Wherein Mr Ralph Nickleby is visited by Personswith whom the Reader has been already madeacquainted.

　　‘W hat a demnition long time you have kept me ringingat this confounded old cracked tea-kettle of a bell,every tinkle of which is enough to throw a strongman into blue convulsions, upon my life and soul, oh demmit,’—said Mr Mantalini to Newman Noggs, scraping his boots, as hespoke, on Ralph Nickleby’s scraper.

　　‘I didn’t hear the bell more than once,’ replied Newman.

　　‘Then you are most immensely and outr-i-geously deaf,’ said MrMantalini, ‘as deaf as a demnition post.’

　　Mr Mantalini had got by this time into the passage, and wasmaking his way to the door of Ralph’s office with very littleceremony, when Newman interposed his body; and hinting thatMr Nickleby was unwilling to be disturbed, inquired whether theclient’s business was of a pressing nature.

　　‘It is most demnebly particular,’ said Mr Mantalini. ‘It is to meltsome scraps of dirty paper into bright, shining, chinking, tinkling,demd mint sauce.’

　　Newman uttered a significant grunt, and taking Mr Mantalini’sproffered card, limped with it into his master’s office. As he thrusthis head in at the door, he saw that Ralph had resumed thethoughtful posture into which he had fallen after perusing hisnephew’s letter, and that he seemed to have been reading it again, as he once more held it open in his hand. The glance was butmomentary, for Ralph, being disturbed, turned to demand thecause of the interruption.

　　As Newman stated it, the cause himself swaggered into theroom, and grasping Ralph’s horny hand with uncommon affection,vowed that he had never seen him looking so well in all his life.

　　‘There is quite a bloom upon your demd countenance,’ said MrMantalini, seating himself unbidden, and arranging his hair andwhiskers. ‘You look quite juvenile and jolly, demmit!’

　　‘We are alone,’ returned Ralph, tartly. ‘What do you want withme?’

　　‘Good!’ cried Mr Mantalini, displaying his teeth. ‘What did Iwant! Yes. Ha, ha! Very good. What did I want. Ha, ha. Oh dem!’

　　‘What do you want, man?’ demanded Ralph, sternly.

　　‘Demnition discount,’ returned Mr Mantalini, with a grin, andshaking his head waggishly.

　　‘Money is scarce,’ said Ralph.

　　‘Demd scarce, or I shouldn’t want it,’ interrupted Mr Mantalini.

　　‘The times are bad, and one scarcely knows whom to trust,’

　　continued Ralph. ‘I don’t want to do business just now, in fact Iwould rather not; but as you are a friend—how many bills haveyou there?’

　　‘Two,’ returned Mr Mantalini.

　　‘What is the gross amount?’

　　‘Demd trifling—five-and-seventy.’

　　‘And the dates?’

　　‘Two months, and four.’

　　‘I’ll do them for you—mind, for you; I wouldn’t for manypeople—for five-and-twenty pounds,’ said Ralph, deliberately.

　　 ‘Oh demmit!’ cried Mr Mantalini, whose face lengthenedconsiderably at this handsome proposal.

　　‘Why, that leaves you fifty,’ retorted Ralph. ‘What would youhave? Let me see the names.’

　　‘You are so demd hard, Nickleby,’ remonstrated Mr Mantalini.

　　‘Let me see the names,’ replied Ralph, impatiently extendinghis hand for the bills. ‘Well! They are not sure, but they are safeenough. Do you consent to the terms, and will you take themoney? I don’t want you to do so. I would rather you didn’t.’

　　‘Demmit, Nickleby, can’t you—’ began Mr Mantalini.

　　‘No,’ replied Ralph, interrupting him. ‘I can’t. Will you take themoney—down, mind; no delay, no going into the city andpretending to negotiate with some other party who has noexistence, and never had. Is it a bargain, or is it not?’

　　Ralph pushed some papers from him as he spoke, andcarelessly rattled his cash-box, as though by mere accident. Thesound was too much for Mr Mantalini. He closed the bargaindirectly it reached his ears, and Ralph told the money out uponthe table.

　　He had scarcely done so, and Mr Mantalini had not yetgathered it all up, when a ring was heard at the bell, andimmediately afterwards Newman ushered in no less a person thanMadame Mantalini, at sight of whom Mr Mantalini evincedconsiderable discomposure, and swept the cash into his pocketwith remarkable alacrity.

　　‘Oh, you are here,’ said Madame Mantalini, tossing her head.

