Madame Mantalini finds herself in a Situation ofsome Difficulty, and Miss Nickleby finds herself inno Situation at all.
The agitation she had undergone, rendered Kate Nicklebyunable to resume her duties at the dressmaker’s for threedays, at the expiration of which interval she betook herselfat the accustomed hour, and with languid steps, to the temple offashion where Madame Mantalini reigned paramount andsupreme.
The ill-will of Miss Knag had lost nothing of its virulence in theinterval. The young ladies still scrupulously shrunk from allcompanionship with their denounced associate; and when thatexemplary female arrived a few minutes afterwards, she was at nopains to conceal the displeasure with which she regarded Kate’sreturn.
‘Upon my word!’ said Miss Knag, as the satellites flocked round,to relieve her of her bonnet and shawl; ‘I should have thoughtsome people would have had spirit enough to stop awayaltogether, when they know what an incumbrance their presenceis to right-minded persons. But it’s a queer world; oh! it’s a queerworld!’
Miss Knag, having passed this comment on the world, in thetone in which most people do pass comments on the world whenthey are out of temper, that is to say, as if they by no meansbelonged to it, concluded by heaving a sigh, wherewith she seemed meekly to compassionate the wickedness of mankind.
The attendants were not slow to echo the sigh, and Miss Knagwas apparently on the eve of favouring them with some furthermoral reflections, when the voice of Madame Mantalini, conveyedthrough the speaking-tube, ordered Miss Nickleby upstairs toassist in the arrangement of the show-room; a distinction whichcaused Miss Knag to toss her head so much, and bite her lips sohard, that her powers of conversation were, for the time,annihilated.
‘Well, Miss Nickleby, child,’ said Madame Mantalini, when Katepresented herself; ‘are you quite well again?’
‘A great deal better, thank you,’ replied Kate.
‘I wish I could say the same,’ remarked Madame Mantalini,seating herself with an air of weariness.
‘Are you ill?’ asked Kate. ‘I am very sorry for that.’
‘Not exactly ill, but worried, child—worried,’ rejoined Madame.
‘I am still more sorry to hear that,’ said Kate, gently. ‘Bodilyillness is more easy to bear than mental.’
‘Ah! and it’s much easier to talk than to bear either,’ saidMadame, rubbing her nose with much irritability of manner.
‘There, get to your work, child, and put the things in order, do.’
While Kate was wondering within herself what these symptomsof unusual vexation portended, Mr Mantalini put the tips of hiswhiskers, and, by degrees, his head, through the half-opened door,and cried in a soft voice—‘Is my life and soul there?’
‘No,’ replied his wife.
‘How can it say so, when it is blooming in the front room like alittle rose in a demnition flower-pot?’ urged Mantalini. ‘May its poppet come in and talk?’
‘Certainly not,’ replied Madame: ‘you know I never allow youhere. Go along!’
The poppet, however, encouraged perhaps by the relentingtone of this reply, ventured to rebel, and, stealing into the room,made towards Madame Mantalini on tiptoe, blowing her a kiss ashe came along.
‘Why will it vex itself, and twist its little face into bewitchingnutcrackers?’ said Mantalini, putting his left arm round the waistof his life and soul, and drawing her towards him with his right.
‘Oh! I can’t bear you,’ replied his wife.
‘Not—eh, not bear me!’ exclaimed Mantalini. ‘Fibs, fibs. Itcouldn’t be. There’s not a woman alive, that could tell me such athing to my face—to my own face.’ Mr Mantalini stroked his chin,as he said this, and glanced complacently at an opposite mirror.
‘Such destructive extravagance,’ reasoned his wife, in a lowtone.
‘All in its joy at having gained such a lovely creature, such alittle Venus, such a demd, enchanting, bewitching, engrossing,captivating little Venus,’ said Mantalini.
‘See what a situation you have placed me in!’ urged Madame.
‘No harm will come, no harm shall come, to its own darling,’
rejoined Mr Mantalini. ‘It is all over; there will be nothing thematter; money shall be got in; and if it don’t come in fast enough,old Nickleby shall stump up again, or have his jugular separated ifhe dares to vex and hurt the little—’
‘Hush!’ interposed Madame. ‘Don’t you see?’
