AS THE DOOR OF THEIR SUITE closed itself behind Patricia Paiwonski, Jillsaid, .What now, Mike?“.We’re leaving. Jill, you’ve read some abnormal psychology.“.Yes, of course. In training. Not as much as you have, I know.“.Do you know the symbolism of tattooing? And snakes?“.Of course. I knew that about Patty as soon as I met her. I had been hopingthat you would find a way.“.I couldn’t, until we were water brothers. Sex is necessary, sex is a helpfulgoodness-but only if it is sharing and growing closer. I grok that if I did itwithout growing closer-well, I’m not sure.“.I grok that you would learn that you couldn’t, Mike. That is one of thereasons-one of the many reasons-I love you.“He looked worried. .I still don’t grok .love.’ Jill, I don’t grok .people.’ Not evenyou. But I didn’t want to send Pat away.“.Stop her. Keep her with us.“(.Waiting is, Jill.“)(.I know.“)He added aloud, .Besides, I doubt if I could give her all she needs. Shewants to give herself all the time, to everybody. Even her Happinessmeetings and her snakes and the marks aren’t enough for Pat. She wants tooffer herself on an altar to everybody in the world, always-and make themhappy. This New Revelation . . . I grok that it is a lot of other things to otherpeople. But that is what it is to Pat.“.Yes, Mike. Dear Mike.“.Time to leave. Pick the dress you want to wear and get your purse. I’lldispose of the rest of the trash.“Jill thought somewhat sadly that she would like, sometimes, to take along justone or two things. But Mike always moved on with just the clothes on hisback-and seemed to grok that she preferred it that way, too. .I’ll wear thatpretty blue one.“It floated out to her, poised itself over her, wriggled down onto her as sheheld up her hands; the zipper closed. Shoes to suit it walked toward her,waited while she stepped into them. .I’m ready, Mike.“Mike had caught the wistful flavor of her thought, but not the concept; it wastoo alien to Martian ideas. .Jill? Do you want to stop and get married?“She thought about it. .We couldn’t, today, Mike. It’s Sunday. We couldn’tget a license.“.Tomorrow, then. I will remember. I grok that you would like it.“She thought about it. .No, Mike.“.Why not, Jill?“.Two reasons. One, we couldn’t be any closer through it, because we alreadyshare water. That’s logic, both in English and in Martian. Yes?“.Yes.“.And two, a reason valid just in English. I wouldn’t have Dorcas and Anneand Miriam-and Patty-think that I was trying to crowd them out and one ofthem might think so.“.No, Jill, none of them would think so.“.Well, I won’t chance it, because I don’t need it. Because you married me in ahospital room ages and ages ago. Just because you were the way you are.
Before I even guessed it.“ She hesitated. .But there is something you mightdo for me.“.What, Jill?“.Well, you might call me pet names occasionally! The way I do you.“.Yes, Jill. What pet names?“.Oh!“ She kissed him quickly. .Mike, you’re the sweetest, most lovable manI’ve ever met-and the most infuriating creature on two planets! Don’t botherwith pet names. Just call me .little brother’ occasionally...it makes me go allquivery inside.“.Yes, Little Brother.“.Oh, my! Now get decent fast and let’s get out of here-before I take you backto bed. Come on. Meet me at the desk; I’ll be paying the bill.“ She left verysuddenly.
They went to the town’s station flat and caught the first Greyhound goinganywhere. A week or two later they stopped at home, shared water for acouple of days, left again without saying good-by—or, rather, Mike did not;saying good-by was one human custom Mike stubbornly resisted and neverused with his own. He used it formally with strangers under circumstances inwhich Jill required him to.
Shortly they were in Las Vegas, stopping in an unfashionable hotel near butnot on the Strip. Mike tried all the games in all the casinos while Jill filled inthe time as a show girl-gambling bored her. Since she couldn’t sing or danceand had no act, standing or parading slowly in a tall improbable hat, a smile,and a scrap of tinsel was the job best suited to her in the Babylon of theWest. She preferred to work if Mike was busy and, somehow, Mike couldalways get her the job she picked out. Since the casinos never closed, Mikewas busy almost all their time in Las Vegas.
Mike was careful not to win too much in any one casino, keeping to limits Jillset for him. After he had milked each one for a few thousand he carefully putit all back, never letting himself be the big-money player at any game,whether winning or losing. Then he took a job as a croupier, studying people,trying to grok why they gambled. He grokked unclearly a drive in many of thegamblers that seemed to be intensely sexual in nature-but he seemed to grokwrongness in this. He kept the job quite a while, letting always the little ballroll without interference.
