Mr. SOLOMON PELL, ASSISTED BY A SELECTCOMMITTEE OF COACHMEN, ARRANGES THEAFFAIRS OF THE ELDER Mr. WELLERamivel,’ said Mr. Weller, accosting his son on themorning after the funeral, ‘I’ve found it, Sammy. Ithought it wos there.’
‘Thought wot wos there?’ inquired Sam.
‘Your mother-in-law’s vill, Sammy,’ replied Mr. Weller. ‘Inwirtue o’ vich, them arrangements is to be made as I told you on,last night, respectin’ the funs.’
‘Wot, didn’t she tell you were it wos?’ inquired Sam.
‘Not a bit on it, Sammy,’ replied Mr. Weller. ‘We wos a adjestin’
our little differences, and I wos a-cheerin’ her spirits and bearin’
her up, so that I forgot to ask anythin’ about it. I don’t know as Ishould ha’ done it, indeed, if I had remembered it,’ added Mr.
Weller, ‘for it’s a rum sort o’ thing, Sammy, to go a-hankerin’ arteranybody’s property, ven you’re assistin’ ’em in illness. It’s likehelping an outside passenger up, ven he’s been pitched off acoach, and puttin’ your hand in his pocket, vile you ask him, vith asigh, how he finds his-self, Sammy.’
With this figurative illustration of his meaning, Mr. Wellerunclasped his pocket-book, and drew forth a dirty sheet of letter-paper, on which were inscribed various characters crowdedtogether in remarkable confusion.
‘This here is the dockyment, Sammy,’ said Mr. Weller. ‘I foundit in the little black tea-pot, on the top shelf o’ the bar closet. Sheused to keep bank-notes there, ’fore she vos married, Samivel. I’veseen her take the lid off, to pay a bill, many and many a time. Poorcreetur, she might ha’filled all the tea-pots in the house vith vills,and not have inconwenienced herself neither, for she took werylittle of anythin’ in that vay lately, ’cept on the temperance nights,ven they just laid a foundation o’ tea to put the spirits atop on!’
‘What does it say?’ inquired Sam.
‘Jist vot I told you, my boy,’ rejoined his parent. ‘Two hundredpound vurth o’ reduced counsels to my son-in-law, Samivel, andall the rest o’ my property, of ev’ry kind and description votsoever,to my husband, Mr. Tony Veller, who I appint as my soleeggzekiter.’
‘That’s all, is it?’ said Sam.
‘That’s all,’ replied Mr. Weller. ‘And I s’pose as it’s all right andsatisfactory to you and me as is the only parties interested, ve mayas vell put this bit o’ paper into the fire.’
‘Wot are you a-doin’ on, you lunatic?’ said Sam, snatching thepaper away, as his parent, in all innocence, stirred the firepreparatory to suiting the action to the word. ‘You’re a niceeggzekiter, you are.’
‘Vy not?’ inquired Mr. Weller, looking sternly round, with thepoker in his hand.
‘Vy not?’ exclaimed Sam.’’Cos it must be proved, and probated,and swore to, and all manner o’ formalities.’
‘You don’t mean that?’ said Mr. Weller, laying down the poker.
Sam buttoned the will carefully in a side pocket; intimating by alook, meanwhile, that he did mean it, and very seriously too.
‘Then I’ll tell you wot it is,’ said Mr. Weller, after a shortmeditation, ‘this is a case for that ’ere confidential pal o’ theChancellorship’s. Pell must look into this, Sammy. He’s the manfor a difficult question at law. Ve’ll have this here brought aforethe Solvent Court, directly, Samivel.’
‘I never did see such a addle-headed old creetur!’ exclaimedSam irritably; ‘Old Baileys, and Solvent Courts, and alleybis, andev’ry species o’ gammon alvays a-runnin’ through his brain. You’dbetter get your out o’ door clothes on, and come to town about thisbisness, than stand a-preachin’ there about wot you don’tunderstand nothin’ on.’
‘Wery good, Sammy,’ replied Mr. Weller, ‘I’m quite agreeable toanythin’ as vill hexpedite business, Sammy. But mind this here,my boy, nobody but Pell―nobody but Pell as a legal adwiser.’
‘I don’t want anybody else,’ replied Sam. ‘Now, are you a-comin’?’
‘Vait a minit, Sammy,’ replied Mr. Weller, who, having tied hisshawl with the aid of a small glass that hung in the window, wasnow, by dint of the most wonderful exertions, struggling into hisupper garments. ‘Vait a minit’ Sammy; ven you grow as old asyour father, you von’t get into your veskit quite as easy as you donow, my boy.’
