Whereby the Reader will be enabled to trace thefurther course of Miss Fanny Squeer’s Love, and toascertain whether it ran smooth or otherwise.

　　It was a fortunate circumstance for Miss Fanny Squeers, thatwhen her worthy papa returned home on the night of thesmall tea-party, he was what the initiated term ‘too far gone’

　　to observe the numerous tokens of extreme vexation of spiritwhich were plainly visible in her countenance. Being, however, ofa rather violent and quarrelsome mood in his cups, it is notimpossible that he might have fallen out with her, either on this orsome imaginary topic, if the young lady had not, with a foresightand prudence highly commendable, kept a boy up, on purpose, tobear the first brunt of the good gentleman’s anger; which, havingvented itself in a variety of kicks and cuffs, subsided sufficiently toadmit of his being persuaded to go to bed. Which he did with hisboots on, and an umbrella under his arm.

　　The hungry servant attended Miss Squeers in her own roomaccording to custom, to curl her hair, perform the other littleoffices of her toilet, and administer as much flattery as she couldget up, for the purpose; for Miss Squeers was quite lazy enough(and sufficiently vain and frivolous withal) to have been a finelady; and it was only the arbitrary distinctions of rank and stationwhich prevented her from being one.

　　‘How lovely your hair do curl tonight, miss!’ said thehandmaiden. ‘I declare if it isn’t a pity and a shame to brush it out!’

　　‘Hold your tongue!’ replied Miss Squeers wrathfully.

　　Some considerable experience prevented the girl from being atall surprised at any outbreak of ill-temper on the part of MissSqueers. Having a half-perception of what had occurred in thecourse of the evening, she changed her mode of making herselfagreeable, and proceeded on the indirect tack.

　　‘Well, I couldn’t help saying, miss, if you was to kill me for it,’

　　said the attendant, ‘that I never see nobody look so vulgar as MissPrice this night.’

　　Miss Squeers sighed, and composed herself to listen.

　　‘I know it’s very wrong in me to say so, miss,’ continued the girl,delighted to see the impression she was making, ‘Miss Price beinga friend of your’n, and all; but she do dress herself out so, and goon in such a manner to get noticed, that—oh—well, if people onlysaw themselves!’

　　‘What do you mean, Phib?’ asked Miss Squeers, looking in herown little glass, where, like most of us, she saw—not herself, butthe reflection of some pleasant image in her own brain. ‘How youtalk!’

　　‘Talk, miss! It’s enough to make a Tom cat talk Frenchgrammar, only to see how she tosses her head,’ replied thehandmaid.

　　‘She does toss her head,’ observed Miss Squeers, with an air ofabstraction.

　　‘So vain, and so very—very plain,’ said the girl.

　　‘Poor ’Tilda!’ sighed Miss Squeers, compassionately.

　　‘And always laying herself out so, to get to be admired,’ pursuedthe servant. ‘Oh, dear! It’s positive indelicate.’

　　 ‘I can’t allow you to talk in that way, Phib,’ said Miss Squeers.

　　‘’Tilda’s friends are low people, and if she don’t know any better,it’s their fault, and not hers.’

　　‘Well, but you know, miss,’ said Phoebe, for which name ‘Phib’

　　was used as a patronising abbreviation, ‘if she was only to takecopy by a friend—oh! if she only knew how wrong she was, andwould but set herself right by you, what a nice young woman shemight be in time!’

　　‘Phib,’ rejoined Miss Squeers, with a stately air, ‘it’s not properfor me to hear these comparisons drawn; they make ’Tilda look acoarse improper sort of person, and it seems unfriendly in me tolisten to them. I would rather you dropped the subject, Phib; at thesame time, I must say, that if ’Tilda Price would take pattern bysomebody—not me particularly—’

　　‘Oh yes; you, miss,’ interposed Phib.

　　‘Well, me, Phib, if you will have it so,’ said Miss Squeers. ‘I mustsay, that if she would, she would be all the better for it.’

　　‘So somebody else thinks, or I am much mistaken,’ said the girlmysteriously.

　　‘What do you mean?’ demanded Miss Squeers.