Jill was amused to discover that the customers in the palatial theaterrestaurant where she worked were just marks . . . marks with more moneybut still marks. She discovered something about herself, too; she enjoyeddisplaying herself, as long as she was safe from hands that she did not wantto grab her. With her steadily increasing Martian honesty she examined thisnewly uncovered facet in herself. In the past, while she had known that sheenjoyed being admired, she had sincerely believed that she wanted it onlyfrom a select few and usually only from one-she had been irked at thediscovery, now long past, that the sight of her physical being really didn’tmean anything to Mike even though he had been and remained asaggressively and tenderly devoted to her physically as a woman could dreamof-il he wasn’t preoccupied.
And he was even generous about that, she reminded herself. If she wished,he would always let her call him out of his deepest withdrawal trances, shiftgears without complaint and be smiling and eager and loving.
Nevertheless, there it was-one of his strangenesses, like his inability tolaugh. Jill decided, after her initiation as a show girl, that she enjoyed beingvisually admired because that was the one thing Mike did not give her.
But her own perfecting self-honesty and steadily growing empathy did notallow that theory to stand. The male half of the audience always had that tobe-expected high percentage who were too old, too fat, too bald, and ingeneral too far gone along the sad road of entropy to be likely to be attractiveto a female of Jill’s youth, beauty, and fastidiousness-she had always beenscornful of .lecherous old wolves“-althOugh not of old men per se, shereminded herself in her own defense; Jubal could look at her, even use crudelanguage in deliberate indecencies, and not give her the slightest feeling thathe was anxious to get her alone and grope her. She was so serenely sure ofJubal’s love for her and its truly spiritual nature that she told herself that shecould easily share a bed with him, go right to sieep-and be sure that be wouldalso, with only the goodnight peck she always gave him.
But now she found that these unattractive males did not set her teeth onedge. When she felt their admiring stares or even their outright lust- and shefound that she did feel it, could even identify the source-she did not resent it;it warmed her and made her feel smugly pleased.
.Exhibitionism“ had been to her simply a word used in abnormal psychologyaneurotic weakness she had held in contempt. Now, in digging out her ownand looking at it, she decided that either this form of narcissism was normal,or she was abnormal and had not known it. But she didn’t feel abnormal; shefelt healthy and happy-healthier than she had ever been. She had beenalways of better than average health-nurses need to be-but she hadn’t had asniffle nor even an upset stomach in she couldn’t remember when . . . why,she thought wonderingly, not even cramps.
Okay, she was healthy-and if a healthy woman liked to be looked at-and notas a side of beefi-then it follows as the night from day that healthy menshould like to look at them, else there was just no darn sense to itl At whichpoint she finally understood, intellectually, Duke and his pictures . . . andbegged his pardon in her mind.
She discussed it with Mike, tried to explain her changed viewpoint- not easy,since Mike could not understand why Jill had ever minded being looked at, atany time, by anyone. Not wishing to be touched he understood; Mike avoidedshaking hands if he could do so without offense, he wanted to touch and betouched only by water brothers (Jill wasn’t sure just how far this includedmale water brothers in Mike’s mind; she had explained homosexuality tOhim, after he had read about it and failed to grok it-and had given himpractical rules for avoiding even the appearance thereof and how to keepsuch passes from being made at him, since she assumed correctly that Mike,pretty as he was, would attract such passes. He had followed her advice andhad set about making his face more masculine, instead of the androgynousbeauty he had first had. Nevertheless Jill was not sure that Mike would refusesuch an invitation from, say, Duke-but fortunately Mike’s male water brotherswere all decidedly masculine men, just as his others were very femalewomen. Jill hoped that it would stay that way; she suspected that Mike wouldgrok a .wrongness“ in the poor in-betweeners anyhow-they would never beoffered water.)Nor could Mike understand why it now pleased her to be stared at. The onlytime when their two attitudes had been even roughly similar had been as theyleft the carnival, when Jill had discovered that she had become indifferent tostares-willing to do their act .stark naked,“ as she had told Patty, if it wouldhelp.
Jill saw that her present self-knowledge had been nascent at that point; shehad never been truly indifferent to masculine stares. Under the uniquenecessities of adjusting to life with the Man from Mars she had been forced toshuck off part of her artificial, training-imposed persona, that degree ofladylike prissiness a nurse can retain despite the rigors of an unusually nononsenseprofession. But Jill hadn’t known that she had any prissiness tolose until she lost it.
Of course, Jill was even more of a .lady“ than ever-but she preferred to thinkof herself as a .gent.“ But she was no longer able to conceal from herconscious mind (nor had any wish to) that there was something inside her ashappily shameless as a tabby in heat going into her belly dance for theenticement of the neighborhood toms.