Mr Mantalini, who, in his eagerness to make up matters withhis wife, had overlooked, or feigned to overlook, Miss Nickleby hitherto, took the hint, and laying his finger on his lip, sunk hisvoice still lower. There was, then, a great deal of whispering,during which Madame Mantalini appeared to make reference,more than once, to certain debts incurred by Mr Mantaliniprevious to her coverture; and also to an unexpected outlay ofmoney in payment of the aforesaid debts; and furthermore, tocertain agreeable weaknesses on that gentleman’s part, such asgaming, wasting, idling, and a tendency to horse-flesh; each ofwhich matters of accusation Mr Mantalini disposed of, by one kissor more, as its relative importance demanded. The upshot of it allwas, that Madame Mantalini was in raptures with him, and thatthey went upstairs to breakfast.
Kate busied herself in what she had to do, and was silentlyarranging the various articles of decoration in the best taste shecould display, when she started to hear a strange man’s voice inthe room, and started again, to observe, on looking round, that awhite hat, and a red neckerchief, and a broad round face, and alarge head, and part of a green coat were in the room too.
‘Don’t alarm yourself, miss,’ said the proprietor of theseappearances. ‘I say; this here’s the mantie-making consarn, an’tit?’
‘Yes,’ rejoined Kate, greatly astonished. ‘What did you want?’
The stranger answered not; but, first looking back, as though tobeckon to some unseen person outside, came, very deliberately,into the room, and was closely followed by a little man in brown,very much the worse for wear, who brought with him a mingledfumigation of stale tobacco and fresh onions. The clothes of thisgentleman were much bespeckled with flue; and his shoes,stockings, and nether garments, from his heels to the waist buttons of his coat inclusive, were profusely embroidered withsplashes of mud, caught a fortnight previously—before the setting-in of the fine weather.
Kate’s very natural impression was, that these engagingindividuals had called with the view of possessing themselves,unlawfully, of any portable articles that chanced to strike theirfancy. She did not attempt to disguise her apprehensions, andmade a move towards the door.
‘Wait a minnit,’ said the man in the green coat, closing it softly,and standing with his back against it. ‘This is a unpleasant bisness.
Vere’s your govvernor?’
‘My what—did you say?’ asked Kate, trembling; for she thought‘governor’ might be slang for watch or money.
‘Mister Muntlehiney,’ said the man. ‘Wot’s come on him? Is heat home?’
‘He is above stairs, I believe,’ replied Kate, a little reassured bythis inquiry. ‘Do you want him?’
‘No,’ replied the visitor. ‘I don’t ezactly want him, if it’s made afavour on. You can jist give him that ’ere card, and tell him if hewants to speak to me, and save trouble, here I am; that’s all.’
With these words, the stranger put a thick square card intoKate’s hand, and, turning to his friend, remarked, with an easy air,‘that the rooms was a good high pitch;’ to which the friendassented, adding, by way of illustration, ‘that there was lots ofroom for a little boy to grow up a man in either on ’em, vithoutmuch fear of his ever bringing his head into contract vith theceiling.’
After ringing the bell which would summon Madame Mantalini,Kate glanced at the card, and saw that it displayed the name of ‘Scaley,’ together with some other information to which she hadnot had time to refer, when her attention was attracted by MrScaley himself, who, walking up to one of the cheval-glasses, gaveit a hard poke in the centre with his stick, as coolly as if it hadbeen made of cast iron.
‘Good plate this here, Tix,’ said Mr Scaley to his friend.
‘Ah!’ rejoined Mr Tix, placing the marks of his four fingers, anda duplicate impression of his thumb, on a piece of sky-blue silk;‘and this here article warn’t made for nothing, mind you.’
From the silk, Mr Tix transferred his admiration to someelegant articles of wearing apparel, while Mr Scaley adjusted hisneckcloth, at leisure, before the glass, and afterwards, aided by itsreflection, proceeded to the minute consideration of a pimple onhis chin; in which absorbing occupation he was yet engaged, whenMadame Mantalini, entering the room, uttered an exclamation ofsurprise which roused him.
‘Oh! Is this the missis?’ inquired Scaley.
‘It is Madame Mantalini,’ said Kate.
‘Then,’ said Mr Scaley, producing a small document from hispocket and unfolding it very slowly, ‘this is a writ of execution, andif it’s not conwenient to settle we’ll go over the house at wunst,please, and take the inwentory.’
Poor Madame Mantalini wrung her hands for grief, and rungthe bell for her husband; which done, she fell into a chair and afainting fit, simultaneously. The professional gentlemen, however,were not at all discomposed by this event, for Mr Scaley, leaningupon a stand on which a handsome dress was displayed (so thathis shoulders appeared above it, in nearly the same manner as theshoulders of the lady for whom it was designed would have done if she had had it on), pushed his hat on one side and scratched hishead with perfect unconcern, while his friend Mr Tix, taking thatopportunity for a general survey of the apartment preparatory toentering on business, stood with his inventory-book under his armand his hat in his hand, mentally occupied in putting a price uponevery object within his range of vision.
