Trouble with a stylographic pen. We go to a Volunteer Ball, where Iam let in for an expensive supper. Grossly insulted by a cabman. An oddinvitation to Southend.

　　April 8. - No events of any importance, except that Gowing stronglyrecommended a new patent stylographic pen, which cost me nine-andsixpence, and which was simply nine-and-sixpence thrown in the mud. Ithas caused me constant annoyance and irritability of temper. The inkoozes out of the top, making a mess on my hands, and once at the officewhen I was knocking the palm of my hand on the desk to jerk the inkdown, Mr. Perkupp, who had just entered, called out: "Stop thatknocking! I suppose that is you, Mr. Pitt?" That young monkey, Pitt,took a malicious glee in responding quite loudly: "No, sir; I beg pardon,it is Mr. Pooter with his pen; it has been going on all the morning." Tomake matters worse, I saw Lupin laughing behind his desk. I thought itwiser to say nothing. I took the pen back to the shop and asked them ifthey would take it back, as it did not act. I did not expect the full pricereturned, but was willing to take half. The man said he could not do that-buying and selling were two different things. Lupin's conduct duringthe period he has been in Mr. Perkupp's office has been most exemplary.

　　My only fear is, it is too good to last.

　　April 9. - Gowing called, bringing with him an invitation for Carrieand myself to a ball given by the East Acton Rifle Brigade, which hethought would be a swell affair, as the member for East Acton (Sir WilliamGrime) had promised his patronage. We accepted of his kindness, and hestayed to supper, an occasion I thought suitable for trying a bottle of thesparkling Algera that Mr. James (of Sutton) had sent as a present.

　　Gowing sipped the wine, observing that he had never tasted it before, andfurther remarked that his policy was to stick to more recognised brands.

　　I told him it was a present from a dear friend, and one mustn't look a gift-horse in the mouth. Gowing facetiously replied: "And he didn't like putting it in the mouth either."I thought the remarks were rude without being funny, but on tasting itmyself, came to the conclusion there was some justification for them.

　　The sparkling Algera is very like cider, only more sour. I suggested thatperhaps the thunder had turned it a bit acid. He merely replied: "Oh! Idon't think so." We had a very pleasant game of cards, though I lost fourshillings and Carrie lost one, and Gowing said he had lost about sixpence:

　　how he could have lost, considering that Carrie and I were the only otherplayers, remains a mystery. April 14, Sunday. - Owing, I presume, to theunsettled weather, I awoke with a feeling that my skin was drawn over myface as tight as a drum. Walking round the garden with Mr. and Mrs.

　　Treane, members of our congregation who had walked back with us, I wasmuch annoyed to find a large newspaper full of bones on the gravel-path,evidently thrown over by those young Griffin boys next door; who,whenever we have friends, climb up the empty steps inside theirconservatory, tap at the windows, making faces, whistling, and imitatingbirds.

　　April 15. -Burnt my tongue most awfully with the Worcester sauce,through that stupid girl Sarah shaking the bottle violently before putting iton the table.

　　April 16. - The night of the East Acton Volunteer Ball. On my advice,Carrie put on the same dress that she looked so beautiful in at the MansionHouse, for it had occurred to me, being a military ball, that Mr. Perkupp,who, I believe, is an officer in the Honorary Artillery Company, would inall probability be present. Lupin, in his usual incomprehensible language,remarked that he had heard it was a "bounders' ball." I didn't ask himwhat he meant though I didn't understand. Where he gets theseexpressions from I don't know; he certainly doesn't learn them at home.

　　The invitation was for half-past eight, so I concluded if we arrived anhour later we should be in good time, without being "unfashionable," asMrs. James says. It was very difficult to find - the cabman having to getdown several times to inquire at different public-houses where the DrillHall was. I wonder at people living in such out-of-the-way places. Noone seemed to know it. However, after going up and down a good many badly-lighted streets we arrived at our destination. I had no idea it wasso far from Holloway. I gave the cabman five shillings, who onlygrumbled, saying it was dirt cheap at half-a-sovereign, and wasimpertinent enough to advise me the next time I went to a ball to take a'bus.

　　Captain Welcut received us, saying we were rather late, but that it wasbetter late than never. He seemed a very good-looking gentleman though,as Carrie remarked, "rather short for an officer." He begged to beexcused for leaving us, as he was engaged for a dance, and hoped weshould make ourselves at home. Carrie took my arm and we walked roundthe rooms two or three times and watched the people dancing. I couldn'tfind a single person I knew, but attributed it to most of them being inuniform. As we were entering the supper-room I received a slap on theshoulder, followed by a welcome shake of the hand. I said: "Mr. Padge,I believe;" he replied, "That's right."I gave Carrie a chair, and seated by her was a lady who made herself athome with Carrie at once.

　　There was a very liberal repast on the tables, plenty of champagne,claret, etc., and, in fact, everything seemed to be done regardless ofexpense. Mr. Padge is a man that, I admit, I have no particular liking for,but I felt so glad to come across someone I knew, that I asked him to sit atour table, and I must say that for a short fat man he looked well in uniform,although I think his tunic was rather baggy in the back. It was the onlysupper-room that I have been in that was not over-crowded; in fact wewere the only people there, everybody being so busy dancing.

　　I assisted Carrie and her newly-formed acquaintance, who said hername was Lupkin, to some champagne; also myself, and handed the bottleto Mr. Padge to do likewise, saying: "You must look after yourself."He replied: "That's right," and poured out half a tumbler and drankCarrie's health, coupled, as he said, "with her worthy lord and master."We all had some splendid pigeon pie, and ices to follow.

　　The waiters were very attentive, and asked if we would like somemore wine. I assisted Carrie and her friend and Mr. Padge, also somepeople who had just come from the dancing-room, who were very civil.

　 It occurred to me at the time that perhaps some of the gentlemen knew mein the City, as they were so polite. I made myself useful, and assistedseveral ladies to ices, remembering an old saying that "There is nothinglost by civility."The band struck up for the dance, and they all went into the ball- room.

　　The ladies (Carrie and Mrs. Lupkin) were anxious to see the dancing, andas I had not quite finished my supper, Mr. Padge offered his arms to themand escorted them to the ball-room, telling me to follow. I said to Mr.

　　Padge: "It is quite a West End affair," to which remark Mr. Padge replied:

　　"That's right."When I had ............