JUBAL WOKE UP ALERT, rested, and happy, realized that he felt betterbefore breakfast than he had in years. For a long, long time he had beengetting through that black period between waking and the first cup of coffeeby comforting himself with the thought that tomorrow might be a little easier.
This morning he found himself whistling, which he did very badly. He noticedit, stopped himself, forgot it and started up again.
He saw himself in the mirror, smiled wryly, then grinned openly. .Youincorrigible old goat. They’ll be sending the wagon for you any minute now.“He noticed a white hair on his chest, plucked it out, didn’t bother with manyothers just as white, went on making himself ready to face the world.
When he went outside his door Jill was there. Accidentally? No, he no longertrusted any .coincidence“ in this ménAge; it was as organized as a computer.
She came straight into his anns. .Jubal- Oh, we love you so! Thou art God.“He returned her kiss as warmly as it was given, grokking that it would behypocritical not to-and discovering that kissing Jill differed from kissing Dawnonly in some fashion unmistakable but utterly beyond instrument ordescription.
Presently he held her away from him without letting her go. .You babyMessalina . . . you framed me.“.Jubal darling ... you were wonderful!“.Uh ... how the hell did you know I was able?“She gave him back a gaze of clear-eyed innocence. .Why, Jubal, I’ve beencertain of that ever since Mike and I first lived at home. You see, even then,when Mike was asleep-in trance-.-he could see around him quite a distanceand sometimes he would look in on you-a question to ask you or somethingtosee if you were asleep.“.But I slept alone! Always.“.Yes, dear. But that wasn’t quite what I meant. And I always had to explainthings to Mike that he didn’t understand.“.Hrrrmph!“ He decided not to pursue the inquiry. .Just the same, youshouldn’t have framed me.“.I grok you don’t mean that in your heart, Jubal ... and you grok that I speakrightly. We had to have you in the Nest. All the way in. We need you. Sinceyou are shy and humble in your goodness, we did what was needful towelcome you without hurting you. And we did not hurt you, as you grok.“.What’s this .we’ stuff?“.It was a full Sharing-Water of all the Nest, as you grok-you were there. Mikestopped what he was doing and woke up for it . . . and grokked with you andkept us all together.“Jubal hastily abandoned this line of inquiry, too. .So Mike is awake at last.
That’s why your eyes are shining so.“.Only partly. Of course, we are always delighted when Mike isn’t withdrawn,it’s jolly ... but he’s never really away. Jubal, I grok that you have not grokkedthe fullness of our way of Sharing-Water. But waiting will fill. Nor did Mikegrok it, at first-he thought it was only for quickening of eggs, as it is on Mars.“.Well ... that’s the primary purpose, the obvious purpose. Babies. Whichmakes it rather silly behavior on the part of a person, namely me, who has nointention and no wish, at my age, to cause such increase.“She shook her head. .Babies are the obvious result ... but not the primarypurpose at all. Babies give meaning to the future, and that is a greatgoodness. But only three or four or a dozen times in a woman’s life is a babyquickened in her . . . out of the thousands of times she can share herself-andthat is the primary use for what we can do so often but would need to do soseldom if it were only for reproduction. It is sharing and growing closer,forever and always. Jubal, Mike grokked this because on Mars the twothings-quickening of eggs, and sharing-closer-are entirely separate . . . andhe grokked, too, that our way is best. What a happy thing it is not to havebeen hatched a Martian . . . to be human and a woman!“He looked at her closely. .Child, are you pregnant?“.Yes, Jubal. I grokked at last that waiting had ended and I was free to be.
Most of the Nest have not needed to wait-but Dawn and I have been quitebusy. But when we grokked this cusp coming, I grokked that there would be awaiting after the cusp-and you can see that there will certainly be. Mike willnot rebuild the Temple overnight-so this high priestess will be unhurried inbuilding a baby. Waiting always fills.“From this high-flown mishmash Jubal abstracted the central fact or Jill’s beliefconcerning such a possible fact. Well, she no doubt had had plenty ofopportunity. He resolved to keep an eye on the matter and try to bring herhome for it, if possible. Mike’s superman methods were all very well, but itwouldn’t hurt to have the best modern equipment and techniques at hand,too. Losing Jill to eclampsia or some other mishap was something he did notintend to let happen, even if he had to get tough with the kids.
He wondered about another such possibility, decided not to mention it.