She tried to explain all this to Mike, giving him her theory of thecomplementary and functional nature of narcissist display and voyeurism,with herself and Duke as clinical examples. .The truth is, Mike, that I find I geta real kick out of having all those men stare at me . . . lots of men and almostany man. So now I grok why Duke likes to have lots of pictures of women,the sexier the better. Same thing, only in reverse. It doesn’t mean that I wantto go to bed with them, any more than Duke wants to go to bed with aphotograph-ShUcks~ dearest, I don’t even want to say hello to them. Butwhen they look at me and tell me-think at me-that I’m desirable, it gives me atingle, a warm pleasant feeling right in my middle.“ She frowned slightly. .Youknow, I think I ought to get a real naughty picture taken of me and send it toDuke. Just to tell him that I’m sorry I snooted him and failed to grok what Ithought was a weakness in him, If it’s a weakness, I’ve got it, too-but girlstyle. If it is a weakness- But I grok it isn’t.“.All right. We’ll find a photographer in the morning.“She shook her head. .I’ll simply apologize to Duke the next time we go home,I wouldn’t actually send such a picture to Duke. He has never made a pass atme-and I don’t want him getting ideas.“.Jill, you would not want Duke?“She heard an echo of .water brother“ in his mind. .11mm truthfully I’ve neverreally thought about it. I guess I’ve been .being faithful’ to you-not that it hasbeen an effort. But I grok you speak rightly; I wouldn’t turn Duke down-and Iwould enjoy it, too. What do you think of that darling?“.I grok a goodness,“ Mike said seriously.
.Hmm ... my gallant Martian, there are times when we human femalesappreciate at least a semblance of jealousy-but I don’t think there is theslightest chance that you will ever grok .jealousy.’ Darling, what would yougrok if one of those marks-those men in the audience, not a water brothermadea pass at me?“Mike barely smiled. .I grok he would be missing.“.Mmm ... I grok he might be, too. But, Mike-listen to me carefully, dear. Youpromised me that you wouldn’t do anything of that sort except in utteremergency. So don’t be hasty. If you hear me scream and shout, and reachinto my mind and know that I’m in real trouble, that’s another matter. But Iwas coping with wolves when you were still on Mars. Nine times out often, ifa girl gets raped, it’s at least partly her own fault. That tenth time-well, allright. Give him your best heave-ho to the bottomless pit. But you aren’t goingto find it necessary.“.All right, I will remember. I wish you were sending that naughty picture toDuke.“.What, dear? I will if you want me to. It’s just that if I ever make a pass atDuke-and I might, now that you’ve put the idea into my little pointy head-I’drather grab his shoulders and look him in the eye and say, .Duke, how aboutit?-I’m willing.’ I don’t want to do it by sending him a naughty picture throughthe mail, like those nasty women used to send to you. But if you want me to,okay. Uh, I needn’t make it too naughty-I could make it obviously a showgirl’s professional picture and tell him what I’m doing and ask him if he hasroom for it in his scrap book. He might not take it as a pass.“Mike frowned. .I spoke incompletely. If you wish to send Duke a naughtypicture, do so. If you do not wish, then do not. But I had hoped to see thenaughty picture taken. Jill, what is a .naughty’ picture?“Mike was baffled by the whole idea-Jill’s reversal from an attitude that he hadnever understood but bad learned to accept into exactly the opposite attitudeof pleasure-sexual pleasure, he understood-at being stared at . . . plus a thirdand long-standing bafflement at Duke’s .art“ collection-it certainly was not art.
But the pale, wan Martian thing which parallels tumultuous human sexualitygave him no foundation for grokking either narcissism or voyeurism, modestyor display.
He added, .“Naughty’ means a wrongness, usually a small wrongness, but Igrokked that you did not mean even a small wrongness, but a goodness.“ anaughty picture could be either one, I guess-depending on who it’s for-nowthat I’m over some prejudice. But- Mike, I’ll have to show you; I can’t tell you.
But first close those slats, will you?“The Venetian blinds flipped themselves shut. .All right,“ she said. .Now thispose would be just a little bit naughty-any of the show girls would use it as aprofessional pic . . . and this one is just a little bit more so, some of the girlswould use it. But this one is unmistakably naughty and this one is quitenaughty . . . and this one is so extremely naughty that I wouldn’t pose for itwith my face wrapped in a towel- unless you wanted it.“.But if your face was covered, why would I want it?“.Ask Duke. That’s all I can say.“He continued to look puzzled. .I grok not wrongness, I grok not goodness. Igrok-. He used a Martian word indicating a null state of all emotions.
But he was interested because he was so baffled; they went on discussing it,in Martian as much as possible because of its extremely fine discriminationsfor emotions and values-and in English, too, because Martian. rich as it is,simply couldn’t cope with the concepts.
Mike showed up at a ringside table that night, Jill having coached him in howto bribe the ma.tre d’h.tel to give him such a spot; he was determined topursue this mystery. Jill was not averse. She came strutting out in the firstproduction number, her smile for everyone but a quick wink for Mike as sheturned and her eyes passed across his. She discovered that, with Mikepresent, the warm, pleased sensation she had been enjoying nightly wasgreatly amplified-she suspected that, if the lights were out, she would glow inthe dark.
