Night ThoughtsYet Julia's very coldness still was kind, And tremulously gentleher small hand Withdrew itself from his, but left behind A littlepressure, thrilling, and so bland And slight, so very slight, that tothe mind Twas but a doubt.

　　Don Juan, I. 71He must, however, let himself be seen at Verrieres. As he left the Presbytery the first person he met was, by a happy chance, M. Valenod,whom he hastened to inform of the increase in his salary.

　　On his return to Vergy, Julien did not go down to the garden untilnight had set in. His heart was worn out by the multitude of powerfulemotions that had assailed it in the course of the day. 'What shall I say tothem?' he asked himself anxiously, thinking of the ladies. It never occurred to him that his spirits were precisely at the level of the trivial happenings that as a rule occupy the whole interest of women. Often Julienwas unintelligible to Madame Derville, and even to her friend, while hein turn only half understood all that they were saying to him. Such wasthe effect of the force, and, if I may use the word, of the magnitude of thewaves of passion on which the heart of this ambitious youth was beingtossed. In this strange creature almost every day was one of storm.

　　When he went into the garden that evening, Julien was ready to listenwith interest to the thoughts of the fair cousins. They awaited his comingwith impatience. He took his accustomed seat, by Madame de Renal'sside. The darkness soon became intense. He attempted to clasp a whitehand which for some time he had seen close beside him, resting on theback of a chair. There was some hesitation shown, but finally the handwas withdrawn from him in a manner which betokened displeasure.

　　Julien was prepared to regard this as final, and to continue the conversation in a light tone, when he heard M. de Renal approach.

　　 The rude words of the morning still rang in Julien's ears. 'Would itnot,' he said to himself, 'be a good way of scoring off this creature, so lavishly endowed with every material advantage, to take possession of hiswife's hand under his very eyes? Yes, I will do it, I, for whom he hasshown such contempt.'

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　　From that moment peace of mind, so ill assorted to Julien's character,speedily vanished; he desired most anxiously, and without being able tofix his mind on anything else, that Madame de Renal might consent to lethim hold her hand.

　　M. de Renal talked politics in an angry tone: two or three manufacturers at Verrieres were becoming decidedly richer than himself, andwished to oppose him at the elections. Madame Derville listened to him.

　　Julien, irritated by this talk, moved his chair nearer to Madame deRenal's. The darkness hid every movement. He ventured to place hishand close to the pretty arm which her gown left bare. Troubled, nolonger conscious of what he was doing, he moved his cheek in the direction of this pretty arm, and made bold to press his lips to it.

　　Madame de Renal shuddered. Her husband was a few feet away, shehastened to give Julien her hand, at the same time thrusting him slightlyfrom her. While M. de Renal continued his abuse of the good-for-nothings and Jacobins who were making fortunes, Julien covered the handwhich had been left in his with passionate kisses, or so at least theyseemed to Madame de Renal. And yet the poor woman had been furnished with proof, on this fatal day, that the heart of the man whom sheadored without confessing it was pledged elsewhere! Throughout thehours of Julien's absence, she had been a prey to the most abject misery,which had made her think.

　　'What,' she said to herself, 'am I to love, to have love offered to me?

　　Am I, a married woman, to fall in love? But,' she reminded herself, 'Ihave never felt that dark passion for my husband, and so I cannot tearmy mind from Julien. At heart he is only a boy filled with respect for me!

　　This folly will pass. How can it concern my husband what feelings I mayentertain for this young man? M. de Renal would be bored by the talks Ihave with Julien, about things of the imagination. He himself thinks onlyabout his business. I am taking nothing from him to give to Julien.'

　　No trace of hypocrisy came to sully the purity of this simple soul, carried away by a passion such as she had never felt. She was deceived, butquite unawares, and at the same time a virtuous instinct had taken alarm. Such were the conflicts that were agitating her when Julien appeared in the garden. She heard his voice, almost at the same momentshe saw him sit down by her side. Her heart was so to speak carriedaway by this charming happiness which for the last fortnight had astonished even more than it had bewitched her. Everything was unexpectedto her. And yet after a few moments: 'So Julien's presence is enough,' shesaid to herself, 'to wipe out all memory of his misconduct?' She tookfright; then it was that she withdrew her hand from his.

　　His kisses, filled with passion and such as she had never yet received,made her at once forget the possibility of his loving another woman.