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Chapter 17 Esther's Narrative

Richard very often came to see us while we remained in London(though he soon failed in his letter-writing), and with his quickabilities, his good spirits, his good temper, his gaiety andfreshness, was always delightful. But though I liked him more andmore the better I knew him, I still felt more and more how much itwas to be regretted that he had been educated in no habits ofapplication and concentration. The system which had addressed himin exactly the same manner as it had addressed hundreds of otherboys, all varying in character and capacity, had enabled him todash through his tasks, always with fair credit and often withdistinction, but in a fitful, dazzling way that had confirmed hisreliance on those very qualities in himself which it had been mostdesirable to direct and train. They were good qualities, withoutwhich no high place can be meritoriously won, but like fire andwater, though excellent servants, they were very bad masters. Ifthey had been under Richard's direction, they would have been hisfriends; but Richard being under their direction, they became hisenemies.

  I write down these opinions not because I believe that this or anyother thing was so because I thought so, but only because I didthink so and I want to be quite candid about all I thought and did.

  These were my thoughts about Richard. I thought I often observedbesides how right my guardian was in what he had said, and that theuncertainties and delays of the Chancery suit had imparted to hisnature something of the careless spirit of a gamester who felt thathe was part of a great gaming system.

  Mr. and Mrs. Bayham Badger coming one afternoon when my guardianwas not at home, in the course of conversation I naturally inquiredafter Richard.

  "Why, Mr. Carstone," said Mrs. Badger, "is very well and is, Iassure you, a great acquisition to our society. Captain Swosserused to say of me that I was always better than land a-head and abreeze a-starn to the midshipmen's mess when the purser's junk hadbecome as tough as the fore-topsel weather earings. It was hisnaval way of mentioning generally that I was an acquisition to anysociety. I may render the same tribute, I am sure, to Mr.

  Carstone. But I--you won't think me premature if I mention it?"I said no, as Mrs. Badger's insinuating tone seemed to require suchan answer.

  "Nor Miss Clare?" said Mrs. Bayham Badger sweetly.

  Ada said no, too, and looked uneasy.

  "Why, you see, my dears," said Mrs. Badger, "--you'll excuse mecalling you my dears?"We entreated Mrs. Badger not to mention it.

  "Because you really are, if I may take the liberty of saying so,"pursued Mrs. Badger, "so perfectly charming. You see, my dears,that although I am still young--or Mr. Bayham Badger pays me thecompliment of saying so--""No," Mr. Badger called out like some one contradicting at a publicmeeting. "Not at all!""Very well," smiled Mrs. Badger, "we will say still young.""Undoubtedly," said Mr. Badger.

  "My dears, though still young, I have had many opportunities ofobserving young men. There were many such on board the dear oldCrippler, I assure you. After that, when I was with CaptainSwosser in the Mediterranean, I embraced every opportunity ofknowing and befriending the midshipmen under Captain Swosser'scommand. YOU never heard them called the young gentlemen, mydears, and probably wonld not understand allusions to their pipe-claying their weekly accounts, but it is otherwise with me, forblue water has been a second home to me, and I have been quite asailor. Again, with Professor Dingo.""A man of European reputation," murmured Mr. Badger.

  "When I lost my dear first and became the wife of my dear second,"said Mrs. Badger, speaking of her former husbands as if they wereparts of a charade, "I still enjoyed opportunities of observingyouth. The class attendant on Professor Dingo's lectures was alarge one, and it became my pride, as the wife of an eminentscientific man seeking herself in science the utmost consolation itcould impart, to throw our house open to the students as a kind ofScientific Exchange. Every Tuesday evening there was lemonade anda mixed biscuit for all who chose to partake of those refreshments.

  And there was science to an unlimited extent.""Remarkable assemblies those, Miss Summerson," said Mr. Badgerreverentially. "There must have been great intellectual frictiongoing on there under the auspices of such a man!""And now," pursued Mrs. Badger, "now that I am the wife of my dearthird, Mr. Badger, I still pursue those habits of observation whichwere formed during the lifetime of Captain Swosser and adapted tonew and unexpected purposes during the lifetime of Professor Dingo.

  I therefore have not come to the consideration of Mr. Carstone as aneophyte. And yet I am very much of the opinion, my dears, that hehas not chosen his profession advisedly."Ada looked so very anxious now that I asked Mrs. Badger on what shefounded her supposition.