When the parade stopped and the girls formed a tableau, Mike was no morethan ten feet from her-she had been promoted her first week to a frontposition. The director had looked her over on her fourth day with the showand had said, .I don’t know what it is, kid. We’ve got girls around townbegging for just any job with twice the shape you’ve got-but when the lightshit you, you’ve got what the customers look at. Okay, I’m moving you upwhere they can see better. The standard raise . . . and I still don’t know why.“She posed and talked with Mike in her mind. (.Feel anything?“)(.I grok but not in fullness.’)(.Look where I am looking, my brother. The small one. He quivers. Hethirsts for me.’)(.I grok his thirst .)(.Can you see him?“) Jill stared straight into the customer’s eyes and gavehim a warm smile . . . not alone to increase his interest in her but also to letMike use her eyes, if possible. As her grokking of Martian thought hadincreased and as they had grown steadily closer in other ways they hadbegun to be able to use this common Martian convenience. Not fully as yet,but with increasing ease-Jill had no control over it; Mike could see throughher eyes simply by calling to her, she could see through his only if he gave ithis attention.
(.We grok him together,“ Mike agreed. (.Great thirst for my little brother.“)(.!!!!“)(.Yes. Beautiful agony.“)A music cue told Jill to break her pose and resume her slow strut. She did so,moving with proud sensuousness and feeling lust boil up in herself inresponse to emotions she was getting both from Mike and from the stranger.
The routine caused her to walk away from Mike and almost toward the ruttylittle stranger, approaching him during her first few steps. She continued tolock eyes with him.
At which point something happened which was totally unexpected to herbecause Mike had never explained that it was possible. She had been lettingherself receive as much as possible of the stranger’s emotions, intentionallyteasing him with eyes and body, and relaying what she felt from him back toMike- -when suddenly the circuit was completed and she was looking atherself, seeing herself through strange eyes, much more lavish than sheconsidered herself to be-and feeling the primitive need with which thatstranger saw her.
Blindly she stumbled and would have fallen flat had not Mike instantly sensedher hazard, caught her, lifted her, straightened her up, and steadied her untilshe could walk unassisted, second-sight gone.
The parade of beauties continued on through exit. Once off stage the girlbehind her said, .What the devil happened to you, Jill?“.Caught my heel.“.Happens. But that was the wildest recovery I ever saw. For a second thereyou looked like a puppet on strings.“(-and so I was, dear, and so I was! But we won’t go into that.) .i’m going toask the stage manager to check that spot. I think there’s a loose board. A galcould break her leg.“For the rest of the show whenever she was on stage Mike gave her quickglimpses of how she looked to various men while always making sure thatshe was not again taken by surprise. Jill was amazed to discover how variedwere their images of her: one noticed only her legs, another seemedfascinated by the undulations of her torso, a third saw only her proud bosom.
Then Mike, warning her first, let her look at other girls in the tableaux. Shewas relieved to find that Mike saw them as she saw them-but sharper.
But she was amazed to find that her own excitement did not diminish as shelooked at, second hand, the girls around her; it increased.
Mike left promptly at the finale, ducking out ahead of the crowd as she hadwarned him to do, She did not expect to see him again that night since hehad asked for relief from his job as croupier only long enough to see his wifein her show. But when she dressed and returned to their hotel room, she felthim inside before she reached the room.
The door opened for her, she stepped inside, it closed behind her. .Hello,darling!“ she called out. .How nice you came home!“He smiled gently. .I now grok naughty pictures.“ Her clothes vanished. .Makenaughty pictures.“.Huh? Yes, dear, of course.“ She ran through much the same poses she hadearlier in the day. With each one, as soon as she was in it, Mike let her usehis eyes to see herself. She looked at herself and felt his emotions and felther own swell in response in a closed and mutually amplified re-echoing. Atlast she placed herself in a pose as randily carefree as her imagination coulddevise.
.Naughty pictures are a great goodness,“ Mike said gravely.
.Yes! And now I grok them, too! What are you waiting for?“They quit their jobs and for the next several days saw as many of the revuesas possible, during which period Jill made still another discovery: she.grokked naughty pictures“ only through a man’s eyes. If Mike watched, shecaught and shared his mood, from quiet sensuous pleasure in a beautifulwoman to fully aroused excitement at times-but if Mike’s attention waselsewhere, the model, dancer, or peeler was just another woman to Jill,possibly pleasant to look at but in no wise exciting. She was likely to getbored and wish mildly that Mike would take her home. But only mildly for shewas now nearly as patient as he was.
She pondered this new fact from all sides and decided that she preferred notto be excited by women other than through his eyes. One man gave her allthe problems she could handle and more-to have disco............