Tradesmen and the scraper still troublesome. Gowing rather tiresomewith his complaints of the paint. I make one of the best jokes of my life.

　　Delights of Gardening. Mr. Stillbrook, Gowing, Cummings, and I have alittle misunderstanding. Sarah makes me look a fool before CummingsApril 9. - Commenced the morning badly. The butcher, whom wedecided NOT to arrange with, called and blackguarded me in the mostuncalled-for manner. He began by abusing me, and saying he did notwant my custom. I simply said: "Then what are you making all thisfuss about it for?" And he shouted out at the top of his voice, so that allthe neighbours could hear: "Pah! go along. Ugh! I could buy up'things' like you by the dozen!"I shut the door, and was giving Carrie to understand that thisdisgraceful scene was entirely her fault, when there was a violent kickingat the door, enough to break the panels. It was the blackguard butcheragain, who said he had cut his foot over the scraper, and wouldimmediately bring an action against me. Called at Farmerson's, theironmonger, on my way to town, and gave him the job of moving thescraper and repairing the bells, thinking it scarcely worth while to troublethe landlord with such a trifling matter.

　　Arrived home tired and worried. Mr. Putley, a painter and decorator,who had sent in a card, said he could not match the colour on the stairs, asit contained Indian carmine. He said he spent half-a-day calling atwarehouses to see if he could get it. He suggested he should entirelyrepaint the stairs. It would cost very little more; if he tried to match it, hecould only make a bad job of it. It would be more satisfactory to him andto us to have the work done properly. I consented, but felt I had beentalked over. Planted some mustard-and-cress and radishes, and went tobed at nine.

　　April 10. - Farmerson came round to attend to the scraper himself. Heseems a very civil fellow. He says he does not usually conduct such small jobs personally, but for me he would do so. I thanked him, andwent to town. It is disgraceful how late some of the young clerks are atarriving. I told three of them that if Mr. Perkupp, the principal, heard ofit, they might be discharged.

　　Pitt, a monkey of seventeen, who has only been with us six weeks, toldme "to keep my hair on!" I informed him I had had the honour of beingin the firm twenty years, to which he insolently replied that I "looked it."I gave him an indignant look, and said: "I demand from you somerespect, sir." He replied: "All right, go on demanding." I would notargue with him any further. You cannot argue with people like that. Inthe evening Gowing called, and repeated his complaint about the smell ofpaint. Gowing is sometimes very tedious with his remarks, and notalways cautious; and Carrie once very properly reminded him that she waspresent.

　　April 11. - Mustard-and-cress and radishes not come up yet. To-daywas a day of annoyances. I missed the quarter-to-nine 'bus to the City,through having words with the grocer's boy, who for the second time hadthe impertinence to bring his basket to the hall- door, and had left themarks of his dirty boots on the fresh- cleaned door-steps. He said he hadknocked at the side door with his knuckles for a quarter of an hour. Iknew Sarah, our servant, could not hear this, as she was upstairs doing thebedrooms, so asked the boy why he did not ring the bell? He replied thathe did pull the bell, but the handle came off in his hand.

　　I was half-an-hour late at the office, a thing that has never happened tome before. There has recently been much irregularity in the attendanceof the clerks, and Mr. Perkupp, our principal, unfortunately choose thisvery morning to pounce down upon us early. Someone had given the tipto the others. The result was that I was the only one late of the lot.

　　Buckling, one of the senior clerks, was a brick, and I was saved by hisintervention. As I passed by Pitt's desk, I heard him remark to hisneighbour: "How disgracefully late some of the head clerks arrive!" Thiswas, of course, meant for me. I treated the observation with silence,simply giving him a look, which unfortunately had the effect of makingboth of the clerks laugh. Thought afterwards it would have been more dignified if I had pretended not to have heard him at all. Cummingscalled in the evening, and we played dominoes.

　　April 12. - Mustard-and-cress and radishes not come up yet. LeftFarmerson repairing the scraper, but when I came home found three menworking. I asked the meaning of it, and Farmerson said that in making afresh hole he had penetrated the gas-pipe. He said it was a mostridiculous place to put the gas-pipe, and the man who did it evidentlyknew nothing about his business. I felt his excuse was no consolation forthe expense I shall be put to.

　　In the evening, after tea, Gowing dropped in, and we had a smoketogether in the breakfast-parlour. Carrie joined us later, but did not staylong, saying the smoke was too much for her. It was also rather toomuch for me, for Gowing had given me what he called a green cigar, onethat his friend Shoemach had just brought over from America. The cigardidn't look green, but I fancy I must have done so; for when I had smokeda little more than half I was obliged to retire on the pretext of telling Sarahto bring in the glasses.

　　I took a walk round the garden three or four times, feeling the need offresh air. On returning Gowing noticed I was not smoking: offered meanother cigar, which I politely declined. Gowing began his usual sniffing,so, anticipating him, I said: "You're not going to complain of the smell ofpaint again?" He said: "No, not this time; but I'll tell you what, Idistinctly smell dry rot." I don't often make jokes, but I replied:

　　"You're talking a lot of DRY ROT yourself." I could not help roaring atthis, and Carrie said her sides quite ached with laughter. I never was soimmensely tickled by anything I have ever said before. I actually wokeup twice during the night, and laughed till the bed shook.