.Where’s Dawn? And where’s Mike? The place seems awfully quiet.“ No onehad come through the hail they were in and he heard no voices and yet thatodd feeling of happy expectancy was even stronger than it had been thenight before. He would have expected a certain release from tension after theceremony he had apparently joined in himself- unbeknownst-but the placewas more charged up than ever. It suddenly reminded him of how he had felt,as a very small boy, when waiting for his first circus parade . . . and someonehad called out: .There come the elephants!“Jubal felt as if, were he just a little taller, he could see the elephants, past theexcited crowd. Yet there was no crowd.
.Dawn told me to give you a kiss for her; she’ll be busy for the next threehours, about. And Mike is busy, too-he went back into withdrawal.“.Oh.“.Don’t sound so disappointed; he’ll be free soon. He’s making a special effortso that he will be free on your account . . . and to let all of us be free, too.
Duke spent all night scouring the city for the high-speed tape recorders weuse for the dictionary and now we’ve got everybody who can possibly do itbeing jammed full of Martian phonic symbols and then Mike will be throughand can visit. Dawn has just started dictating; I finished one session, duckedout to say good-morning to you . . . and am about to go back and get pouredfull of my last part of the chore, so I’ll be gone just a little longer than Dawnwill be. And here’s Dawn’s kiss-the first one was just from me.“ She put herarms around his neck and again put her mouth greedily to his-at last said,.My goodness! Why did we wait so long? .Bye for a little!“Jubal found a sparse few in the big dining room. Duke looked up, smiled andwaved, went back to hearty eating. He did not look as if he had been up allnight-nor had he; he had been up two nights.
Becky Vesey looked around when Duke waved and said happily, .Hi, you oldgoat!“-grabbed his ear, pulled him down, and whispered into it:
.I’ve known it all along-but why weren’t you around to console me when theProfessor died?“ She added aloud, .Sit down here beside me and we’ll getsome food into you while you tell me what devilment you’ve been plottinglately.“.Just a moment, Becky.“ Jubal went around the table. .Hi, Skipper. Goodtrip?“.No trouble. It’s becoming a milk run. I don’t believe you’ve ever met Mrs. vanTromp. My dear, the founder of this feast, the one and only Jubal Harshawtwoof him would be too many.“The Captain’s wife was a tall, plain woman with the calm eyes of one whohas watched from the Widow’s Walk. She stood up, kissed Jubal. .Thou artGod.“.Uh, thou art God.“ Jubal decided that he might as well relax to the ritual-hell,if he said it often enough, he might lose the rest of his buttons and believe it .
. . and it did have a friendly ring to it with the arms of the Skipper’s yrouwfirmly around him. He decided that she could even teach Jul something aboutkissing. She-how was it Anne had once described it? -she gave it her wholeattention; she wasn’t going anywhere.
.I suppose, Van,“ he said, .that I really shouldn’t be surprised to find youhere.“.Well,“ answered the spaceman, .a man who commutes to Mars ought to beable to palaver with the natives, don’t you think?“.Just for powwow, huh?“.There are other aspects.“ Van Tromp reached for a piece of toast; the toastcooperated. .Good food, good company.“.Um, yes.“.Jubal,“ Madame Vesant called out, .soup’s on!“Jubal returned to his place, found eggs-on-horseback, orange juice, andother choice comestibles waiting for him. Becky patted his thigh. .A fineprayer meeting, me bucko.“.Woman, back to your horoscopes!“.Which reminds me, deane, I want to know the exact instant of your birth.“.Uh, I was born on three successive days, at various hours. I was too big aboy-they had to handle me in sections.“Becky made a rude answer. .I’ll find out.“.The courthouse burned down when I was three. You can’t.“.There are ways. Want to make a small bet?“.You go on heckling me and you’ll find you’re not too big to spank.
How’ve you been, girl?“.What do you think? How do I look?“.Healthy. A bit spread in the butt. You’ve touched up your hair.“.I have not. I quit using henna months ago. Get with it, pal, and we’ll get rid ofthat white fringe you’ve got. Replace it with a real lawn.“.Becky, I refuse to grow any younger for any reason. I came by mydecrepitude the hard way and I propose to enjoy it. Quit prattling and let aman eat.“.Yes, sir. You old goat.“Jubal was just leaving the table as the Man from Mars came in. .Father! Oh,Juball“ Mike hugged and kissed him.