　　‘Yes, my life and soul, I am,’ replied her husband, dropping onhis knees, and pouncing with kitten-like playfulness upon a straysovereign. ‘I am here, my soul’s delight, upon Tom Tiddler’s ground, picking up the demnition gold and silver.’

　　‘I am ashamed of you,’ said Madame Mantalini, with muchindignation.

　　‘Ashamed—of me, my joy? It knows it is talking demd charmingsweetness, but naughty fibs,’ returned Mr Mantalini. ‘It knows it isnot ashamed of its own popolorum tibby.’

　　Whatever were the circumstances which had led to such aresult, it certainly appeared as though the popolorum tibby hadrather miscalculated, for the nonce, the extent of his lady’saffection. Madame Mantalini only looked scornful in reply; and,turning to Ralph, begged him to excuse her intrusion.

　　‘Which is entirely attributable,’ said Madame, ‘to the grossmisconduct and most improper behaviour of Mr Mantalini.’

　　‘Of me, my essential juice of pineapple!’

　　‘Of you,’ returned his wife. ‘But I will not allow it. I will notsubmit to be ruined by the extravagance and profligacy of anyman. I call Mr Nickleby to witness the course I intend to pursuewith you.’

　　‘Pray don’t call me to witness anything, ma’am,’ said Ralph.

　　‘Settle it between yourselves, settle it between yourselves.’

　　‘No, but I must beg you as a favour,’ said Madame Mantalini, ‘tohear me give him notice of what it is my fixed intention to do—myfixed intention, sir,’ repeated Madame Mantalini, darting an angrylook at her husband.

　　‘Will she call me “Sir”?’ cried Mantalini. ‘Me who dote upon herwith the demdest ardour! She, who coils her fascinations roundme like a pure angelic rattlesnake! It will be all up with myfeelings; she will throw me into a demd state.’

　　‘Don’t talk of feelings, sir,’ rejoined Madame Mantalini, seating herself, and turning her back upon him. ‘You don’t consider mine.’

　　‘I do not consider yours, my soul!’ exclaimed Mr Mantalini.

　　‘No,’ replied his wife.

　　And notwithstanding various blandishments on the part of MrMantalini, Madame Mantalini still said no, and said it too withsuch determined and resolute ill-temper, that Mr Mantalini wasclearly taken aback.

　　‘His extravagance, Mr Nickleby,’ said Madame Mantalini,addressing herself to Ralph, who leant against his easy-chair withhis hands behind him, and regarded the amiable couple with asmile of the supremest and most unmitigated contempt,—‘hisextravagance is beyond all bounds.’

　　‘I should scarcely have supposed it,’ answered Ralph,sarcastically.

　　‘I assure you, Mr Nickleby, however, that it is,’ returnedMadame Mantalini. ‘It makes me miserable! I am under constantapprehensions, and in constant difficulty. And even this,’ saidMadame Mantalini, wiping her eyes, ‘is not the worst. He tooksome papers of value out of my desk this morning without askingmy permission.’

　　Mr Mantalini groaned slightly, and buttoned his trouserspocket.

　　‘I am obliged,’ continued Madame Mantalini, ‘since our latemisfortunes, to pay Miss Knag a great deal of money for havingher name in the business, and I really cannot afford to encouragehim in all his wastefulness. As I have no doubt that he camestraight here, Mr Nickleby, to convert the papers I have spoken of,into money, and as you have assisted us very often before, and arevery much connected with us in this kind of matters, I wish you to know the determination at which his conduct has compelled me toarrive.’

　　Mr Mantalini groaned once more from behind his wife’s bonnet,and fitting a sovereign into one of his eyes, winked with the otherat Ralph. Having achieved this performance with great dexterity,he whipped the coin into his pocket, and groaned again withincreased penitence.

　　‘I have made up my mind,’ said Madame Mantalini, as tokens ofimpatience manifested themselves in Ralph’s countenance, ‘toallowance him.’

　　‘To do that, my joy?’ inquired Mr Mantalini, who did not seemto have caught the words.

　　‘To put him,’ said Madame Mantalini, looking at Ralph, andprudently abstaining from the slightest glance at her husband, lesthis many graces should induce her to falter in her resolution, ‘toput him upon a fixed allowance; and I say that if he has a hundredand twenty pounds a year for his clothes and pocket-money, hemay consider himself a very fortunate man.’

　　Mr Mantalini waited, with much decorum, to hear the amountof the proposed stipend, but when it reached his ears, he cast hishat and cane upon the floor, and drawing out his pocket-handkerchief, gave vent to his feelings in a dismal moan.

