SOME of the happy family of Scartmore House Edward Albert got to know quite soon. Some remained remote. For a time Mr Harold Thump dominated all the other individualities in this new world. He was, Mrs Doober had explained, “a teacher of elocution and a reciter; and such a buoyant man”, large, round and rosy, with a lot of fair hair and large, watery, blue eyes; he rubbed his hands together and breathed with a gusto whenever he thought of it; sometimes he forgot himself and lapsed into a coma; but when the spirit was in him he went about Doober’s like a brass band. He sang in the bathroom like a choir coming home from a heavily liquidated bean-feast. He saluted everybody by name as he encountered them. He always brightened up for a new arrival.

“Ah, a new recruit to the select Company!” he said, at his first sight of Edward Albert, who, on his second night, had come down to dinner rather early, so as not to be brought down by Mrs Doober, and cooed over as he came down.

“Young I perceive you are, but you’ll grow out of it. Tell me your name, laddie. . . .

“Now tell me, my young friend, have you heard the latest story about the zoo? About the monkey and the little fretful porcupine?”

He was addressing himself to Edward Albert. Edward Albert was being asked whether he had heard the story of the monkey and the little fretful porcupine.

“No, Sir,” he said brightly.

“It was such a leetle monkey,” said Mr Thump, and then in a whisper, “Blue. You’ve seen them — blue?”

“Yes, Sir.” He hadn’t exactly, but he could imagine it. Whereupon Mr Thump’s face changed and became marvellous. He lifted a flat hand as who should say, “You wait!”

His lips tightened. His eyes became very round, he projected his face. He seemed to be scrutinising every corner of the room for some hostile hearer. “It’s such a vulgar story,” he said in a stage whisper, confidentially. He reduced Edward Albert to a state of tension. He stood up and looked over the top of the lamp. What was he looking for there? There couldn’t be anything there. Edward Albert began to giggle. Mr Thump, much encouraged, leant forward to look behind the door.

Then suddenly he affected to think of under the table. He went down to look underneath. Edward Albert’s giggle became uncontrollable. Mr Thump looked at him dubiously and went underneath again. Then he came up questioningly, with only the upper part of his face, shining, grave, doubtful, confidential. “Eh?” he said, and put his finger to his lips.

It was too funny.

Then the lady came in, the lady who had said, “You’re a new arrival?” the night before.

She took her place at the table. She affected to ignore Mr Thump. You might infer she did not like him.

Mr Thump, very absurdly, ignored her upon strictly parallel lines. Ridiculous it was.

“Not now,” he said. “No. Never do.”

Other people dropped in, Mrs Doober and a rather severe — looking blonde young lady. With each arrival Mr Thump featured a deepening hopelessness, and Edward Albert’s delight in his frustration increased. Plainly the story was becoming more and more impossible. Mr Thump would start at every fresh arrival and thro............