Jubal gently unwound himself from the embrace. .Be your age, son. Sit downand enjoy your breakfast. I’ll sit with you.“.I didn’t come here looking for breakfast, I came looking for you. We’ll find aplace and talk.“.All right.“They went to the livingroom of one of the suites, Mike pulling Jubal by thehand like an excited small boy welcoming his favorite grandparent. Mikepicked a big comfortable chair for Jubal and sprawled himself on a couchopposite and close to him. This room was on the side of the wing having theprivate landing flat; there were high French windows opening to it. Jubal gotup and shifted his chair slightly so that he would not be facing so directly intothe light in looking at his foster son; not to his surprise but mildly to hisannoyance the heavy chair shifted as if it had been no more massive than achild’s balloon, his hand merely guided it.
Two men and a woman were in the room when they arrived. These leftshortly, leisurely, severally, and unostentatiously. After that they were alone,except that they were both served with Jubal’s favorite brandy-by hand, toJubal’s pleasure; he was quite ready to agree that the remote control thesepeople had over objects around them was a labor-saver and probably amoney-saver (certainly on laundry!-bis spaghetti-splashed shirt had been sofresh that he had put it on again today), and obviously a method much to bepreferred for household convenience to the blind balkiness of mechanicalgadgets. Nevertheless he was not used to telecontrol done without wires orwaves; it startled Jubal the way horseless carriages had disturbed decent,respectable horses about the time Jubal was born.
Duke served the brandy. Mike said, .Hi, Cannibal. Thanks. Are you thenew butler?“.De nada, Monster. Somebody has to do it and you’ve got every brain in theplace slaving away over a hot microphone.“.Well, they’ll all be through in a couple of hours and you can revert to youruseless, lecherous existence. The job is done, Cannibal. Pau. Thirty. Ended.“.The whole damn Martian language all in one lump? Monster, I had bettercheck you for burned-out capacitors.“.Oh, no, no! Only the primer knowledge that I have of it-had of it, my brain’san empty sack. But highbrows like Stinky will be going back to Mars for acentury to fill in what I never learned. But I did turn out quite a job-about sixweeks of Subjective time since around five this morning or whenever it waswe adjourned the meeting-and now the stalwart steady types can finish it andI’m free to visit with Jubal with nothing on my mind.“ Mike stretched andyawned. .Feels good. Finishing a job always feels good.“.You’ll be slaving away at something else before the day is out. Boss, thisMartian monster can’t take it or leave it alone. I know for a fact that this is thefirst time he has simply relaxed and done nothing for over two months. Heought to sign up with .Workers Anonymous.’ Or you ought to visit us moreoften. You’re a good influence on him.“.God forbid that I should ever be a good influence on anybody.“.And you get out of here, Cannibal, and quit telling lies about me.“.Lies, hell. You turned me into a compulsive truth-teller ... and it’s a greathandicap in some of the jomts where I hang out.“ Duke left them.
Mike lifted his glass. .Share water, my brother Father Jubal“.Drink deep, son.“.Thou art God.“.Take it easy, Mike. I’ll put up with that from the others and answer it politely.
But don’t you come godding at me. I knew you when you were .only an egg.’“.Okay, Jubal.“.That’s better. When did you start drinking in the morning? Do that at yourage and you’ll ruin your stomach. You’ll never live to be a happy old soak,like me.“Mike looked at his partly emptied glass. .I drink when it’s a sharing to do so.
It doesn’t have any effect on me, nor on most of the others, unless we want itto. Once I let it have its effect without stopping it, until I passed Out. It’s anodd sensation. Not a goodness, I grok. Just a way to discorporate for a whilewithout discorporating. I can get a similar effect, only much better and with nodamage to be repaired afterwards, by withdrawing.“.Economical, at least.“.Uh huh, our liquor bill isn’t anything. Matter of fact, running that wholeTemple hasn’t cost what it costs you to keep up our home. Except for theinitial investment and replacing some of the props, coffee and cakes wasabout all-we made our own fun. We were happy. We needed so little that Iused to wonder what to do with all the money that came in.“.Then why did you take collections?“.Huh? Oh, you have to charge .em, Jubal. The marks won’t pay seriousattention to anything that’s free.“.I knew that, I just wondered if you did.“.Oh, yes, I grok marks, Jubal. At first I did try to preach free-just give it away.
I had plenty of money, I thought it was all right. It didn’t work. We humanshave to make considerable progress before we can accept a free gift, andvalue it. Usually I never let them have anything free until about Sixth Circle.