Such was the posture of affairs when Mr Mantalini hurried in;and as that distinguished specimen had had a pretty extensiveintercourse with Mr Scaley’s fraternity in his bachelor days, andwas, besides, very far from being taken by surprise on the presentagitating occasion, he merely shrugged his shoulders, thrust hishands down to the bottom of his pockets, elevated his eyebrows,whistled a bar or two, swore an oath or two, and, sitting astrideupon a chair, put the best face upon the matter with greatcomposure and decency.
‘What’s the demd total?’ was the first question he asked.
‘Fifteen hundred and twenty-seven pound, four and ninepenceha’penny,’ replied Mr Scaley, without moving a limb.
‘The halfpenny be demd,’ said Mr Mantalini, impatiently.
‘By all means if you vish it,’ retorted Mr Scaley; ‘and theninepence.’
‘It don’t matter to us if the fifteen hundred and twenty-sevenpound went along with it, that I know on,’ observed Mr Tix.
‘Not a button,’ said Scaley.
‘Well,’ said the same gentleman, after a pause, ‘wot’s to bedone—anything? Is it only a small crack, or a out-and-out smash?
A break-up of the constitootion is it?—werry good. Then Mr TomTix, esk-vire, you must inform your angel wife and lovely family asyou won’t sleep at home for three nights to come, along of being in possession here. Wot’s the good of the lady a fretting herself?’
continued Mr Scaley, as Madame Mantalini sobbed. ‘A good half ofwot’s here isn’t paid for, I des-say, and wot a consolation oughtn’tthat to be to her feelings!’
With these remarks, combining great pleasantry with soundmoral encouragement under difficulties, Mr Scaley proceeded totake the inventory, in which delicate task he was materiallyassisted by the uncommon tact and experience of Mr Tix, thebroker.
‘My cup of happiness’s sweetener,’ said Mantalini, approachinghis wife with a penitent air; ‘will you listen to me for two minutes?’
‘Oh! don’t speak to me,’ replied his wife, sobbing. ‘You haveruined me, and that’s enough.’
Mr Mantalini, who had doubtless well considered his part, nosooner heard these words pronounced in a tone of grief andseverity, than he recoiled several paces, assumed an expression ofconsuming mental agony, rushed headlong from the room, andwas, soon afterwards, heard to slam the door of an upstairsdressing-room with great violence.
‘Miss Nickleby,’ cried Madame Mantalini, when this sound mether ear, ‘make haste, for Heaven’s sake, he will destroy himself! Ispoke unkindly to him, and he cannot bear it from me. Alfred, mydarling Alfred.’
With such exclamations, she hurried upstairs, followed by Katewho, although she did not quite participate in the fond wife’sapprehensions, was a little flurried, nevertheless. The dressing-room door being hastily flung open, Mr Mantalini was disclosed toview, with his shirt-collar symmetrically thrown back: putting afine edge to a breakfast knife by means of his razor strop.
‘Ah!’ cried Mr Mantalini, ‘interrupted!’ and whisk went thebreakfast knife into Mr Mantalini’s dressing-gown pocket, whileMr Mantalini’s eyes rolled wildly, and his hair floating in wilddisorder, mingled with his whiskers.
‘Alfred,’ cried his wife, flinging her arms about him, ‘I didn’tmean to say it, I didn’t mean to say it!’
‘Ruined!’ cried Mr Mantalini. ‘Have I brought ruin upon thebest and purest creature that ever blessed a demnition vagabond!
Demmit, let me go.’ At this crisis of his ravings Mr Mantalini madea pluck at the breakfast knife, and being restrained by his wife’sgrasp, attempted to dash his head against the wall—taking verygood care to be at least six feet from it.
‘Compose yourself, my own angel,’ said Madame. ‘It wasnobody’s fault; it was mine as much as yours, we shall do very wellyet. Come, Alfred, come.’
Mr Mantalini did not think proper to come to, all at once; but,after calling several times for poison, and requesting some lady orgentleman to blow his brains out, gentler feelings came upon him,and he wept pathetically. In this softened frame of mind he did notoppose the capture of the knife—which, to tell the truth, he wasrather glad to be rid of, as an inconvenient and dangerous articlefor a skirt pocket—and finally he suffered himself to be led awayby his affectionate partner.
After a delay of two or three hours, the young ladies wereinformed that their services would be dispensed with until furthernotice, and at the expiration of two days, the name of Mantaliniappeared in the list of bankrupts: Miss Nickleby received anintimation per post, on the same mo............