‘If I couldn’t get into it easier than that, I’m blessed if I’d vearvun at all,’ rejoined his son.
‘You think so now,’ said Mr. Weller, with the gravity of age, ‘butyou’ll find that as you get vider, you’ll get viser. Vidth and visdom,Sammy, alvays grows together.’
As Mr. Weller delivered this infallible maxim―the result ofmany years’ personal experience and observation―he contrived,by a dexterous twist of his body, to get the bottom button of hiscoat to perform its office. Having paused a few seconds to recoverbreath, he brushed his hat with his elbow, and declared himselfready.
‘As four heads is better than two, Sammy,’ said Mr. Weller, asthey drove along the London Road in the chaise-cart, ‘and as allthis here property is a wery great temptation to a legal gen’l’m’n,ve’ll take a couple o’ friends o’ mine vith us, as’ll be wery soondown upon him if he comes anythin’ irreg’lar; two o’ them as sawyou to the Fleet that day. They’re the wery best judges,’ added Mr.
Weller, in a half-whisper―‘the wery best judges of a horse, youever know’d.’
‘And of a lawyer too?’ inquired Sam.
‘The man as can form a ackerate judgment of a animal, canform a ackerate judgment of anythin’,’ replied his father, sodogmatically, that Sam did not attempt to controvert the position.
In pursuance of this notable resolution, the services of themottled-faced gentleman and of two other very fat coachmen―selected by Mr. Weller, probably, with a view to their width andconsequent wisdom―were put into requisition; and this assistancehaving been secured, the party proceeded to the public-house inPortugal Street, whence a messenger was despatched to theInsolvent Court over the way, requiring Mr. Solomon Pell’simmediate attendance.
The messenger fortunately found Mr. Solomon Pell in court,regaling himself, business being rather slack, with a cold collationof an Abernethy biscuit and a saveloy. The message was no soonerwhispered in his ear than he thrust them in his pocket amongvarious professional documents, and hurried over the way withsuch alacrity that he reached the parlour before the messengerhad even emancipated himself from the court.
‘Gentlemen,’ said Mr. Pell, touching his hat, ‘my service to youall. I don’t say it to flatter you, gentlemen, but there are not fiveother men in the world, that I’d have come out of that court for, to-day.’
‘So busy, eh?’ said Sam.
‘Busy!’ replied Pell; ‘I’m completely sewn up, as my friend thelate Lord Chancellor many a time used to say to me, gentlemen,when he came out from hearing appeals in the House of Lords.
Poor fellow; he was very susceptible to fatigue; he used to feelthose appeals uncommonly. I actually thought more than oncethat he’d have sunk under ‘em; I did, indeed.’
Here Mr. Pell shook his head and paused; on which, the elderMr. Weller, nudging his neighbour, as begging him to mark theattorney’s high connections, asked whether the duties in questionproduced any permanent ill effects on the constitution of his noblefriend.
‘I don’t think he ever quite recovered them,’ replied Pell; ‘infact I’m sure he never did. “Pell,” he used to say to me many atime, “how the blazes you can stand the head-work you do, is amystery to me.”―“Well,” I used to answer, “I hardly know how Ido it, upon my life.”―“Pell,” he’d add, sighing, and looking at mewith a little envy―friendly envy, you know, gentlemen, merefriendly envy; I never minded it―“Pell, you’re a wonder; awonder.” Ah! you’d have liked him very much if you had knownhim, gentlemen. Bring me three-penn’orth of rum, my dear.’
Addressing this latter remark to the waitress, in a tone ofsubdued grief, Mr. Pell sighed, looked at his shoes and the ceiling;and, the rum having by that time arrived, drank it up.
‘However,’ said Pell, drawing a chair to the table, ‘a professionalman has no right to think of his private friendships when his legalassistance is wanted. By the bye, gentlemen, since I saw you herebefore, we have had to weep over a very melancholy occurrence.’
Mr. Pell drew out a pocket-handkerchief, when he came to theword weep, but he made no further use of it than to wipe away aslight tinge of rum which hung upon his upper lip.
‘I saw it in the Advertiser, Mr. Weller,’ continued Pell. ‘Bless mysoul, not more than fifty-two! Dear me―only think.’
These indications of a musing spirit were addressed to themottled-faced man, whose eyes Mr. Pell had accidentally caught;on which, the mottled-faced man, whose apprehension of mattersin general was of a foggy nature, moved uneasily in his seat, andopined that, indeed, so far as that went, there was no saying howthings was brought about; which observation, involving one ofthose subtle propositions which it is difficult to encounter inargument, was controverted by nobody.
