Soon after I had that convertion with my guardian, he put a sealedpaper in my hand one morning and said, "This is for next month, mydear." I found in it two hundred pounds.
I now began very quietly to make such preparations as I thoughtwere necessary. Regulating my purchases by my guardian's taste,which I knew very well of course, I arranged my wardrobe to pleasehim and hoped I should be highly successful. I did it all soquietly because I was not quite free from my old apprehension thatAda would be rather sorry and because my guardian was so quiethimself. I had no doubt that under all the circumstances we shouldbe married in the most private and simple manner. Perhaps I shouldonly have to say to Ada, "Would you like to come and see me marriedto-morrow, my pet?" Perhaps our wedding might even be asunpretending as her own, and I might not find it necessary to sayanything about it until it was over. I thought that if I were tochoose, I would like this best.
The only exception I made was Mrs. Woodcourt. I told her that Iwas going to be married to my guardian and that we had been engagedsome time. She highly approved. She could never do enough for meand was remarkably softened now in comparison with what she hadbeen when we first knew her. There was no trouble she would nothave taken to have been of use to me, but I need hardly say that Ionly allowed her to take as little as gratified her kindnesswithout tasking it.
Of course this was not a time to neglect my guardian, and of courseit was not a time for neglecting my darling. So I had plenty ofoccupation, which I was glad of; and as to Charley, she wasabsolutely not to be seen for needlework. To surround herself withgreat heaps of it--baskets full and tables full--and do a little,and spend a great deal of time in staring with her round eyes atwhat there was to do, and persuade herself that she was going to doit, were Charley's great dignities and delights.
Meanwhile, I must say, I could not agree with my guardian on thesubject of the will, and I had some sanguine hopes of Jarndyce andJarndyce. Which of us was right will soon appear, but I certainlydid encourage expectations. In Richard, the discovery gaveoccasion for a burst of business and agitation that buoyed him upfor a little time, but he had lost the elasticity even of hope nowand seemed to me to retain only its feverish anxieties. Fromsomething my guardian said one day when we were talking about this,I understood that my marriage would not take place until after theterm-time we had been told to look forward to; and I thought themore, for that, how rejoiced I should be if I could be married whenRichard and Ada were a little more prosperous.
The term was very near indeed when my guardian was called out oftown and went down into Yorkshire on Mr. Woodcourt's business. Hehad told me beforehand that his presence there would be necessary.
I had just come in one night from my dear girl's and was sitting inthe midst of all my new clothes, looking at them all around me andthinking, when a letter from my guardian was brought to me. Itasked me to join him in the country and mentioned by what stage-coach my place was taken and at what time in the morning I shouldhave to leave town. It added in a postscript that I would not bemany hours from Ada.
I expected few things less than a journey at that tinae, but I wasready for it in half an hour and set off as appointed early nextmorning. I travelled all day, wondering all day what I could bewanted for at such a distance; now I thought it might be for thispurpose, and now I thought it might be for that purpose, but I wasnever, never, never near the truth.
It was night when I came to my journey's end and found my guardianwaiting for me. This was a great relief, for towards evening I hadbegun to fear (the more so as his letter was a very short one) thathe might be ill. However, there he was, as well as it was possibleto be; and when I saw his genial face again at its brightest andbest, I said to myself, he has been doing some other greatkindness. Not that it required much penetration to say that,because I knew that his being there at all was an act of kindness.
Supper was ready at the hotel, and when we were alone at table hesaid, "Full of curiosity, no doubt, little woman, to know why Ihave brought you here?""Well, guardian," said I, "without thinking myself a Fatima or youa Blue Beard, I am a little curious about it.""Then to ensure your night's rest, my love," he returned gaily, "Iwon't wait until to-morrow to tell you. I have very much wished toexpress to Woodcourt, somehow, my sense of his humanity to poorunfortunate Jo, his inestimable services to my young cousins, andhis value to us all. When it was decided that he should settlehere, it came into my head that I might ask his acceptance of someunpretending and suitable little place to lay his own head in. Itherefore caused such a place to be looked out for, and such aplace was found on very easy terms, and I have been touching it upfor him and making it habitable. However, when I walked over itthe day before yesterday and it was reported ready, I found that Iwas not housekeeper enough to know whether things were all as theyought to be. So I sent off for the best little housekeeper thatcould possibly be got to come and give me her advice and opinion.
And here she is," said my guardian, "laughing and crying bothtogether!"Because he was so dear, so good, so admirable. I tried to tell himwhat I thought of him, but I could not articulate a word.
"Tut, tut!" said my guardian. "You make too much of it, littlewoman. Why, how you sob, Dame Durden, how you sob!""It is with exquisite pleasure, guardian--with a heart full ofthanks.""Well, well," said he. "I am delighted that you approve. Ithought you would. I meant it as a pleasant surprise for thelittle mistress of Bleak House."I kissed him and dried my eyes. "I know now!" said I. "I haveseen this in your face a long while.""No; have you really, my dear?" said he. "What a Dame Durden it isto read a face!"He was so quaintly cheerful that I could not long be otherwise, andwas almost ashamed of having been otherwise at all. When I went tobed, I cried. I am bound to confess that I cried; but I hope itwas with pleasure, though I am not quite sure it was with pleasure.
