding insane. She couldn’t have picked a better way to. calm me. And her words—just sarcasm in her case, hyperbole—were a reminder I dearlyneeded in this moment.
I sighed, and opened my eyes.
“Better?” she asked timidly.
“Not really.”
No, I was calmer, but not better. Because I’d just realized that I could not kill themonster named Lonnie, and I still wanted that more than almost anything else in theworld. Almost.
The only thing in this moment that I wanted more than to commit a highlyjustifiable murder, was this girl. And, though I couldn’t have her, just the dream ofhaving her made it impossible for me to go on a killing spree tonight—no matter howdefensible such a thing might be.
Bella deserved better than a killer.
I’d spent seven decades trying to be something other than that—anything otherthan a killer. Those years of effort could never make me worthy of the girl sitting besideme. And yet, I felt that if I returned to that life—the life of a killer—for even one night, Iwould surely put her out of my reach forever. Even if I didn’t drink their blood—even ifI didn’t have that evidence blazing red in my eyes—wouldn’t she sense the difference?
I was trying to be good enough for her. It was an impossible goal. I would keeptrying.
“What’s wrong?” she whispered.
Her breath filled my nose, and I was reminded why I could not deserve her. Afterall of this, even with as much as I loved her…she still made my mouth water.
I would give her as much honesty as I could. I owed her that.
“Sometimes I have a problem with my temper, Bella.” I stared out into the blacknight, wishing both that she would hear the horror inherent in my words and also that shewould not. Mostly that she would not. Run, Bella, run. Stay, Bella, stay. “But itwouldn’t be helpful for me to turn around and hunt down those…” Just thinking about italmost pulled me from the car. I took a deep breath, letting her scent scorch down mythroat. “At least, that’s what I’m trying to convince myself.”
“Oh.”
She said nothing else. How much had she heard in my words? I glanced at herfurtively, but her face was unreadable. Blank with shock, perhaps. Well, she wasn’tscreaming. Not yet.
It was quiet for a moment. I warred with myself, trying to be what I should be.
What I couldn’t be.
“Jessica and Angela will be worried,” she said quietly. Her voice was very calm,and I was not sure how that could be. Was she in shock? Maybe tonight’s events hadn’tsunk in for her yet. “I was supposed to meet them.”
Did she want to be away from me? Or was she just worried about her friends’
worry?
I didn’t answer her, but I started the car and took her back. Every inch closer Igot to the town, the harder it was to hold on to my purpose. I was just so close to him…If it was impossible—if I could never have nor deserve this girl—then where wasthe sense in letting the man go unpunished? Surely I could allow myself that much…No. I wasn’t giving up. Not yet. I wanted her too much to surrender.
We were at the restaurant where she was supposed to meet her friends before I’deven begun to make sense of my thoughts. Jessica and Angela were finished eating, andboth now truly worried about Bella. They were on their way to search for her, headingoff along the dark street.
It was not a good night for them to be wandering—“How did you know where…?” Bella’s unfinished question interrupted me, and Irealized that I had made yet another gaffe. I’d been too distracted to remember to ask herwhere she was supposed to meet her friends.
But, instead of finishing the inquiry and pressing the point, Bella just shook herhead and half-smiled.
What did that mean?
Well, I didn’t have time to puzzle over her strange acceptance of my strangerknowledge. I opened my door.
“What are you doing?” she asked, sounding startled.
Not letting you out of my sight. Not allowing myself to be alone tonight. In thatorder. “I’m taking you to dinner.”
Well this should be interesting. It seemed like another night entirely when I’dimagined bringing Alice along and pretending to choose the same restaurant as Bella andher friends by accident. And now, here I was, practically on a date with the girl. Only itdidn’t count, because I wasn’t giving her a chance to say no.
She already had her door half open before I’d walked around the car—it wasn’tusually so frustrating to have to move at an inconspicuous speed—instead of waiting forme to get it for her. Was this because she wasn’t used to being treated like a lady, orbecause she didn’t think of me as a gentleman?
I waited for her to join me, getting more anxious as her girlfriends continued intoward the dark corner.
“Go stop Jessica and Angela before I have to track them down, too,” I orderedquickly. “I don’t think I could restrain myself if I ran into your other friends again.” No,I would not be strong enough for that.
She shuddered, and then quickly collected herself. She took half a step afterthem, calling, “Jess! Angela!” in a loud voice. They turned, and she waved her arm overher head to catch their attention.
Bella! Oh, she’s safe! Angela thought with relief.
Late much? Jessica grumbled to herself, but she, too, was thankful that Bellawasn’t lost or hurt. This made me like her a little more than I had.
They hurried back, and then stopped, shocked, when they saw me beside her.
Uh-uh! Jess thought, stunned. No freaking way!
Edward Cullen? Did she go away by herself to find him? But why would she askabout them being out of town if she knew he was here… I got a brief flash of Bella’smortified expression when she’d asked Angela if my family was often absent fromschool. No, she couldn’t have known, Angela decided.
Jessica’s thoughts were moving past the surprise and on to suspicion. Bella’sbeen holding out on me.
“Where have you been?” she demanded, staring at Bella, but peeking at me fromthe corner of her eye.