  "My dear Miss Summerson," she replied, "on Mr. Carstone's characterand conduct. He is of such a very easy disposition that probablyhe would never think it worthwhile to mention how he really feels,but he feels languid about the profession. He has not thatpositive interest in it which makes it his vocation. If he has anydecided impression in reference to it, I should say it was that itis a tiresome pursuit. Now, this is not promising. Young men likeMr. Allan Woodcourt who take it from a strong interest in all thatit can do will find some reward in it through a great deal of workfor a very little money and through years of considerable enduranceand disappointment. But I am quite convinced that this would neverbe the case with Mr. Carstone.""Does Mr. Badger think so too?" asked Ada timidly.

  "Why," said Mr. Badger, "to tell the truth, Miss Clare, this viewof the matter had not occurred to me until Mrs. Badger mentionedit. But when Mrs. Badger put it in that light, I naturally gavegreat consideration to it, knowing that Mrs. Badger's mind, inaddition to its natural advantages, has had the rare advantage ofbeing formed by two such very distinguished (I will even sayillustrious) public men as Captain Swosser of the Royal Navy andProfessor Dingo. The conclusion at which I have arrived is--inshort, is Mrs. Badger's conclusion.""It was a maxim of Captain Swosser's," said Mrs. Badger, "speakingin his figurative naval manner, that when you make pitch hot, youcannot make it too hot; and that if you only have to swab a plank,you should swab it as if Davy Jones were after you. It appears tome that this maxim is applicable to the medical as well as to thenautical profession.

  "To all professions," observed Mr. Badger. "It was admirably saidby Captain Swosser. Beautifully said.""People objected to Professor Dingo when we were staying in thenorth of Devon after our marriage," said Mrs. Badger, "that hedisfigured some of the houses and other buildings by chipping offfragments of those edifices with his little geological hammer. Butthe professor replied that he knew of no building save the Templeof Science. The principle is the same, I think?""Precisely the same," said Mr. Badger. "Finely expressed! Theprofessor made the same remark, Miss Summerson, in his lastillness, when (his mind wandering) he insisted on keeping hislittle hammer under the pillow and chipping at the countenances ofthe attendants. The ruling passion!"Although we could have dispensed with the length at which Mr. andMrs. Badger pursued the conversation, we both felt that it wasdisinterested in them to express the opinion they had communicatedto us and that there was a great probability of its being sound.

  We agreed to say nothing to Mr. Jarndyce until we had spoken toRichard; and as he was coming next evening, we resolved to have avery serious talk with him.

  So after he had been a little while with Ada, I went in and foundmy darling (as I knew she would be) prepared to consider himthoroughly right in whatever he said.

  "And how do you get on, Richard?" said I. I always sat down on theother side of him. He made quite a sister of me.

  "Oh! Well enough!" said Richard.

  "He can't say better than that, Esther, can he?" cried my pettriumphantly.

  I tried to look at my pet in the wisest manner, but of course Icouldn't.

  "Well enough?" I repeated.

  "Yes," said Richard, "well enough. It's rather jog-trotty andhumdrum. But it'll do as well as anything else!""Oh! My dear Richard!" I remonstrated.

  "What's the matter?" said Richard.

  "Do as well as anything else!""I don't think there's any harm in that, Dame Durden," said Ada,looking so confidingly at me across him; "because if it will do aswell as anything else, it will do very well, I hope.""Oh, yes, I hope so," returned Richard, carelessly tossing his hairfrom his forehead. "After all, it may be only a kind of probationtill our suit is--I forgot though. I am not to mention the suit.

  Forbidden ground! Oh, yes, it's all right enough. Let us talkabout something else."Ada would have done so willingly, and with a full persuasion thatwe had brought the question to a most satisfactory state. But Ithought it would be useless to stop there, so I began again.

  "No, but Richard," said I, "and my dear Ada! Consider howimportant it is to you both, and what a point of honour it istowards your cousin, that you, Richard, should be quite in earnestwithout any reservation. I think we had better talk about this,really, Ada. It will be too late very soon.""Oh, yes! We must talk about it!" said Ada. "But I think Richardis right."What was the use of my trying to look wise when she was so pretty,and so engaging, and so fond of him!

  "Mr. and Mrs. Badger were here yesterday, Richard," said I, "andthey seemed disposed to think that you had no great liking for theprofession.""Did they though?" said Richard. "Oh! Well, that rather alters thecase, because I had no idea that they thought so, and I should nothave liked to disappoint or inconvenience them. The fact is, Idon't care much about it. But, oh, it don't matter! It'll do aswell as anything else!""You hear him, Ada!" said I.