I repeated every word of the letter twice over.
A most beautiful summer morning succeeded, and after breakfast wewent out arm in arm to see the house of which I was to give mymighty housekeeping opinion. We entered a flower-garden by a gatein a side wall, of which he had the key, and the first thing I sawwas that the beds and flowers were all laid out according to themanner of my beds and flowers at home.
"You see, my dear," observed my guardian, standing still with adelighted face to watch my looks, "knowing there could be no betterplan, I borrowed yours."We went on by a pretty little orchard, where the cherries werenestling among the green leaves and the shadows of the apple-treeswere sporting on the grass, to the house itself--a cottage, quite arustic cottage of doll's rooms; but such a lovely place, sotranquil and so beautiful, with such a rich and smiling countryspread around it; with water sparkling away into the distance, hereall overhung with summer-growth, there turning a humming mill; atits nearest point glancing through a meadow by the cheerful town,where cricket-players were assembling in bright groups and a flagwas flying from a white tent that rippled in the sweet west wind.
And still, as we went through the pretty rooms, out at the littlerustic verandah doors, and underneath the tiny wooden colonnadesgarlanded with woodbine, jasmine, and honey-suckle, I saw in thepapering on the walls, in the colours of the furniture, in thearrangement of all the pretty objects, MY little tastes andfancies, MY little methods and inventions which they used to laughat while they praised them, my odd ways everywhere.
I could not say enough in admiration of what was all so beautiful,but one secret doubt arose in my mind when I saw this, I thought,oh, would he be the happier for it! Would it not have been betterfor his peace that I should not have been so brought before him?
Because although I was not what he thought me, still he loved mevery dearly, and it might remind him mournfully of what be believedhe had lost. I did not wish him to forget me--perhaps he might nothave done so, without these aids to his memory--but my way waseasier than his, and I could have reconciled myself even to that sothat he had been the happier for it.
"And now, little woman," said my guardian, whom I had never seen soproud and joyful as in showing me these things and watching myappreciation of them, "now, last of all, for the name of thishouse.""What is it called, dear guardian?""My child," said he, "come and see,"He took me to the porch, which he had hitherto avoided, and said,pausing before we went out, "My dear child, don't you guess thename?""No!" said I.
We went out of the porch and he showed me written over it, BleakHouse.
He led me to a seat among the leaves close by, and sitting downbeside me and taking my hand in his, spoke to me thus, "My darlinggirl, in what there has been between us, I have, I hope, beenreally solicitous for your happiness. When I wrote you the letterto which you brought the answer," smiling as he referred to it, "Ihad my own too much in view; but I had yours too. Whether, underdifferent circumstances, I might ever have renewed the old dream Isometimes dreamed when you were very young, of making you my wifeone day, I need not ask myself. I did renew it, and I wrote myletter, and you brought your answer. You are following what I say,my child?"I was cold, and I trembled violently, but not a word he uttered waslost. As I sat looking fixedly at him and the sun's raysdescended, softly shining through the leaves upon his bare head, Ifelt as if the brightness on him must be like the brightness of theangels.
"Hear me, my love, but do not speak. It is for me to speak now.
When it was that I began to doubt whether what I had done wouldreally make you happy is no matter. Woodcourt came home, and Isoon had no doubt at all."I clasped him round the neck and hung my bead upon his breast andwept. "Lie lightly, confidently here, my child," said he, pressingme gently to him. "I am your guardian and your father now. Restconfidently here."Soothingly, like the gentle rustling of the leaves; and genially,like the ripening weather; and radiantly and beneficently, like thesunshine, he went on.
"Understand me, my dear girl. I had no doubt of your beingcontented and happy with me, being so dutiful and so devoted; but Isaw with whom you would be happier. That I penetrated his secretwhen Dame Durden was blind to it is no wonder, for I knew the goodthat could never change in her better far than she did. Well! Ihave long been in Allan Woodcourt's confidence, although he wasnot, until yesterday, a few hours before you came here, in mine.
But I would not have my Esther's bright example lost; I would nothave a jot of my dear girl's virtues unobserved and unhonoured; Iwould not have her admitted on sufferance into the line of Morganap-Kerrig, no, not for the weight in gold of all the mountains inWales!"He stopped to kiss me on the forehead, and I sobbed and weptafresh. For I felt as if I could not bear the painful delight ofhis praise.
"Hush, little woman! Don't cry; this is to be a day of joy. Ihave looked forward to it," he said exultingly, "for months onmonths! A few words more, Dame Trot, and I have said my say.
Determined not to throw away one atom of my Esther's worth, I tookMrs. Woodcourt into a separate confidence. 'Now, madam,' said I,'I clearly perceive--and indeed I know, to boot--that your sonloves my ward. I am further very sure that my ward loves your son,but will sacrifice her love to a ............