‘I have heard it remarked that she was a very fine woman, Mr.
Weller,’ said Pell, in a sympathising manner.
‘Yes, sir, she wos,’ replied the elder Mr. Weller, not muchrelishing this mode of discussing the subject, and yet thinking thatthe attorney, from his long intimacy with the late Lord Chancellor,must know best on all matters of polite breeding. ‘She wos a weryfine ’ooman, sir, ven I first know’d her. She wos a widder, sir, atthat time.’
‘Now, it’s curious,’ said Pell, looking round with a sorrowfulsmile; ‘Mrs. Pell was a widow.’
‘That’s very extraordinary,’ said the mottled-faced man.
‘Well, it is a curious coincidence,’ said Pell.
‘Not at all,’ gruffly remarked the elder Mr. Weller. ‘Morewidders is married than single wimin.’
‘Very good, very good,’ said Pell, ‘you’re quite right, Mr. Weller.
Mrs. Pell was a very elegant and accomplished woman; hermanners were the theme of universal admiration in ourneighbourhood. I was proud to see that woman dance; there wassomething so firm and dignified, and yet natural, in her motion.
Her cutting, gentlemen, was simplicity itself. Ah! well, well!
Excuse my asking the question, Mr. Samuel,’ continued theattorney in a lower voice, ‘was your mother-in-law tall?’
‘Not wery,’ replied Sam.
‘Mrs. Pell was a tall figure,’ said Pell, ‘a splendid woman, with anoble shape, and a nose, gentlemen, formed to command and bemajestic. She was very much attached to me―very much―highlyconnected, too. Her mother’s brother, gentlemen, failed for eighthundred pounds, as a law stationer.’
‘Vell,’ said Mr. Weller, who had grown rather restless duringthis discussion, ‘vith regard to bis’ness.’
The word was music to Pell’s ears. He had been revolving in hismind whether any business was to be transacted, or whether hehad been merely invited to partake of a glass of brandy-and-water,or a bowl of punch, or any similar professional compliment, andnow the doubt was set at rest without his appearing at all eager forits solution. His eyes glistened as he laid his hat on the table, andsaid―‘What is the business upon which―um? Either of thesegentlemen wish to go through the court? We require an arrest; afriendly arrest will do, you know; we are all friends here, Isuppose?’
‘Give me the dockyment, Sammy,’ said Mr. Weller, taking thewill from his son, who appeared to enjoy the interview amazingly.
‘Wot we rekvire, sir, is a probe o’ this here.’
‘Probate, my dear sir, probate,’ said Pell.
‘Well, sir,’ replied Mr. Weller sharply, ‘probe and probe it, iswery much the same; if you don’t understand wot I mean, sir, Ides-say I can find them as does.’
‘No offence, I hope, Mr. Weller,’ said Pell meekly. ‘You are theexecutor, I see,’ he added, casting his eyes over the paper.
‘I am, sir,’ replied Mr. Weller.
‘These other gentlemen, I presume, are legatees, are they?’
inquired Pell, with a congratulatory smile.
‘Sammy is a leg-at-ease,’ replied Mr. Weller; ‘these othergen’l’m’n is friends o’ mine, just come to see fair; a kind ofumpires.’
‘Oh!’ said Pell, ‘very good. I have no objections, I’m sure. I shallwant a matter of five pound of you before I begin, ha! ha! ha!’
It being decided by the committee that the five pound might beadvanced, Mr. Weller produced that sum; after which, a longconsultation about nothing particular took place, in the coursewhereof Mr. Pell demonstrated to the perfect satisfaction of thegentlemen who saw fair, that unless the management of thebusiness had been intrusted to him, it must all have gone wrong,for reasons not clearly made out, but no doubt sufficient. Thisimportant point being despatched, Mr. Pell refreshed himself withthree chops, and liquids both malt and spirituous, at the expenseof the estate; and then they all went away to Doctors’ Commons.
The next day there was another visit to Doctors’ Commons, anda great to-do with an attesting hostler, who, being inebriated,declined swearing anything but profane oaths, to the great scandalof a proctor and surrogate. Next week, there were more visits toDoctors’ Commons, and there was a visit to the Legacy Duty Officebesides, and there were treaties entered into, for the disposal ofthe lease and business, and ratifications of the same, andinventories to be made out, and lunches to be taken, and dinnersto be eaten, and so many profitable things to be done, and such amass of papers accumulated that Mr. Solomon Pell, and the boy,and the blue............