I was full of gloomy, perplexing, and irritating thoughts.
"If I am to drag on my life for years perhaps as a Russian prisoner, better would it have been, O Lord, that a friendly shot had finished my career for ever. What have I now to live for?" I exclaimed, in the bitterness of my heart, as I struck my hands together.
"You speak thus--you so young?" said Valerie, reproachfully yet softly, as she suddenly laid a hand on my shoulder, while her bright eyes beamed into mine--eyes that could excite emotion by emitting it.
"Life seems so worthless."
"Why?" she asked, in a low voice.
"Can you ask me after what passed between us the other evening, and more especially on yonder terrace, less than an hour ago?"
"But why is existence worthless?"
"Because I have lost you!"
(Had I not thought the same thing about Estelle, and deemed that "he who has most of heart has most of sorrow"?)
"This is folly, dear friend," said she, looking down; "I never was yours to lose."
"But you lured me to love you, Valerie; and now--now you would cast--nay, you have cast--my poor heart back upon itself!"
"I lured you?" asked the gentle voice; "O unjust! How could I help your loving me?"
"Perhaps not; nor could I help it myself."
"Tell me truly--has this--this misplaced passion for me lured you from one who loves you well at home perhaps?"
"From no one," said I, bitterly.
"Thank Heaven for that; and we shall part as friends any way."
"As friends only?"
"Yes."
"But you will ever be more to me, Valerie."
She shook her head and smiled.
A desire for vengeance on Tolstoff, for his insulting bearing on one hand, with, the love and admiration I had of herself on the other, and the pictured triumph of taking her away from him, and by her aid and presence with me reaching our camp in safety, all prompted me to urge an elopement; nor could I also forget the coquettish admission that she "might" love me; but just as I was about to renew my suit and had taken possession of her hands, she withdrew them, and while glancing nervously about her, informed me that the Pulkovnick had sent a mounted messenger to the Baidar Valley for Cossacks, to escort me and Guilfoyle to Kharkoff in the Ukraine; and when I remembered his threats of probable ulterior measures, I felt quite certain that his report would include us both, and thus be framed in terms alike dangerous and injurious to me.
"What is to be done, Valerie?" I asked, in greater perplexity.
"If I cannot love, I can still serve you," said she, smiling with a brightness that was cruel; "it is but just, in gratitude for the regard you have borne me."
"That I still bear you and ever shall, beloved Valerie!" said I, with tremulous energy; "but to serve me--how?"
"You must leave this place instantly, for in less than an hour the Cossacks will be here, and Tolstoff may have you killed on the march; the escort may be but a snare."
"Then come--come with me--let us escape together!"
"Impossible--you do but waste time in speaking thus."
"Why--O why, Valerie, when you know that I love you?"
"Race, religion, ties, all forbid such a step, even were I inclined for it, which fortunately I am not," she replied, lifting for a moment, as if for coolness, the rippling masses of her golden hair from her white temples, and letting them fall again; "you might and must spare me more of this! Have I not told you it is useless to speak of love to me, and wrong in me to listen to you?"
"And since when have you been engaged to this" (bear, I was about to say)--"to this man Tolstoff? And by what magic or devilry has he taught you to love him?"
"In what can either concern you, at such a time as this especially, when you have not a moment to lose?" she asked, almost with irritation. "But hush--O, hush! here is some one."
At that moment Ivan Yourivitch, with excitement on his usually stolid Russian visage, entered the room almost on tiptoe, and whispered something to her in haste, while his eyes were fixed the while on me.
"Ah!--thank you, Ivan, thank you--that is well!" she said, and turning to me, she added, hurriedly and energetically, "If you would be free, and choose, it may be, between liberty or death, you have not another instant to lose! Ivan tells me that the crew of an English man-of-war boat is at this moment filling casks with water at the well of St. Basil on the beach yonder. Thrice has that ship been there for the same purpose; and I was watching for her when you came to me on the terrace, as I heard of her being off Alupka this morning."
"Your thoughts, then, were of me?" said I, tenderly.
"For you, rather; but away, and God be with you, sir!"
I............