“I got lost. And then I ran into Edward,” Bella said, waving one hand toward me.
Her tone was remarkably normal. Like that was truly all that had happened.
She must be in shock. That was the only explanation for her calm.
“Would it be all right if I joined you?” I asked—to be polite; I knew that they’dalready eaten.
Holy crap but he’s hot! Jessica thought, her head suddenly slightly incoherent.
Angela wasn’t much more composed. Wish we hadn’t eaten. Wow. Just. Wow.
Now why couldn’t I do that to Bella?
“Er…sure,” Jessica agreed.
Angela frowned. “Um, actually, Bella, we already ate while we were waiting,”
she admitted. “Sorry.”
What? Shut up! Jess complained internally.
Bella shrugged casually. So at ease. Definitely in shock. “That’s fine—I’m nothungry.”
“I think you should eat something,” I disagreed. She needed sugar in herbloodstream—though it smelled sweet enough as it was, I thought wryly. The horror wasgoing to come crashing down on her momentarily, and an empty stomach wouldn’t help.
She was an easy fainter, as I knew from experience.
These girls wouldn’t be in any danger if they went straight home. Danger didn’tstalk their every step.
And I’d rather be alone with Bella—as long as she was willing to be alone withme.
“Do you mind if I drive Bella home tonight?” I said to Jessica before Bella couldrespond. “That way you won’t have to wait while she eats.”
“Uh, no problem, I guess…” Jessica stared intently at Bella, looking for somesign that this was what she wanted.
I want to stay…but she probably wants him to herself. Who wouldn’t? Jessthought. At the same time, she watched Bella wink.
Bella winked?
“Okay,” Angela said quickly, in a hurry to be out of the way if that was whatBella wanted. And it seemed that she did want that. “See you tomorrow,Bella…Edward.” She struggled to say my name in a casual tone. Then she grabbedJessica’s hand and began towing her away.
I would have to find some way to thank Angela for this.
Jessica’s car was close by and in a bright circle of light cast by a streetlamp.
Bella watched them carefully, a little crease of concern between her eyes, until they werein the car, so she must be fully aware of the danger she’d been in. Jessica waved as shedrove away, and Bella waved back. It wasn’t until the car disappeared that she took adeep breath and turned to look up at me.
“Honestly, I’m not hungry,” she said.
Why had she waited for them to be gone before speaking? Did she truly want tobe alone with me—even now, after witnessing my homicidal rage?
Whether that was the case or not, she was going to eat something.
“Humor me,” I said.
I held the restaurant door open for her and waited.
She sighed, and walked through.
I walked beside her to the podium where the hostess waited. Bella still seemedentirely self-possessed. I wanted to touch her hand, her forehead, to check hertemperature. But my cold hand would repulse her, as it had before.
Oh, my, the hostess’s rather loud mental voice intruded into my consciousness.
My, oh my.
It seemed to be my night to turn heads. Or was I only noticing it more because Iwished so much that Bella would see me this way? We were always attractive to ourprey. I’d never thought so much about it before. Usually—unless, as with people likeShelly Cope and Jessica Stanley, there was constant repetition to dull the horror—the fearkicked in fairly quickly after the initial attraction…“A table for two?” I prompted when the hostess didn’t speak.
“Oh, er, yes. Welcome to La Bella Italia.” Mmm! What a voice! “Please followme.” Her thoughts were preoccupied—calculating.
Maybe she’s his cousin. She couldn’t be his sister, they don’t look anything alike.
But family, definitely. He can’t be with her.
Human eyes were clouded; they saw nothing clearly. How could this small-minded woman find my physical lures—snares for prey—so attractive, and yet be unableto see the soft perfection of the girl beside me?
Well, no need to help her out, just in case, the hostess thought as she led us to afamily-sized table in the middle of the most crowded part of the restaurant. Can I givehim my number while she’s there…? she mused.
I pulled a bill from my back pocket. People were invariably cooperative whenmoney was involved.
Bella was already taking the seat the hostess indicated without objection. I shookmy head at her, and she hesitated, cocking her head to one side with curiosity. Yes, shewould be very curious tonight. A crowd was not the ideal place for this conversation.
“Perhaps something more private?” I requested of the hostess, handing her themoney. Her eyes widened in surprise, and then narrowed while her hand curled aroundthe tip.
“Sure.”
She peeked at the bill while she led us around a dividing wall.
Fifty dollars for a better table? Rich, too. That makes sense—I bet his jacket costmore than my last paycheck. Damn. Why does he want privacy with her?
She offered us a booth in a quiet corner of the restaurant where no one would beable to see us—to see Bella’s reactions to whatever I would tell her. I had no clue as towhat she would want from me tonight. Or what I would give her.
How much had she guessed? What explanation of tonight’s events had she toldherself?
“How’s this?” the hostess asked.
“Perfect,” I told her and, feeling slightly annoyed by her resentful attitude towardBella, I smiled widely at her, baring my teeth. Let her see me clearly.
Whoa. “Um…your server will be right out.” He can’t be real. I must be asleep.
Maybe she’ll disappear…maybe I’ll write my number on his plate with ketchup… Shewandered aw............