By then they can accept . . . and accepting is much harder than giving.“.Hmm ... son, I think maybe you should write a book on humanpsychology.“.I have. But it’s in Martian. Stinky has the tapes.“ Mike looked again at hisglass, took a slow sybaritic sip. .We do use some liquor. A few of us -Saul,myself, Sven, some others-like it. And I’ve learned that I can let it have just alittle effect, then hold it right at that point, and gain a euphoric growing-closermuch like trance without having to withdraw. The minor damage is easy torepair.“ He sipped again. .That’s what I’m doing this morning-letting myselfget just the mildest glow and be happy with you.“Jubal studied him closely. .Son, you aren’t drinking entirely to be sociable;you’ve got something on your mind.“.Yes, I have.“.Do you want to talk it out?“.Yes. Father, it’s always a great goodness to be with you, even if nothing istroubling me. But you are the only human I can always talk to and know thatyou will grok and that you yourself won’t be overwhelmed by it, too. Jill . . . Jillalways groks-but if it hurts me, it hurts her still more. Dawn the same. Patty . .
. well, Patty can always take my hurt away, but she does it by keeping itherself. All three of them are too easily hurt for me to risk sharing in full withthem anything I can’t grok and cherish before I share it.“ Mike looked verythoughtful. .Confession is needful. The Catholics know that, they have it-andthey have a corps of strong men to take it. The Fosterites have groupconfession and pass it around among themselves and thin it out. I need tointroduce confession into this church, as part of the early purging-oh, wehave it now, but spontaneously, after the pilgrim no longer really needs it. Weneed strong men for that-.sin’ is hardly ever concerned with a real wrongnessbut sin is what the sinner groks as sin-and when you grok it with him, it canbe very disturbing. I know.“Mike went on earnestly, .Goodness is not enough, goodness is neverenough. That was one of my first mistakes, because among Martiansgoodness and wisdom are the same thing, identical. But not with us. TakeJill. Her goodness was perfect when I met her. Nevertheless she was allmixed up inside-and I almost destroyed her, and myself too-for I was just asmixed up-before we got squared away. Her endless patience (not verycommon on this planet) was all that saved us . . . while I was learning to be ahuman and she was learning what I knew.
.But goodness alone is never enough. A hard, cold wisdom is required, too,for goodness to accomplish good. Goodness without wisdom invariablyaccomplishes evil.“ He smiled and his face lit up. .And that’s why I need you,Father, as well as loving you. I need to make confession to you.,’
Jubal squirmed. .Oh, for Pete’s sake, Mike, don’t make a production out of it.
Just tell me what’s eating you. We’ll find a way out.“.Yes, Father.“But Mike did not go on. Finally Jubal said, .Do you feel busted up by thedestruction of your Temple? I wouldn’t blame you. But you aren’t broke, youcan build again.“.Oh, no, that doesn’t matter in the slightest!“.Eh?“.That temple was a diary with all its pages filled. Time for a new one, ratherthan write over and deface the filled pages. Fire can’t destroy the experiencein it . . . and strictly from a standpoint of publicity and practical church politics,being run Out of it in so spectacular a fashion will be helpful, in the long run.
No, Jubal, the last couple of days have simply been an enjoyable break in abusy routine. No harm done.“ His expression changed. .Father ... lately Ilearned that I was a spy.“.What do you mean, son? Explain yourself.“.For the Old Ones. They sent me here to spy on our people.“Jubal thought about it. Finally he said, .Mike, I know that you are brilliant.
You obviously possess powers that I don’t have and that I have never seenbefore. But a man can be a genius and still fall ill with delusions.“.I know. Let me explain and you can decide whether or not I’m crazy. Youknow how the surveillance satellites used by the Security Forces operate.“.No.“.I don’t mean the details that would interest Duke; I mean the generalscheme. They orbit around the globe, picking up data and storing it. At aparticular point, the Sky-Eye is keyed and it pours out in a spate all that it hasseen. That is what was done with me. You know that we of the Nest use whatis called telepathy.“.I’ve been forced to believe it.“.We do. By the way, this conversation is completely private-and besides that,no one of us would ever attempt to read you; I’m not sure we could. Even lastnight the link was through Dawn’s mind, not yours.“.Well, that is some slight comfort.“.Uh, I want to get to that later. I am .only an egg’ in this art; the Old Ones arepast masters. They stayed linked with me but left me on my own, ignored methenthey triggered me and all that I had seen and heard and done and feltand grokked poured out of me and became part of their permanent records. Idon’t mean that they wiped my mind of my experiences; they simply playedthe tape, so to speak, made a copy. But the triggering I was aware of-and itwas over before I could possibly do anything to stop it. Then they droppedme, cut off the linkage; I couldn’t even protest.“.Well ... it seems to me that they used you pretty shabbily-.
.Not by their standards. Nor would I have objected-I would have been happyto volunteer-had I known about it before I left Mars. But they didn’t want meto know; they wanted me to see and grok without ............