　　‘Never mind, miss,’ replied the girl; ‘I know what I know; that’sall.’

　　‘Phib,’ said Miss Squeers dramatically, ‘I insist upon yourexplaining yourself. What is this dark mystery? Speak.’

　　‘Why, if you will have it, miss, it’s this,’ said the servant girl. ‘MrJohn Browdie thinks as you think; and if he wasn’t too far gone todo it creditable, he’d be very glad to be off with Miss Price, and onwith Miss Squeers.’

　　‘Gracious heavens!’ exclaimed Miss Squeers, clasping her hands with great dignity. ‘What is this?’

　　‘Truth, ma’am, and nothing but truth,’ replied the artful Phib.

　　‘What a situation!’ cried Miss Squeers; ‘on the brink ofunconsciously destroying the peace and happiness of my own’Tilda. What is the reason that men fall in love with me, whether Ilike it or not, and desert their chosen intendeds for my sake?’

　　‘Because they can’t help it, miss,’ replied the girl; ‘the reason’splain.’ (If Miss Squeers were the reason, it was very plain.)‘Never let me hear of it again,’ retorted Miss Squeers. ‘Never!

　　Do you hear? ’Tilda Price has faults—many faults—but I wish herwell, and above all I wish her married; for I think it highlydesirable—most desirable from the very nature of her failings—that she should be married as soon as possible. No, Phib. Let herhave Mr Browdie. I may pity him, poor fellow; but I have a greatregard for ’Tilda, and only hope she may make a better wife than Ithink she will.’

　　With this effusion of feeling, Miss Squeers went to bed.

　　Spite is a little word; but it represents as strange a jumble offeelings, and compound of discords, as any polysyllable in thelanguage. Miss Squeers knew as well in her heart of hearts thatwhat the miserable serving-girl had said was sheer, coarse, lyingflattery, as did the girl herself; yet the mere opportunity of ventinga little ill-nature against the offending Miss Price, and affecting tocompassionate her weaknesses and foibles, though only in thepresence of a solitary dependant, was almost as great a relief toher spleen as if the whole had been gospel truth. Nay, more. Wehave such extraordinary powers of persuasion when they areexerted over ourselves, that Miss Squeers felt quite high-mindedand great after her noble renunciation of John Browdie’s hand, and looked down upon her rival with a kind of holy calmness andtranquillity, that had a mighty effect in soothing her ruffledfeelings.

　　This happy state of mind had some influence in bringing abouta reconciliation; for, when a knock came at the front-door nextday, and the miller’s daughter was announced, Miss Squeersbetook herself to the parlour in a Christian frame of spirit,perfectly beautiful to behold.

　　‘Well, Fanny,’ said the miller’s daughter, ‘you see I have cometo see you, although we had some words last night.’

　　‘I pity your bad passions, ’Tilda,’ replied Miss Squeers, ‘but Ibear no malice. I am above it.’

　　‘Don’t be cross, Fanny,’ said Miss Price. ‘I have come to tell yousomething that I know will please you.’

　　‘What may that be, ’Tilda?’ demanded Miss Squeers; screwingup her lips, and looking as if nothing in earth, air, fire, or water,could afford her the slightest gleam of satisfaction.

　　‘This,’ rejoined Miss Price. ‘After we left here last night Johnand I had a dreadful quarrel.’

　　‘That doesn’t please me,’ said Miss Squeers—relaxing into asmile though.

　　‘Lor! I wouldn’t think so bad of you as to suppose it did,’

　　rejoined her companion. ‘That’s not it.’

　　‘Oh!’ said Miss Squeers, relapsing into melancholy. ‘Go on.’

　　‘After a great deal of wrangling, and saying we would never seeeach other any more,’ continued Miss Price, ‘we made it up, andthis morning John went and wrote our names down to be put up,for the first time, next Sunday, so we shall be married in threeweeks, and I give you notice to get your frock made.’