　　‘Demnition!’ cried Mr Mantalini, suddenly skipping out of hischair, and as suddenly skipping into it again, to the greatdiscomposure of his lady’s nerves. ‘But no. It is a demd horriddream. It is not reality. No!’

　　Comforting himself with this assurance, Mr Mantalini closed hiseyes and waited patiently till such time as he should wake up.

　　‘A very judicious arrangement,’ observed Ralph with a sneer, ‘if your husband will keep within it, ma’am—as no doubt he will.’

　　‘Demmit!’ exclaimed Mr Mantalini, opening his eyes at thesound of Ralph’s voice, ‘it is a horrid reality. She is sitting therebefore me. There is the graceful outline of her form; it cannot bemistaken—there is nothing like it. The two countesses had nooutlines at all, and the dowager’s was a demd outline. Why is sheso excruciatingly beautiful that I cannot be angry with her, evennow?’

　　‘You have brought it upon yourself, Alfred,’ returned MadameMantalini—still reproachfully, but in a softened tone.

　　‘I am a demd villain!’ cried Mr Mantalini, smiting himself on thehead. ‘I will fill my pockets with change for a sovereign inhalfpence and drown myself in the Thames; but I will not be angrywith her, even then, for I will put a note in the twopenny-post as Igo along, to tell her where the body is. She will be a lovely widow. Ishall be a body. Some handsome women will cry; she will laughdemnebly.’

　　‘Alfred, you cruel, cruel creature,’ said Madame Mantalini,sobbing at the dreadful picture.

　　‘She calls me cruel—me—me—who for her sake will become ademd, damp, moist, unpleasant body!’ exclaimed Mr Mantalini.

　　‘You know it almost breaks my heart, even to hear you talk ofsuch a thing,’ replied Madame Mantalini.

　　‘Can I live to be mistrusted?’ cried her husband. ‘Have I cut myheart into a demd extraordinary number of little pieces, and giventhem all away, one after another, to the same little engrossingdemnition captivater, and can I live to be suspected by her?

　　Demmit, no I can’t.’

　　‘Ask Mr Nickleby whether the sum I have mentioned is not a proper one,’ reasoned Madame Mantalini.

　　‘I don’t want any sum,’ replied her disconsolate husband; ‘Ishall require no demd allowance. I will be a body.’

　　On this repetition of Mr Mantalini’s fatal threat, MadameMantalini wrung her hands, and implored the interference ofRalph Nickleby; and after a great quantity of tears and talking,and several attempts on the part of Mr Mantalini to reach thedoor, preparatory to straightway committing violence uponhimself, that gentleman was prevailed upon, with difficulty, topromise that he wouldn’t be a body. This great point attained,Madame Mantalini argued the question of the allowance, and MrMantalini did the same, taking occasion to show that he could livewith uncommon satisfaction upon bread and water, and go clad inrags, but that he could not support existence with the additionalburden of being mistrusted by the object of his most devoted anddisinterested affection. This brought fresh tears into MadameMantalini’s eyes, which having just begun to open to some few ofthe demerits of Mr Mantalini, were only open a very little way, andcould be easily closed again. The result was, that without quitegiving up the allowance question, Madame Mantalini, postponedits further consideration; and Ralph saw, clearly enough, that MrMantalini had gained a fresh lease of his easy life, and that, forsome time longer at all events, his degradation and downfall werepostponed.

　　‘But it will come soon enough,’ thought Ralph; ‘all love—bah!

　　that I should use the cant of boys and girls—is fleeting enough;though that which has its sole root in the admiration of awhiskered face like that of yonder baboon, perhaps lasts thelongest, as it originates in the greater blindness and is fed by vanity. Meantime the fools bring grist to my mill, so let them liveout their day, and the longer it is, the better.’

　　These agreeable reflections occurred to Ralph Nickleby, assundry small caresses and endearments, supposed to be unseen,were exchanged between the objects of his thoughts.

　　‘If you have nothing more to say, my dear, to Mr Nickleby,’ saidMadame Mantalini, ‘we will take our leaves. I am sure we havedetained him much too long already.’

　　Mr Mantalini answered, in the first instance, by tappingMadame Mantalini several times on the nose, and then, byremarking in words that he had nothing more to say.

　　‘Demmit! I have, though,’ he added almost immediately,drawing Ralph into a corner. ‘Here’s an affair about your friendSir Mulberry. Such a demd extraordinary out-of-the-way kind ofthing as never was—eh?’

　　‘What do you mean?’ asked Ralph.