  "The fact is," Richard proceeded, half thoughtfully and halfjocosely, "it is not quite in my way. I don't take to it. And Iget too much of Mrs. Bayham Badger's first and second.""I am sure THAT'S very natural!" cried Ada, quite delighted. "Thevery thing we both said yesterday, Esther!""Then," pursued Richard, "it's monotonous, and to-day is too likeyesterday, and to-morrow is too like to-day.""But I am afraid," said I, "this is an objection to all kinds ofapplication--to life itself, except under some very uncommoncircumstances.""Do you think so?" returned Richard, still considering. "Perhaps!

  Ha! Why, then, you know," he added, suddenly becoming gay again,"we travel outside a circle to what I said just now. It'll do aswell as anything else. Oh, it's all right enough! Let us talkabout something else."But even Ada, with her loving face--and if it had seemed innocentand trusting when I first saw it in that memorable November fog,how much more did it seem now when I knew her innocent and trustingheart--even Ada shook her head at this and looked serious. So Ithought it a good opportunity to hint to Richard that if he weresometimes a little careless of himself, I was very sure he nevermeant to be careless of Ada, and that it was a part of hisaffectionate consideration for her not to slight the importance ofa step that might influence both their lives. This made him almostgrave.

  "My dear Mother Hubbard," he said, "that's the very thing! I havethought of that several times and have been quite angry with myselffor meaning to be so much in earnest and--somehow--not exactlybeing so. I don't know how it is; I seem to want something orother to stand by. Even you have no idea how fond I am of Ada (mydarling cousin, I love you, so much!), but I don't settle down toconstancy in other things. It's such uphill work, and it takessuch a time!" said Richard with an air of vexation.

  "That may be," I suggested, "because you don't like what you havechosen.""Poor fellow!" said Ada. "I am sure I don't wonder at it!"No. It was not of the least use my trying to look wise. I triedagain, but how could I do it, or how could it have any effect if Icould, while Ada rested her clasped hands upon his shoulder andwhile he looked at her tender blue eyes, and while they looked athim!

  "You see, my precious girl," said Richard, passing her golden curlsthrough and through his hand, "I was a little hasty perhaps; or Imisunderstood my own inclinations perhaps. They don't seem to liein that direction. I couldn't tell till I tried. Now the questionis whether it's worth-while to undo all that has been done. Itseems like making a great disturbance about nothing particular.""My dear Richard," said I, "how CAN you say about nothingparticular?""I don't mean absolutely that," he returned. "I mean that it MAYbe nothing particular because I may never want it."Both Ada and I urged, in reply, not only that it was decidedlyworth-while to undo what had been done, but that it must be undone.

  I then asked Richard whether he had thought of any more congenialpursuit.

  "There, my dear Mrs. Shipton," said Richard, "you touch me home.

  Yes, I have. I have been thinking that the law is the boy for me.""The law!" repeated Ada as if she were afraid of the name.

  "If I went into Kenge's office," said Richard, "and if I wereplaced under articles to Kenge, I should have my eye on the--hum!--the forbidden ground--and should be able to study it, and masterit, and to satisfy myself that it was not neglected and was beingproperly conducted. I should be able to look after Ada's interestsand my own interests (the same thing!); and I should peg away atBlackstone and all those fellows with the most tremendous ardour."I was not by any means so sure of that, and I saw how his hankeringafter the vague things yet to come of those long-deferred hopescast a shade on Ada's face. But I thought it best to encourage himin any project of continuous exertion, and only advised him to bequite sure that his mind was made up now.

  "My dear Minerva," said Richard, "I am as steady as you are. Imade a mistake; we are all liable to mistakes; I won't do so anymore, and I'll become such a lawyer as is not often seen. That is,you know," said Richard, relapsing into doubt, "if it really isworth-while, after all, to make such a disturbance about nothingparticular!"This led to our saying again, with a great deal of gravity, allthat we had said already and to our coming to much the sameconclusion afterwards. But we so strongly advised Richard to befrank and open with Mr. Jarndyce, without a moment's delay, and hisdisposition was naturally so opposed to concealment that he soughthim out at once (taking us with him) and made a full avowal.

  "Rick," said my guardian, after hearing him attentively, "we canretreat with honour, and we will. But we must he careful--for ourcousin s sake, Rick, for our cousin's sake--that we make no moresuch mistakes. Therefore, in the ma............

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