　　 There was mingled gall and honey in this intelligence. Theprospect of the friend’s being married so soon was the gall, andthe certainty of her not entertaining serious designs upon Nicholaswas the honey. Upon the whole, the sweet greatly preponderatedover the bitter, so Miss Squeers said she would get the frock made,and that she hoped ’Tilda might be happy, though at the sametime she didn’t know, and would not have her build too muchupon it, for men were strange creatures, and a great many marriedwomen were very miserable, and wished themselves single againwith all their hearts; to which condolences Miss Squeers addedothers equally calculated to raise her friend’s spirits and promoteher cheerfulness of mind.

　　‘But come now, Fanny,’ said Miss Price, ‘I want to have a wordor two with you about young Mr Nickleby.’

　　‘He is nothing to me,’ interrupted Miss Squeers, with hystericalsymptoms. ‘I despise him too much!’

　　‘Oh, you don’t mean that, I am sure?’ replied her friend.

　　‘Confess, Fanny; don’t you like him now?’

　　Without returning any direct reply, Miss Squeers, all at once,fell into a paroxysm of spiteful tears, and exclaimed that she was awretched, neglected, miserable castaway.

　　‘I hate everybody,’ said Miss Squeers, ‘and I wish thateverybody was dead—that I do.’

　　‘Dear, dear,’ said Miss Price, quite moved by this avowal ofmisanthropical sentiments. ‘You are not serious, I am sure.’

　　‘Yes, I am,’ rejoined Miss Squeers, tying tight knots in herpocket-handkerchief and clenching her teeth. ‘And I wish I wasdead too. There!’

　　‘Oh! you’ll think very differently in another five minutes,’ said Matilda. ‘How much better to take him into favour again, than tohurt yourself by going on in that way. Wouldn’t it be much nicer,now, to have him all to yourself on good terms, in a company-keeping, love-making, pleasant sort of manner?’

　　‘I don’t know but what it would,’ sobbed Miss Squeers. ‘Oh!

　　’Tilda, how could you have acted so mean and dishonourable! Iwouldn’t have believed it of you, if anybody had told me.’

　　‘Heyday!’ exclaimed Miss Price, giggling. ‘One would suppose Ihad been murdering somebody at least.’

　　‘Very nigh as bad,’ said Miss Squeers passionately.

　　‘And all this because I happen to have enough of good looks tomake people civil to me,’ cried Miss Price. ‘Persons don’t maketheir own faces, and it’s no more my fault if mine is a good onethan it is other people’s fault if theirs is a bad one.’

　　‘Hold your tongue,’ shrieked Miss Squeers, in her shrillest tone;‘or you’ll make me slap you, ’Tilda, and afterwards I should besorry for it!’

　　It is needless to say, that, by this time, the temper of each younglady was in some slight degree affected by the tone of herconversation, and that a dash of personality was infused into thealtercation, in consequence. Indeed, the quarrel, from slightbeginnings, rose to a considerable height, and was assuming avery violent complexion, when both parties, falling into a greatpassion of tears, exclaimed simultaneously, that they had neverthought of being spoken to in that way: which exclamation,leading to a remonstrance, gradually brought on an explanation:

　　and the upshot was, that they fell into each other’s arms andvowed eternal friendship; the occasion in question making thefifty-second time of repeating the same impressive ceremony within a twelvemonth.

　　Perfect amicability being thus restored, a dialogue naturallyensued upon the number and nature of the garments which wouldbe indispensable for Miss Price’s entrance into the holy state ofmatrimony, when Miss Squeers clearly showed that a great manymore than the miller could, or would, afford, were absolutelynecessary, and could not decently be dispensed with. The younglady then, by an easy digression, led the discourse to her ownwardrobe, and after recounting its principal beauties at somelength, took her friend upstairs to make inspection thereof. Thetreasures of two drawers and a closet having been displayed, andall the smaller articles tried on, it was time for Miss Price to returnhome; and as she had been in raptures with all the frocks, and hadbeen stricken quite dumb with admiration of a new pink scarf,Miss Squeers said in high good humour, that she would walk partof the way with her, for the pleasure of her company; and off theywent together: Miss Squeers dilating, as they walked along, uponher father’s accomplishments: and multiplying his income by ten,to give her friend some faint notion of the vast importance andsuperiority of her family.

　　It happened that that particular time, comprising the shortdaily interval which was suffered to elapse between what wasplea............