The woman stepped on so many toes in making her way to the far end that the passengers were only willing to give partial forgiveness when, as the motor-omnibus started, she gave a violent jerk.

“First time I’ve ever been in one of these new-fangled contrivances.”

“It’ll be the last, if you ain’t careful,” said the conductor, punching a penny ticket.

“But I made up my mind to do it,” addressing the others.  “Down in the country where I live, they’ve been throwing it up agenst me for some time past.  And so I determined, next time I come up to see my sister, I’d take a trip by one of them, jest in order to see what happened, and—here I are.”

A youth next to her, with a girl companion, mentioned that it was a pity they so often exploded, and blew up in the air; the girl jerked with her elbow and begged him not to make her laugh in public.

p. 20“You think there’s any likelihood?” asked the country lady tremulously.  “I don’t want to get mixed up in no fatal accident, and see my name in the London papers.  Shan’t never hear the end of it if that happens.  Do they make any warning before they go off pop?”

The passengers gave up all attempt to read, and offered her their complete attention.  “So painful for friends,” said a woman opposite, winking at the rest.  “Understand what I mean.  Having to come and sort out the bits, and say, ‘That looks like Uncle James’s ear; if I could only find the other one, I should be able to start piecing him together.’  You see, they don’t allow compensation unless you can produce the complete individual.”

“That don’t seem exactly fair.”

“It isn’t fair,” agreed the humorous woman.  “But there’s lots of things like that here in London.  For instance, if the inspector came in now, and found you sitting up in the first-class part of the car, he’d want to charge you excess.”

“In that case,” she said affrightedly, taking a grip of her parcel, “I’d better move down nearer towards the door.”

They made room for her in the newly selected position; the folk there not disguising their satisfaction with the change.  The string of the parcel came undone, and they assisted p. 21her in recovering the contents.  “Giving everybody a lot of trouble,” she remarked penitently; “and that ain’t my usual plan, not by no manner of means.  Can I temp’ you with a apple, sir?  I don’t know you, and I hope you’ll excuse what looks like a liberty, but if you’re a judge of a Ribston pippin, you’ll enjoy that one.”

“I recollect,” said the man, “what ’appened in the Garden of Eden.”

“That were before my time,” she said, putting it back into her pocket.  “But I always like to reward kindness wherever I come across it.  And I must say you London folk are partic’lar nice to strangers.  Nothing you won’t do for them.  When I get back home, I shall tell my neighbours how pleasant you’ve been to me.  What’s that building supposed to be, may I ask?”  Pointing through the window at Bayswater Road.

“That,” answered the man, “is a monument put up to Julius C?sar.  The chap, you know, who was in the Battle of Trafalgar.”

“I remember.  At least, I say I remember; but that’s a lie.  I recollect reading about it when I was at school.  And isn’t this a nice open part here, too!  Trees, and goodness knows what all!”

“Richmon’ Park,” explained her informant readily.  “That’s the proper name of it.”

p. 22“Thought that was situated a long way out.”

“It’s been moved.”

“Ah, well,” she said resignedly, “I find the best plan in London is to take everything as it comes.  What I’ve always been hoping—  But there, it’s no use talking about what isn’t likely to happen.”  They pressed for details.  “It would be too much like luck for it to occur to me.  But what I’ve always wished for was that I might catch sight, just for once in my life, of the new King and Queen—”

Two passengers called her attention eagerly to a couple walking along by the railings, arm-in-arm; gave a fervid assurance.

“Well, well, well!” fanning herself with an ungloved hand.  “To think of him strolling along with a pipe in his mouth, for all the world like an ordinary individual!  And not over-dressed neither.  That’s something more for me to tell ’em when I get home.  Wouldn’t have missed the sight for anything.  But I were always under the impression that he was a gentleman with a beard.”

“Shaves it off, just about this time, every year.”

“I see,” she remarked contentedly.  “More for the sake of change, I suppose, than anything.  Talking of that, I suppose there’s nobody here could oblige me with silver for a sovereign?”

p. 23Out of sheer gratitude to an admirable target, they found the coins she required, and in giving her thanks she mentioned that the sooner now that she reached Notting Hill the better she would be pleased.  They seemed to have a desire to conceal the truth, but the conductor happened to overhear the statement; he rang the bell sharply and informed her she was going in the wrong direction.  She asked him to explain, pointing out that his conveyance certainly bore the words Notting Hill, and suggesting that he was possibly making a mistake; the delay to the motor-omnibus induced her fellow-travellers to declare that the conductor was telling the truth, and she bade them separately and collectively goodbye, expressing a hope that she might be so fortunate as to meet them again on some future visit to town.

“And which way do I go now, young man?”

“You get off the step,” replied the irritated conductor.  “You cross the roadway.  You take a ’bus going West.”

“Which do you call West?”

The motor-omnibus restarted.  Passengers gazed amusedly at her, craning necks in the hope of witnessing one more diverting incident; as she vanished they became quite friendly, wondering whether she would ever reach her destination, and speaking of the simplicity and foolishness of country folk.

p. 24“What do you make of this sovereign, conductor?”

The conductor, testing it with the aid of his teeth, announced he was able to make nothing of it; he doubted whether the owner would succeed.  Alarmed, the rest of the passengers searched muffs and pockets; three purses were missing, and some articles of less value.  Frantic inquiries for the nearest police-station.  A man who had lost nothing said he suspected the country lady all along.

“What we ought to be uncommon thankful for,” said the conductor, stopping near Edgware Road, “is that she didn’t pinch the blooming ’bus!”