　　‘Don’t you know, demmit?’ asked Mr Mantalini.

　　‘I see by the paper that he was thrown from his cabriolet lastnight, and severely injured, and that his life is in some danger,’

　　answered Ralph with great composure; ‘but I see nothingextraordinary in that—accidents are not miraculous events, whenmen live hard, and drive after dinner.’

　　‘Whew!’ cried Mr Mantalini in a long shrill whistle. ‘Then don’tyou know how it was?’

　　‘Not unless it was as I have just supposed,’ replied Ralph,shrugging his shoulders carelessly, as if to give his questioner tounderstand that he had no curiosity upon the subject.

　　‘Demmit, you amaze me,’ cried Mantalini.

　　Ralph shrugged his shoulders again, as if it were no great feat to amaze Mr Mantalini, and cast a wistful glance at the face ofNewman Noggs, which had several times appeared behind acouple of panes of glass in the room door; it being a part ofNewman’s duty, when unimportant people called, to make variousfeints of supposing that the bell had rung for him to show themout: by way of a gentle hint to such visitors that it was time to go.

　　‘Don’t you know,’ said Mr Mantalini, taking Ralph by thebutton, ‘that it wasn’t an accident at all, but a demd, furious,manslaughtering attack made upon him by your nephew?’

　　‘What!’ snarled Ralph, clenching his fists and turning a lividwhite.

　　‘Demmit, Nickleby, you’re as great a tiger as he is,’ saidMantalini, alarmed at these demonstrations.

　　‘Go on,’ cried Ralph. ‘Tell me what you mean. What is thisstory? Who told you? Speak,’ growled Ralph. ‘Do you hear me?’

　　‘‘Gad, Nickleby,’ said Mr Mantalini, retreating towards his wife,‘what a demneble fierce old evil genius you are! You’re enough tofrighten the life and soul out of her little delicious wits—flying allat once into such a blazing, ravaging, raging passion as never was,demmit!’

　　‘Pshaw,’ rejoined Ralph, forcing a smile. ‘It is but manner.’

　　‘It is a demd uncomfortable, private-madhouse-sort of amanner,’ said Mr Mantalini, picking up his cane.

　　Ralph affected to smile, and once more inquired from whom MrMantalini had derived his information.

　　‘From Pyke; and a demd, fine, pleasant, gentlemanly dog it is,’

　　replied Mantalini. ‘Demnition pleasant, and a tip-top sawyer.’

　　‘And what said he?’ asked Ralph, knitting his brows.

　　‘That it happened this way—that your nephew met him at a coffeehouse, fell upon him with the most demneble ferocity,followed him to his cab, swore he would ride home with him, if herode upon the horse’s back or hooked himself on to the horse’stail; smashed his countenance, which is a demd fine countenancein its natural state; frightened the horse, pitched out Sir Mulberryand himself, and—’

　　‘And was killed?’ interposed Ralph with gleaming eyes. ‘Washe? Is he dead?’

　　Mantalini shook his head.

　　‘Ugh,’ said Ralph, turning away. ‘Then he has done nothing.

　　Stay,’ he added, looking round again. ‘He broke a leg or an arm, orput his shoulder out, or fractured his collar-bone, or ground a ribor two? His neck was saved for the halter, but he got some painfuland slow-healing injury for his trouble? Did he? You must haveheard that, at least.’

　　‘No,’ rejoined Mantalini, shaking his head again. ‘Unless he wasdashed into such little pieces that they blew away, he wasn’t hurt,for he went off as quiet and comfortable as—as—as demnition,’

　　said Mr Mantalini, rather at a loss for a simile.

　　‘And what,’ said Ralph, hesitating a little, ‘what was the cause ofquarrel?’

　　‘You are the demdest, knowing hand,’ replied Mr Mantalini, inan admiring tone, ‘the cunningest, rummest, superlativest oldfox—oh dem!—to pretend now not to know that it was the littlebright-eyed niece—the softest, sweetest, prettiest—’

　　‘Alfred!’ interposed Madame Mantalini.

　　‘She is always right,’ rejoined Mr Mantalini soothingly, ‘andwhen she says it is time to go, it is time, and go she shall; and whenshe walks along the streets with her own tulip, the women shall say, with envy, she has got a demd fine husband; and the menshall say with rapture, he has got a demd fine wife; and they shallboth be right and neither wrong, upon my life and soul—ohdemmit!’

　　With which remarks, and many more, no less intellectual and tothe purpose, Mr Mantalini kissed the fingers of his gloves to RalphNickleby, and drawing his l............