　　April 13. - An extraordinary coincidence: Carrie had called in awoman to make some chintz covers for our drawing-room chairs and sofato prevent the sun fading the green rep of the furniture. I saw the woman,and recognised her as a woman who used to work years ago for my oldaunt at Clapham. It only shows how small the world is.

　　April 14. - Spent the whole of the afternoon in the garden, having thismorning picked up at a bookstall for fivepence a capital little book, in good condition, on GARDENING. I procured and sowed some half-hardy annuals in what I fancy will be a warm, sunny border. I thought ofa joke, and called out Carrie. Carrie came out rather testy, I thought.

　　said: "I have just discovered we have got a lodging-house." She replied:

　　"How do you mean?" I said: "Look at the BOARDERS." Carrie said:

　　"Is that all you wanted me for?" I said: "Any other time you wouldhave laughed at my little pleasantry." Carrie said: "Certainly - AT ANYOTHER TIME, but not when I am busy in the house." The stairs lookedvery nice. Gowing called, and said the stairs looked ALL RIGHT, but itmade the banisters look ALL WRONG, and suggested a coat of paint onthem also, which Carrie quite agreed with. I walked round to Putley, andfortunately he was out, so I had a good excuse to let the banisters slide.

　　By-the-by, that is rather funny.

　　April 15, Sunday. - At three o'clock Cummings and Gowing called fora good long walk over Hampstead and Finchley, and brought with them afriend named Stillbrook. We walked and chatted together, exceptStillbrook, who was always a few yards behind us staring at the groundand cutting at the grass with his stick.

　　As it was getting on for five, we four held a consultation, and Gowingsuggested that we should make for "The Cow and Hedge" and get sometea. Stillbrook said: "A brandy-and-soda was good enough for him."I reminded them that all public-houses were closed till six o'clock.

　　Stillbrook said, "That's all right - BONA-FIDE travellers."We arrived; and as I was trying to pass, the man in charge of the gatesaid: "Where from?" I replied: "Holloway." He immediately put uphis arm, and declined to let me pass. I turned back for a moment, when Isaw Stillbrook, closely followed by Cummings and Gowing, make for theentrance. I watched them, and thought I would have a good laugh at theirexpense, I heard the porter say: "Where from?" When, to my surprise,in fact disgust, Stillbrook replied: "Blackheath," and the three wereimmediately admitted.

　　Gowing called to me across the gate, and said: "We shan't be aminute." I waited for them the best part of an hour. When theyappeared they were all in most excellent spirits, and the only one who made an effort to apologise was Mr. Stillbrook, who said to me: "It wasvery rough on you to be kept waiting, but we had another spin for S. andB.'s." I walked home in silence; I couldn't speak to them. I felt verydull all the evening, but deemed it advisable NOT to say anything toCarrie about the matter.

　　April 16. - After business, set to work in the garden. When it gotdark I wrote to Cummings and Gowing (who neither called, for a wonder;perhaps they were ashamed of themselves) about yesterday's adventure at"The Cow and Hedge." Afterwards made up my mind not to write YET.

　　April 17. - Thought I would write a kind little note to Gowing andCummings about last Sunday, and warning them against Mr. Stillbrook.

　　Afterwards, thinking the matter over, tore up the letters and determinednot to WRITE at all, but to SPEAK quietly to them. Dumfounded atreceiving a sharp letter from Cummings, saying that both he and Gowinghad been waiting for an explanation of MY (mind you, MY) extraordinaryconduct coming home on Sunday. At last I wrote: "I thought I was theaggrieved party; but as I freely forgive you, you - feeling yourselfaggrieved - should bestow forgiveness on me." I have copied thisVERBATIM in the diary, because I think it is one of the most perfect andthoughtful sentences I have ever written. I posted the letter, but in myown heart I felt I was actually apologising for having been insulted.

　　April 18. - Am in for a cold. Spent the whole day at the officesneezing. In the evening, the cold being intolerable, sent Sarah out for abottle of Kinahan. Fell asleep in the arm-chair, and woke with theshivers. Was startled by a loud knock at the front door. Carrie awfullyflurried. Sarah still out, so went up, opened the door, and found it wasonly Cummings. Remembered the grocer's boy had again broken theside-bell. Cummings squeezed my hand, and said: "I've just seenGowing. All right. Say no more about it." There is no doubt they areboth under the impression I have apologised.

　　While playing dominoes with Cummings in the parlour, he said:

　　"By-the-by, do you want any wine or spirits? My cousin Merton has justset up in the trade, and has a splendid whisky, four years in bottle, atthirty-eight shillings. It is worth your while laying down a few dozen of it." I told him my cellars, which were very small, were full up. To myhorror, at that very moment, Sarah entered the room, and putting a bottleof whisky, wrapped in a dirty piece of newspaper, on the table in front ofus, said: "Please, sir, the grocer says he ain't got no more Kinahan, butyou'll find this very good at two-and-six, with twopence returned on thebottle; and, please, did you want any more sherry? as he has some at one-and-three, as dry as a nut!"